From: Myrmidon Newsgroups: rec.games.miniatures.warhammer Subject: Re: THIS POST IS ALL WRONG KATHLEEN SORGELER wrote: << A LOT OF MORONIC MALARKEY IN ALL CAPS!! >> Dear Kathleen, I can tell you meant well, but you missed the mark a bit. If you want to express your true feelings to this news group, you must follow the examples set by our more well known and highly successful (or is that suck-cesspool, I forget..) members. Their success can easily be judged by their "warm" reception and the numerous 'quick and timely' replies they received. Here's what you did wrong. 1. While you did use ALL CAPS in your post, which is definitely a good way to make your name familiar on this news group, you must realize that you could have done better had you simply followed l33t D00d's example and posted using eLiTe CaPs instead of simply all caps. L33t C4Ps Lez' De ReSt oF D4 H4cK3rs Kn0\/\/ d4t U r00lz. Elite Capitals are used only by the most advanced hackers such - as Kevin Mitnik - whom everyone knows all work from AOL accounts. Go AOL. So if you want to command some respect, get an AOL account and learn some eLiTe CaPs. 2. Next is your spelling and grammar. In short, they're just to good. You'll never make a name for yourself here if you don't take a page from the famous HOW RUYD's book cleverly entitled "WAT HAV I DUN RONG?" You must learn to make your posts even more annoying (though I do believe you're enjoying some suck-cess on that score) and difficult to read through the use of an indiscriminate and total lack of regard for proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Here's an example. WAT HAV I Dun Rong? Beccause just some Of posts My dp not sence got id no reason To mak Funny of me. U all SucK! YOu should all be kiked off a cliff! Pleaz help me. I haTez all Of yoj It's very important to remember to both insult your audience and then beg them to help you learn things you should already know before posting. ( H.R's "You should all be kiked off a cliff" is perhaps an all time favorite of mine. I wish I had saved a copy of the 'gibberish to english' translation skit that someone did of H.R.'s scholarly work - I nearly cracked a rib I laughed so long and hard. ) 3. You should always present your sales pitch, point of view, or moronic rant in a serious, professional, and polite way to make the best impression on your fellow news group denizens. For this I point you to the "Ron BoneYank school of sales". Ron was such a wiz at this, the guy could practically sell you the shoes on your own feet. Here's an example... "Hey everyone, Ron BoneYank here, buy my over priced crap. You all suck! I'm selling rocks on www.ebay.com for $10 each. Buy my stuff - bid high. You all suck. Did I already mention that you all suck?" Now there's class and negotiating skills at their finest! 4. Nothing improves a presentation of one's ideas like graphics (ask any engineer, they'll tell you transparencies and overhead projectors are the key to advancement.) And, on the news group, the key word here is binaries, binaries, binaries! "Plastic skeletons are Cool!" was a very popular presentation. Porn is also a good choice, full frontal nudity preferred (What was the stoner moron's name again? Ah well, so many fools and so little time to catalog them all.) If you happen to post 20 or 30 large files in a single evening you can become an overnight sensation. 5. Last but not least, it is important to remember that the news group is made up of many diverse people with vastly differing outlooks. The watchword of the news group is tolerance and understanding. Our foremost experts in this area are the beloved R.O.B. CPW (Robotic Online Bigot) and Alex "My ego is big, my I.Q. is small. You all suck - I know it all." Peters. Be sure to mention their names often when you want to improve your standings in this news group. (Or be associated with phobic behavior and child molesting, but hey, after all what are a few small flaws among friends?) 6. And last but not least, always remember that Evil Homer "Fucking owns this news group." Any and all concerns complaints about the content of this group should be forwarded to him. Well, I hope that helps. Bye for now. Later, (the ever helpful) Myrmidon.