The television turns itself on. It's set to The Learning Channel and a new show is about to begin.
"And today on TLC.. The History of Trout!" Leonard Nemoy walks into view of the camera, standing against the backdrop of the Natural Museum of Trout. After a moment he begins to speak.
"This is your host, Leonard Nemoy, bringing you the history of trout. The first recorded use of trout seems to be by the Ancient America Plains Indians during a brief period before European colonization. How these Native Americans actually obtained their trout is still the subject of much speculation. This particular civilization was actually based on trout, and trout worship." The screen changes to showing various pieces of trout shaped jewelry, and temples with trout carved on the sides.
"Trout had many uses in Indian culture during this time. It was used as a form of currency…" The TV switches to an image of one man handing a tout to another in return for a bag of grain. The other man looks at the smelly fish and makes a face, sticking it in his pouch. "As a weapon of war.. " Two groups of Indians beat each other senseless with trout. "And even as Deodorant! A man standing in front of the camera dressed as an Indian with the tails of two trout sticking out of his sleeve. "This evidence seems to support some claims that the actual reason for the fall of trout civilizations was due to the fact that everyone smelled so bad they couldn't stand to be around on another."
The TV returns to a view Leonard Nemoy. "After the fall of the great Native American Trout Civilizations, trout were generally forgotten about until the 1940s. Several attempts were made to make use of trout as armor on ships during the 1800s, and although they were quite effective at stopping cannonballs, the odor after a few days at sea made this usage unviable" The television changes to an image of a wooden ship, complete with cannons and sails, with the sides completely covered in trout.
"Then, in the mid 1940's during WWII, trout became the focus of a desperate race. The Allies and Axis both began work on the so called 'T-Bomb' Thankfully, through the work of a small band of dedicated commandos, the German T-Bomb project was all but destroyed, allowing the Allies to build the first of these immensely destructive devices."
"The first T-Bomb was tested in the New Mexico desert to devastating effect. Everything within two miles was covered in trout. Only two T-Bombs have even been dropped in wartime, both on Japanese cities. Both targets were completely covered in the smelly creatures, and hence useless to the enemy. Soon after the US began building trout bombs, the Russians began their own experiments. Their early attempts ended with the a military failure, but commercial boon, of Caviar." *the scene changes to the image of a plain of trout, with only the top of a tall building occasionally poking through.*
"The T-Bombs true destructive power was not realized until many years later however, when it was found that the surviving inhabitants and all those that moved into the affected areas smelled like Trout no matter how many times they bathed. Cats became a huge problem, and people avoided associating with those affected. T-Bombs remained an important part American military policy until the early 1950's when the extraordinary properties of Llama Drool came into the light, and T-Bombs became obsolete".
"Since that time trout have had many uses.. Trout skin jackets were all the rage in the sixties, and it was widely believed at one point that trout would replace gasoline. Even now trout are being used. Trout earrings and necklaces are coming back in style. Why, some people are even EATING them!" Leonard Nemoy pulls out a trout. "This is Leonard Nemoy, signing off." The camera records the image of a trout shooting towards the lens, and then static.
The TV continues. "Next on TLC.. ICBLs.. Inter Continental Ballistic Llamas... " The television turns itself off .
