>Subject: Real Faulknerian southern writin'
>
>Here is the mysterious, occasional poster on the Bluegrass Listserver,
>Mssr. Purvis Jackson.  When he comes out to write, you know you're in
>for a ride.  He responds to a thread of a week's standing or more, on
>the propriety of someone at the recent Bluegrass convention (IBMA) in
>Louisville KY who made a "joke" onstage, about playing for Elks, Moose
>and Coons, uh, Raccoons.  Now this speaker has been flamed well done by
>the readers, with only the occasional person who's said, "hey, get a
>life there!"  Jackson's response will undoubtedly put an end to the
>flame war.
>
>Read it and weep with joy that such talent exists in our fair country.
>
>Ed. note -- "Tut" is the resident "old southern feller" on the Bluegrass
>Innerent, Tut Taylor of Milledgeville GA who is older than God and
>remembers everything the way it oncet was.
>
>********************************************
>Date:    Mon, 10 Nov 1997 12:18:33 EST
>From:    Purvis Jackson <pmj@SEI.CMU.EDU>
>Subject: Re: Coons and Bluegrass (long)
>
>Parts of this are a tad Tut-like. -> Bluegrass Content
>
>Andrew Roblin (author of Valerie's Waltz, a beautiful composition)
>describes his reaction to the use of the word "coon" during stage
>patter at IBMA, suggesting the reference was racially derogatory and,
>therefore, odious and deserving of reprimand by act (walking out) if
>not word (booing, etc.) or perhaps both (a boo over the shoulder
>during departure?).  Bangs, with his usual surgical precision, disects
>Andrew's point of view to the dismay of several and the applause of
>several more. The issue of context, or its lack, is central to the
>argument: Andrew heard the remark in context and found it racial;
>those absent lack context, regardless of how they judge the remark.
>Therefore, Andrew's conclusion cannot be challenged, since the rest of
>us lack context, we cannot say anything about what was really uttered;
>rather, we can offer explanations of how the utterance may not have
>been racial, attributing it to other habits of speech, such as
>"Southernisms" or "From-the-sticksisms" or
>"pick-what-fits-you-bestisms" dejour.
>
>The point is moot.
>
>What is interesting is Andrew's double entendre in appealing to us to
>bring Bluegrass from ". . . the back of the bus." It strikes me that
>the problem is more of the fact that Bluegrass has never made its way
>to the back of the bus.
>
>In agreement with the timeless wisdom of the Bangsmeister, however, I
>do not think the coon was a person that Jimmy Martin had Old Pete
>("Listen what a jaw on a dog!") out to catch for the preacher man;
>nor, however, would I put such a thing beyond the possible for Jimmy.
>
>I grew up in parts of South Carolina where coon was both a victual
>delight and a social reference: We had coons, coonasses, coonheads,
>and coonspooks. We did not, however, have "raccoons" anywhere except
>in zoos for yankee city-slickened visitors to gawk at as though they
>were beasts of the jungle. Say the word "raccoon" where I grew up and
>you'd just as likely get your jaw jacked as not, for the locals would
>have thought you some kind of a queer for talking like that. Same for
>"oppossum" as a rule. But while on the subject, somebody (Dian =
>Sugaree)
>mentioned cooking:
>
>Now I put it to you: What is the best way to prepare the scrumptuous
>north american marsupial: the possum?  Though some may say, "fried,
>baked, boiled," I have to insist the creature must be broiled, for the
>ensuing juices are appropriate for the hair and other items that need
>to be oiled.
>
>The proper method is to fatten the beast; to clean out its system
>requires
>one week at the least.  Once the creature acquires a fat lazy manner,
>hit it
>center cranium with a hatchet or hammer, which may require additional
>blows
>until the skull pops and the brain is exposed (don't assume it's dead
>because its eyes are closed).  Slit it along the lips to allow the skin
>to
>be peeled from the head and neck in one piece.  Break the forelegs in
>several places to remove them without damaging the pelt.  Once the
>"ankles"
>are exposed, snip through them with lineman's pliers, leaving the
>footbones
>and tiny paws attached to the hide.  Continue the process until the back
>legs are removed and you reach the southmost part of the northward
>pointing
>carcass.  Using the pliers, snip though the joint where the tail
>attaches to
>the spine.  Thus you have a one piece possum pelt, good for a lady's
>purse;
>the pouch is most useful for change and other such items.
>
>Rather than opening the stomach tract to remove the entrails, simply
>stretch
>the mouth open wide and slit the muscle holding the jawbones taut.  Snip
>the
>jaw hinges with your pliers, and force the upper and lower jaws into a
>180
>degree alignment (not unlike setting a steel trap).  With the mouth
>stretched open wide, reach down its throat and into the stomach with a
>needle nose pliers. Probe about with the pliers (the index finger will
>suffice if you have small hands) until the exit is located.  With your
>free
>hand, insert the nub of the tail into the jaws of the needle nose pliers
>(between thumb and index finger for the small handed).  When the tail is
>firmly grasped, quickly jerk your arm from its mouth, holding the nose
>with
>your free hand.  If successful, the possum should now be inside out;  it
>may be necessary to repeat the process several times.  Don't worry if
>you
>miss the first time; you'll get the hang of it pretty quickly.
>
>The next step is to clean the entrails.  This may be done by any of
>several
>methods:  Most people prefer "dog pulling" and "stump lashing".  For the
>dog pulling method, you need at least one Walker or Black-and-Tan hound,
>preferably trained to respond to commands.  Slip an axe handle through
>the
>inverted possum, and let the tip of an intestine dangle several inches.
>Now have the dog "sit" directly in front of you.  Lower the intestine
>till it
>dangles just above the dog's nose.  Brace yourself, and yell "Get 'im,
>Buck",
>assuming your dog is named Buck; otherwise, use the dog's name.  As soon
>as
>Buck latches ahold of the entrails, he will stiffen his legs and begin
>to back
>away, shaking his head from side to side.  The beauty of this is that
>the
>entrails will pull right off the possum, occasionally creating a
>spinning
>motion on the axe handle that, so help me, is not unlike the feeling you
>get when trying to land a large-mouth bass on a flyrod.
>
>Once cleaned, the possum should have a consistency likened to beef
>tripe.
>Re-invert the carcass and insert a metal rod through it; a rear axle
>from
>a John Deere 40-20 works best, but I have heard those from a 1956
>Studebaker
>Champion will suffice.  You need a square broiling pit built from cement
>blocks to a height of about 2.5 feet.  Fill this pit with dried cow
>chips
>and dowse them with corn 'licker'; put an old car door or metal feeder
>trough over the possum; light the cow chips.  Don't fret the roaring
>flame,
>for it will last but a minute or two, imparting a crispness to the
>possum
>that cannot be had otherwise.  Turn the possum 1/4 turn every 15 minutes
>and cook for about 1.5 hrs, or until the chips stop smoldering.  Be
>careful
>when turning it, for the metal rod will be quite hot, which is required
>to
>cook the possum on the inside.  Most folks use two 36 inch pipe
>wrenches,
>one on either end, to turn the possum without getting burned; old rags
>will
>also work if you move quickly.
>
>By the time the possum is ready, you should have boiled down a bushel
>of collard greens to get them cooked slippery.  In a separate
>washpot, cook 5 lbs of cornmeal with 1 gallon of buttermilk, 8 eggs,
>a small box of arm & hammar baking soda, and 6 tablespoons of salt.
>Assuming you start the whole project at daybreak, it should now be just
>about noon.  Go wash your face and hands, get a bowl, and combine one
>cup
>collard greens and one cup crumbled cornbread; tear off strips of possum
>about 1/2 inch wide and use them to scoop the mush from the bowl.  This,
>my
>friends, is good eatin' in any language, but to do it right you should
>be
>sitting under a mossdraped live oak with mosquitoes buzzing in your ears
>and
>gnats crawling around the perimeter of your mouth lapping up the possum
>grease that invariably runs down your chin.
>
>Now I know what you're thinking at this point: "Is it really worth all
>that
>trouble?"  To this I must respond with an unqualified yessirbuddy.  But
>you
>must remember that the success of the entire recipe depends on fresh
>possum.
>Whatever you do, don't be foolish enough to try it with Mrs. Paul's
>frozen
>possum, for the texture and taste are not of a high quality.  Enjoy.
>
>BTW: I don't know if it's still there, but if you're ever in Eutaw
>Springs, S.C., stop by Vernon DeLauder's AMOCO station and get some
>possum dip, a possum sandwich, or a piece of his fast becoming famous
>possum pizza.  If it's still there, it's downright bodacious.