> Subject: Hebonics
> 
> 
> NEW YORK, February 1 - The New York City school board has officially
> declared Jewish English - now dubbed Hebonics - as a second language.
> Backers of the move say the city's School District is the first in 
the state
> to recognize Hebonics as a valid language and significant attribute 
of New
> York culture.
> 
> According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York 
University
> and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebonics 
derives
> from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as 
Yiddish.
> 
> Prof. Schollman explains, "In Hebonics, the response to any question 
is
> usually another question-plus a complaint that is implied or stated. 
Thus
> 'How are you?' may be answered, 'How should I be, with my feet?'"
> 
> Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for 
expressing
> sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with 
"sh"
> or "shm" at the beginning: "Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You 
want a
> nosebleed?"
> 
> Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the 
end,
> with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful, that dress."
> 
> Schollman says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end of 
the
> sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as 'He's slow as a 
turtle,'
> could be: "Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks."
> 
> Schollman provided the following examples from his textbook, 
Switched-On
> Hebonics.
> 
> Question: "What time is it?" English answer: "Sorry, I don't know."
> Hebonic answer: "What am I, a clock?"
> 
> Remark: "I hope things turn out okay." English response: "Thanks."
> Hebonic response: "I should BE so lucky!"
> 
> Remark: "Hurry up. Dinner's ready." English response: "Be right 
there."
> Hebonic response: "Alright already, I'm coming. What's with the 
'hurry'
> business? Is there a fire?"
> 
> Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; wear it all the time." English
> response: "Glad you like it."
> Hebonic response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the other 
ties I
> gave you?
> 
> Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged." English response: 
"Congratulations!"
> Hebonic response: "She could stand to gain a few pounds."
> 
> Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?" English answer: 
"Just say
> when." 
> Hebonic answer: "Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?"
> 
> To guest of honor at his birthday party: English remark: "Happy 
birthday."
> Hebonic remark: "A year smarter you should become."
> 
> Remark: "A beautiful day." English response: "Sure is."
> Hebonic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?"
> 
> Answering a phone call from son: English remark: "It's been a long 
time
> since you called."
> Hebonic remark: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"