> Classified Ads
> 
>    The following were actually taken from classified ads in
>   newspapers:
> 
>        FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
>        8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
>        ----------------------------------
>        FREE PUPPIES:
>        1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
>        1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
>        ------------------------------
>        FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD
>        - PART STUPID DOG
>        ------------------------------
>        GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
>        NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
>        -------------------------------------
>        FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
>        LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
>        BEEN OUT AWHILE..
>        BETTER BE REWARD.
>        -----------------------------------
>        1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB --
>        $850/offer
>        ----------------------------
>        AMANA WASHER $100.
>        OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM
>        WASHED.
>        ------------------------------
>        SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
>        ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
>        -------------------------------
>        2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
>        1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
>        ------------------------------
>        COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
>        ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
>        ---------------------------------
>        NORDIC TRACK $300
>        HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBIE
>        -------------------------------------
>        SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE
>        CHOPSTICKS
>        --------------------------------------
>        HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
>        "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
>        ----------------------------------------
>        GET A LITTLE JOHN:
>        THE TRAVELING URINAL THAT
>        HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
>        ------------------------------------------
>        HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN
>        CLUB
>        -----------------------------------------
>        GEORGIA PEACHES
>        CALIFORNIA GROWN -
>        89 cents lb.
>        ------------------------------------------
>        NICE PARACHUTE:
>        NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
>        SLIGHTLY STAINED
>        ------------------------------------------
>        FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
>        ------------------------------------------
>        AMERICAN FLAG
>        60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED
>        $100
>        ------------------------------------------
>        TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER
>        HOUR?
>        WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND
>        FLEXIBLE HOURS.
>        STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
>        ------------------------------------------
>        EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
>        QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS
>        -$175.
>        ------------------------------------------
>        OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
>        AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN
>        LEATHER.
>        ------------------------------------------
>        JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
>        MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER
>        $300.
>        ------------------------------------------
>        LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT
>        GUILTY.
>        ------------------------------------------
>        ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
>        FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
>        ------------------------------------------
>        GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
>        ----------------------------------
>        OPEN HOUSE
>        BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
>        FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
>        --------------------------------------
>        FOR SALE BY OWNER
>        Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
>       Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed.
>                          Got  married last weekend. Wife knows
> everything.