April 11, 2001 The Top 12 Signs the President is Not Ecology-Minded 12.Routinely throws out recyclable paper: environmental impact studies, petitions from the Sierra Club, letters from Ed Begley, Jr., etc. 11.Refuses to pose for the World Wildlife Federation's "Save the Chimps" poster. 10.Press secretary has to remind him not to make air-quotes every time he mentions his administration's "serious commitment" to the environment. 9.Washes interns' dresses with detergents containing phosphates. 8.Just declared chlorofluorocarbons a vegetable. 7.Insists you *can* counter global warming by releasing large clouds of freon into the atmosphere. 6.Refuses to sign any emissions control legislation if it involves giving condoms to high school students. 5.Shot an eagle on the back nine the other day -- and he wasn't even playing golf! 4.The only recycling in Washington is of previous administrations' cabinet members. 3.Thinks "ozone" is the place you get to at the end of foreplay. 2.New rug in the Oval Office -- 100% panda. and the Number 1 Sign the President is Not Ecology-Minded... 1.In all fairness, Air Force One does look bitchin' with dual pipes. Selected from 141 submissions from 56 contributors. Today's Top Five List authors were: Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!) Website Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD -- 2 Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 3, Banner Tag Email Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 4 Email / Website Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4 Email / Hall of Famer Chris Irby, Dallas, TX -- 5, 7 Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 6 Hall of Famer Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 8 Hall of Famer Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY -- 9 Email / Website Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 10 Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- 11 Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 12 Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic Email Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- Runner Up list name Email Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- Honorable Mention list name Email Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- List moderator Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer Green Day, Berkeley, CA -- Ambience (explanation) © Copyright 2001 by Chris White The Top 5 List *--* top5@gmbweb.com *--* http://www.topfive.com To forward or repost, please include this section. You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we. April 13, 2001 ~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~ A couple of days ago, TopFive did a list of "Signs the President is Not Ecology-Minded." Of course, we received more than a few messages from our conservative friends berating us for publishing a list which would make fun of the man who is the leader of this great nation of ours. How thoughtless of us. Let's see if we can make things right... The Top 13 Signs the President *is* Ecology-Minded 13.Wants to remove millions of barrels of oil from pristine Alaskan wildnerness before it can cause any harm there. 12.Reduces the number of people exhaling CO2 by allowing more arsenic in drinking water. 11.Has started a White House recycling program, though it's currently limited to previous administration cabinet members. 10.Dick Cheney's new pacemaker powered by scalp-mounted solar panels. 9.Seen "watering" White House lawn during recent barbecue. 8.His policies have encouraged the homeless to be more diligent about picking up aluminum cans. 7.He's burying Bill Clinton's legacy to fertilize the Rose Garden. 6.Co-sponsored a California initiative to develop a photovoltaic electric chair. 5.Conserves brain power by not thinkin' too hard about stuff. 4.Dutifully eats any endangered animals his policies kill. 3.He heartily endorses the composting and recycling of Senator Paul Wellstone (D-MN). 2.He opposes the Drug Enforcement Administration's plan to destroy agricultural lands in Bolivia and Peru. and the Number 1 Sign the President *is* Ecology-Minded... 1.During staff meetings, he doodles on *both* sides of the paper before discarding. Selected from 99 submissions from 40 contributors. Today's Top Five List authors were: Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 1, 5 (3rd #1) Email Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 2 Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 3 Website Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 4 Hall of Famer Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 6 Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 7 Email / Hall of Famer Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 8, 11 Email Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 9 John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 10 Email Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 11, 13 Email / Hall of Famer Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- 11 Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 11 Email / Website Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 11 Email / Website David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 12 Email / Website / Hall of Famer Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 12 Email / Website Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 13 Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- List moderator, Topic, RU/HM names Chris White, Irvine, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer R.E.M., Athens, GA -- Ambience (explanation) © Copyright 2001 by Chris White The Top 5 List *--* top5@gmbweb.com *--* http://www.topfive.com To forward or repost, please include this section. You like to receive credit for your work, and so do we.