Subject: nowiknow Date: Tue, 04 May 1999 02:18:52 -0700 From: Trixie To: trixie@wgn.net Now I know. I admit that I would never in a million years have expected it. I wonder why I didn’t guess sooner. There’s no excuse for my not knowing, no reason why I should’ve. It was a carelessly stupid thing to do. Not to mention gloriously wonderful. It was like being wrapped in joy. It was a kaleidoscope of emotions and sensations dancing along my nerve endings. I was afraid and fearless all at once, exhilarated and cautious. It was like every cliché in the book. Birds sang, fireworks erupted and my world was forever shifted off its axis. It was the most irresponsible thing I’ve ever done in my life. And yet, even knowing the whole story now - the truth and the consequences of that truth - I still cannot make myself regret a single second. Because I have a secret about that night, a secret no one else knows. I was born that night. I had existed before, gone day to day, laughed, cried and experienced the blacks and whites of life. But that night - that one special night - I learned to paint in shades of gray. I let the light into my life and my heart soared one night on a beach under a crescent moon in the arms of a stranger. I had never known life could feel like that. Now I know. When I first saw him I felt anger. Annoyance. An attraction. Anger and annoyance that the attraction existed. So my emotions are a little stunted and warped. What do you expect from me? I’m only human. Only human. The words sound odd in my head. Something about my upbringing, I’m sure. We Cassadine’s are not human. We are somehow above mere human’s. So for me to fall in love with a common person - a gangster no less - Why it’s just unheard of. But I did. I hadn’t known who he was, of course. I thought he was a local. But after that day - that night - I couldn’t leave well enough alone. No, not me. I couldn’t just hold one night of pure passion and emotion close to my heart, no questions asked. I couldn’t just keep the ring he’d given me as a memento of that night. Of course not. I had to dig. And find out who he was. And then track him down to the far corners of the earth. Sonny Corinthos. God damn Sonny The Godfather Ex-Boyfriend to Brenda Barrett Luke Spencer’s best friend Corinthos. Of course I’d have to fall in love with him. I hadn’t known it was him when I fell in love. Now I know. ~~~~~~~~~~ Alexis Davis tosses her luggage on the bed of her London hotel suite. She takes out her cell phone and flops in a chair. “Is he there?” Her tone is clipped. “Good. Have the car waiting downstairs.” She dials another number. “Hello, Concierge? This is Alexis Davis. Is the room I requested ready?” She smiles tightly. “Excellent.” She shuts the phone and walks to the door, grabbing her purse. “Look out Sonny, here I come,” she mutters, closing the door behind her. ~~~~~~~~~~ Sonny taps his fingers on the bar looking around the room for the informant he was supposed to meet here. Someone who supposedly had information on Brenda’s murder. He closes his eyes. Another death that was his fault, more blood on his hands. Like Lily. His eyes burn and he opens them, forcing himself to concentrate on the door, waiting for this unknown person to walk into the pub. It opens and a woman walks through. Sonny freezes, his entire body going still as he places her face. Alexis. What the hell is she doing here? His first thought is to duck out the back door, but then her eyes focus on him. He can see determination in the lines around her mouth. She looked like a woman on a mission. She makes her way over to him in long graceful strides. She sits on the stool next to his and offers him a tight smile. “Fancy meeting you here.” Her fingernails begin tapping out a slow beat on the bar. Sonny narrows his eyes at her. “Why is it I’m having trouble believing this is a chance meeting?” She shrugs her shoulders lightly. “Perhaps because you have half a brain. I didn’t care if this became obvious as a set up as long as you didn’t get suspicious before I laid eyes on you.” She looks him up and down. “You’re looking thin, have you been eating?” Sonny lets out a bark of laughter. “Are you getting maternal on me, pretty lady?” Alexis rolls her eyes. “There are many adjectives that come to mind when I conjure your image up in my mind. Somehow maternal isn’t my first few choices.” Sonny leans closer to her, his voice turning intense. “Are we going to start playing this straight, or is this cat and mouse game going to continue?” She arches an elegant brow. “I’m very good at games, but why don’t we try straight talk? Who knows, it could be amusing.” Sonny smiles. “Okay. Did you arrange to meet me here?” “If by arrange you mean orchestrate a false situation in order to facilitate us being in the same place at the same time - then yes, I arranged to meet you here.” She smiles, her eyes guileless. Sonny smiles, unable to stop himself. “Am I allowed to ask why?” “You’re allowed to ask,” she replies cheerfully. “But will you answer?” “Are you asking?” That brow raises again. “Or are you afraid of the answer?” Sonny leans forward further so that their faces are barely an inch apart. “I’m not the one who’s afraid of the answer,” he says in a rough gravely voice. “Are you saying I’m afraid?” she asks, refusing to let him win by moving back. He shrugs a shoulder. “I just call ‘em as I see ‘em.” He places a soft chaste kiss on her lower lip. “And you, pretty lady, are terrified.” Alexis swallows and moves back, straightening her skirt. “I may be afraid,” she concedes softly. “But at least I have enough courage to track you down and face you again.” She looks up at him. “Why did you leave me alone on that beach?” Sonny closes his eyes. “I tried to explain in the letter--” “I know. You didn’t want to. You had to. I understand why you left. Why the note? Why didn’t you wake me up, explain it all to me, then leave. Why did I wake up alone?” she asks, her eyes pleading for an answer, desperately needing to know that she wasn’t just a one night stand he brushed off. His lips move a little, his eyes and face taking on a nervous little boy quality. He shrugs his shoulders. “I guess I was afraid.” He admits it a little shyly and with obvious reluctance. Alexis’ face breaks out in a joyous smile. “Congratulations - you just said the right thing.” She stands and offers him her hand. He eyes it warily. “Where are we going?” “Come with me and find out.” That damn brow arches again. “Or are you afraid?” Sonny smiles, dimples flashing. He takes her hand and stands up. He snakes his other hand around her waist and pulls her against him. He places a kiss just under her earlobe. “Terrified,” he whispers, sending chills down her spine. Alexis moves away from him slowly, then pulls him after her. She leads him out the door and takes a right, heading for the stairs that lead to the second floor of the pub. He questions her with his eyes, but says nothing out loud. They reach the top and she opens the door with a key produced, seemingly, out of thin air. Alexis drops his hand and moves inside. Sonny looks around him. He shuts the door and the room grows dark. He can barely make out a small mat on the floor across the room. He arches a brow at her. “What, no bed?” Alexis smiles then feigns outrage. “Is that all you men think about? Besides, I think we’ve managed quite well thus far without a bed.” She turns and walks toward the small mat. She moves it aside to reveal a large black comforter. “Better?” “You’re right.” He walks slowly toward her, a predatory gleam in his eyes. Alexis swallows and resists the urge to back away from him. She isn’t afraid, she assures herself. She’s just…… Anxious. Sonny brings his hands up to Alexis’ face, cupping her cheeks between them. He lowers his head to hers, their mouths connecting in a hot soul stealing kiss. He moves back to look into her eyes. “Who needs a bed?” “Certainly not us--” Alexis begins. She’s then cut off because he’s kissing her again, his hands running down her body. They make short work of the gray blazer she was wearing, moving on to the white shell blouse covering her upper body. His hands run down the front, his palms moving over her nipples. They harden in reaction, straining against the silky fabric. Sonny moves his hands further down to her skirt, finding the zipper on the side and shoving it to her ankles. Alexis steps out of it, reaching for his shirt and pulling it over his head. Her hands move to his chest, running over his nipples, down his torso, to his hips, reaching for his belt. She gets it undone, but then his hands are restraining her at her wrists, pushing her hands off him as he kneels before her. She strips her blouse off, standing before him in her bra, panties and stockings complete with garters. “Black lace garters?” he asks her, his voice like gravel. One shoulders shrugs. “They spoke to me in the store.” “They’re speaking to me now,” he mutters, moving his face nuzzle at her stomach, kissing it softly. He moves down her thighs until he reaches the clasp on the garter. He undoes one, then the other, moving all the way around her legs until the stockings are free, staying up on their own. He unrolls first the right, then the left, moving the nylon down her calves slowly, kissing each new patch of skin bared to him. Alexis runs her fingers through his hair, clutching at him to keep her balance. His mouth moves up to her thighs again, kissing and running his mouth over her, his breath teasing her, tantalizing her. He places light butterfly kisses along the waist band of her panties, then around her hips. He hooks his thumbs inside them and pulls them to her ankles. He rises to stand before her. Alexis steps out of her panties, kicking them aside. Sonny’s gaze falls to her bra. His fingers play over the front clasp, skittering along the edges of her breasts. Finally he unhooks it, sliding it off her shoulders and letting it flutter to the floor. He places his mouth at the base of her neck and begins a slow rhythmic sucking motion, using his tongue and teeth to bite and lick their way down to her collar bone. From there he moves on to her left breast, his tongue dancing around her nipple before finally sucking it into his mouth. His hands rest on her hips, hers around his neck, holding his head to her breast. She begins inching her hands down to his pants, wrestling with the zipper, and forcing them - boxers and all - to the ground. “Sonny….. Now….” She whispers huskily into his ear. Sonny freezes for a moment, pulling back to look into her eyes. She knew. Of course she knew. How the hell do you think she knew how to find you? But knowing she knew and actually hearing her use his name were two different things. He wasn’t sure what to think or feel about it. He only knew one thing. “Say my name again,” he demands roughly. Her mouth opens and nothing comes out. She tries again. “Sonny.” She whispers it reverently, testing the weight of it, the feel of it on her lips. Sonny moves his hands down her hips, under her thighs. He pulls upwards and wraps her legs around his waist. Alexis lets out a little gasp of surprise, but quickly tightens her legs around his waist. Sonny moves two feet to the wall and presses Alexis’ back against it. He slides inside her and begins pushing in and out of her hard. Alexis moans unintelligible words, but it’s not enough. He needs to hear her say his name. “Say my name,” he grits out, thrusting harder, feeling her nails dig into his back, knowing she was breaking the skin. “Sonny,” she moans… “Oh God Sonny….” Her words trail off as her orgasm over takes her. She gasps and tightens around him, whispering his name like a prayer. He stiffens and groans into her neck as his own release comes. Breathing deeply, he moves away from the wall, letting her slide down his body. Alexis drops down to her knees, then rolls onto the black comforter. Sonny follows suit, pulling her into his arms, resting her head on his chest. They lay like that for quite some time. “So, was it good for you?” Sonny asks, breaking the silence. Alexis is quiet for a moment before bursting out in laughter. “Yes, it was great.” She looks into his eyes and smiles. “Absolutely wonderful.” She kisses him and lays her head back down on his chest. “Now go to sleep.” Sonny closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~ I feel myself slowly coming back to consciousness. I roll from my stomach to my back, my eyes barely focusing on the dark ceiling above me. I look to the small window to my right, the only source of light in this room and find it dark. That means hours have passed since we first came here. I look to my left and find myself alone. I close my eyes and lay back against the pillow. Loneliness is a funny thing. One can yearn for it - dream of it - Need to be alone. And yet once you are you become willing to kill for the companionship of another. I find this feeling overtaking me as I force myself to curl up in the blanket and sleep till morning. ~~~~~~~~~ I wake again, this time due to the light shining on my face. Looking around myself I remember what came before and I can’t resist smiling. Sure I felt ready to die after waking alone. But it was glorious and worth it in the end. I look for any sign that I could’ve been mistaken before - that somehow I wasn’t alone but find none. Then my eyes train on the small envelope next to my head. My name is written on it. Sonny. I open it quickly, pulling the letter from it. I begin to read-- Sonny, Hello stranger. Sorry I had no idea how to begin this, and that seemed the best way. How do I say this? I know who you are, obviously. And I think you know who I am. If you don’t, my name’s Alexis Davis and I currently reside in Port Charles NY. That’s information it’s vital you have. Because I intend for you to contact me at some point— I raise and eyebrow at that statement— And don’t raise your eyebrows at me - I’m serious and you know it. We can’t just say goodbye. There’s too much between us, too much unexplored territory— I smile at the fact that she seems to know me as well as I know myself - perhaps better— But I also realize that things in your life are too complicated right now. Perhaps if Brenda Barrett hadn’t been murdered you could’ve settled down already. But you can’t. Not until you find out who killed her. I understand. I don’t like it, but I understand— I close my eyes and refuse to shed the tears I long to at her understanding. God to be understood - I have in my life craved it, longed for it, needed it - never have I achieved understanding from another human being I loved. For I love her. I fell in love with her that first night - But I have to exorcise a few demons before I can give her the life I want to. I only hope these final battles don’t kill me— And with that understanding I offer you a promise. Give me a sign, Sonny. Anything. I’ll keep my eyes open. When you’re ready, give me a place to find you and I swear I’ll be there. In the meantime, I want to give you something. It’s in the bottom of the envelope— I dump the envelope into my hand and find the ring. Stone’s ring. I had given this to her because I wanted her to carry a piece of me around with her and I had nothing else. Why did she?-- I’m sure you’re wondering why I gave this back to you after you had given it to me to - how did you put it - remember you by? As if I could ever forget. I have my memories. I could never forget. Please Sonny - swear you won’t forget, swear you’ll remember to let me know when you’re ready for us— I smile, staring down at her handwriting begging me for something I would give her now if only I could. I slip the ring back on my finger and look forward to the day when I can hold her again. I look back down at the paper and smile at her signature— Yours Truly, Me— My smile widens at the mere thought of her. Oh yes, Pretty lady, I will remember. After all, how could I ever forget? ~ END