The Best Way to Kill Katherine von Schwartzchild
Or, How I Won the Name Elena Gilbert in Circle Twilight
by Kaitlyn Fairchild-hoping-to-be-Elena-Gilbert-turned-Elena-Gilbert
-turned-the-club-imploded-then-it-reformed-and-no-one-told-me
-so-I-guess-I'm-not-Elena-there-anymore
The scene: The underground tomb of the old Fell's Church Cemetary, aka Katherine's Lair of Doom. Elena, Stefan, and Damon are all tied up, awaiting their certain deaths.
Katherine: Ha ha ha!!! Killing you was the highlight of my pathetic little life, Elena! Now I'm going to drink all of you up.....except perhaps Damon...
Damon: Oh, Katherine, I've always hated Stefan so for breaking us apart. I was only interested in Elena because she resembled you, my beautiful Mistress of Doom.
Kath: Ha ha, you're so right! She has nothing to offer but her looks! Okay, I'll untie you now.
She unties him. Damon lets her kiss him and then grabs her by the waist, twirling her around. He yanks her long flowing tresses back and winds them around her neck.
Katherine squeals and screeches in anger and growing terror as Damon whips her around faster and faster, tightening her silvery hair's strangle hold on her own throat. She can barely breathe now, and she is getting veryveryvery dizzy. Oh, my, she thinks, I'm going to upchuck. Oh, my goodness, I'm going to upchuck in my hair!
Katherine begins to vomit. The bloody mess splatters all over her, sticking in her hair, which becomes a rather peppy shade of pink.
Elena breaks free and whips out a wooden hair brush. She shoves it through Katherine's chest, wooden bristles first, and as the sun begins to move in a small patch across the floor of the tomb, Damon gives her hair one more vicious yank and hangs onto the split ends as he tosses her across the room. Her hair unfurls from around her throat and Damon snatches her bald-headed as she lands in the patch of sunlight. She is barely conscious, but very loud.
Katherine: AAAAAAGH!!! I thought you loved me, Daaaaaamooooooon!!
Damon: Yeah right.
Elena jumps into Damon's arms as Katherine goes *poof!* into a cloud of rancid vampire dust. They kiss as Stefan passes out from the sight of--get this--TOO MUCH BLOOD! Elena and Damon laugh.
Elena: I've just realized that I should be with you, Damon! Let's go drain Tyler Smallwood!
Damon: Mwahahaha!
*Fade To Black*
Well, that was a bit gross in a few spots, but I think it was sorta funny.
Page created 4-May-98
All characters belong to LJ Smith and her publishers. Please don't sue me.
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