STAR TREK Voyager: Back to the Future's End

By: Andrew Babb



Exterior shot, Voyager glides by another planet on it's way to the

Nearest Seven Eleven, on Earth.



Interior Shot, Crew in regular positions doing absolutely nothing as

usual.



[Janeway walks onto bridge]



Janeway: Status report!

Kim: I'm Bored!

Tuvok: We are still 70 years away from home, dispite 4 years of travel.

Chakotay: I can't figure out why we didn't use that Warp 10 trick!

Paris: Bellona is slowly poisoning me to get rid of my character by next

        season!

Torres: Almost done, too!

Neelix: The dinner's escaped!

Kes: The writers are still trying to get rid of me!

Janeway: Good! Everything's normal! Any hostile ships in the system that

        we can fight and not be destroyed by? The crew needs some extra 

        morale.

Tuvok: Negative captain, however I have gotten the highest score ever in

        tetris.

Janeway: Damn. And find a way to turn that game into a plot device, or

        quit playing it.

Tuvok: Aye, captain. [fiddles around on keyboard] the tetris game has

        just become a time warp, Captain.

Janeway: Dammit, I meant something like another alien virus or an

        Intelligence attempting to take over the ship, but not another--

Paris, interrupting: Captain, Voyager is accelerating to 88 miles per

        hour towards the rift, and for once I can't steer around it!



[Exterior shot, Voyager disappears, leaving a two trails of fire behind

it.]



[Back on bridge]



Janeway: Tuvok! I want you to delete that game immediately!

Tuvok: Aye captain! [types on his panel] The warp is dissipating, we're

        exiting.



[Another Exterior shot, Voyager reappears from within the rift, leaving

two trails of fire behind it.]



[bridge]



Janeway: Rear View, let's see that rift! [screen shifts to rear view,

        Shot of rift closing and the trails of fire] What the Hell? Fire 

        can't exist in space! No Air!

Kim: This is a UPN show, Captain.

Janeway: Shut up Wes..er...Kim! I knew that!

Paris: Look! Earth!

Data: Population: Approximately 9 billion borg...

Neelix: Who the hell is that?

Torres: Shoo! Shooo!

Data: That's it! I'm going to Babylon Five!

Tuvok: Captain! Carbon dating states that this is Earth, 1997.

Janeway: God, not this Hellhole...er....interesting period in History

        again!

Neelix: I'll go monitor the soaps again Captain! I hope I haven't missed

        too many 'Days of our Lives'.....



[Flips to the Exterior shot once again, which is by now getting quite

boring, and then to the 'hellhole'.]



[A garage in California]



Doc: What's that?[points to two trails of fire that just appeared in the

        sky]

Marty: I don't know, copyright infringement?

Doc: More time travelers! Let's go greet them!

Marty: But I thought our contract ran out!

Doc: The studio let me keep the car.

Marty: Ohhh.....



[they get in the DeLorien, which takes off and heads towards Voyager]



[Back on Voyager]

Janeway: Has our presence been detected yet?

Tuvok: Negative captain, however, we accidentally ran into a beat-up hunk

        of metal that was in Orbit. The people of this era may be suspicious.

Janeway: Did it have an identification Marking?

Paris: MIR, I think.

Janeway: Don't worry, they probably don't even know it's gone.

Kim: Captain, sensors show an object leaving the atmosphere and heading

        towards us!

Janeway: What is it, you dork?

Kim: Excuse me?

Janeway: I SAID, my fork.

Kim: Oh. It's a DeLorien, 1983 model captain. Should I shoot it?

Janeway: No, Wes, I mean Harry, there's the possibility that people 

        From four hundred years in the past have a more advanced 

        technology that could send us home.

All, except Janeway: Ohh.....

Torres: It's hailing us, Captain. Audio only.

Janeway: Answer it.

Operator's Voice: This is a collect call. Do you except?

Kim: AT&T, right?

Operator: No.

Kim :Switch us to an AT&T operator, please.

Janeway :Dammit. Once again he upstages everyone and saves the ship.

Operator2 :This is a collect call. Do you except?

Janeway: Yes.

Doc: Hail, fellow time travelers. What time are you from?

Janeway: Doc? What's he doing over there?

Paris: Read it again, Captain. It says 'Doc.' We always write it

        'Doctor.'

Janeway: Oh. [Speaking to Doc] Are you from this century?

Marty: DUH!

Doc & Janeway:  SHUT UP WESLEY! (Doc:)ERR.....Marty...

Doc: We are. Are you from the future?

Janeway: Yep. We're from a Star Trek show.

Doc: Sweeps week in the future, right?

Kim: How did he know?

Tuvok: Captain, we have to assume that the visitor is telepathic, be

        careful what you think everyone.

Paris: Too late.

[Torres Stares at Paris.]



[Inside the DeLorien, 2 hours later]

Marty: Why haven't they answered your 'sweeps week question' yet?

Doc: You did remember to put 25 cents in for the next three minutes,

        Marty?

Marty, fishing a quarter out of his pocket and placing into the public

        phone slot inside the car: Sorry doc.

Janeway, Finishing off a long and boring speech. Cast can be heard

        snoring in the background: ...and soooo, to make a long story 

        short, we're trapped here. Can you help us?

Doc: Of course.



[Back on Bridge]

Janeway: Good, I'll be--

Tuvok, interrupting: Captain, I've discovered a way to return to own

        time. Hope you haven't made a deal with the pilot of the DeLorien.

Janeway: Of course not. [finger slips to a button  that says "Fake

Torpedo hit, copyright 2280, J.T. Kirk."]



[Bridge Shakes]



Janeway: We're under attack! Arm Phasers and lock on Target!



[Torres wakes up suddenly and knocks a coffee cup onto the weapons

console, It shorts out and for some reason the science station explodes,

killing a nameless Ensign.]



Torres: Weapons are gone!

Paris: They've got us outclassed!

Tuvok: Captain, should I activate 'Solitaire?'

Janeway: On three! One...two....five!

Kim: Three Sir!

Janeway: Shut up Kim! Three!

Tuvok: Approaching 88 miles per hour!



[Exterior shot, Voyager disappears into the rift again, leaving two

trails of fire behind.]



[Inside of DeLorien]



Doc: Wonder what that as about?

Marty: Isn't UPN a Paramount Network?

Doc: Well, that explains it.



[Exterior shot of Voyager, comes out of the rift and leaves two trails of

fire behind it.]



Neelix: AIIEEEE!



[Bridge]

Janeway: What was that?

Neelix, storming onto the bridge: Days of our Lives was just about to

        end! God, why couldn't we have just stayed 5 minutes longer?

Paris: You sod! I wet my pants I was so scared!

Torres, giggling: Like that's hard to do!

Tuvok: There is a small, defenseless ship in this sector, captain. Should

        we pursue and try to start the next episode right?

Janeway: Engage!

Picard: Hey!

Torres: Shoo! Shooo!

Janeway: Any way we can fit the doctor into this story?



[Tuvok walks over to Kim and breaks Harry's arm.]



Tuvok: Activate Emergency Medical Hologram.

Doctor :Please state the nature of the medical emergency.

Tuvok: Harry slipped on this spot of coffee and broke his arm.

Kim: Did not! YOU broke it!

Tuvok: Logically, it does not matter.

Janeway: Bravo Tuvok! And find out how the hell those two tracks can even

        exist!

Kim: Captain, it's a UPN sho--"gurgle gurgle"



[Doctor is choking Kim.]



Janeway: Doctor, your hippocratic oath....

Doctor: Sorry Captain. I just couldn't help myself.



[Exterior shot, Voyager glides off, with tetris theme music playing in

the background]



Janeway: WHO THE HELL IS PLAYING THAT?



[The Garage in California, 1997]

[Black Car pulls into the driveway, to people step out.]

Scully: Are you sure this is an X-File?

Mulder: The truth is out there, Scully.

Scully: You Trekkie twit.

Mulder: What? Excuse me?

Scully: I said BOO! WRECKING WHIP!

Mulder: Oh. That's what I thought.



[Cut to an overly dramatic shot, role credits.]



WHAT DID WE LEARN THIS WEEK? VOYAGER RUNS ON DIESEL, THE MOST POWERFUL

FUEL IN THE UNIVERSE.