Where the hell's the pod?

Late arrival Herne was met at the docks by Aura, Alexis and Breyd. Now, even though I'm a guy, I can appreciate the fact that Herne's one of those guys a woman wouldn't kick out of their bed for eatin' crackers, if ya know what I mean. One would think Aura would be all over Mr. Fae like wind in the pipes.

But no! She's keeping him at arm's length and it's BREYD, of all people doing the 'charm the new guy' schtick!

So I ask ya again:

Where's the pod?!

Back to Court...

Yo! Rory! Sabine! Get a damned room would ya?

Sheesh.

Hey, Zariya. Nice outfit. Looked better in petal pink when Aura had it on two weeks ago though.

I would just like to say this to a few of the Old Guys:

Bleys, Bleys, Bleys... You have our condolances. So does Koros.

Julian...Where to start? Dudley DoRight... ya might wanna check around about that one. We think it's someone's idea of a joke. We *hope* he's someone's idea of joke! Besides ours. We do applaud Oberon's choice of him as Master of the Stables though. It seems the perfect place for him.

By the way-is Herne housebroken?

Oh, and Carl? Loosen up, man! Not just everybody gets pinched on the ass by that firecracker, Breyd. Just so you know... that over the top huffiness completely blew that blushing act of charm you've been pulling off. Totally. By the way-you and your current bride aren't thinkin' 'bout wearin' white are ya? 'Cause that would just be, well, wrong. Although as one of the attending was heard to say: "He should own his own tuxedo for a wedding. He's been through enough of them by now to make the investment worth it."

Breyd, ya can pinch my ass anytime, baby.

Did anyone else see Alexis falling on her ass drunk? With Breyd? And I have a sneaky suspicion Aura was too. Holy shit. Seeing that gives a man ideas.

Speaking of drunk women... Exthian, you oughta be ashamed of yourself.

I wanna see Aura's sketchpad from Court and after. She had that look in her eye while she was sketching. Other than the six pages of elves, that is. There were other people at Court besides that poncy tree hugger, ya know.

And speaking of Elendil. It's generally considered, I dunno, rude (like I should talk) to stroke your wood in public. Especially when you're standing in the middle of a buncha females willing to do it for ya. Just a little free advice there, my man.

What the heck kind of name is Caprice? I swear an old girlfreind had a pair of summer pants named that. They just made her look like a dork. She just ended up with sand in her y-fronts. So much for fashion sense. We can only hope that this princess doesn't live up to her name, or the usual Kangaroo Court of Amber's Justice System will just carry on regardles...

Nominees for New Positions:

Laszlo: King of Denial

Vladimer: Political Officer in the Closet

George: Lord of the Privvy. Full Stop

Scherazade: Dorcases Bathtime Fun Buddy.

Gunnalf's Position: Tight end. Yowsa!

Victor: Piggy in the Middle

I just gotta say, this batch of fresh meat had some of the most nose-so-high-they'll-drown-in-a-summer-rain kids I have ever seen, and I've seen a few. Is this gonna be good or what?

Insider Nonny Mowz has this to say about the uprisings currently in Amber City: "As for Zariya's effort to bring 'people of color' into Amber...it might help if she developed something beyond her own black and white views before embarking upon such an endeavor."

NICK'S SAFETY TIP OF THE WEEK:

Within .067 milliseconds of a Breyd detonation, a flash of blinding rage will sear all flesh from your body within a radius of 2,000 feet of ground zero. This will be followed by a shock wave of indignation travelling outward from the blast site at the local speed of ire. With an overpressure of 8.7 kilofuries at 4,000 feet from ground zero, this shock wave is sufficient to catastrophically deflate egos up to 12,500 feet away. Within minutes of the initial blast, a fallout of contentious irritation and profound haughtiness will permeate the atmosphere within several dozen miles of the detonation site, causing severe loss of smugness and long-term desolation in anyone exposed. The consequences to life and generall well-being of such a blast are enormous and should be avoided at all costs.

When you see a Breyd Detonations, the safest position to adopt is one of kissing your ass goodbye. If you are not the target, you may safely drop to the floor and roll with laughter.

Next Weeks Safety Tip: How to Survive an Alexis Lecture Without Going Deaf.

Stay tuned for the next installment of That's Outrageous!

~Nick
I'm everywhere you wanna be

This text is copyright © ??; "Amber" is copyright © Roger Zelazny; "Amber" the diceless RPG is copyright © Phage Press. No copyright infringement is intended.

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