My life in Amber...has been an interesting one, and--contrary to popular belief--not always been in Amber, just as my existence here hasn't always been a drunken one.

First, I must say that I wasn't accustomed to it at all. The place where I was raised at I was of high society. It didn't matter how strangely I acted, I would always be seated with politicians and nobles, Kings and Queens, above all those of the lowborn. I could be bizarre or "eccentric", and get away with it, except with mayhap a snipe or two taken at my family in the papers. That was it.

Being the bastard son of a Prince, however, has left me open to many slanderous remarks, and not all of them untrue. The Royal Family here, of course, is almost beyond reproach. Almost. Gossip flies, but it's hushed quickly, and most of it made up from what I gather. Whatever shield I might have had by virtue of my blood was stripped from me in the light of knowing my Father had been married to someone else other than my mother. My brother sits high in the Queen's eyes. I visit Her Grace with all courtesy, but am not granted the same protection he is.

I still argue that my home Shadow was slowtime, and thus if my father and mother were married, they would have been before Jasra and he. Unfortunately, when I asked my mother if they were, she hid her eyes from me, and bade me not to speak of my father at all. So, answers weren't forthcoming, from any party. Certainly not my Father, though I have a few questions for him now that I wished I had had knowledge of the last time I saw him.

At any rate, the where's and how's and why's of my dubious heritage aren't to be discussed here, save to say that it made my life here harsh.

Shall I speak of uncles and aunts with accusing eyes? They were, or are, kind enough really, and none can surpass my uncle Gerard for love of family. Safe to say he is the only one of the elders thus far that have judged me on my merits. Whenever I see him, he tells me to 'lighten up', but that's still as far as even his warmth goes. He's gone away from the castle much too much anyhow. Random ignores me, even as his ladywife doesn't. She ... sees ... rather clearly at times, and has treated me kindly. For fear that I might besmirch her good name in some way I can't see, I keep my visits to my gracious aunt-by-marriage to a minimum.

Lovely Florimel and I hit it off right away, but it was all social pleasantries and graces. We've danced a few times, and shared many a jest, but that's the end of it. She's careful to be sweet and kind, but only in the shallowest of ways...as is expected of her. I have heard of the part she played in Corwin's tale, so her attitude doesn't surprise me. She's friendly enough to keep me in good graces with her, but distant enough so that if a friendship is frowned upon, it would be as though it had never been. Of Uncle Corwin? I've never met the man, myself.

Fiona and Bleys are too alike, they might as well been twins. You doubt me? Look again. Look and look and look. Fiona's attitude I have described before, and Bleys' is no different. Other than a welcoming clap on the shoulder that nearly broke it, and a hearty 'Welcome to the family'...that was about all I've seen of him.

Who else? Mysterious and silent Llewella...she has my respect, of course, but she has yet to say a word to me, though I've seen her several times at functions. Uncle Julian has said hardly a word to me as well, though I fear that he wants to catch me alone in Arden sometime. Benedict has spoken rarely to me as well, but then again, to whom has he shared confidences with ever?

No. Uncles and aunts can be damned. I pledged fealty to Random, and Amber, and will do my part if asked. That is the end of it. My cousins are of far more interest.

Anelizabet and Arcanus are fascinating. Twins they are, but not alike in hardly any aspect. Arcanus is still a stranger to me, but Anne has spoken to me of him. Both of us generally were in our cups, and even then she had little to say, though alcohol loosens her tongue fiercely. Anne and I are great friends, having similar interests. I think we've partaken of every tavern in Amber town so far, and quite a few that were elsewhere as well. She is as lovely as she is brave, and her sire Corwin should thank the day she was born.

Theodore is a mystery to me, as I'm sure I am to him. We're both artists, but of different types. I bear him no ill will, nor does he have any for me. But...we're just not sociable with each other. He stays in Shadow, and I in Amber, and that is that.

Merlin is a distant cousin. King of Chaos, I've heard rumors that he can't even handle his court down there, much less do anything here in Amber as well. I've also heard with some interest about his brothers. I think I should like to meet them someday, and find out what they have to say about Merlin.

Merlin's son Damien, on the other hand, is warm to me. I took him out into Shadow several times, and showed him how to shift Shadow though he has yet to walk the Pattern. Dark though my eyes may be, his are darker yet...but of the two of us, he is more favored by the family than I. Ironic.

And so there you have the family, with all bright and dark spots revealed. At least those in my eyes. Between them and the gossip (some of which is quite outrageous), my life here was difficult. No, no longer did I wish to die...but I didn't know what I wanted. That can be worse sometimes. I used to lay awake at night pondering that question, and feeling as though I was meant for something great. Something...to leave my mark on the world, as no other did.

With a sigh, I tell you gentle reader, about my last cousin, Martin. He is a bastard son as well, and one of high standing. He is the King's son, but is treated gently here, as he was misused by my father. Martin was the one that Father had chosen for his great task, the means to an end. I know more than a few of my family have figured out the timing of my birth in that slowtime Shadow, and sometimes, it's not just animosity or indifference they show shining in their eyes. Father was always the clever one, or so I've heard, and it makes me wonder sometimes...wonder what he meant me for anyway. I can see him doing it just to vex his family, and myself as well, with questions and imponderables about the meaning of my existence. Father did nothing without reason as far as I knew, even if the reason was obscure and shadowed.

And so I live here, in my father's shadow. I drink, and I write music, and I keep to myself, with occasionally cheery visits from sweet Anne, and darker ones from Damien. I attend the court functions, and behave how I'm supposed to. That part is easy enough; it is what I was bred to do in the first place. I turn a deaf ear to the gossip, and a blind eye to the slights. I just want to find my place here. Mayhap do some great deed that will earn me a bit of respect, and with that respect, solace. I do not know what that would be however, as I am no warrior, nor sorcerer. I am what I am.

After this long and rambling segment, gentle and wise reader, the rest of the story shall unfold. The prologue ends here, and I sincerely hope that you have a greater grasp on the person I am than you did before.

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