Kolvir Boys

Just the Kolvir boys
Never havin' no charm
Cheats all you ever saw
Been in cahoots with the king
Since the day they was born.

Straightnin' the shadows
Hiding out in the hills
Someday the Mumakaan might get 'em
But Thelbane never will

Invadin' their way
With Abigail the Cow.
That's just a little bit more
Than Lady Pearl will allow

Just the Kolvir boys
Wouldn't change if they should
Fightin' the system like latter day Boyz in da Hood
(Yeeeee-haaaa!!!)

Boss Oberon is real ornery today, seems that with the recent influx of competitive Haven lumber that his crooked buddy, the Count of Flarepants, a closet republican has paid off Boss Oberon to unfairly levy duties on the people of Haven. Oberon's hapless deputy, Sheriff Dunstree P Coletree, thinks it is a real great idea although there is no way he can find Haven on a map of the Golden Circle.

Meanwhile Rory and Laszlo, a pair of Amber Dukes are riding around upsetting Dunstree and splashing his new mule with mud while going yeehahhhh and drinking bad ale and rotgut (aka Bayle's works)

Seems that Alexis another Amber Duke because they aren't classy enough to name ladies as Duchesses has an idea. Instead of celebrating the Possum Day Hanging with hanging offenders, she thinks they should perhaps hang upstuffed pokemons. Problem is that Rory and Laszlo highjacked the last shipment of Pokemons and demand that Alexis open up the beergardens of Amber to their rowdies which would make the Thelbane Ambassador vomit and show creation how backward Amber is.

Rory and Laszlo are pirates by land and highwaymen by sea - as they have not gotten it right yet. Their inspiration comes from a 70s sitcom by Mel Brooks about Robin Hood - except that Laszlo and Rory are convinced they are the only poor boys in Amber.

With Princess Zariya nicknamed Cooties, Alexis aided by Sheriff Dunstree chase Rory and Laszlo endlessly across Amber and the surrounding countryside while both sides rip off poor peasants, trample their fields and splatter mud on the old ladies

The ending ends on a twist where Boss Oberon shows up with a few captured tourists from Trinity who are then hanged to honour Possum Day and the next holiday Weasel Day.

This text is copyright © Craig Johnson; "Amber" is copyright © Roger Zelazny; "Amber" the diceless RPG is copyright © Phage Press. No copyright infringement is intended.

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