The Battle of Hapes

Whoa, this is sure silly! I've chosen to leave the text of this battle totally unedited (even most spelling errors),
so that we can see exactly how far we have come since March 26, 1997!

Enjoy the battle that spawned the Battle Zone!

DdD: How would you like to be the proud commander of the 2nd Imperial Fleet? It consists of 2 SSD's, 8 ISD's, 9 VSD's, 12 Dreadnaughts, and 5 Interdictor Cruisers. Formidable weaponry if I do say so. I'm gonna crack a bottle of
Scotch later for all of my brothers. All hail the Dark Side!!!

Dark Yoda:You can be the Commander of the 3rd Imperial Fleet. It's pretty much the same as the 2nd except no Dreadnaughts, and only one SSD, as you requested. In time you will bring your will to bear on all who have fallen from the dark path. I have foreseen it (does maniacal Emperor laugh for a while).

KITAN UUL
MTFBWY

Emperor Palpatine
Wednesday, March 26, 1997 at 15:54:45 (EST)


My Emperor, I will gladly take command of the 2nd Fleet and carry out your will to the full letter. I will provide an
Order of Battle for the ships in the fleet, complete with names, for your amusement!
And now for some scotch of my own!
UUUuuuummmmm.....
I will get that order of battle to you when I can think of 36 names!

Dark Yoda: Let's rendezvous at Sullust, tip a cold one or two, then impose the Emperor's will on the little people!

MTFBWY
DdD

Domino de Devastator
Wednesday, March 26, 1997 at 17:48:03 (EST)


DdD: Yes, To Sullust. We will have a drink or two. Although I claim no membership to the Empire or the Republic, I will share a drink with my Dark Comrade! Oh yes, these new ships I'll use to help carry out my dark administrations. After Sullust, I'm headed out to the Hapes system. I plan on using my Dark Powers to hunt down that punk Isolder and to capture a fleet of Hapan Battle Dragons to give as a gift to the mighty Palpatine!!!!

later....
Dark Yoda
Wednesday, March 26, 1997 at 18:30:19 (EST)


Dark Yoda: Mind if I back you up with the 2nd Fleet on that Hapes gig? I never cared much for Isolder! He sure is
an arrogant f*ck!

Goodnight everybody!
MTFBWY
DdD

Domino de Devastator
Wednesday, March 26, 1997 at 22:48:13 (EST)


Emperor Palpatine: Hey, I'll gladly.. SHIP anything for you (it's not smuggling around these commoners) as long as
I can get... well, in addition to credits, maybe a little bit of access.... so I don't get screened so often. I wasn't here
for about five days... stupid crew of Interceptors scanned my ship, found my bunch of Cuban Cigars, and decided to
kick the crap out of me. A lambda shuttle versus 7 TIES is not good... I am ever so glad I have a good hyperdrive.
So, Emperor, if you can prevent those little mishaps, I'll be glad to trade for you.

Dark Yoda: Little greedy there? Emperor's going to give you a Super Star Destroyer? I'd be happy with a new Starfighter!!

All you Dark Side guys: I'm going to start hiding my shipments of cute bunnies now... can't have my cargo damaged when it reaches the Cute little Bunny center!

Arcana: Driver of a Lambda shuttle.... hopefully, it'll be a greatly modified Lambda shuttle.
Arcana
Thursday, March 27, 1997 at 13:53:35 (EST)


DdD: As a Light Side Jedi trainee, I feel compelled to tell you that kicking bunnies, cute or otherwise, is of the Dark Side. But you knew that, didn't you? :)

Well, spring break has started!!!!! Whoo-hoo!!!!!!!!
WICKET/Leianne/"Me"
Thursday, March 27, 1997 at 21:41:00 (EST)


2nd Fleet Order of Battle

SSD's

ISD's

VSD's

Dreadnaughts

Interdictors

Emperor Palpatine: The ships have begun to rendezvous at Sullust! We await your go order!

MTFBWY
DdD

Domino de Devastator
Thursday, March 27, 1997 at 22:24:58 (EST)


DdD: Awesome list of names for the 2nd fleet. However, I must agree with Leianne. Kicking bunnies is much too cruel
- go on Ewok Safari instead (No offensee meant WICKET, but it's a very calming exercise)

MTFBWY'all
Tionne
Friday, March 28, 1997 at 01:37:47 (EST)


Arcana: I need a shipment of some of them cute bunnies my way! I'll pay you top credit for what you can bring,
mine are all bruised and welted!

Tionne: I am (at least on this page) a very evil and twisted individual. Occasionally, I break out of
character and become a loving and caring individual, but I try to be a Dark Side of the Force serving, hardcore
meany! Kicking cute bunnies is VERY cruel, and the Dark Side demands it of me. It also directs me to proselytize
others to do the same! As far as the Ewok Safari, I have been on the safari several times!
Thank you for mentioning the Order of Battle of the 2nd Fleet! That was a painstaking effort on my part to not name some of the ships some starkly profane names.

I'm gonna go kick a few cute bunnies! Helps calm my nerves!

See ya all later!

MTFBWY
DdD

Domino de Devastator
Friday, March 28, 1997 at 16:20:38 (EST)


DdD: Deominia? Beyond Bakura? Is there ever any trouble with the Ssi-ruuk? Now, just because of these
questions, don't think of me as an inquisitive child.

Oozabon
Glacia Wolvenstone, a bounty hunter's prey.
Friday, March 28, 1997 at 20:07:25 (EST)


Glacia: Of all the bad luck! I checked on your bounty. 35,000 credits! Not bad at all!
Deominia has had no problems with the Ssi-ruuk, basically because of the location. The planet sets on the inside of a mysterious cloud of unknown origin and questionable composition. Legends state that the cloud was caused by a Force Storm of a very powerful Dark Side master. That could be the cause of my Force Blindness while flying home. There are many other inhabited planets in this same galactic region, all of which are protected and hidden by the reality-warping cloud.
I almost forgot, the cloud also affects hyperdrives in a strange and frustrating way. Sometimes, while traveling home, it will take me four days of traveling time to get through the cloud. Other times it takes less than ten minutes.
Hit and miss really! BTW, nice to talk with you again!

I'll be back later tonight!
MTFBWY
DdD

Domino de Devastator
Friday, March 28, 1997 at 22:07:48 (EST)


DdD: I understand that you have to kick bunnies because you're of the Dark Side, but I have to tell you it's bad because I'm of the Light Side, okay?
I was reading everyone's e-mail addys (dunno why), and your just going to have to get another one from
some other place. At PACIFIER?????? You're Dark Side are you not? *Domino's notes: She is referring to my e-mail address - domino@pacifier.com*

Tionne
Friday, March 28, 1997 at 23:29:40 (EST)


Tionne: Pacifier is the name of the local ISP that I go through to have internet access.
Although, have you considered this? If you think about a pacifier as one who brings peace, I am not that! I am a
pacifier, of sorts, when I subdue rebel scum and bring them into the peace and just rule that the New Order
provides! HAIL EMPEROR PALPATINE! GLORY TO THE EMPIRE!

There is a lot of LOVE on this page, I can feel it!
MTFBWY (Especially you, Tionne. I am not exclusive, I want everyone to experience the Force!)
DdD

Domino de Devastator
Saturday, March 29, 1997 at 02:30:25 (EST)


THERE IS NO GOOD IN ME, NO CONFLICT! I AM EVIL, AND I INTEND TO REMAIN THAT WAY FOR A
VERY LONG TIME TO COME!

Darkest Mistress Rachel O'the Dark Side (but I'm still a commander in the Imperial Navy!)
Saturday, March 29, 1997 at 08:58:06 (EST)


To all the Dark Siders: You're much to cheerful.

Bye for now.
Tionne <On my way to Yavin at the moment>
Saturday, March 29, 1997 at 22:08:36 (EST)


I am done moving! What a long damn day! I really hate moving! I'm really tired right now, and don't feel like typing right
now! I will be back in a while after a good nap!

MTFBWY from a Ark Side master who is just plain tired and cranky!
DdD

Domino de Devastator
Sunday, March 30, 1997 at 05:58:45 (EST)


Oh boy do I feel silly! Ark side master indeed!

Of course you all know, I meant "Dark Side!"
SO I DON'T WANT TO HERE IT! IF I READ ONE WORD ABOUT MY MISTAKE, I WILL CRUSH YOU LIKE A
BUG UNDER MY HEEL!

Told you I was grumpy!
DdD

Domino's Error Patrol
Sunday, March 30, 1997 at 06:07:52 (EST)


DdD: 'Here'! Hehee! You spelled 'hear' 'here'! Hehehehe! J/K!

Not quite time to power down...
C-3PO
Sunday, March 30, 1997 at 09:47:42 (EST)
DdD: Much better. Your behavior is much more like that of a Dark Master now. (I was tempted to say "Ark" then
cause I'm sooooooo far away, but decided to be nice)

MTFBWY'all
Tionne
Sunday, March 30, 1997 at 16:17:26 (EST)


C-3PO you little.....You just had to point out a mistake! I ought to smash you into who knows what!

MTFBWY
DdD

Domino de Devastator
Sunday, March 30, 1997 at 16:57:20 (EST)


DdD: Sullust rocked. When are we headed for Hapes??? I've named my SSD
the "Call of Vengeance".

I ran over the Easter Bunny today. He got in my way, and it was either the bunny
or the ditch, And no longer do I abuse my car!

Later...
Dark Yoda
Sunday, March 30, 1997 at 20:55:57 (EST)


Dark Yoda: Let's get going to Hapes ASAP! I hear that "Powdered Nose of Isolder" is in high demand as an
aphrodisiac on Nar Shadda!

I will return later
MTFBWY (or maybe I won't!)
DdD

Domino de Devastator
Monday, March 31, 1997 at 06:22:02 (EST)


Dark Yoda: You killed the Easter bunny? Cool! How 'bout taking on Yavin 4 and all the little wimpy light-siders
there?

DdD: Hope your move goes well! I'll try to e-mail you back, but it doesn't look likely--at least not for a while.
Sorry. Oh, BTW, love my new name. =-) And I think I'm gonna name my ship...um, I just forgot... Oh yeah! It's the
_Knightfall_. If you wanna know why, ask.

Emperor Palpatine: Hope you're okay. Oh, and could I borrow an SSD for a while? Just until my school is blown out
of existence...puhleeze!

I'm in the mood to go destroy som'in. DdD, Emperor Palpatine, Dark Yoda...Let's go cause PAIN!
Gotta go in minute! See ya in a lightyear!
Darkest Mistress Rachel O'the Dark Side
Monday, March 31, 1997 at 19:51:17 (EST)


Triple D: I have about two tons of Cute pink bunnies for you. I can also get the Energizer Bunny for you as well;
but that guy costs you a... little more.

I can't seem to write short short stories, however; I enjoy writing LONG short stories or novels. I'll give it a quick shot, however. Okay, here goes.


"It's a Lambda Shuttle, you have a problem with that?" the smuggler said, fingering his blaster at the belt.

"No, of course not," the small creature before him said. "There you go, your shipment of pink bunnies."

Arcana smiled and ran his fingers through his black hair. "Good. Thank you." He turned around abruptly, and without saying anything more, stepped up the loading plank of his shuttle and lifted off into the brown clouds above.

"Lambda shuttle, huh?" Arcana grumbled to himself as the blackness of space enveloped his ship. "Oh man, Imperial Patrols." He flew along casually as a Wing of three TIE Interceptors flew alongside his ship.

"Report your name and mission," the pilot's voice blared over the speaker.

"I'm on a mission for DdD," Arcana replied. "You know, the pink bunny thing."

"I'd like to see your identification. Download to co-ordinates..."

"Did you hear me? Domino de Devastator? The Dark Jedi?" Arcana let out the last words strongly, accentuating the importance of the words, "Dark Jedi".

The TIES broke off and veered to the side. "Continue on, sir."

"Thank you," Arcana replied, rather sarcastically. He entered a few coordinates into his Nav Computer; he was supposed to rendezvous with a Super Star Destroyer outside the Yavin system. Funny that they decided to park outside there.

Arcana heard some banging on the panels within the cargo hold. The darned pink bunnies must be beginning to get restless. "Hope this Domino character pays me what he said he will," Arcana mumbled to himself. He glanced over his dashboard, spotting a small box. "Maybe those Cuban cigars can get me somewhere too."

The Nav Computer finished registering the Hyperspace points, and beeped three times. Arcana grabbed the side lever, then pulled it down. The shift between realspace and hyperspace was felt as the stars began to stretch out. The body felt the slight funny feeling as the jump into faster-than-light speeds was established.

It was a momentary jump, and it ended with the red moon of Yavin four appearing in the distance. The lights outside straightened to regular size. Arcana made a swift scanner sweep of the area before detecting a Super Star Destroyer. "Pride of Domino," Arcana said sarcastically. "This guy can't be any more full of himself."

The shuttle turned in space and began to fly towards the large shuttle. He relayed the access codes that he had received from Domino and he flew around, waiting for a reply to his call.

There you go, an amateur attempt at writing.

Well, that's all I have to say. Good bye, fellow Dark Siders and Light Siders.


Hmm, maybe those Dark siders do have a purpose... those Light Jedi aren't going to ask me for shipments, after
all.....
Tata, I'll be all right.

/-|rcana
Arcana
Monday, March 31, 1997 at 19:52:45 (EST)


DdD: Touch my father and I will have to run you through with my lightsaber (Tenel Ka calls her lightsaber to her hand and moves into a defensive stance). This is a fact. I am Tenel Ka Chume Ta' Djo princess of the Hapes Cluster and Dathomir, none will touch my father and live. (ha, ha, ha, ha) The lightside is the best!!!

R2D2: I must warn you, I use the force and I have a mean kick. Mess with Prince Isolder and this princess will shut you down permanently (HA, HA, HA)! Hapes is the best system in the GALAXY!! We break for no one.

Okay everyone, guess what I got. The shooting Millennium Falcon
with disks and sounds. It is so cool!! This is my first SW
toy since I was little. I plan on shooting everyone I see...
(sinister smile).
Tenel Ka
Monday, March 31, 1997 at 20:21:38 (EST)


Arcana: To add to your story...

Once on board the SSD, Arcana walked with an escort to Domino de Devastator's private quarters. There he was found already smoking a fine brand of stogies.

"Ah yes, Arcana. Your shipment is well appreciated. Those bunnies won't be so cute after we're through with them." **Maniacal and twisted laughter**
"Here is the reward I promised."

Devastator motions to a door slowly opening. There stood Dark Yoda, stogie in one hand, bottle of Jack Daniels Black No. 7 in the other, and a sly grin on his face.

"So Arcana," Dark Yoda gargled. "Come to us have you. Power is it you seek? Well, The Dark Side is our ally, and a powerful ally it is. In my powers are you. Become one of us you shall!"

"Your reward will also serve you," DdD replied and he and Dark Yoda broke into menacing and evil laughter.

"Join us to Hapes will you? Adventure, excitement, these will you now find." Dark Yoda gargled.

I leave this story to be finished by DdD, if he wishes......

Tenel Ka: You don't know the power of the Dark Side!!

DdD: Sounds like we have a challenge! To Hapes my dark comrade!!!

Rachel O' the Dark Side: Is it pain you want? Well, come to Hapes with me and DdD. There will be much pain. **Manaical Yoda Laugh**

Emperor Palpatine: Good luck in Vegas. Don't get too crazy cause I have yet to see you in concert!!

Dark Yoda
Monday, March 31, 1997 at 22:08:42 (EST)

Enjoying it so far? Pretty painful huh? Well, read on, if you can stand it!

RETURN TO THE ARCHIVES

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