This is a Babylon 5/Cursade and Red Dwarf crossover.

Red Dwarf and all related things are copy write to the BBC and Grant Naylor.

Babylon 5 and Crusade and all related things are copy write to TNT, PTEN, WB, and JMS.

The ISA Vortex and all of the people are my own creation.

There are none for Babylon 5 or Crusade. With Red Dwarf there are spoilers for the episode of Ouroboros.

In the Babylon 5 word this story takes place in 2266. In the world of Red Dwarf this story take places in the Series Seven with some changes. One the crew of the Red Dwarf never lost their ship, but they did get Konaswski. The events that happen in the Series Seven's episode Stoke Me A Clipper never happen.

Now with the story...

McGurland was sitting down in her office, that was a refection of what type of person that she was like. It had all of the personal things that she had collected over the years of being around the universe. There were area of the universe that she would like to go back to and other places that she didn't want to go back no matter what she was paid to go to. The area where she wanted to go back to held a bad memory for her.

"Begin recording," she said. She signed. " Now to begin, yeah now to begin explain what happen to us in a short not technical that I am so tempted say. Because it is easier and shorter them putting it into laymen terms, but whoever fine this won't be a scientist so I am putting it into layman terms."

"This is the ISA Vortex that was sent off to protoll around the Rim we were pull into another dimension that is three million years into the future. The only sign of intelligence are on the Red Dwarf, a minding ship. The crew is David Lister, the only human left the ship. Chris Konaswski another human who herself cam from dimension that in her world share the same faith that Lister had in this world. Arnold Rimmer, a hard-light hologram of Lister's dead bunkmate, Kryten a mechanoid that they resurrected, a lifeform that evolved from a cat that Lister brought on board the ship, with a computer system called Holly, that is a little confused. I thought that Skylark was bad."

McGurland paused the recording to think about what she just put into the log. It was a thing that confuse her, she had seem a lot of different things that would cause people to be confused, and she thought that she should take that part of the log out. Redo the entire thing over again, but she knew that shouldn't be because that was the truth and since she was apart of the Earth Force, whom first duty was to the truth in all of its forms. So kept it no matter what a person would said about it. " The second part is good to start all of the my log entries." She saved the first part.

She started the recording again. " Attention, the impact of this has not fully hit crew yet and I am happy, but it would be only a matter of time when it dose happen. That is the reason why I am ready for it."

She picks up a PPG riffle.

In space two Minbari fighters flew by another ship that was sitting around and it pilot was sleeping in his cockpit. That person was working by the force of the Minbari fighters passing over head. He jumped up at the sound of the noise and in doing that he spills something on his uniform. It was hot and because of that it work him up in a mater of seconds.

He looks at his display and saw that the Minbari fighters were speeding. Since he was a cop he had to go after the two of the fighters for speeding.

On the fighters were Shal and Kelien scouting the area for the Vortex and the Red Dwarf to fine out more about it. It wasn't a good idea to go into an area without talking a good look at the area.

"So Shal," said Kelien," what do you think about this place?"

"I don't know yet, we have only seen the crew of the Red Dwarf and even if the hologram hit me in the face, I think that they all have something good to give to us. If they don't we can use Rimmer as a human slide," said Shal.

"You are right about that," said Kelien.

"Let's see this planet, let's see what is on that place," said Shal.

"I agree with that," said Kelien.

Shal and Kelien were about to that, but Shal pick something up on the screen.

"Wait a minute, I'm picking up a blin on the screen," said Shal.

"I what?" Asked Kelien.

"A blin, a combination of a ping and blip," answered Shal.

"Oh," said Kelien. " Do you know what it was?"

"No, I don't and it dosen't match any of the ships that are form the Vortex and the Red Dwarf. Yes, I check all of the files even ones that Holly give us," said Shal.

"And you trust them. Come on, Shal. She is even worst that Skylark, she thought that Spoo was yeast infection medication. Who knows what she put in the flies for ships? All we know that thing could be an asteroid," said Kelien.

"If it is, then of fearless leader it shouldn't be following us," said Shal.

Kelien looked at his display and saw that he was right about that.

"Or locking on weapons, and firing them," said Shal.

The ship fired at the fighters, but it was right between the two them.

"They are firing at us," said Kelien.

"Oh you think. I told you that it was a ship and you didn't believe me, typical Warrior Caste arrogance," said Shal.

"I'm not arrogance, I just didn't believe you because you trusted an AI that when next to Skylark. Skylark would be wearing 'I'm stupid with an arrow pointing to Holly' T-shirt," said Kelien.

"You don't like Holly?" Asked Shal.

"I didn't say that, you said that, and I am not saying anything about her," answered Kelien.

The alien ship fire again.

"He is getting closer to our fighters," said Shal.

"That is impossible for we had turn on our stealth system he can't be able to lock onto our ship," said Kelien.

"Well I did," said Shal, "I don't know about your."

Kelien was busy trying to check to see if he had turned that system on. He saw that he didn't and the pilot of that ship was targeting him and not Shal. She as in the clear of not being fir upon by that ship.

"I didn't turn it on," said Kelien.

"So that person is targeting you and not me," said Shal. "I'm safe."

Then her ship was hit by something.

"Ha! You are not safe," said Kelien.

"It wasn't weapon fire, I just hit some space debris," said Shal.

"That what they all say," said Kelien. He looked at his display and saw that the ship was hailing them with a general hail. Doing that he found out that the ship that was trailing them was a police ship.

"Shal, that ship that is trailing us is the Y30K equal to a police car," said Kelien.

"Oh great, just what I need, to have a cop pull is over and how do you get pull over in space?" Asked Shal.

"I don't know how the happens, but it happen right now to us," said Kelien.

In space that police ship with its flashing red light caught up with the two Minbari fighters. All there of the ships stop in space.

"Three millions years in the future, you would think that annoying little things like this would be gone, but they aren't," said Kelien. Unseen by Shal, he reaches for a glass bottle and drank form it, it wasn't anything alcoholic, he just felt drinking something after this.

"Alright, I don't talking," said Shal.

"Alright, I don't care," said Kelien as he was waving his hands in the air that was also unseen by Shal.

Shal was about to open a hail to the police ship, but she stopped, noticing something was wrong with Kelien. He wasn't his normal objectionable self which was something that she didn't mind right now, but she needed to know if he was all right.

"Kelien, are all right?" Asked Shal.

"I'm fine, I just thought that you were right with this. What? Is it a problem that I agree with you or do you prefer that I fight with you like normal do, if so I can do that for you," answered Kelien.

"Sorry that I ask, but you arguing with me is a little out place," said Shal.

"Look were we are? We are in a place that is a little out place, I'm just adapting to were we are that is all," said Kelien.

With that Shal didn't want to talk about that anymore, it was something that they could talk about when they get back to the Vortex. She needed to deal with this police ship and she why they had to pull over.

So Shal open a channel to that ship. " This is Shal, the pilot of the leader the two fighters that you see here."

"This is Rick Nolan of the installer prow police force," he said.

Hearing that Kelien hit his head on his display and he turned on his own view screen. He saw that who ever was piloting that wasn't human, it was something and it made him do a face of disguest at that. He didn't know what that thing was.

"What is that?" He asked.

"A GELF," a voice answered.

Kelien turned around to be the voice was coming from. He saw that it was his own ship's computer, but he was surprise that it answered him.

"Valen's name," he said. "How is this possible?"

"A new type of interface version 2.5," the computer answered. After that it shows him all of the legal stuff.

"What this?" He asked.

"Legal stuff that you have to read before getting the new system, that you must chose I accept or cancel before," it said.

Kelien look at it and his face was in disbelief at what he saw there. He couldn't believe that all of this, just to get a simple upgrade for his ship. Seeing all of it and that he didn't have the time he hit cancel.

"Man, that was a compete waste of time and effort, who knew that updating was a pain," said Kelien. "I don't care how long it will take I will fine out what a GEL is."

"What! We were speeding!" Yelled Shal.

"Yes you were and it is my duty to make you stop doing that," said Nolan.

Shal was about to say something to that and before she said that, she found out that he was right about that. She told him about the fighters and how they were fully loaded with all of the standard things that make this ship a Minbari style of ship, plus extra things that made the ship her ship and other ship Kelien's ship his ship.

While Shal and Nolan were talking to each other, Kelien found out what a GELF was and he couldn't believe what he was seeing right now.

After that Kelien told Shal about them.

"Oh great, I can't believe this? Why didn't you tell me about this!" Yelled Shal.

"I didn't know until I scan his ship, what to expect of me? To know everything, I not a Vorlon you know," said Kelien.

"And if you were, I think that you would be a pretty bad one at best," said Shal.

"I heard that, you know," said Kelien.

"I know and that is the reason why I said it, so that you could heard that. What you expect of people when they say things, them not to heard it?" Asked Shal.

"That is a completely absurd and you know that," said Kelien.

"I know and that is the reason why I said that, now let's get on with this, and let's see what is out there, before I get bored and start shooting at you," said Shal.

"Okay," said Kelien.

On the Vortex, in one of the hallways McGurland was running through that area and in her hand was PPG riffle. She had her best game face on and see wanted what she was chasing badly. She didn't care about the person or people that she hit into get it.

"Captain," said a voice behind her.

McGurland turns around to see who it was. She saw that it was one of the pilots.

"They hit you to?" She asked.

"No, some how they don't like the fighter bays, something about being sucked into a vacuum and having your lungs exposed through it. Is kind of unpleasing to them," said the pilot.

"That my friend is unpleasing to anything that breathe air," said McGurland.

"On hell, I wanted to push Rimmer out there and see how long he would last," he said.

"I wanted to also, but we can't he is a hologram, that dose not require any type of air to go around and drive all of us fraging nuts," said McGurland.

The pilot walk away from her and McGurland was off to the races again. She stopped to take a breath from the all of the running.

"Are you sure?" Asked McGurland.

"Yes," said Skylark.

"I can't believe this, we got Tiskui on this ship. I just hope I can inform the rest of the crew before they fine out on their own," said McGurland.

Rimmer was in the galley reading about the Battle of Cornia 6 and McGurland was right about this, he was enjoying this. A battle that was against aliens that were thousand years old than anything, each one with their own point of view and they younger races were caught in the middle of the fight. He couldn't believe that a war this great happen right under his nose.

"This guy is so smegging cool, I can't believe this. This Sheridan guy is military gneiss using a WWII-like strangely to fool the Shadows, I think I found somebody to admire and talk about," he said.

One of the Tiskui moved across the table and he heard it. He look up, he saw nothing and went back to reading. The thing moves again he heard it again, he looks up to see nothing again, and he went back to reading again. This time he had his head turn when he went back down to read, and he saw what the Tiskui look like.

Seeing that he jumped up out of his chair, screening and he grade a knife, that was in fact a Minbari style knife that was from the Warrior Caste. Without thinking he brought he knife down on the thing with an over zealous approach.

Now the thing was dead when he first slice it with the knife, it was a lucky shot. He was so frighten by the thing that he didn't care, he continue to slice it with the knife.

Behind him McGurland walk up and she was trying to get some of the Tiskui blood of her uniform. That was think, so think that when she tired to get it off it stick to her hand and when she tried to through it off by flicking her hand the thing can back to hit her in the head. She fall onto the floor, she got up from that and notice that the blood was square on her hit. Not waiting to deal with that thing anymore she pulls out her knife and cut the rest of it off. She though the rest of it away in a trash can.

She heard the hissing sound that she knew can from the Tiskui, so she moved into that room. In there she saw that there were four of them around Rimmer that was on the floor, it look like to her that he had landed on one of them.

"Well it look like that they don't have any type of reservations in who or what they attack all they care about is annoying people. Sound like you on a good day," said McGurland. Then she fired her PPG at them and all of them were killed.

She walked to be Rimmer was.

"Captain watch out," he said.

Too late, McGurland slipped on the blood of the Tiskui and fell onto the floor right on the blood and her back.

"Ouch," she said. She turned to face Rimmer. "Hello do you come here often?"

"No, I don't and what the smeg are those things are?! I haven't seen any thing like that before, well I have if you come to think of it. When we mess with the DNA changing machine," said Rimmer.

"Those things are called Tiskui, they are a Minbari equal to rats," said McGurland. Then with the information about the DNA machine hit her like a load of bricks. "What? You did what? Got your hands on a DNA changing machine and you are still here? In one piece, you must of step in dog poop and had a bird launch a load of you to have that amount of luck with you."

"I think so and it could be my skills under fire," said Rimmer.

"What?! The skills that you have under fire is to run, hide, and cover the ground over your head," said McGurland.

"That is true, but it is when I hide and cover the ground my head that make that a skill," said Rimmer.

McGurland looked at him. " I can't believe that Holly brought you back! Talk about a real lapse in judgement."

"I say that about her also some days," said Rimmer.

"So Rimmer, have any ideas how to get out this mess?" Asked McGurland, as she tried to lift her hand up from the blue sludge. "That has the thicken of a McDonalds milkshake." Her hand went down hard on the floor.

"I don't know, that is your job not mine," said Rimmer. "All I know is that I will get out this." He tried to get up and this time he almost got of the mess, but he snapped back down into it again. In doing that he made the rest of the sludge moved violently. He looks at it and saw what was happening right below him.

 "Oh smeg!" He said.

McGurland look at it and saw her face open up in fear at what see was seeing right now. "Oh frag and your really did it this time."

The motions in the sludge stop and exploded. Both Rimmer and McGurland were throw through the air by the force of it and hit a wall. McGurland was in a somewhat concouines state, but Rimmer was not.

"Captain!" He yelled.

"What? Not now, I'm to tried plus I got a headache," said McGurland.

"I don't care about your personal life it holds as much interest to me as much as listening to Jones Rivers," said Rimmer.

McGurland reminded unfazed by that, the reason for that was because she didn't care what Rimmer thought about her right now. It was one of the few things that didn't really consider her.

"Hey Shara," started Rimmer.

With that McGurland face full with fury at him. With surprise on her side she over powers him with two hands at his neck and with all of the force she pushes him up against the wall.

"If this what happen on Red Dwarf, I'm sorry about that, it has to happen I didn't know who you were. I didn't know that you were human or a lawyer come to sue us all for the copy write laws that we have violate over the years," said Rimmer.

"No!" Yelled McGurland. Then she hit Rimmer in the side of the neck.

He started to move away from her. "Okay, I can see that you are really mad at something or somebody, but it couldn't be me, you just meet me and I know I am annoying. Most people start hitting me after being with me for two week, you are hitting me only after being with me for two days. I can see that I broke my own record," said Rimmer.

The she did a swift kick right in his chest, he went flying across the room and right into a cabinet. Doing that all of the pots and pans went flying down on his head. Second after that they bury him and he drags himself out of the mess, he sticks his head out to face McGurland.

"You," he started and another pot hit him in the head.

Seeing what he just did, she relaxed and closed her eyes at what she did to him. She didn't like what she did, even if it was Rimmer who was an arrogant ill-willed person, nobody should be hit in the neck and them dropped kick that was would throw them into a cabinet of kitchen supplies.

"Yes that was me, I'm sorry about that, nobody should have an outside trachoma, hit in the back of the neck and kicked right into a cabinet that is fuelled with kitchen supplies," said McGurland.

Rimmer got himself out of the pile of pots and pans. He dusted his uniform off.

"You right. I must prefer being hit in the face, punch in the stomach and kick into a group of cargo boxes. What is it with woman from were you live? Every time that I get close to you, you hit and kick me," said Rimmer.

"With Shal it was because you were in the back of her and with me it was because you said something to me that I didn't like," said McGurland.

"What is it?" He asked.

"My first name with 'Hey' before it don't do that, no man, not even my first officer is allow to do that," she answered.

"Oh," he said.

"Now lets get to the Infancy and get the blood of the Tiskui off of my back. I feel like I was sneeze on by a Pak'Ma'Ra. Tell me, Rimmer, that isn't a nice thing to happen to you," said McGurland.

Rimmer had a confused look at his face at the comment that McGurland has just made out the blood that was on her back.

"Sorry, I forgot you don't know what a Pak'Ma'Ra is, they are carrion eaters, they eat anything that is at least six days old, expect fish," said McGurland.

Rimmer had a look of disguest on his face. "Sound like Lister and his curries. I swear I don't know what half of them are made out of. I think that some of them are genetic experiments that went bad."

"And he eats that fraging stuff, I think that the Pak'Ma'Ra wouldn't touch that stuff and if a Pak'Ma'Ra dosen't eat something that somebody else dose, I worry," said McGurland.

"So do I," said Rimmer.

With that the two of them started to walk out off there. They reach the area where all of the Tiskuis' blood was and McGurland slipped on it once again. She also brought down a fork that landed right next to her neck.

"Dam that was close," she said.

Rimmer looks down at her. "Falling down on your job."

"No, I'm not, I am like you. Now would you mind getting me the hell up from this," said McGurland.

Rimmer did a little smile at her and help her up from the floor.

McGurland was in the Infancy for the next three days socking in something that had the thickest of concrete that has just harden and the smell of milk that went sour in the sun in the middle of the summer.

"Is this really nessasacry? I can't move anything blow my neck, it reminds me of my sex life and this smell is getting me sick," said McGurland.

The head of the medical staff was Dr. Lacy Landstorm, a human female who hair was brown with hair the was slightly graying a sing of her age that was in the fifty. She turns around to face the captain and she had a little smile on her face.

"Yes, if that Tiskui's blood comes off without any sings that was on you, if you want that I can do that for you," she said.

"No," she said with a firm voice.

"Then you will have to stay her for another day," said Landstorm.

"Another day? Come on, Rimmer just went to his ship and he was fine. Me? I have to sit in this vault of goo that I think is something that Lister would put on top of his curry that also think it mark with 'Contents Unknown'," said McGurland.

"You forget that Rimmer is a hologram, a projection of light, that can be easily change into anything," said Landstorm.

"I know what he is and what a hologram is, that part of science class I didn't sleep through. I think that Rimmer is lucky, he dose not have to worry about eating, his hair is straight no matter if he is in a wind tunnel on in the middle of screening queen yelling contest. He isn't affect by heat or cold, he can't feel any type of pain, you could stick him in the middle of the Muti against the Showrin and not show any type of physical evidence that he did that. I would love to have a day like that were I can get the frag kick out of me and come back for more," said McGurland.

"You right, being a hologram dose have things that are good," said the doctor.

"You can't worry about breathing you can go outside in space and there are times when I would like to waved at ships," said McGurland.

"Why dose not that surprise me? I could see you doing that, waving to the pilots when they go off and they see you do that same when crashed into the nearest asteroid," said Landstorm.

Chris Lowell, the chief engineer of the Vortex, was in one of the Red Dwarf with the Cat. The two of them were there to catalog all of the cargo that the ship had with them right now.

"I can't believe I got suck with this job and especially with you!" Said Lowell.

"Me? Would you like to here with Lister or Rimmer?" Asked Cat.

"Yes I would because both of them were human or are human. With them I could of talk small talk with them, with you I don't know. What do you say to Cat that can speak and think?" Asked Lowell.

Cat had a dumfounded look on his face.

Lowell pointed at him. "See what I mean, you don't even know and you are the one that I am questing about it."

Cat still had a blank look on his face.

"Do you hear me?" Asked Lowell. He still got nothing from his and with that he hit the Cat in the head to get his attention.

He got it with Cat yelling at him. "Why did you just do that for, man!?"

"I was taking a Cat Nap," said the Cat.

" A 'Cat Nap' with you eyes open, nobody can do that!" Said Lowell.

"I can", he said.

Lowell was about to say something to that and with the exposed that he had the crew of the ship, rather brief made him think about that. "Being on this ship for almost six years I can see why who did that."

Seconds after that Lowell's link beeped. "It never stops dosen't." He tapped it.

"Lowell, here. Go ahead."

"How are you doing with the cargo bay?" Asked the voice.

"We just got down here," said Lowell.

"It's two hours," the voice said.

"It took us that long, to get down here and the food in here, it more worst food that the medlabs have," said Lowell.

"Just get a move on we need to know what they have down there. Okay?" He said.

"All right, Lowell out," he said and after that he tapped his link. "You heard him let's go."

After that the two of them walk down the halls.

"All right you take that one and I will take that one," said Lowell.

The two of them walk down the two different halls of this cargo bays of Red Dwarf. Since this was a peaceful mission the two of them weren't armed and they weren't ready to what the two of them would meet down the halls of this ship.

Lowell tapped his commination device that was used for the crew of the Red Dwarf. "Cat do you read me?"

"Yes I do," he said.

"Kept an open channel with me," said Lowell.

"Why?" He asked.

"Commination is the key to anything that is successful," said Lowell.

"You are sounding like that smegging idiot Rimmer," said Cat.

"Look, I'm been on a War Cruiser for three years and I have been in Earth Force for twice long what do you expect, Cat. Me to give you lessons on how to eat in the Tavtan on the Green," said Lowell.

"The next thing you will be quoting Space Core Directives," said Cat. He paused to that sink in about that. "And you will be getting them wrong or making them up."

"Are you done?!" He asked.

"Yes, for now," the Cat answered.

"If you want directives, I will start quoting Earth Force Directives and I won't get them wrong or make them up," said Lowell.

Cat said nothing to that and Lowell took that as a gardiute to what he just said to him. So Lowell went back busy cataloging all of the stuff that Red Dwarf had. He pulls out one of the draws and he couldn't believe what was in it or were it was located.

"Man, I can't believe this stuff, do they know what they have here. Gunpowder next to matches, that is just below liter fluids. Man, Earth Force Security will have a flied day in this ship," said Lowell. "I can't believe that a ship that is stock with this has survive all the years."

So he moved to another drawer and saw an even more worst combination and things that he didn't believe that could be put together in the same place that so close together. Seeing that he closes the drawer and put his hand on his face.

"God, who put this ship together must have been suicidal," said Lowell.

"After that he heard a noise so he grade the blunted object that he could get close to and he didn't know it was a video tape. He look in the area were the noise was coming from.

"Come out whoever you are," said Lowell. He looks down and he saw that there was a flashlight down there, so he picks it up. After that he turns it on and pointed it into the area was the sound was coming from.

Seconds after that he was hit by a piece of bread with the force of it, he falls back into one of the shelves. Of that he his blunt object, but not his flashlight was still in his hand and because of that he still could see what was going on. He looked around and saw that he was hit by a piece of bread.

Lowell looked at it was a puzzle look on his face, he couldn't understand that, but there wasn't anything on this ship that he didn't understand. If he didn't understand the thing here it would drive him insane with the reasons why the thing works here the way that they did.

"Well, I'm little hungry, to the hell with it," said Lowell. He picks up the piece of bread and took a bite out of it.

"This isn't that bad, you know. It is actually quite good," he said.

"Thank you," said another voice that had one American accent to it that was a Southern one.

"Who is that?" He asked.

"Me," the voice said again.

Lowell moved the flashlight to were the voice was at and he saw that it was a toaster. He had a confused look on his face, and after that he hit himself in his head. "I hit my head harder that I thought, because I'm talking to a toaster and the thing is talking back to me. Or this could just simply be a dream."

"If this isn't a dream, than this won't hurt," he said. He produced an electrical shock at his hand. Lowell reacted to that by bringing up his hand.

"Fraging hell! Why the hell did you do that?" Asked Lowell.

"To see if you were really dreaming, if you were that wouldn't hurt you it did so you aren't in a dream, and do you want another piece of toast?" The toaster asked.

"No," said Lowell.

"What about waffles?" Asked the toaster.

"No," said Lowell.

"What about bagel or biscuits?" Asked the toaster again.

Lowell got up from the floor. "No and no! You got a hearing problem?"

"No, I've just following my program, do you want muffins?" Asked the toaster again.

Lowell couldn't take it anymore he had to deal with this thing once for all. So he pick up the toaster despite all of the fighting that it was putting up while he was doing that.

"I stick Rimmer on you!" It yelled.

"Like, I'm scare of him, he wouldn't have the guts to kill a fly," said Lowell. He stops, " How I will deal with you."

Lowell dropped the toaster down and kicked the thing. It went flying through the air and landed between two of the exposed scaffolding that didn't have any places from the shelves on it. Seeing that Lowell put both of his hand up. "It's good!"

After that Lowell started to laugh at his little joke that he did on the thing. So he turns back to his job. Then he heard the voice of the Cat yelling.

"Cat!" Said Lowell.

He got nothing from him.

"CAT!" Yelled Lowell again.

Like the first time he didn't get any thing from him.

"He in on of those Cat's Nap again, and if he is I make sure that he when I get to him we will use up all nine of his lives, oh frag it," said Lowell.

He heard the Cat yell again and this times it sound like he was being killed. With that Lowell ran down the hall with his PPG out. "Cat if you can hear me, I coming to save you black ass!"

Unknown by Lowell he was doing the same thing that Lowell was doing. They were running at the same speed and covering the same distance. The only thing that was going to happen was that the two of them was that they were run into each other and that what happen to the two of them. Since Lowell had his PPG out, fire and hit something.

The something that they hit was screen that had Holly on it. She reacted to that by flicking at it, despite the fact that it was a screen and she was a computer system that couldn't feel any type of pain.

"What it, next time," said Holly.

Lowell got up from the floor. "Sorry."

"What was that?" She asked.

Lowell walk up to the screen that had her face on it. He displayed the PPG to her. "It is called a PPG and it the weapon of choice in Earth Force."

With that he felt like saying it could be yours if the price is right, but he didn't do that because he didn't feel like quoting the Price is Right, right now. That was because he wasn't that type of person, but he knew that Captain McGurland would do that.

"Oh, what dose 'PPG' means?" Asked Holly.

Lowell had a blank look on his face when she asked that question. "I really don't know, Holly, I always used PPG to describe the weapon. That is something that I have to check out when I get this done."

"Okay," she said.

"I told you before you are starting to sound like Rimmer," said Cat.

"No, I not. I told you that before, first he dose not ambit when he is wrong. I just did, and I don't b s answers to a question like he doses. Do you who have anything else to do right now, like go to a litter box, you are a cat aren't you?" Said Lowell.

Cat did nothing to this.

"And Holly can you please turn the light on here. It more darker than a dark room with all of the walls painted with jet black paint and whose windows are cover with black sheets," said Lowell.

"Okay," she said and with a wink of her nose. The lights of the cargo bay turn on and the two of them got the full view of what the two of them had to right now. After that Lowell notice that Holly did a thing from the mid 20^th century TV show that was called Bewitch and this wasn't the first time that she did that before. The last time that she did that was a thing form I Dream of Genie and it was really staring to annoy Lowell. This was because, here was a start of the art AI system that could do almost anything that she wanted and the thing that she chose was to used clicks from TV shows that are 300 years old.

"Oh, man," said Lowell.

"What?" Asked the Cat.

"I never realize how much junk a ship can collect over the years," said Lowell. Then he picks up one of the things that was on the floor up and took a look at it. He saw that it was it was the in the entire listing of all of the different telegraph poles that were ever made.

"What the fraging hell is this? It look like something that a complete loser would used as to read so that he could be to bed at night and wake up to find another day that is full with the joys of being a loser," said Lowell.

Cat looked and saw what it was. "Oh that must be Rimmer's."

"As I said, something that a complete loser would used to read," said Lowell. He put the thing down on the ground again, this time he bury the thing under books that a normal person would like to read like books from Mary Hugguns Clark, so that he wouldn't be able to find the thing and born him to depth. As he was doing that the Cat was busy looking at other things that were in the cargo bay and he say something.

"For the love of Cloister," he said.

That made Lowell turn around, because the name of Cloister was the brand name of spring water bottling company. It also made his curious to why would a person used such a thing as a companion to love. Then he saw it, it was a red suit that had black trims to it.

"Have you seen anything that is so beautifully in your life before?" Asked Cat.

"Yes, I have, the season of Fall in the Blue Ridge Mountains," said Lowell with a voice that didn't like how the Cat put so much important to how he look like. It not like he is going to meet up with a person that was just like him and would of kill him if he wasn't dress right when he did see him.

"Did you say Fall?" Asked Cat.

"Yes I did, why?" Asked Lowell.

"Because that is the season that totally is wrong for this suit, it should be wore in summer because of the fire that is in a sun set," answered Cat.

"Oh I didn't know that, since I am in the military and only wear one thing all of the time no matter what season it is. That I am also the chief engineer of the Vortex that some times is a blue color type of job, I don't have the time to care how I look to every one," said Lowell.

"Well you should," said Cat, "because they way that you dress can impress the opposite sex."

"Why I am ever listen you. A person that had never been with the opposite sex in his entire life before," said Lowell.

"Because I an ass that is tight that you could bounce pea off of it and it would reach as high as the highest building on Earth. What is the highest building on Earth?" Said Cat.

"It tallest building on Earth, not highest, you fashion magazine come alive, and the name of that building is called the Sears Tower," answered Lowell. "And if I have to heard another one thing that is about your appearance I swear that I will kill you in the worst way that I can find."

"What is that?" He asked.

"You don't want to know what I have to offer you," said Lowell.

"Come on tell me, I can take it," said Cat.

"Trust me, no you can't," said Lowell.

"Tell me," he said.

"Are you ready," said Lowell.

"Yes I am," said Cat.

"If this give you nightmares tonight, don't blame me, because I warn you about it. The way that I will kill you is force you to wear a line green leisure suit with flared plants that is with long gold chains around your neck," said Lowell.

The Cat stopped dead in his track and was had the look of fright on his face.

"I told you that it will do that to you. Now do you want to talk about yourself again with that treat on top of your head when you are around me," said Lowell.

"No and I think that I just made my outfit an Lou," he said.

"Well I am sorry about that. Now this job here is going to take us all day and all night. We better get some food down here or something else that is editable," said Lowell.

"I have to agree with you and that one, bud," said Cat.

The Minbari fighters that had Shal and Kelien on returned to back to the Vortex after their deep range scouting mission with information about the area of space that they were in. After the ships had docked with the ships, both Shal and Kelien got rest, food, and clean up before they might with Alyt Zemor.

Zemor was in the tactual center of the ship looking at the space that laid across ahead of them like a long bed sheet. Also in that he saw the Red Dwarf, the huge, red box like ship that was as ugly as a Drazi Sunhawk-class ship. That had all of the beauty of the Centuari symbol of the Centuari Republic that was called the The Eye.

Behind him Shal and Kelien walk through the holographic wall that was before them.

"Man, I feel like a ghost doing that," said Shal. With that she began to jump back and forth, in and out of it. "This is fun, I love doing this."

"Oh, come on, Shal," said Kelien.

"I'm in," she jumps into the space behind the hologram. "I'm out," she jumps out of the space behind the hologram. "I'm in," she said again and did the same action like the first time. "I'm out," she said again and with that she jumps out of there. "I'm...," she didn't get the chance to finished it because she tripped on something and fall on the floor.

"I'm on the floor," said Kelien.

Zemor turned around to see where the noise was coming from and he saw the two Minbari pilots.

"I should of know that it was the two of your, who else would make a big fuss about walking through a hologram," said Kelien.

With that Shal up from the floor. "I through that it was kind of cool doing that and not find yourself on the floor with the big bump on your head. With the two or three hours that you can't account for."

Kelien looked at her. "I can't even believe that you did that...," he paused to take another look at her. "You did, didn't you?"

Shal did a little shrink on her face.

"You did," he said, "I don't even want to know why you did that."

"Now, that you got that little thing square away can you please tell me what you found on this little trip that you did," said Zemor.

Shal slow him what they found out and Zemor had little surprise look on his face. "The captain is going to love this news."

Speaking of the captain, she was still in Medlab, but this time she was out of the liquid bath. She had clean off the goo and because of that she was parity dress in her uniform. This one wasn't the black one, it was the blue one, the one that she didn't like, not for fashion reasons. She like the colors of it, it was because she didn't like the way that it present her. She didn't feel like the that she was a captain, even if it had it on the stat bar that she worn with it. The black one did that and that was the reason why she likes that one.

McGurland was sitting one a table with her back facing the doctor.

"Okay, I been in your vault of goo for almost four days, now. Can you please get these things off! They are starting to inch me," she said.

"I will do," said Landstorm.

After that Landstorm put a pair of gloves on and pull the first piece of the Tiskui's blood off of her back. McGurland felt the pain, but she didn't react to it. She remained firm doing it.

Seconds after that Zemor walk in and he saw the captain and the doctor working on her back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know," he said.

"It is all right, I've just finished with this, like you could of come walking in and saw me with my paths down with Dr. Landstorm sticking her hand in my ass with a happy face," said McGurland.

With that Landstorm took another piece of the Tiskui's blood off of her back and McGurland notice that she did it harder than the last time. Because of that it had more pain to it.

"Ouch! That hurt," said McGurland.

"You right about that, here is what Shal and Kelien found out," said Zemor. He gives her the report.

McGurland saw it and had a surprised look on her face. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, positively, fraging sure," said Zemor.

McGurland look at her Minbari first officer with a curious look on her face.

"Human language, I've made the choice that since I'm with humans I should start talking like them," said Zemor.

"Not taking out that you are a Minbari and not used to talking like we do. I think that you did a capable job at it. You could have just said 'abblonisty" and let the other two adjectives off to make your point to me," answered McGurland.

"Sorry, it was my first attempt at during that," he said.

Landstorm pull another piece off of her. "Ouch! You did that on that purpose!"

Landstorm didn't say anything to that, she just went back to her job of taking that stuff of her captain's body, she Captain McGurland was right about that, she do that one purpose, but she didn't want to give her the sadafiction that she was right about that. 6 It didn't say how she did to her, as long as she got the stuff of her back.

"Next time warm me," said McGurland. "So if this is true we punch the provably jackpot. I better tell the crew of the Red Dwarf about this."

Landstorm pull the final piece of the Tiskui's blood off.

"Ouch! Now that pull some skin off," she said.

"Your done, until the next time," said Landstorm.

McGurland turned to her. "I'll plan not to have a next time."

Then she put on the snowy-white shirt, she button it, put the jacket on, and after that she button one of button the button that was on top of the jacket, but the rest of the jacket was open up. She didn't care just wanted to get out of there as fast as she could do that. If that meant that she couldn't zipped up it she would have done it. With that she got off of the bed with the report in hand and after that she walked out of the room, happy that she was finally done with Landstorm.

Outside of the medlab, McGurland zipped up her jacket.

"Get who is serviceable form the Red Dwarf and tell them to come over here as quick as they can assemble to this ship," said McGurland.

"Why? Why should we tell them about this technology?" Asked Zemor.

"Because it is there and it wasn't like this is our technology, if so, I wouldn't give it to them, but, Zemor, this thing isn't our, it is another race technology that we are using," said McGurland.

"So we are thieves with this," said Zemor.

"That is putting it candidly, but look at it, none of the younger races, including your own race never invented the technology, we discovered it, study it, and used it for our over races," said McGurland.

"As I said before, we are thieves," Zemor said again.

"No we are entrepreneurs, and telling them about that we are being benevolence," said McGurland.

"Thieves with honest hearts, there is no such animal they won't accept us that we are just giving this away without a payment of some type, I know that I wouldn't do that," said Zemor.

"Well, they have to," said McGurland.

On the Red Dwarf, Rimmer was in his soft-light jacket that as red he was in the projection room of the ship. He was looking at his collection of telegraph poles. He couldn't believe that there were so many different makes and models of them that were around, how many ones that he didn't have yet.

"Arnold," said Holly.

Rimmer didn't hear her and because of that she made a brick that was also a hologram as well. She throws it at him, and it hit him in the back of his head. Because of that he reacted to it by putting his hand up were she had hit him with the brick. After that he turns around to face her.

"Now what was that for?" Asked Rimmer.

"I needed to get your attention," said Holly.

"Why didn't you interrupt my program, or yell out my name, no you had to hit me with a smegging brick. I think you very much, now I going to have a huge bump on the back of my head," said Rimmer.

"I think that would be the best feature that you are every going to have," said Holly.

"What?! I have many other features that are a lot better than this," he said.

"Well we are they? I haven't seen them, yet," said Holly.

Rimmer was about to say something to her about that, but he decided not to do so. He thought that being quiet was the smarter thing to do right now.

"What is so important that you hit me in the back of my head," he went down to pick the holographic brick, "with this? That I have to tell you dose not ticked."

"That way I did that to you? Oh Captain McGurland want to come over to the Vortex about something that is very important," she said.

"Did she saw how to dress?" He asked.

"Yes, causal, and by the way Zemor was talking it was just business," said Holly.

"Dam! I was expecting something more," he said.

"From her? The only way that you could get anything from her us to zap her with a cattle pod and with that you might get something, that could be through blind luck," said Holly.

"Alright, tell Lister we are going to the Vortex and fire up Starbug," he said. After that he look down at what he was wearing, he saw it was a soft-light hologram.

"Holly, hard light," he said.

With a wink of her eye he was in his blue jacket. "End program."

Lowell and the Cat were still in the cargo bay.

"God I can't believe all of the stuff in this piece, what do you do with all of this stuff? Huh?" Asked Lowell.

"Beat me? Most of the times I don't care were the food comes from as long as it is there for me, cook, and well dress. If it dosen't have to be the right colors, I won't even look at it," answered the Cat.

"All right about this? Vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup top with wiped cream with a cherry on top," said Lowell.

"Yes I would eat that, black, white, and red that is a color combination it is a start. Here one what about a bacon lettuce, and tomatoes sandwiches. It has caddy apple red with eggplant green that is tide together with sand, a nice little package," he answered.

Lowell was about to agree with him about that, but he stops himself from that. He couldn't believe what he was hearing about eating food.

"What? Why are you so obsessed about how things look, especially with food? You down your stomach, a stomach dosen't see the food like you do," said Lowell.

"Yes it dose," he said.

"Why dose not that surprise me?" Asked Lowell.

After that the two of them went on cataloging all of the things that the Red Dwarf had. Lowell was both sicken and surprise with the storing of the things here. Some of the things here he had never heard before in his lift time or it was under different names.

"Okay, that sector is done," said Lowell, as he pointed to the sections were the two of them were at. "Let's do that one. He pointed to the next sections."

"No," said Cat.

"Why?" Asked Lowell.

"Because I'm hungry," said the Cat.

"What?! You just ate hour ago and that was my entire supply of Lunchables! You can't be hungry, if ate all of that my salt content would be like that of the Dead Sea. No, you don't need food you need a fraging quarry to take all of that salt our of you," said Lowell.

"So you won't let me eat?" Asked Cat.

"What happen to me? Did I just become invisible over the past seconds? The answer is no, until it is time to eat dinner, and that is about five hours from now. If you want to put something down your mouth, I suggest that should be your foot before I put your mouth," answered Lowell.

With that the Cat shut up.

Then Lowell pointed to him, "That is the smartest thing that you ever did when we first were down here."

Lowell turned to one of the shelves and it said one it, Rimmer's Personal Supply of Food. It found in the hands of another person please return it to were you found it or else.

"Oh, I real scare. Open it up please, I want to see what is in there," said the Cat.

Lowell has a little smirk on his face, he wanted to see what was important inside of that box that require a threat to be place on the box. That in a matter of fact, a threat from Rimmer, that held as much weight to him as much as a rain storm that has a 10 percent chance of happen. So he didn't fear what was going to happen to him when he open up that box, but he still wasn't stupid it enough to do it himself, he would make another person do that for him.

"Do you want to do that with that threat that was put on that box?" Asked Lowell.

"Come on, man, do you really thick that he can do something that he can do anything that is harmful or subversive. This is Rimmer, we are talking about a man that Kryten described as 'An inconpleted repair man with a Neaplonian Complex'," said the Cat.

Lowell did a little simile at that because it was true about him. "That has all of the charm as an insurance salesman with the charm of a divorce lawyer. With make him the prefect person that would pull off something that would hurt a person for putting a signal finger on something that is his."

"You are giving that guy to much credit and I think you are the first person that I know that give him any type of credit. I don't think that he can even be trusted with the type of credit that you are giving to him," said the Cat.

"If you don't believe that he can do anything why don't you open it," said Lowell.

"Fine I will," said the Cat.

With that Cat open up the draw and seconds after that he was slugged by a spring mounted glove that hit him in the face. Because of that he feel onto the floor and Lowell turned around the take drink of his water.

"Man, I love being right," said Lowell.

After that Lowell was hit in the back of the head by something. "I also don't love being wrong."

Then he feel onto the floor and it was Talkie Toaster that hit him.

Rimmer and Lister emerged from the transport tube and saw a human female with a group of flowers in her hands walking pass them. After that they saw a human make with a bottle of wine that has been chilled and them they saw David Vila dress in his finest.

"Oh, hi, you must be from the Red Dwarf, the captain wants to see you," he said and after that he pointed in the direction of the tactile center of the ship, "that way." Then after that he walked away from them with a big shirk on his face.

Lister and Rimmer walked a couple of move steps across the floor. With that they were stopped by music that was spiritual and had a little bit to it, because of Lister started to stay in tune in the music that was being played.

Rimmer looked at Lister with a compounded look on his face. "You like this?"

"Yes, I do, it isn't that bad, it is better than most music that I've heard before. It's airy, light hearted and fully with joy," said Lister.

"Listy, its is a smeging depth march," said Rimmer.

Heading that Lister stopped what he was doing. "What? How do you know that?"

Rimmer pointed to a sing that was on the wall of the ship that had the words. "Depth march, this way" that was also had the same words in Minbari and Narn with an arrow that was painted red that was pointed the way to go. "That how I know."

"Oh," said Lister.

"Let's go and see the Captain before any type else weird go on right now. I don't know what will happen next here. We might ran into group of Spice Girls fans dress up like them," said Rimmer.

"Rimmer, that isn't weird, that is down right frighten," said Lister.

Then the two of them walk through the halls of the Vortex to the tactile center of the ship with the helps of the sings that pointed then to the place. The two of them walk into the room and they saw that McGurland was there waiting for them. She had a data padd in her hands and they also saw that she was dress in a blue uniform, not the back one.

"Welcome, here, the tactile center of the ISA Vortex that offers you the most advance technology that is available to you. Any comments, suggestions, or flames please forward them to the designer of the ship. If you are unable to reach the designer of the ship, the captain will be please to listen to them," said McGurland.

"Captain, is that you? If that is you, you are on something because you are way to happy," said Rimmer.

After that the real McGurland walk behind them. "No, it isn't me and the only thing that I am on is thin ice."

With that Lister and Rimmer turn around to face her.

"Oh that, little trick, that I play on you was brought to you by holographic technology a technology that you are very familiar with," said McGurland.

"Yes, I am very familiar with," said Rimmer. He pointed to his head. "You see this? It means I'm a hologram and not a big fan of hopping around."

"I know that," she said and with that she turned the hologram of herself off with a touch of a button that was on a wrist controller that she had on her left arm.

"How were you able to do that?" Asked Rimmer.

"With this," she took the thing off of her wrist and showed the two of them it. "It is a mobile holographic emitter, but since it is small, it can only project a person's image that is wearing it and that is at short distance for only a short period of time."

She put the thing away so that the two of them wouldn't be able to touch it or even take it from her as well. She did this because this was a form of technology that they didn't know about and she didn't want to be held to account of what they did with it.

"Come over her, I want to show you something," said McGurland. With that the three of them walk into the heart of the room.

With that a program start for them by surrounding them all with a full degree view of space that was all around them.

Both Rimmer and Lister were impress by this. They couldn't believe what they were seeing right now that was from her ship. They couldn't believe the power that was behind this as well.

"What happen?" Are we in space?" Asked Lister.

"No you giet! If we were, you and McGurland would be gashing for air," said Rimmer.

Hearing that McGurland couldn't help herself. She put her hands on her neck and pretended to gash for air. Then she fell onto the floor with no sings of life.

"Smeg no! I don't want to die," he turns to Rimmer. He graded him by his jacket. "I want to life, I want to love, I want to have sex with Kris."

With Lowell? Thought McGurland. Man that guy is more bizarre than I thought he was.

"I told you before, Listy, she is out your league, even if she spending time with you now. She dose not like you, I don't like, and I have feelings that Captain McGurland dose not like you. Face it, nobody like you and that only compassionate feelings that a person would give you is when you die, that would be the skin of your teeth," said Rimmer.

"People, like me, you are getting your life confuses with my life, Rimmer, and trust me. I don't want your type of life even if you give me all of the smeging curry in the entire known universe. That how much I don't like you," said Lister.

McGurland heard all of this and did a little smile on her face. She couldn't believe that the two of them survive six years together without killing each other or the other one killing themselves so they would not see the other person.

"So, who has the more worst life, Lister or Rimmer. Let's see the two of them were never close with their families, and the families that they were close to die. Personal I think the two of you had missable lives and that none of you should had a life. And if it I was God I wouldn't let any you live," said McGurland.

Lister had a sock looked on his face like his face was suck out of his head for lunch. "You're alive!"

"Yes I am, and I would like to stay that way and this thing you see isn't space. This thing you see in here is holographic produced, which allow us to get a full rotation view of space that is around us."

"Smegging hell! This is nothing like I'm seen before in my life. We do have holographic view screens on the Red Dwarf, but nothing like this. Who is the designer of this ship or this thing. I want this so much for the Red Dwarf. It would make viewing things as almost as easy as drawing a straight line," said Rimmer.

"Rimmer, that isn't that easy, have your even drawn a straight line without the aid of a straight edge. It is fraging hard, I did it once and when it was done it looked like a picture of Mount Rushmore. Now let's get back to the point, I have something to tell you now and I have a funny felling I won't get this out. But a group of my scouts pick up a planet that is full with Quantain 40," said McGurland.

"Quantain 40? What is that? It sounds likes some type of medication for an yeast infection or malaria," said Lister.

"Lister, that is qiune that was used to treat that," said Rimmer. "Anyway, what is it?"

"First, let me tell you about the way that we travel through space, we use hyperspace. Which another deinmission on our own that seem to cut down the time between spaces," she tapped her display and the part of the view screen that was behind Lister and Rimmer turned to hyperspace.

Lister and Rimmer turned around to see the display. They saw what hyperspace look like and they were a little disguest at what they were seeing.

"I know, it isn't pretty, but it dose get the job down," said McGurland.

"Not being pretty, isn't the phase to describe what that took like, it look like as thing that Pubsco would use as background and you people use that to travel? Er, well at least you don't have to see the blackness all of the time, you get color on your types," said Rimmer.

"And look at this, it is red like your ship, an added bonus," said McGurland.

Rimmer and Lister look at her.

"That was to be a joke, I'm sorry, I known I should quit my day job. Well let's get back to the point, you want to know how ships get into hyperspace. That is done by two ways, one is through the use a jump gate and the other way is via through a jump point," said McGurland.

"Aye, I think I know what that is a gate that you jump over and a jump point is the place were you land after jumping over the gate," said Lister.

"No, it isn't that and I suggest that Lister that you don't take things to literal because things aren't as literal as you think that are," said McGurland.

"Then what the smeg is a jump gate and a jump point?" Asked Rimmer.

"I was about to get to that point before Lister told us what he thought there were and showing us how smart he really was. A jump gate is a station object that built near a planet or major space station or colony with it mainly used by smaller ships or ships that are big but want to conserve their power," said McGurland. "Skylark, can you show what a jump gate look like."

"Yes I will," said Skylark.

With that the view of hyperspace was replace by a space scrap that had the Centuari design on jump gate. That had the four arms with the forty-eight solar panels to it.

"That is a jump gate. It look like a mouth of a shark or a giant McDonalds Happy Meal toy if that is so I won't use it, "said Rimmer.

"No if you want to see something that look like that I show you the Thridspace gate when you have free time. But you don't," said McGurland.

"Then what dose this Quanton 40 have to do with this jump gate?" Asked Lister.

"Lister its Quantain 40, and that is the chief element that is used in the building jump gates, plus that element is very rare," said McGurland.

"How rare?" Asked Rimmer.

"Let's see, one cubic meter of it care start at 30,000 credits," said McGurland.

After that the two of them froze, it seem that nothing was moving from them.

She thought that Lister had died and Rimmer lost power, so she waved her hand in forth of them, she didn't get any thing from them

With that McGurland did a little shirk on that had a little evil intent to it. Then she pulled out a pen and started to draw faces on the two of them. She made both of them have moustaches on the two of them. She had a moustache with a bread on Lister's face and she just put a moustache on Rimmer's face.

"What the smeg are you doing?" Asked Lister.

"I thought that you died and Rimmer stopped working," said McGurland.

"I didn't died, if I did, I wouldn't be talking to you. Unless I am a hologram like flared noses over here is," said Lister.

Rimmer didn't do anything to that and that caught the attention of McGurland, so she turned to him. " You have heard that before."

He did a little shirk at that. "Yes I have,"

"And when an insult become common place like that, the person get use to it, almost come to expect it," said McGurland.

"Oh don't start with the Star Trek stuff it isn't the right time of the day," said Lister.

Hearing that McGurland was slightly offended by that, that was something she made up all by herself on the spot without any type of influence from anything that they knew about. "Hey! That was something that I made all by myself, yes. I know it is scary, but it can't be as scary as seeing a male Centuari naked and trust me that isn't a pretty thing to see."

"Why?" Asked Lister.

"They have six," answered McGurland.

"Six what? Six ways to strip, six different styles of body hairs, or six annual ormactions? What is this 'six' that you are talking about?" Asked Rimmer.

"They have sex sexual organs," said McGurland. She paused to think about what she just said to them. "Man, I couldn't believe that I just said that."

"Six sexual organs? How do they..." stammer Lister.

"The question is 'How do they control it?' like many man no matter what spices they are they don't really, now please lets get back to the point," said McGurland.

"Sure," said Rimmer.

So McGurland told the two of to back at the other screen. Lister before they saw the space that had Red Dwarf and that ship are well. In doing that she saw that the Red Dwarf was to close to the Vortex for comfort.

"Skylark, contact, Holly and ask her what she is doing, " said McGurland.

"I've tried and I'm getting a recording," answered Skylark.

"Oh I forgot this is her time that she sleeps," said Lister.

"I thought that this was the time when the Cat sleeps so that he can be able to do his full sleep," said McGurland. "Well, wake her up and I give you full autohauiry to use any and all means that you can think of, but Sky, don't do anything to extreme we still need her program in tact."

"Okay," said Skylark.

"I mean it this time. The last time I let you did that with a computer system, you damage so badly that I thought I was working on Windows 95 when it first came out," said McGurland.

"All right, then. You forget to I had to go back into the system and I still have nightmares about that. You are luckily that I didn't come back with a Hal 2000 complex," said Skylark.

"Trust me, if you did come back with that and with the way that the crew acts, there wouldn't be enough people around her to find that out. When they do you would kill them for knowing that," said McGurland.

"All right, I'll be with Holly," said Skylark.

"The 'Hal 2000 Complex'? What is that?" Asked Rimmer.

"Have you seen the movie 2001 for if you didn't I don't have the time nor the memory of to explain it," said McGurland.

"Yes I have the original, remasted and remake version of it I have know what Hal is. You know your ship was the monlift from that movie," said Rimmer.

"Oh...well if you do look at our ship straight on at a distance, it dose look like that. But Hal 2000 Complex is the way to describe any type of computer system that has AI that is martinet to their orders and won't stop at any thing to excrute them. It is very scary thing that a computer system has it, "said McGurland. "Before you ask what it was. It was the computer system that was on the an array that was the 23^rd equal to the 20^th century telescope that was called Hubbell."

After that the ship hit the Red Dwarf and both ship socked under the force of the impact of it, In the room that McGurland, Lister, and Rimmer all of them fell onto each other.

"I got here," said Skylark.

"A little late aren't you. Or didn't you notice that the Vortex and the Red Dwarf have just hit each other. I have two people on top of me, what do you have to say about that," said McGurland.

Seconds after that a holographic image of Skylark appears in the center of the room. Dress as a refeance complete with black and white strip shirt and a yellow flag. He pulls out the flag, thoughts it where the trio was at, pull at he whistle and blow it. "15 yards penalty for pilely up."

"Can I kill him now?" Asked Rimmer.

"I give the directions to the room, the key that will open it up and the instructions to shut him down right. Now that would only happen if you get your holographic ass off of mine before I throw you up against the wall," said McGurland.

Rimmer got up from her and so McGurland got off of Lister. She look at him and she hard a grown from him that didn't sound that good.

"Is that normal? I mean it sounds like a moose mating call and the moose itself had a little bit of a cold or one hell of a hard breath, take your pick and neither of them sound good, "said McGurland.

"Yes that is perfectly normal for him," said Rimmer.

"Skylark, I don't know what is worst you or Holly, but of you are totally fruit cakes with the seeds missing. Cole was right about you, you couldn't fine your way out of a wet paper bag wit one sides token out and the other three had sides that had preparations on them. When the frag is Holly?!" Said McGurland.

"I'm right here," said Holly.

Both McGurland and Rimmer look to see that her face on the view screen. She has a night cap on with a daze look on her face.

"Can you please watch were you are going. You just cause my ship hit your ship and because of that I think my lunch is going repeat on me," said McGurland as she grades her stomach. "I was right, I shouldn't of listen."

"What did you eat?" He asked.

"Chicken salad sandwich with maple syrup and I chug it all down with soda pop," said McGurland.

"No wonder you are like that, if I ate that I would of throw up and after that I would burn the clothes that I wore. That is the type of comabation that is explodes and the battle ground is your gut, my dear Captain," said Rimmer.

McGurland double down in pain because she couldn't image how pain that she was in right now. "You have the gift of stating the obvious, I just want you to shut up before I do something that will be unwise."

"Eating that was unwise," said Rimmer.

McGurland just look at him. "Don't even go there and if you do, I will make sure that when you do go there you will know it and you will reminder not to go there the next time when the same siuration appears."

"Dose that mean hitting me? That would be unwise, but hitting Lister, I would advised it and you have my blessing," said Rimmer.

McGurland look at him for another time. "I wouldn't accept your blessing even if Grand Duck of titanic flair nostrils told me to do so." She got up from the floor at the same time that Lister got up from the floor and the two of them trip each other.

Both of them fell once again onto the floor and before Lister could do that again, McGurland got up before he did. After that she moved away from him so that she could give him the room to clear her so that he wouldn't trip her again like the last time. He got up from the floor and this time he didn't trip her.

Then she fixed the problem with Holly, she told her to move a couple of degrees to the right. Then she told her computer system to move a couple of degrees to the left.

"Now, that we got the straight up, we can show you all were the supply of Q40 is located," said McGurland.

"Skylark, give me Sector 72," said McGurland.

"It is always what you want is it? Skylark give me this, Skylark give me that. What about me?" Asked Skylark.

"I'll defrag you system, upgrade your system including the holographic systems," said McGurland. "And give you a new section of people to choose from."

"You would do that for me?" Asked Skylark.

"Yes, I would how would you please supply me with the information that is located in Sector 72," said McGurland. She had to choose her words carefully to him.

"You got it," he said.

With that a square gun sight move through the display to the area of space that McGurland had selected for an up close view on the map. When it did, it mainfine it from them. They saw that it was a blue plant that was surrounded by a purple nebula.

"What is it?" Asked Lister.

"It is a planet," said McGurland.

"We could tell that on our own, what dose this have to deal with the fact that we are on your ship," said Rimmer.

"That is the planet that has the mineral that we called Q40 and we have been giving it a name NC-17," said McGurland.

"Ops, you can't go there Lister, you are to young," said Rimmer.

"I'm not, I'm 25," said Lister.

"I don't care how old you guys are, we are all going to that place that is final and I don't care if you have any objections about it," said McGurland.

In space, a Silcate ship more through space, it was just chilling there minding it own business and that was the same with the crew of the ship.

Because of the status that the ship had, the crew of the ship was sleeping at their controls expect the Captain of the ship. Which walk onto the deck of the bridge and saw that all of his crew were sleeping at their control. When he saw that he was socked at what his crew had turn into.

"Wake up!" He yelled.

The crew did what he wanted them to do and they did it without a second thought.

"That reminds me of humans," he paused to split of the ground. The thing when it hit the ground bounce back and hit one of the displays of the bridge. It did that for a couple of more times before hit one of the crew that was getting up square in the head. That crew member fall backward onto the floor of the ship.

The split wasn't done with that person, because it bounce back from that person. Hit a couple more displays on the bridge before it landed back into the mouth of the Silcate captain's mouth.

"What you expect us to do we haven't had anything to do over the past year. We are bored, the only sings of entertainment around here was going asteroid spotting," said a female one.

"That isn't entertainment, that protoll," he said.

"I know we need something to entertains us," she said.

With a beeping sound was heard and all of the crew of that ship reacted to it for it was the first time in a year that sound was heard. To all of them that meant that there was something that was out there right now that wasn't the normal space junk that went floating by them.

"Look what we got here," said the Captain. He move up to it. "We got two signals here."

"Who or what are they?" Asked the female Silcate.

"One is our friends that is from the Red Dwarf and the other one is from unknown origin," said the Captain of the ship.

"Sir, the people that were from the Red Dwarf were never our friends, they distroyed the ship that was sent out to help them, that has a year supply of 10DW40," said the female.

"Another reason why to get them and see what the other signal is coming from," he said. "Set a course to the Red Dwarf."