This is a Babylon 5/Cursade and Red Dwarf crossover.

Red Dwarf and all related things are copy write to the BBC and Grant Naylor.

Babylon 5 and Crusade and all related things are copy write to TNT, PTEN, WB, and JMS.

The ISA Vortex and all of the people are my own creation.

There are none for Babylon 5 or Crusade. With Red Dwarf there are spoilers for the episode of Ouroboros.

In the Babylon 5 word this story takes place in 2266. In the world of Red Dwarf this story take places in the Series Seven with some changes. One the crew of the Red Dwarf never lost their ship, but they did get Konaswski. The events that happen in the Series Seven's episode Stoke Me A Clipper never happen.

Now with the story…

In Shara McGurland's voice:

Pervious on ISA Vortex:

In space two Minbari fighters fly through space. A couple of hours later, the Minbari fighters that had both Shal and Kelien on it were scouting the planets that were ahead on them. They didn't enjoy what they were doing, but they knew that they had to do this, because Captain McGurland told them what to do.

Kelien looked at what she was looking at and saw that she was telling the truth about it. "Yes, you are right about that, and I think that we should get back to the ISA Vortex."

"I will concurred with that," said Shal.

With that the Minbari fighters moved away from that area with the attention of getting back to the ISA Vortex.

 Zemor was in the tactual center of the ship looking at the space that laid across ahead of them like a long bed sheet. Also in that he saw the Red Dwarf, the huge, red box like ship that was as ugly as a Drazi Sunhawk-class ship. That had all of the beauty of the Centuari symbol of the Centuari Republic that was called the The Eye.

Zemor gives Captain McGurland the report that Shal and Kelien give to Zemor when they reach the ISA Vortex.

Outside of the medlab, McGurland zipped up her jacket.

"Get who is serviceable form the Red Dwarf and tell them to come over here as quick as they can assemble to this ship," said McGurland.

"Because it is there and it wasn't like this is our technology, if so, I wouldn't give it to them, but, Zemor, this thing isn't our, it is another race technology that we are using," said McGurland.

"One is our friends that is from the Red Dwarf and the other one is from unknown origin," said the Captain of the ship.

"Sir, the people that were from the Red Dwarf were never our friends, they destroyed the ship that was sent out to help them, that has a year supply of 10DW40," said the female.

"Another reason why to get them and see what the other signal is coming from," he said. "Set a course to the Red Dwarf."

Shara McGurland's voice again:

And now the conclusion:

This is the ISA Vortex that was sent off to portroll around the Rim we were pull into another dimension that is three million years into the future. The only sign of intelligence are on the Red Dwarf, a minding ship. The crew is David Lister, the only human left the ship. Chris Konaswski another human who herself cam from dimension that in her world share the same faith that Lister had in this world. Arnold Rimmer, a hard-light hologram of Lister's dead bunkmate, Kryten a mechanoid that they resurrected, a lifeform that evolved from a cat that Lister brought on board the ship, with a computer system called Holly, that is a little confused. I thought that Skylark was bad."

"Attention, well people, it took us only a week, but we found something that is totally weird and I mean that with a wer. We saw a moon that had the face of Bill Clinton on it looking at a moon with the face of another moon, is Kentte Starr when you need him. Beside that, we have reach our destination and we have sent out join mission to scout the area," said McGurland.

Starbug went through space cutting pass all of the objects that block her path. On the ship, the monition that the ship went through, was felt by the person that was from the Vortex, the person that was from the Vortex was Chris Lowell. Each one of them didn't know each other and the Captain McGurland thought that this would be a great exercise for the two of them to get to know each other dispute their differences that the two of them had.

She told Lowell that she was doing this because it would help with the performance of two crews of the two difference ships. That was a thing that she needed to practice because this was the only other ship that was out there right now. If they didn't get along with each other who knew what other ships that they would find out here and there was no chance that they would get another ship like this out there in the uncharted spaces that the crew of the Red Dwarf were in right now. The only problem to that suggestion that was in the mind of his captain was that some ideas looked better on paper in real life and this was one of them.

He had heard about Lister that he was slob and that was putting it mildly and Lowell was clean. He had no idea how he would worked with a person that was like that, that he no organized skills that would rather sleep on the job than burn the midnight oil to solve a problem, which was something that Lowell would do. The only thing that he knew for this, was that this was going to be a long day and he didn't know now much work they would get done.

He tried to walk up the cockpit were Lister, but he was stop because of the two things. One was when he got up there he was up there he got throw up against the wall of the ship. He did everything that he could do so that he wouldn't get injury by the hit that he got when the ship was in monition. The other thing was that he had to look at the ground so that he wouldn't get tripped by anything of the things that were down on the ground of the ship. This was another clear different between the two of them, on his one ship, he didn't have a mess like this. There were reasons for that.

The reasons for that was that his ship didn't have gravity on it so if he did have all of this stuff it would float around on the ship and get in his way of working on the ship. The other reason why he didn't like having messes around him when he was working on the job.

"Hello, and I am sorry about that," said Lister whom was at the controls of the ship and that meant he was flying the ship when Lowell was coming into the room.

Lowell didn't say anything to that. He sat in the chair. "Were the frag did you get your flying lessons and/or your flying license? Chase Are Us? Why is this place so messily. I have seen a towns that were destroyed by twisters that were neater than this. Man, I haven't seen anything like this before in my entire life time and you know this, if this ship was in the Earth Alliance you would be fine heavily for having a ship like this."

In the chair he cleans out his boot and saw something that he didn't like. The only thing that he could do was try and wipes the thing off of his hand on his pants.

"No, I didn't, I got my license from Uninsured Airlines," answered Lister.

"Now, I feel safe with a trained pilot that is from Uninsured Airlines who saying is 'Now you can also feel what is like to fall from the sky from 65 thousand miles or burn up in a planet's atmosphere's. Lister give me the controls," said Lowell.

"No, I know what I'm doing anyway you wouldn't know what do with this ship," said Lister.

"And you do?" Asked Lowell. "Lister it is a four hour trip you are going to get tried."

"If that is look worry about that, then here," he pressed a button and the ship went under auto pilot.

Lowell put his face his hands. He couldn’t believe that the was going through this right now and that he even agree to this. It was one of the most dumbest things that he went through and that he actually went along wit this when McGurland suggest that he did this. He did it because she was the captain of the ship and that the senior officer knew better, but not this time. She was wrong, dead wrong and he plans when he was done with this to tell her about this suggestion that she made.

"I can't believe that I even went along wit this," said Lowell.

"You what about me? I didn't want you I wanted Weilder," said Lister.

"Her? I thought that you like Chris Konaswski, the Navigation Officer of the Red Dwarf?" Asked Lowell.

"Yes that to, but working with her. I like that more on a professional level, now Weilder-," he never finished it.

"David, I don't want to know, how you like her?" Asked Lowell.

"Hungry?" Asked Lister.

"No, I ate before we left," said Lowell.

"Well I am, do you mine?" Asked Lister.

"No, I don't, I have a pretty strong stomach, I can watch anything eat anything while anything is happening around me. I'm kind of person that can eat noodles while somebody is working with worms or eat rich while there are maggots next to me," said Lowell.

Lister came in the room with a bowl that had a red liquid in it. Lowell looked up saw that what he was eating and he was disgusted by that thing. He couldn't believe a person could eat that stuff and not get sick while they eat it or after they eat it. There were a few things that Lowell couldn't eat or didn't mind eating and that was one of the few things that he didn't like to eat or couldn't eat. This was one of the things that he hated them most in world and if he could get away from the stuff he would. He didn't care if that disk was the most popular disk in England, it didn't meant that he enjoy it.

The worst part of it, was this was the second time that he did this, he didn't mind the fact that a person like it, ate it in fort of him. This was because he had no right to tell a person to eat things, he knew that he had things that some people hated to eat or didn't like to eat. He didn't eat twice in the same day, he had the common constry to not do that to a person that he knew for a fact that a person didn't like to eat. But, for a second time that was the final straw for him to take. That it would be only a matter of time before he would go off on Lister for eating that stuff all of time when there was a better food for people to eat.

"Oh, come on! That second curry this day, there is penalty of food back there that is even a dog would eat, trust me, David. Even a dog wouldn't eat that fraging stuff even if that was the last food source in the world," said Lowell.

"And you eat better? What this thing called Benua Clarua that I see you eating a lot last week?" Asked Lister.

"That is a completely different story than what you are doing right now. That is a fondue that I was introduce to by Mike Gariabaldi when I have to fix one of his ships," said Lowell.

"Fondue, curry what is the difference? They are the samething if you come to think about it," said Lister.

"David, fondue and curry aren't the same. Yes the two of them have things that are completely cover with something, but that were the were the two of them are the same. With a fondue you know what everything comes from, with curries, you don't know. All you know what the meat that is in that could come form muscle that was inside a human male's sex organs," said Lowell. "And, Lister if you eat something that a Pak' ma' ra wouldn't touch I worry about you."

David Lister took another spoon full of the thing. "If that is true there it pretty smeging good."

Lowell couldn't watch him eat that stuff so he just turned his head away from him. He felt his stomach turn and it was painful also. "I give up on you. I totally fraging give up on you."

How could a person eat that stuff thought Lowell. I know that I couldn't and nobody would be able to force me with anything that they have to make me eat that stuff.

Lister walks up to Lowell and he notices the bump on his head. "Were did you get that?"

"I tell you, were I got that mark. I got it from fighting with the talking toaster. He hit me with a nine mouth piece of bread at my head," answered Lowell.

"Oh, Takkie," said Lister.

"That its name, well I never. Speaking of things who stocks your cargo bays a vengeful fire technician?" Asked Lowell as he looked at one of his displays and saw something that surprises him.

"No that wasn't him, he wasn’t that was somebody else and I am not at liberty to tell you who that person was," said Lister.

Lowell didn't turn to face him, but he did hear him answer his question. "Oh, that is great, but I'm picking something up or I am reading this display wrong. Whatever it maybe, I need you to see what it is."

"Can you tell me what it is?" Asked Lister.

Lowell tapped a couple of buttons on the display. Seconds after that a panel opens up and it was a soda can of Pepsi.

Both Lister and Lowell looked confounded at what just had happen to the ship that they were on right now.

Lowell had seen things like these before, he comedy movies that were about a person that was from the past and thought that he was an expert at how space ships worked because he watch shows that had things like this in the shows. He never thought that would happen to him, but it did.

"I didn't know that Starbug could do that," said Lister.

After that Lowell hit Lister on the head. "You don't know that, this is your ship, you should know everything that the ship has to offer it."

"Well I didn't know," said Lister.

"Oh man, I knew that I should of token the Gray Star," said Lowell. "At least that ship I know what to hit at the right time at the right second."

"Let me take look at it," said Lister.

Great at least it give me the luxury of not worrying that I will destroyed the ship in my effort to find out how to get the engines to fire so that I can move the ship all two feet thought Lowell.

"Fine he my guest, see if you can fine that thing out. I can't," said Lowell who crossed his arms across his chest. See if you can do that, I couldn't do that and who could with a display that is like that! That is more cluttered than teenager bedroom, you couldn't find a metal object in that mess if you used a magnet to pull the thing out of the mess. Well someone could do that, if they knew what they are looking at and how to find it out, but I don't. That is the reason why I can't find that thing out.

Lister was doing that for him and he tapped a couple of buttons to get that thing to work so that he could find what Lowell was talking about. Unlike Lowell he got that thing in a matter of seconds.

"See, I told you I would be able to find out what you talking about, "said Lister.

"Well, it help you, if you are working on your own ship," said Lowell.

"Oh smeg!" He said.

"What? What is it?" Asked Lowell.

"That thing, you were looking for is a Sicate ship," he answered.

"Is that bad or good? We have to know," said Lowell.

"That is bad, smeging bad, and I mean with a capitol S," said Lister.

Lowell was about to agree with him on that point, then he stop himself from it because he saw that there was something wrong about his saying. He turned around to face Lister with a confused look on his face because he didn't understand what he was talking about. "I thought that was a capitol T not S."

"What ever that is, we have to get out of here and warn the others about this before they find out about this on their own," said Lister.

"They will find out sooner of later through a person. I just prefer that it would be us rather than them," said Lowell.

Then without any type of talking between the two of them, Lister made the ship turn back in the direction of the two ships. When he did that Lowell was throw back into the chair once again.

"Note for the future, install seat belts," said Lowell.

In one of the ret rooms that was inside of the Vortex, Zemor and Ranger Eric Beck were practicing their skills at the fighting pike. The two of them weren't mock fighting, but shadow fighting. Moving the thing around them, making moves that would do the most pain with the least amount of injury to a person and testing their skills at the weapon.

Since the two of them were next together, it would be only a mater of time that they would hit each other and they did.

Both pikes went down on the floor and that was the same with the two of them.

"I'm sorry," said Zemor.

"No, that was my fault," said Beck.

"No, I must implore the fault is all mine," said Zemor.

Beck was about to say something to that, but them he reminded a fact that Minbari Warriors rarely took the blame for anything. When they did it was a blessing that shouldn't be just laugh at. So he accepted it and didn't say anything to him, so he got up form the floor with his pike.

When he did he bowed his head at that and forgot that he had the pike below him. So he hit his head on the pike. "Ouch! That smarts."

Then Chris Konaswski came walking into the room were the two of them were in. She saw that Beck hit his head on the thing.

"Men, always showing what they don't have, and that I must say is a brain," said Konaswski.

The two of them turn around to see her.

"Well…I…just…hit my head on this thing," he shows her the thing. "Like this." He took Zemor's head and hit it on the pike.

"Ouch! That dosen't tickle," said Zemor.

"I know," said Beck.

Zemor growled at him and walked away from him. In a disgusted frame of mind and that he couldn't believe that he even allow that to happen to him.

Why did I allow that to happen to me? Me of all people, the first officer of this ship and a Minbari Warrior that is from the Star Rider clan thought Zemor.

"Sorry, who have to forgive him for that," said Beck.

Then Shal and Selam came walking in. The two of them notice what the two of them.

Selam was one of another Minbari pilot that was apart of the Nail-wing group of fighters that the ship had. While Shal didn't command him, they were still good friends with each other since the time of the first ship that they were first on. While he was a good nature Minbari that like other Minbari didn't get involve with people affairs, he was the type of person that went out of his way they stay away from them no matter if they were either Minbari or alien affairs.

Seeing, that Selam walked away from that room and didn't say anything to Shal.

"Sorry, we didn't know about that, we are leaving," said Shal. Then after that she went after Selam to see what was wrong with him and why this bother him so much that he walked away from where the event happen.

She meet ups with Selam and looked at him.

"What was that all about?" Asked Shal.

"I didn't want to see that at all, that is the type of thing that you don't want to see at all even if you are the type of person that like that type of stuff," answered Selam.

"Fine," said Shal.

After that the two of them walk off from that place.

"What?! What is it, what did I say to get this from you? It couldn't be that I hit Alyt Zemor's head on the pike to show you what I did," said Beck.

"No, that isn't what do you think? Yes it was that thing. I don't know what are the dating practices that you have were you come from, that were I come from that is not a thing that would give you a date. If you are lucky that might get you a part in the WWF," said Konaswski.

"No doing this," he walked up to him. He hit the floor with his foot and did a shadow punch and her," would get me on the WWF. Now if you reacted to it like I actually did hit you, that could get me on the New World Order or WCW."

"What was that thing that you hit yourself with?" She asked.

"Oh that thing, it is called a Minbari fighting pike," he retraced, "that as you see here can be retraced into this small thing," said Beck.

"You know what that thing look like," said Konaswski.

"What?" Asked Beck.

"It look like that you have a Soda Pop can when you have like that have you ever gotten the two of them mixed up?" She asked.

"No, I haven't done that before, but I know some who have done that before and when he did that you could heard the entire room laugh out load. So hard I tell you I thought that are teacher would choke on his water," said Beck.

"I have a question for you," said Konaswski.

Dose this person every stop asking questions? Thought Beck.

"Go ahead, shot," said Beck in a voice that welcome the question, but in reality he didn't want to go through another question and that his luck would make another question that was from her that he would have to ask.

"I wonder what happen to David, I don't see him anywhere here or on the Red Dwarf, do you know were he is at right now," said Konaswski.

"Oh, he with Chris Lowell on Starbug scouting the planets ahead of up for any sings of dangers," answered Beck.

"Are you worry about them?" She asked.

"No, because both of them can handle themselves pretty well, nothing to worry about," said Beck.

"Okay," she said.

With that the two of them walked out of there with the piece of mind that neither Lister nor Lowell would get into any type of trouble. If they did, they would find a way to get out of it with their lives and tell the crews of both ships of what they saw so that the ships wouldn't have to go through the same type of thing that they went through.

Nothing was further than the truth, because both Lister and Lowell were yelling as Starbug was spinning around out of control.

"I thought that you knew how to fly this ship and that you have to reflexes of a Cat when this ship get attacked," said Lowell.

"I do know how, but I didn't say that last part," said Lister.

"Then who the frag did, and if you can't get up out of this, then let me, because I know how to get out this," said Lowell. "Before I throw up my lunch all over you and the screen."

I can't do any worst than Lister is doing right now. At least I can try and get out of this and help save our crews thought Lowell.

"That smeghead Rimmer said that about me and sure you can," said Lister.

Lowell felt that he got control of the ship and he fix the direction of it After that he put the ship on auto pilot, and get up from his seat.

"Now, I am going to throw up if you don't mind," he said. After that he ran out of the place with his throat making moves that was telling everybody that he was going to throw up on this ship and there was nothing that anybody could do that could stop him from doing that.

Seconds after that Lister heard Lowell throwing up.

"Yeah, Lister, when your throw-up you don't nessacary care were you put it, you only care if you get the stuff out of your," said Lowell. "If you do care, I put it in the garage can, is that good enough for you?"

"Yes it is," said Lister.

Lowell walked back into that place and he had a look of disguest on his face. "Who know that having hoagie, chips and a soda could make a commination that is so vial? I think the thing that can out of me could take the paint off of Starbug and do some damage to this ship's haul as well."

"And you have to tell about it?" Asked Lister.

"Yes, I did and you are surprise by that? I'm not, I had to hack up things that were so strong that you were in a cow field that was next to a suffer mind," said Lowell.

"I let that it was that fondue that you are so passion about," said Lister.

"No, it wasn't it was my Great Uncle Jake's mash popotoes that were so think that you could have a fork stacking up when it was warm," said Lowell.

"What about when it was cold?" Asked Lister.

"Forget about it, you lucky enough that you couldn't didn't come back with any type of broken bones. You want to know why? When it cools that thing turns to ice and you know what happening when you try to take something out of ice. The thing in it well bend or you will get the entire thing through at you," answered Lowell.

"And let that, Silicate ship deal with that thing?…Go ahead," said Lowell.

"All right," said Lister. Then he pressed a button that ejected the can into space. The can hit the ship that was following them.

After that, Starbug moved out of the way, because they didn't want to stick around when the can hit the ship. They knew for a fact that if they did, they would be killed by the robots that were on the ship.

"Welcome to Starbug express, making no stops until it reaches the Red Dwarf," said Lowell.

Lister looked at him with a confused look at him.

"Oh like you never heard things like that before," said Lowell.

"No, I work at the train station, not on the train itself, so I never heard that," said Lister.

After that the room was quiet until they reach the ships of the Vortex and the Red Dwarf. Despite the fact that the trip was a long one and without the help of the hyperspace beacon system it was even longer. He knew that if they had this system up and running this trip would take about an hour. The trip took about four hours and four hours of not talking to people was boring.

"Home, sweet home," said Lowell.

"I have to say the same thing, that even if that home is filled with people who personalities could break whole planets into tiny pieces," said Lister.

Starbug docked with the Red Dwarf when it landed on the floor of the docking Bay of the ship, the two of them walked out of the ship. Lister continues to the doors of the docking Bay of the ship. Lowell walked to his ship, it was an atmospheric shuttle that was park next to one of the Blue Midgets.

When he walked up all of the way to his ship, he pull out a little black box, he pointed the thing to the ship and pressed the button on it. Seconds after that a high pitch sound was heard from the ship.

The noise made Lister turn around to see where it came from. He saw that it was from Lowell's ship.

"What the smeg was that?" Asked Lister.

Lowell turned around to face him. "This," he pointed to the thing," is my ship alarm."

"You have a ship alarm why do you need the smeging thing?" He asked.

"Security, despite the my ship is apart of Earth Force that is apart of the InterSteller Alliance, there are still people that will try to take it. Also the pilots in the Earth Alliance paid the highest insurance rates in the entire alliance with the help drops them down for me," answered Lowell.

"Also this thing double for a key-less entry," he pressed the button on it and one of the door started to open, then stop in midstream.," that needs to be fixed. Finally I can start this ship from a distance like this," he pressed a different button and the ship's engines started up from him.

"Smeg! That is so smeging cool!" Yelled Lister.

"If you want that one your ships. I can do that for you, just take her over to the Vortex end I will hook you up with that," said Lowell.

After that Lister walked away from him. Then Lowell walk into the shuttle and in their he pull seat belt over his body for his ship didn't have its own gravity like the Red Dwarf of the Vortex did. He preferred to be in control of the ship while he was flying through a place that didn't have any to speak to that would make the ship fly rather than him. He hated the idea that he told a person to fly the ship and he would have to depend on that person to do what was right. That was the reason why he felt his best when he is flying a ship around in space, but he knew that he couldn't be the person that was doing that all of the time and that he had to depend on a person to do that for him. It was a thing that he had to learn to deal with and he did over the years of being on ships when he was the passenger on a ship like a Star Liner of the current ship that he was on right now, the Vortex.

He tapped a button on his display that open a channel to the ship's computer. This was a thing that he didn't like to do, but he knew that he had to do it if he wanted to get out of the ship the right way. He knew that there were other ways that he could do that, but some of them would damage his ship and the Red Dwarf. He didn't want to do that, even if he thought that the ship was one of the worst design ships that he had ever seen in his life time and that the ship should be destroyed so that nobody else would see the ship. It would be a blessing for people so that would set their eyes on a ship like this.

"Channel open," said the ship's computer.

"Holly, permission to leave," said Lowell.

"Go ahead," she answered him with.

He saw that she open the docking bay door for him so that he could leave the ship once again.

"Thank you, shuttle one out," said Lowell. Then he tapped the same button again on the same display to end the transmission between the two of them. After that he made the landing struts go up inside of the ship and them the ship was under its own power. With that he made the ship move out of the Red Dwarf through the use of the joystick.

Lowell didn't know it but, he miss judged the height of the roof of the docking bay and because of that he clipped the side of it. Doing a little damage to the ship, but it sock up Lowell a little, but not enough to make him stop flying the ship through space and back to the ship that he called home.

"Man, they should get a clearing sing up there with the height of the roof of the docking bay or sing that says, 'Watch your head' so that ships don't clipped the roof of that place, " said Lowell. As he moved his ship back to the Vortex.

When he reached the docking bay of that ship. He went through the same things that he did with Red Dwarf expect that he didn't clipped the top of the docking Bay of the ship.

"Now, that is the way to do that," he said to himself and he put the ship down on the floor of the Vortex.

After that he step foot on the stairs, and then he fell down them. He landed on the floor and he looked up and he saw that there was nobody around him to view what he had just did. If he did that would be his most embarrassing moment that he had in his life time. He was lucky and he knew it, because most of time this was a very busy place for the ship even if the ship was away from their world. The people still had duties that needed to perform on this part of the ship even if they would go on unnoticed by most of the people that were on this ship.

After he got up from the floor of the docking bay, he tapped his link. He wanted to get a response from it and he didn't.

"This can't be happening, not now. I need to work," said Lowell. He hit it forgetting that the link was on his hand and caused himself pain from doing that.

"That was smart, I wouldn't to see you do other things," said Skylark.

Lowell turn around to be the voice was coming from, it was a display.

"Skylark is that you?" Asked Lowell. "It's has to be your, or I am complete insane."

"Yes it is me, who else would it be taking to you through a screen?" He asked.

"it this a multiple choice question because I have some ideas who would like to do this to me," said Lowell.

"Like what?" He asked.

"Don't you know aren't you a computer system that has all of the intelligent of every smart person that is know in the world," said Lowell.

"That true, but I'm not telepath," he said.

"Thank God, for that if you were like that, I think that somebody would of put a fork into your system all ready," said Lowell. "If you want to know what I through the voice, was it could have even been God or even my own conscience."

Skylark was laughing at him.

"What? What is it? You think that is funny what I thought, man talk about being ungrateful," said Lowell.

"You conscience has penalty gone if you thought that I was God, boy do have your mortals mess up," said Skylark.

Lowell took it off and look at it. "Twenty-third century and we still need batteries to make thing run. Let's see what type of they are and who they come from."

He opens the link up and took a look at it. He saw the batteries that were inside of the link and they were AAAA make of the known batteries and they came from engizner. "All right, were that fraging pink bunny with that dum saying, 'Nothing outlast an engizner. We kept going and going.' I want to teach that thing a lesson."

"No, Chris, we need you as clam, cold person that you are right now," said Skylark.

"You right about that," he said. "But I need to get to the Captain."

"Why?" Asked Skylark.

"Because there is a threat that is out there right now that require her attention ASAP," said Lowell.

"She in the center with Rimmer," he said.

Lowell put his hand up in the air. "Fine, I'll go there and tell her what I know about what is our there right now, myself."

"What about Rimmer?" Asked Skylark.

"What about him? I not going there to tell him about anything but since he is there he will find out about it anyway. So be out with you," said Lowell.

It not like he isn't going to find out about this. He is going to find out anyway, but I would like to be there, when he doses find out and faint from the news of it. It will be the only time that I will have the ably to hurt him and I don't want that to be token away from me by you, Skylark thought Lowell.

After that he walked out of their and two seconds after that a sound of Lowell yelling over the sound of him falling over boxes. The boxes had the sound of glass breaking in them.

"Skylark, God dam you! Why didn't you tell me about these boxes?" Asked Lowell. "If this one of your jokes, I'm not laughing."

"One, you didn't ask and two you don't trust me, plus three I don't like you," said Skylark.

"If there is a way to kill you, I will fine it and us it on your for doing this to me," said Lowell. He got up from the floor and he kick some of the other boxes that were in his way so that he can walk through the mess that was created by Skylark so that he could cause trouble for Lowell.

"It would be a lot more easier if you pick up them rather than kick them around like a hacky-sack," said Skylark.

"Just shut up or don't talk to me for the rest of the day, if you do you will do the two of us a favor," said Lowell as he walks down the hallways of the ship.

Lowell walk into the room was McGurland and Rimmer was at, that as the tactical center for this ship and like most Minbari ships. He saw that she was demonstration something to him. He couldn't believe that she was ever doing that for him, this was a waste of her effort because as soon as she explain what a thing did, she would sped the next two hours explaining what each little thing did. It would confuses him more, so much that he would know what to do after the explanation that she was telling him. He knew that wouldn't do that for him no matter how much he would like to know the systems of this ship. This was because he wouldn't know what to do with the systems if he did know what to do with the systems of the ship.

This is a waste of your effort and you know that, Captain thought Lowell. Why are you even doing it?

"Captain," said Lowell. "I need to speak with you."

"If you mind me and the captain are in the middle of something," said Rimmer.

"This is more important than Captain McGurland showing you how to play video games on the display screen," said Lowell.

Rimmer was about to say something to him, but Shara put her hand up in front of him. He stops what he was about to do. "My Chief Engineer wouldn't just come in and stop our little tete-a-tete."

Rimmer just look at her because of the word she just said to him. "Is that really a word or is that something that you just made up on the street."

"Yes it is a French word that means a private conversation between two people," answered McGurland.

"Oh, that explains everything," said Rimmer.

"What is it, Chris?" Asked McGurland.

"You that I was with Lister on Starbug scouting the planet for good place to mind Q40, said Lowell.

"Oh that explains it," said Rimmer. "What did he do to you tell you the ten reasons why curry is the word best food?"

"No Sesame Street what to be, he told me the ten reasons why you are just smeghead and I have to agree with him. It was that was encounter a Silicate ship," said Lowell.

Seconds after that Rimmer ran up to were the holographic viewscreen at full force and since he was a hologram himself he hit it right on the face. After that he falls down on the floor and McGurland turn around to see him on the floor.

"That got to hurt," said McGurland.

"Idiot," said Lowell. Dose he every learn from his mistakes, most people do. Well he isn't like most people.

"Are you all right?" Asked McGurland.

"I fine, you forget I'm a hard-light hologram, I can't fell pain," answered Rimmer. "You can said that I have allergies to pain."

"No, you don't. If that was a true allergies you would have watery eyes, coughing and sneezing. I don't see any of that with you," said Lowell.

While that was happening McGurland had an idea how to use him. So she took out a thick medal bar that was also her weapon a choice when she got into close fighting and that she didn't have any access to energy weapons. They were the types of weapons that she prefers to have rather than thing, but it still got the job done. There were things when this thing did a better job than any type of energy weapon would do for her. This was that time that she would rather use this than an energy weapon. For it would have a better result than an energy weapon would do to him.

"You say that you can't feel any type of pain no matter what or were it comes from?" Asked McGurland.

"Yes, didn't suddenly become mute over the pass seconds?" Answered Rimmer.

"No, I just wanted to make sure about it before I do anything with you," said McGurland.

"Oh, and why do I have the feeling that something is going to happen to me," said Rimmer with a voice that was filled with subspicstion.

"You got me," said Lowell. "You know your feelings better than I do and why did you just ask me that? That is the type of question that you ask yourself and the possible of somebody else answering if for you as much as the Narn and the Centuari fighting on something before it get blown up."

McGurland laugh at that and then she slammed him with that huge metal thing that she had in her hands that he didn't see on his head. Rimmer went down on the ground again. This was not because of the pain that it would of cause him to have, but because of the force of that was behind the attacking object and McGurland. Even if he was immune to the feeling of pain, he wasn't immune to effects that force would put on things.

"Who was that?" Asked Rimmer.

"Not me," said Lowell. Even if I didn't mind seeing it and would like to try it one of these days he added mentally.

"Shara!" He said and turns around to face her to see if he was right about her.

"What?" She asked.

Rimmer put his hand pointing to the pole. "That! That is the thing that you hit me in the back of the head."

"Oh this," she pick the thing up and but the thing on her shoulder, " is nothing." The sounds of the thing hitting the floor filled the air.

Lowell just rolled his eyes at that for he couldn't believe how stupid that McGurland thought Rimmer was. He wasn't good enough for tests, but he wasn't blind from what he sees. He knew how to put tow and two together, or he hope of thought so. If he was wrong about that, he would have to say the same thing with Rimmer that McGurland did about him.

"Captain, will you please stop this little muse. It isn't going to work," said Lowell.

"I agree with that," said Rimmer.

"Oh will you shut up! Did anybody ask you? You are only agreeing with Chris because he is telling you what you want to hear. Even if it is a lie," said McGurland.

"It isn't a lie," said Lowell.

"Then what is it?" Asked McGurland.

"The smeging truth," said Rimmer.

With that the two of them turn around to face him and the two of them said to him. "Shut up!! Who the hell ask you?!"

"I did," he said with a smug look on his face.

"Well I didn't and for the next minutes kept your mouth shut. You, if it isn't a lie then what is then oh wise one, oh great one. Please inform me about your knowledge," said McGurland.

"You are mocking me, aren't you? I'm just bending the truth," answered Lowell.

McGurland walk up to Lowell walking right through the holographic viewscreen. She was about to say something to him about that, but she was stop by ship being jarred. As a result of that McGurland fall onto the floor of the room. She missed Rimmer by only a couple of inches and she was happy that she did that, because she wanted to land into Rimmer.

Rimmer looks at her. "That wasn't that hard of an exposition. Why did you fall after that?"

"Because my fraging boot lances were untied," answered McGurland. "If that was navigation's fault again, I am going to kill her. No, I will tide her up than whip her them kill her in one of the most slowly, painful, and interesting ways that I can think of. That will have to wait for how," answered McGurland.

"Because you don't have the method done yet," said Rimmer.

"Or, that you don't know that it was navigation's fault," said Lowell.

"No that isn't the reason why, did you guys take stupid pills in the last seconds will with Rimmer I think he is on them with an IV hook up. I trip over my until shoe lances , you twitch," said McGurland.

"Alert, unknown ship is moving to attack vector on a direct course at these locations 2 to left of X axis, 4 top to the Y axis, and 2 to ar your by the Z axis," said Skylark.

The trio of them was confused by that saying.

"What is that Sparkly what to be up to now? Don't tell me he is trying to space write a name again if he is doing that get me out of her, I don't want to be involve with that little game of his. You know about the last time he did a little stunt like that before offered the entire delegation of the Ispa by the mention of Deathwalker and two hours later we had the entire Ispaian fleet barring down on us. The Ispaian government wanted to charge is with aidding and obeting them. Just one problem do you aid and obbeat a dead race?" Said Lowell.

"No, isn't that and I do reminder doing that, you totally piece of white trash," said Skylark.

"'White trash'? Is that an insult, if it is I haven't heard it before," said Rimmer.

"It is an insult, a very old one that comes from the twenty-century and it was old when the insults of dork and moron were new," said McGurland. "I'm surprise that Skylark even knew about that one."

"Sky if that ship is unknown, please show us," said Lowell.

"Here it is," he said.

Seconds after that one the screen they saw a series of lines and shapes on it.
"What the hell is this? It looks like Mortal Kombat is rebooting or the paper from when I fought my stereo unit," said McGurland.

"Sorry, I must of hit the wrong life," said Skylark.

"Skylark, you compete waste of crystal space, you got the IQ of 7 thousand who should know what file to open, and what about this life system? A dome tech back on C and C would know how to do it and they would done already!" Said Lowell.

"Since you put it so nicely here it is," said Skylark.

Seconds after that the screen was full up with a space scheme with Red Dwarf on the right side of them, the slightly to the left of them and there was something in the middle.

"Skylark, " said McGurland.

After that screen turn back with a line in the middle of it. There was to square lines on either side of the line, on top of the screen were zeros, and there was also a round square that was in the middle of the screen.

"Skylark, I wanted a grid not popcorn!" Yelled McGurland. My God, this computer system is a lot worst than Holly at least with Holly she tries to do good and she knows that she makes a mistakes. She tries not to make them twice, not with this computer system, he makes the same type of mistakes over and over again.

"Oh, my bad," he said. Seconds after that there was a grid up on the screen. "I'm sorry and that, I forget that it was business, not personal."

"Reminder that the next time that I ask you about something else or I will have to defrag you," said McGurland.

McGurland took a look at the grid and see saw that the alien ship fit one of the squares. "Skylark, give me a close up on gird sector D4 and I don't want anything that is stupid or pointless come pop up. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, I do," said Skylark. Then seconds after that the area that McGurland wanted to be called up was called up for her. With that she saw the ship with more details. She didn't recognize the ship, but it had all the feel of watching a Shadow ship move toward your location.

"Skylark what is their location?" Asked Lowell.

"I'll guess they are here for the Red Dwarf," said McGurland and she tapped her link. "Navigation."

"Right here," said Osborne.

"Put us between that ship and the Red Dwarf," said McGurland.

"All right," she said.

Seconds after that she felt the ship move and then it jerk. With that McGurland tapped her link again. "I said move the ship not make it start a new dance craze! Move it the right way of I will make you go outside and push it yourself."

"Sorry, I had to move one of Mark's donuts off of the display and the jelly got into the controls, I finally got the jelly of there. I think that you should feel it move the right way," said Osborne.

She felt the ship move the right way. "All right, McGurland out."

"What are you doing this?" Asked Rimmer.

"That ship out there is a warship, your ship isn't despite that it dose have lasers on it, this ship is and it is the best dam shot that you have right now," said McGurland." So shut the hell up before I make you do that for you. I don't know how I will be able to do that, but I will find out how to do it.

"So, tell me, what do you know about those things out there," said Lowell.

"Those things are reagunes robots that were built to for a war that never happen, they find that humans are a waste a space, and they take humans to torture them for entertainment only, "said Rimmer.

"They are hailing us," said Skylark.

"Receive audio and visual, but only send audio in, Minbari," said McGurland. "The heavier the annects the better, make us more alien."

"I didn't know that you can do this," said Rimmer.

"That good, because of what those things are like and the way that feel toward us, humans. What about humanoid races? Because we got Minbari on this ship as well as humans, and if they like humanoid races we are safe because we can hid the humans that are on this ship and we well pass their test," said Lowell.

"We also have history on our side as well, because of the Earth-Minbari War," said McGurland.

"I tell you, they aren't big fans of them," said Rimmer.

Oh great, I got a ship that is filled with humans and humans looking aliens. I got myself into a real winner and I wish that I can get our this or not. Let's hope for it thought McGurland.

"You can do this with all commutation systems unless you don't have to things. One: A user friendly controls, and two: or a commutation officer that knows what she is doing. Leaoon what are you dong up there? Compiling all of the reasons why AOL sucks, if you do that you will be up there for an eon. Now give the transmission," said McGurland. She hid her feeling about how she felt about this event.

"All right, let's see what dose this button do?" Asked Leaoon.

"Leaoon! Don't even think about doing that," said McGurland. " I don't want to have all my personal logs entries come up on the public billnet board."

"Sorry, I just wanted to know to know if you are still listing to me," said Leaoon.

"I'm new please before I decided to do something that I regret," said McGurland.

"Okay," she said.

"Putting somebody on a warship just because your aunt is a member of the your ruling government. With the history of great ideas this one goes right up there with my body cover with fish paste in water that is full with blood in the middle of the Amazon River," said Lowell.

After that the screen that they were looking at change from the space scrape to the face of the Sicate Captain.

"Message is in English," said Leaoon.

"Who are you? What do you want? Why are you here? Where are you going?" The Captain asked.

"He sounds like a dam aide for Microsoft," said Rimmer.

"Androids that don't like humans," started Lowell and he nodded his head at what he was about to say to them. "Microsoft had to be their builder and the first Windows 95 is their operation system."

"I'm Teleix of the ISA Vortex, Shari Alyt of the ship," said McGurland.

"No you not," said Rimmer.

"Yes, I am, you complete waste of light and energy. I know some solar panels that have better personilies than you will ever had. I would love to use what you are wasting right now. I am doing this so that they don't discover that we are humans," said McGurland.

"But, Teleix? Captain that is about as Minbari sounding as FAX," said Lowell.

"Could you think of anything as fast as I could?" Asked McGurland.

"No," he answered.

"Fine," she said.

"I just hope that entire conversation didn't go on air," said Rimmer.

McGurland looked at him and was about to say something to him about this. She decided that it would be only a waste of time if she did because what type of offense that she thought of that he hasn't heard before. So she turned back to the screen again. He saw that the ship's computer system had turn on the screen saver.

"Skylark, shut the screen saver off," said McGurland.

Skylark did what she asked of him.

On the Sicate ship, the captain look confuses at the events that were happening right now. They saw an alien ship that was between then and the Red Dwarf, that they recognized, and the alien ship had recognized them as well, but they refused to talk in English.

"This is bizarre," he said.

"What?" Asked a female member.

"This. There is an alien ship out there that is between us and the Red Dwarf, showing us that they recognized us as a threat, but they refuse to talk in English. How is that translator working?" He asked.

"Who know that they were French," said another one.

"I can't make heads or tails of it, it dose not seem to follow any type of rules and when it dose have rules it dose not follow its own," said the Silicate in that job.

Seconds after that he started to smoke can from his head.

Seeing that the captain of the ship turned his back to his crew member and saw that he did to one of his crew.

"Man, I knew that I should have gotten that update when I did. Let's me take a look at this," he said.

"No, let me," said another one of the crew. That one walked up was the Translation Officer was at. He took a look at and just like what happen to the first Silicate happens to that one. Smoke came from his head.

"Great," he said. As the rest of the crew fell left and rights trying to make sense of this new alien launage.

On the Vortex, McGurland, Lowell, and Rimmer saw all of this happen. That until one of the Slicates hit one of the displays that cut their transmission from that ship.

"What the smeg just happen over there?" Asked Rimmer.

"You got me, you know more about these things than I do," said Lowell.

McGurland turned around to look at the two of them. "Chris, what are you doing? Asking a person who thinks that Waterloo is a type of water flower. You think that a man with flair nostrils, that are as big as the Sears Tower," said McGurland.

"Hey! I know what Waterloo was," said Rimmer.

"Why do I have the feeling that I'm going to throw up and then after that shot myself for even letting the two of you go through with this?" Asked McGurland. After that she hind her face in her hand.

"I just let them have some fun, why don't you?" Asked Skylark.

"I would, but at who's fault, me? I don't think so," answered McGurland.

The argument between the two of them went on. McGurland didn't paid any type of attention to what they were saying to each other, for this was a type of conversation that she didn't care about. Maybe Skylark was right, one of the few times. Let the two most arrogant men fight each other, let it out of their systems, and let see how far they would go before she had to step in. Then she thought what would happen, all of this negativity energy put into one place, a signal event might make a black hole that could suck almost everything into like the lips of the lead singer of the Stones. She slivered at that thought and made the choice to stop the flight between the two of them.

"Hey, the two of you stop doing this. These are enough Black Holes in the universe without the two of you creating two more," said McGurland.

"Yeah, like Linda Hunt," said Lowell.

"Yup. This argument over focus stuff is overshadowing something," said McGurland.

"What? Oh tell us oh great leader," said Rimmer.

"I forget you said that. We won! Also we won without firing a shot," said McGurland.

Rimmer and Lowell just turned their back on her and started to walk out of the room.

"What? What did I say? Come on tell me." Asked McGurland.