short piece
WRITTEN:
1995, 28 years
CONTENT WARNING: This piece contains crude language and sexual references. If you are going to be offended, please do not proceed.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This was inspired by part of a conversation I overheard while on a crowded bus. Two women were bitching about some mutual friends, and it was obvious that there was one of them everyone despised because she was always showing up everyone else for their bad points and never reciprocated favours (Thomas Hobbes insists that all good deeds are done with the expectation of benefitting in return). Originally I intended to make this piece longer, but I rather like it as it is. I have had mixed responses to it, which is quite all right as it's one of those sorts of things you either like or don't like. Some people may dislike it on the basis of the language used, but I must insist - it is colloquial perfectly valid.
"You know what really pisses me off?" Georgia broke into the conversation. We looked at her, expectantly, politely. "What really pisses me off is when my ex rings up just as I'm about to get it on with my new man, that's what."
There was an uncomfortable silence. Mark and Di squirmed a little.
"I thought he went to Sumatra or somewhere." Di said finally, pseudo-casually.
"He was s'posed to, but he didn't. Dunno why." Georgia replied, helping herself to some more cake and quite oblivious to the grimaces going around the table.
"Weren't we talking about Alison's new job?" Mark began, digging Di in the ribs. Di spluttered her coffee and nodded enthusiastically. Georgia twigged.
"Oh, that's right. Let's have a get-together, says Kate, and let's talk about our problems and have a gripe and we'll all feel better, but don't let Georgia get started or we'll all die of boredom!" She heaved herself out of the beanbag and stomped out to the balcony, where she made a point of sulking very visibly. Di sighed. Mark smothered a giggle with a handful of rice crackers. Kate looked to the ceiling, shaking her head. Jerry raised his eyebrows at me. I quietly told him to go fuck himself and gave myself a large slice of cake.
"Another thing that really pisses me off," shouted Georgia, "is the way you all pretend to like me as long as I don't say anything."
Mark choked slightly. Di thumped him on the back and a huge gob of rice paste landed in the dip. Mark giggled away.
"And, the way Kate and Alison never ask me out because you're afraid I'll embarrass you or something."
Kate went to the bathroom. We heard muffled screams. I presumed the towels must have been clean enough to begin with. Alison smiled wryly.
"Are any of youse listening to me?"
"Shut up, you stupid cunt!" screamed Di in the general direction of the balcony, then blushed and flopped face-first into the vacant beanbag. Jerry groaned. Mark continued to giggle. I got sick of it all and cleared the nibbles from the pewter tray which I launched, frisbee-style, at Georgia's head. I missed.
"You fucking bitch!"
Georgia launched herself, frisbee-style, at me. She missed. She hit the wall instead. We watched her slide to the floor. We honestly didn't give a shit any more. Kate returned, looking slightly flushed, and we resumed our conversation.