********---------*******
To say the least Kerry was stunned. Just the mere fact of John asking her to marry him shocked her. For some reason she never thought he would ask her. Oh, she had dreamed about him asking many times. But seriously?
“Are you asking me or are you just curious,” Kerry said stalling for time. She was interested in what was going on inside his handsome head.
“I’m asking you, and I don’t seem to be getting an answer either.” John replied, starting to get a little worried. He watched her intently. His handsome face serious and starting to show a slight bit of worry on it. Was she going to turn him down? He knew she loved him, but he was asking for a lifetime commitment. Mabey he had asked her too soon? Mabey she wasn’t ready yet?
“Well this is so sudden. Would you mind if I took a month or two to answer?” Kerry said her eyes glinting.
John looked at her in shock and disbelief. “Are you serious?” He said in disbelief.
Trying as hard as she could Kerry could no longer contain the laughter that was bubbling up. “John, I love you. Of course I’ll marry you.” She placed her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.
***********Later that night**********
Three a.m. John thought. Why did he always awaken at three a.m? Tonight of all nights he knew he should be sleeping like a baby. He was so tired. He and Kerry had stayed up late celebrating. He knew he should be sound asleep. He rolled over and watched her sleep. She was sleeping so peacefully.
He reached over and gently traced the line of her cheekbone. She was so beautiful. The last person he ever thought about being with was Kerry. But now that they were together he couldn’t remember ever loving anyone like he loved her.
He stared at the ceiling. He was so tired of the nightmares. He knew it would take time. Kerry, his counselor, really everyone he knew kept telling him it would take time to get over this tragedy. But he was so tired of getting over it. He had been so sure that his nightmares were over.
He was so tired. Why was he awake? He should be sleeping like a baby. He slipped out of the bed. The last thing he wanted was to wake Kerry up. She needed her sleep just like he needed his. Kerry was on early tomorrow and he knew she needed all the sleep she could get. He sighed, he hated being awake in the middle of the night.
He slipped out of their bedroom and headed towards the kitchen. Warm milk he thought opening up the fridge. He thought too, of the many nights he had tried to get back to sleep after the attack by drinking warm milk in the late hour of the night. No, not milk! He was truly tired of milk at 3 a.m. He decided against food and drink and headed towards the back yard. Solitude was what he was looking for. Mabey he could contemplate the stars or something. It sure beat looking at the clock and waiting for sleep.
He found the old bench swing that was swinging in the breeze. He had been watching the night sky for approximately 20 minutes when Kerry appeared at the doorway. She hugged her robe closer to her body, and watched him for a few moments. Taking in his jogging pants and T-shirt. His hair mussed up like it usually was in the morning. And the 5 o’clock shadow that was already starting across his face. He was idylly swinging back and forth staring at the night sky.
She limped over to where he was sitting. He saw her approach and moved over on the swing to let her sit. She placed her crutch on a small patio table nearby. Neither spoke for several moments. It was Kerry who broke the silence.
“I was wondering where you had gone off to.” She said quietly. She swung the swing back and forth slightly. John smiled at her. Ever his champion he thought.
“Worried about me?” he said quietly.
“Well not so worried so much as curious.” She said quietly.
“Bad night?” she said gently.
“Yah.” John said quietly.
“Nightmares?” Kerry asked him.
“Yah.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” She asked him in her soft voice.
“I didn’t want to disturb you.” John said leaning back in the swing and moving her closer to him. They rocked gently back and forth for a few minutes. Not much I can say to that Kerry thought to herself. She reached out and placed her hand on his knee. He responded by holding it. She was touched by his thoughtfulness. She leaned against him, revealing in his warmth. He caressed her thumb absentmindedly.
“You want to talk about it?” she said quietly. John thought about it. What could he tell her that she didn’t already know. He could tell her that sometimes he remembered more than he wanted to. Or that the thought of going into trauma room 3 was horrendous at times and at other times it was no big deal.
“Not much to say that you don’t already know.” He said quietly.
Kerry knew he that what he really meant was that he was dealing with it. She knew he still saw a therapist, and she also understood that nights like this were bound to happen.
“Can I ask you a question?” John asked her. Kerry shrugged her shoulders.
“Sure” she said quietly. Trying to snuggle closer to him on the swing. The nights still weren’t as warm as she wanted them to be. She wished she had thought to grab a light jacket before she went outside.
“Why did you hesitate when I asked you to marry me?” he said quietly. “Were you serious? Do you really want to wait?” A hint of worry had entered his voice. John was afraid to get her answer. He was afraid for their relationship if she didn’t.
Kerry smiled up at him. “John I wasn’t hesitating so much as I was stunned, I never truly thought you would ask me.” Kerry had never expected John to care for her, not deeply, the way she had always wanted to be cared for. The reality that he truly wanted a lifetime with her had stunned her, plain and simple.
John looked down at her, her short red hair fluffed gently with the breeze. “Why?”
She was silent, collecting her thoughts. “Well let’s put it this way. I have a bit of a temper, I limp worse than Quasimoto, and I’m slightly obsessive about the housekeeping.”
She said quietly.
John knew she was trying to inject a little humor into their conversation and he loved her for that. But he also knew that his Kerry, this woman who brought so much more dimension into his life than he had ever thought possible. Truly didn’t believe that he loved HER.
He loved the way she moved. He loved the sound of her laughter. He loved the little things about her that you often take for granted in your loved ones from the smell of her perfume, to her silences. Even her erratic temper. He loved the way she touched him whenever she got the chance. Kerry was a woman who had a definite sense of space around her, very few people were allowed in. He was truly honored that he was one of them.
“Does your limp bother you that much?” he said quietly. He said latching onto the one thing he thought might be bothering her the most.
Only when I move, only when I walk up the stairs and I have to grab the rail so I won’t fall. Only when I’m trying to do rounds, only when people ask what happened and the last thing I want to do is answer. She thought to herself.
“Sometimes.” She replied.
“You do know I love you don’t you?” she said quietly. Kerry couldn’t remember every loving anyone the way she loved him. Sometimes when she remembered the cold existence that she had before he came into her life she got scared thinking what would happen if he left her.
John let go of her hand and gently stroked her arm. He noticed the Goosebumps that were starting to form from the chilly night’s air.
“I know. C’mon, lets go inside, I don’t want you blaming me if you get a cold.” Kerry just smiled at him. She had no way of telling John how much he meant to her, she would just have to show him. She smiled at him softly and took his hand and then her cane and limped towards the house.
********Dinner table a few days later*********
“Hey guess what?” Samantha said, her voice more animated then they had heard for a few days now.
John looked her way as he passed the green beans to Madison, when she ignored them; he calmly placed a couple of tablespoons on her plate anyway. She gave him a dirty look and sulked. Her tactics were promptly ignored.
Kerry looked at Samantha. “What?” She said, while trying to figure out how to get an extra helping of lasagna with out alerting Johns attention. Every since she had told him she was thinking of loosing weight. He’d been teasing her unmercifully about everything she put in her mouth. That’s the last time I tell him I’m thinking of going on a diet, she thought.
Samantha just grinned. ‘I got a JOB!” she was so exited. Her excitement showed on her face. “You are now looking at the newest receptionist for Blackburn real estate.”
John just grinned, “Isn’t that going to be a bit unusual for you, I mean, after all we’re usually taking phone calls for you and not the other way around.” Samantha pretended to glare at him.
“Ha, ha very funny!”
“I already knew” Madison informed John. “MY mommy told me firsted!”
John laughed at Madison; she sure had a way of mangling words on occasion. Kerry laughed lightly. “That’s great news. Is the pay good? Is it part time, or full time? We’ll have to celebrate. We could have Dave over, and mabey go out on the town or something.” She said.
Madison said. “Yah lets invite Dave, then we can play cards.” She grinned.
Samantha just laughed at her. “Honey last time we played cards, you beat Dave at war and he threw them at you. So do you really want to play cards with him again.”
“Yah” Madison laughed excitedly. “Cause I know I’m going to win ahead of time!”
Samantha just smiled at her daughter. “Silly.” She said to her. Turning to Kerry she asked her.
“The pays ok, and its full time. I do have to do an occassional weekend shift, but I’m assured I will get time off during the week to make up for it.”
She said excitedly. “I start on Monday. I do have a question for you guys though. Have you two love birds decided on the date yet?”
Kerry laughed softly. Her new ring sparkled on her finger. She loved looking at it. John had surprised her with an heirloom ring that he had gotten from his gamma. It was pretty and not to ostentatious. Just exactly what she would have picked out at the store she thought. She looked over at John and smiled. She liked that sweater on him she thought admiring the way he looked in it. He needs to wear it more often.
To Samantha she said. “No, not yet, we’re to busy arguing over where to go on our honeymoon.” She laughed lightly.
John said while scooping up another piece of lasagna. “I was thinking of Mexico. I thought we could take a cruise and live it up on the beach or something like that. Then miss smarty pants decides she doesn’t want to see Mexico.”
Kerry pretended to glare at him. “Well, my idea was better! I thought we could go to Paris. It’s beautiful there and we could go to some of the museums and such. *I* thought it would be a much more interesting trip.”
Samantha watched the two mock fighting. They sure look happy she thought. “How about Viagra falls, er uh Niagara Falls.”
She said lightly. “ I mean it must be romantic, 20 gazillion people can’t be wrong.” She laughed lightly.
“Nope, I don’t think that would work” John said. “Kerry’s likely to push me in.”
Kerry replied with out missing a beat (and snagging the last piece of lasagna), ‘Your right I would.” She grinned back at him hoping her wouldn’t notice the lasagna.
She smiled slightly. The group argued lightly each trying to find the “PERFECT” honeymoon spot. Every spot from Maui to Pittsburgh were mentioned. The conversation around the table was starting to lull when Madison screamed out. “I know where you can go.”
Everyone at the table turned around and watched her for a few moments.
“You can go to Disneyland!”
