December 31, 1999

After I realized that the vending machine was in the men’s room, and there was no way I was going to go walking in there without attracting attention (remember, I was trying to be inconspicuous) this meant I had to go back outside, back to my rented car, get undressed all over again, take off my mask, etc., and try to do all this when no one’s looking (not easy in the parking lot of a bus terminal.)

So finally I get totally invisible again. And again I sneak back into the place. Now that I know where the vending machine is, I head straight for the men’s room & walk in. There were a couple of guys in there, doing their business, but I didn’t have time for any eyeballing; I had work to do. I looked around, and there’s the machine, mounted on the wall, next to the paper-towel dispenser. Now this machine was a little different from the one I was working on when I disappeared. It was smaller, and as I said, it was wall-mounted. And it sold…um…how do I put this? Well, for now let’s just say it sold "weenie-wrappers" and leave it at that. It was old & beat-up looking, like it hadn’t been used since the Depression. But I looked it over, and sure enough, there was the "Gannymede" logo on the bottom. AHA! Paydirt! The last of its kind!

So I look the thing over, because it’s supposed to have a sticker on it with the company’s name, address & phone number. I looked it over, top to bottom & side to side, but couldn’t find a sticker anywhere. I saw what I thought might be the remains of a sticker torn off, but I couldn’t tell. So then I thought, "Well, maybe it’s on the inside." And I’m just about to open it when I realize: I don't have my tools with me! I was really getting frustrated. Whoever made these stupid machines was by now really beginning to annoy me.

So I went back outside to the rented car and again waited until no one was watching, then quickly opened the car door, opened my toolbox & took out my trusty screwdriver (my motto: if it can’t be fixed with a screwdriver, it can’t be fixed.) But now I’m faced with a new problem: how to get the screwdriver inside without attracting attention?

Well, I worked out a way. I put the screwdriver on the ground right near the doorway & waited for someone to open the door. When someone finally did, I quickly scooted the screwdriver through the doorway along the ground, right along the corner by the wall. I scooted the ‘driver along the ground that way all the way to the men’s room, constantly looking to see if anyone was watching. It took a long time! Because it went something like this:

Okay. No one’s watching. NOW! Scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot-STOP! Someone’s watching! Wait…wait…wait…wait…Okay…they’re looking the other way. NOW! Scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot-WAIT! Now some dumb kid is looking this way. Now he’s coming over. What the hell does HE want? Go on kid, get out of here! Oh no, he sees the screwdriver! He’s bending over to pick it up! So I whisper in the kid’s ear:

"Hey, kid. You touch it, you die, understand? Now get out of here!"

The kid turns white as a sheet, turns & runs back to his mom. Okay, now everyone’s attention is focused on the kid crying. Good, perfect diversion. NOW! Scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot-scoot…

This went on for I don’t know how long. Finally I got the ‘driver to the edge of the men’s room door and got it in there just like I got it inside the terminal in the first place. I sneaked it inside & hid it behind the trash pail & waited for the guys still in there to leave. When they did, I took the ‘driver and quick as a wink, I popped the front of the machine open & took a look inside…

Well, I’m not even going to try to describe what it looked like inside. Let’s just say I saw a lot of blinking & flashing lights & high-tech electronic gizmos & gadgets that didn’t look to me like anything that came from this world (but I’m no expert.) I poked around in there a little bit, but not too much, ‘cuz I was afraid of touching something that would either (a) electrocute me or (b) turn me visible again right then & there. I don’t know which I was afraid of more.

But I did see a label with the Gannymede address on it. I read it & repeated it to myself over & over again so I wouldn’t forget it. I can’t tell you where it is, because my contact person (code name: "Sore Throat") said maybe I’d better not, until we have a chance to investigate it further.

When I was sure I had the address memorized, I was just about to close up the machine again when I heard a sound behind me. I would’ve jumped out of my skin except I didn’t have any (invisible joke) and turned around. Apparently there was some guy in one of the stalls I didn’t notice earlier, and he saw the open machine with all the lights blinking & stuff. His eyes opened wide and he came towards the machine. I slammed it shut and said, "Sorry, this machine is out of order!"

He got this big smile on his face and a gleam in his eye and goes, "Whoa! A talkin’ vendin’ machine! I saw wunna them in the city once! Didn’t think we’d ever get one around these parts!" He started to reach a hand out toward the machine. I didn’t want him to see the inside of the machine & blow the whistle on it or anything, so I said.

"Um—excuse me, I said this machine is out of order. Please do not touch."

He’s still reaching his hand toward the machine, so I said:

"HEY, DUMMY!! You got a hearing problem? I said it’s out of order! Now leave it alone & get OUT of here!!"

Finally he got the message. He pulled his hand away & beat a hasty retreat out the door. I quickly closed up the machine again and beat it the heck out of there myself.

Okay. So now I had an address where the Gannymede company is (or was) located. A definite clue. I only hope it’s still there. So after packing up my stuff, I was on my way to the new location. I’m on route there right now.  I wish I could say where it is, but I can't; it’s just too risky, until I’ve had a chance to investigate it!

(I'm going to have to ask Sore Throat where the hell Rio Linda is. I can’t find it on this map anywhere...)

P.S. Sore Throat has a theory as to why this machine didn’t disappear like all the other Gannymede machines: he says it’s because Roswell is like a big time-space gravity-well that pulls in things like UFOs and also isolates it from outside galactic influences or something weird like that. I take what he says with a grain of salt. I mean, the next thing you know, he’ll have us believe that there are invisible people running around or something equally stupid…

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