~*~*~*~

The older he gets, the more I watch him.

It was strategic, at first. I watched him to find his weakness. Everyone has weaknesses, children most of all--and his weaknesses were something to be exploited. Through him, I could find a crack in that impenetrable façade that is Qui-Gon Jinn.

But as the years went by, and he grew older . . . I started watching him for himself.

~*~

Although we've met before, in battle, testing the waters . . . he never seems to feel my presence when I am near. I do not know if this is a blessing or a curse . . . it means I can watch him, be close to him . . .

But it means that I am nothing to him. I think he may even hate me, as much as a Padawan of the Stoic Master Jinn can feel any emotion.

Qui-Gon. Oh, years have dulled the pain of that bitter knife. You nearly destroyed me, Master mine. Nearly turned me into a carbon copy of yourself, cold, emotionless, a walking statue, embodying all the things a good Jedi should be.

Blind. All good Jedi must be blind. Blind to balance, blind to reason . . . if you could, you would claw out the eyes of all who can see a different path. And you would claw out mine because I now walk it.

I used to hate you. I wanted you dead, destroyed, at any costs. Nothing was to great a price to pay for the release of your spirit into the Force. Now, however . . . now I only feel pity.

Pity for what you are. For what you were. For the fact that you are so set in your ways that you can not see a different way, a stronger way.

Pity for him, who must live in your shadow.

I'm watching him now, as he stretches casually, arms above his head. He often comes to this quiet little park, often comes and spends his free time in pursuits that you know nothing off.

He is old now, the same age I was when I learned of the Truth. That's what I call it now, Master mine. The Truth. The knowledge that the Jedi aren't infallible. That they have crippled themselves, knowingly, by refusing to acknowledge what they do not understand. You think I did it for power? For money or greed?

I did it for truth, Qui-Gon. Truth that you are blind to.

Obi-Wan turns, his eyes meeting mine as he feels the vibration in the Force that accompanies my anger. You still have the power to make me angry, even though I gave up my grudge against you long ago.

He has not seen me since he was young . . . very young. And yet--I feel the faint recognition as his eyes burn into mine, his eyebrows drawing together as he gropes towards meaning, trying to figure out why he knows me.

Reaching out softly, I nudge his mind away from the realization. It's not time yet. Soon . . . soon I will reveal the Truth to him, so that he, too, will be free of you. I can ease his passage into knowledge, make it hurt less for him than it did for me.

But I will free him.

You will not destroy him as well.

~*~

Fin