Star Wars Bible.. The Old (new) Testiment 1
Thy Phan-toom Men-ace.
or Maul in a days Work...
or Qui Gon, Qui Goff.
The First Book of Young SC-EYE-WALK-AR,called Tat-oo-ine.
Chapter 1:
1 And An-ar-kin was a young slave boy, whom had no father, and all his friends called him Bastard. And An-ar-kin did not mind, as he said unto them Call me not by this name, for I shall strike at thee with great vengeance in Part 3.
2 And An-ar-kin was working in the shop of Wat-two whence some strange people did emerge into it. And An-ar-kin did guess they was from out of town. And the one with thy floppy ears did sommit silly, for comedy value. And Wat-two, smelling a sale, did call unto An-ar-kin saying An-ar-kin, An-ar-kin, get thoust arse in thy shop, thy good for nowt pigdog.
3 And An-ar-kin did run in, and did allow Wat-two to serve thy big man. An An-ar-kin did laugh at thy antics of the floppy eared one, and was smitten with thy girl. And An-ar-kin did try to woo the girl, by pretending to be big and hard and he said unto her One day, I'm gonna be king of thy Universe. And thy girl did reply I knowst, I have seen thy other films.
4 And An-ar-kin did introduce himself, as An-ar-kin, and thy girl did say her name was Pad-mee, not Am-ee-dil-ar at all. And An-ar-kin did believe her, as he was smitten. And Ja-jar did cause many things to fall over, for comic relief.
5 And An-ar-kin did hear Wat-two talking to the man, and thy man was trying to haggle, but Wat-two was too clever for that. And thy man left. And thy floppy eared one left, and it was good. And thy woman who was not Am-ee-dil-ar did leave, and it was not good. And An-ar-kin did need to go to thy toilet.
6 It came to pass that Wat-two let An-ar-kin leave early, and he did chase after thy woman, whome he was smitten. And he did meet thy floppy eared one, whom was in another hilarious situation. And he did save him, and thou were all happy, And An-ar-kin did decide to take them home.
7 Mrs. Sc-eye-walk-ar was not expecting guests, and thy dusting had not been done. And she was embarrased. And Kwi-Kworn did talk softly to her, as he was smitten. And she was smitten with thy floppy eared one. And An-ar-kin did decide to impress thy girl more, and did think hard as to his best chat up line. And after he had thought he said unto her I have made a droid. Wouldst thou like to come and look at it. And she did sayeth yes.
8 And Thre-pio did awaken, and it was not good. And he did spy Ar-too, and it was good. And Ar-too, whom had already seen thy previous films, reconised Thre-pio, and it was not good. And Thre-pio was switched off, and it was good.
9 And thy company did have sommit to eat, and it was fortunate that Mrs. Sc-eye-walk-ar had made plenty.
10 And miles away, a ship did land. And a man, in a cloak did emerge. And he did send his little warriors off.
Chapter 2:
1 And Obi-won said unto Kwi-Kworn Thou hast a bad feeling aboust this. And Kwi-Kworn said Nay, nay, thy need thoust parts to escape this shitty planet, and thy boy can get them, as long as he wins thy race. And Obi-won said What race? And Kwi-Kworn told him that Wat-two had declined to sell thy parts, and that An-ar-kin could win thy parts if he won in a pod race, but shouldest he fail, they should all die, but not to think of things like that. And Obi-won agreed. And he was angry Kwi-Kworn called the planet shitty, as he still liked it.
2 And Obi-won did depart that day, and did wander into town, and did find an estate agents, and did look at house prices.
3 And An-ar-kin did finish thy work to thy pod racer, and did enter it in thy race, but thoust nasty little Dug did sabotage thy racer, and A-ar-kin did stall at thy starting line. And he did finally get going, and did win, and there was much rejoicing.
4 And Kwi-Kworn did reveal that he had bought An-ar-kin's freedom, and he was to travel with them. And An-ar-kin was happy, as he would be a little plastic figure, and so would his Pod racer. And they left to tell Mrs. Sc-eye-walk-ar.
5 And thy cloaked figure did see where they was hiding, and get get on his bike, and did pedal very fast indeed.
6 And Mrs. Sc-eye-walk-ar was happy for An-ar-kin, but was upset, as she would not be a little plastic figure. And An-ar-kin said goodbye to Thre-pio, and Thre-pio did ask if he would be a little plastic figure, and An-ar-kin bade it. And Thre-pio was happy, and then he was switched off.
7 And Kwi-Kworn and An-ar-kin, and Ar-too and the girl whom was not the queen and Ja-jar did catch a bus to thy ship, but alas thy bus driver said he not go all thy way, and they should depart near by. Which they did.
8 And as Kwi-Kworn did run for thy ship, a bike did appear, and it was thy cloaked figure, whom did jump off and ignite thy saba. And Kwi-Kworn did also, and did fight him. And An-ar-kin was upset that thy man with thy silly face was stealing his future job.
9 And Obi-won had a plan, and he did take off and fly off to space as fast as he could. Then he remembered Kwi-Kworn, and did return, and pick him up, and they did fly off once more. And Morl did sayeth to no one Bah! Humbug.
10 And all was peacful on thy ship that night. And An-ar-kin did tell Kwi-Kworn about thy dream he had had as a small child. And thy dream was freeing all slaves, and being a hero, and having heavy breathing.