Your Problems solved!

Your problems solved
By the Man At the Bar.

We get a lot of Emails at Captain Stable Hq of people's problems. Keep them rolling in, and we'll take the best ones down the pub with us, have a laugh at your expence, and ask the old man at the bar what he thinks.

Dear Man at the Bar

I am 16 years old, and recently met a boy on the internet. He is 16 also, and asked me if i would be his girlfriend. I agreed, and we spoke for many weeks. Recently however, he has not been in contact with me, and I feel unwanted because he has ignored all my e-mails. Please help.

You know what? That kid needs a good seeing to that's what he needs. I know a few mates right, who can help you out. Go round his house, break his fingers. There - then you can hear him crying like you've been.

Dear Man at the Bar

My wife has been going out on a friday night with some friends from work. Last week she came home at six o'clock in the morning, with a love bite on her neck. Her lipstick was smudged and her kickers were torn. She swore nothing happened, but I do not know if i can trust her. Please help.

You know what mate - your my best mate. No - really you are, and I'll have a pint of best if you insist. Anyway, leave the cow. Kick her out and her bloody kids too. Your too good for the likes of her you know. I love you, your my best mate.

Dear Man at the Bar

My wife of 10 years has left me for another man, and I feel sad all the time. My work is suffering because of this, and my boss had been not been happy with my work recently. Me and my wife had a good sex life, and I never felt I needed to satisfy her any more than I did, but she has left me for another man, and she told me I was awful in bed and that she faked every time. Please help

Good riddence to the old slapper. What you wanna do mate is go down the pub, get drunk, and pull yourself a classy bird. THEN - when your back at your place, and she's purring like a pussycat, phone your whore of a wife up and yell "Does this sound like faking?!?!?!"

Dear Man at the Bar

I was recently arrested by the police for "soliciting". This has caused great embarrasment for myself and my partner. She has always provided a good and stable relationship for me, and never pushes me into anything. I suppose it is for this reason that I go looking for cheap women who I can do anything to, as they rarely complain as long as I am paying. Anyway, word has got around my place of work of what happened, and now people stare at me, and talk in hushed voices. Conversations stop suddenly whenever i enter a room, and this is causing me problems. No one wishes to talk to me or even wish to be associated. Plase help.

I would you to write to me again with more details of your sex life - maybe include a few photo's if possible. As for being an outcast at work - LEAVE - no one is forcing you to stay are they?

Dear Man at the Bar

My girlfriend and I were discussing fantasies a few weeks ago, and she told me she has always wanted a threesome. This horrified me at first, but then I decided that maybe it could be fun. She then told me she knew who the third person would be, and it was a previous boyfriend. Since then, we have made love several times, but I am scared that she is thinking of him, rather than me. Please help.

Sorry, but the Man At the Bar left to go to the toilet at this point, and we haven't seen him since. In the meantime - we will pass your letter on to H from Steps to see what he has to say.

Legal Notice: The Man At the Bar is NOT a registered agony Man At Bar, he is a professional drinker, and as such may have some very strong views on life.

If you've got a problem, and no one else can help - Email Us now with the subject "Man at the Bar". We'll print the best ones out and take them down to him. We're sorry, but the man at the bar very rarely enters into private correspondence, unless you ask him about gays, lesbians, ethnics minorities, the price of petrol, police, babies, the government, etc etc etc.