Title: In Hindsight
Author: Liz Skywalker
My e-mail: lizskywalker@hotmail.com
My website/archive: www.geocities.com/area51/atlantis/9010
Feedback: Yes. Constructive criticism only. Flames will be given in as homework
Assignments.
Category: AU
Spoilers: You better have watched the original trilogy.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I don't own star wars. I have no money, I spent it all on the books
and fanzines. I make no money (I wish I did).
Posting: Ask me. I'll say yes.
Summery: Leia recounts a friend's betrayal. An AU story.



	I guess I was blind not to notice the change. Everyone says it was there, 
but I, being preoccupied with finding Han, was oblivious to it all. He became 
moodier, started resisting command, and was very withdrawn.

	I was aware of this, of course, but in a very detached way. I knew he had 
been hurt in his fight with Vader but I didn't know how deep it ran, what they 
shared.

	My first should have been that it took him a few seconds to respond to 
things, like he was consulting someone. But I was blind to it. Strange isn't it 
how true it when they say that we look back with perfect sight.

	One of his friends alerted me to the second sign. Wedge told me that he 
was constantly talking to himself. After that, I began to pay more attention to 
him, but he seemed fine to me. How was I supposed to realize it was all an act?

	The next few signs passed unnoticed. It was a gradual change in him. If it 
had happened all at once, maybe we could have stopped him. Maybe we would have 
noticed, perhaps we could have understood. But we must have seemed aloof to him, 
not caring, not noticing.

	But when he struck, nobody was really all that surprised.

	We all felt betrayed. But I, who should have felt it the most, felt it the 
least. Blaming myself, I seemed to block out all that was going on around me. I 
could attribute it to Han's disappearance but that would be a lie. I guess I 
sort of blamed him for Han's imprisonment so I blocked him from my mind. It 
proved to be a big mistake.

	In hindsight, I suppose Vader was taking him over from the second they 
crossed sabers. Slowly, inch by inch, he came totally under Vader's influence. 
Every thought that crossed his mind had to be okayed by Vader or it was 
banished. Every time he flew in combat, Vader told him which pilots the Empire 
could afford to lose. And, ultimately, every secret that the Alliance gave it's 
pet Jedi was passed on to Vader. But, like fools, we never looked to the heart 
of the problem.

	I don't blame him for betraying us. I know that sounds unbelievable, but I 
really don't. He had been lied to his entire life. Vader finally told him truth. 
As amazing as it seems to me, Vader always told him the truth. That truth was 
more addictive than any spice. It didn't take long for that truth to turn into 
lessons. Lessons in hatred, lessons in betrayal. Lessons in the Dark Side.

	He moved quickly, silently. No one knew what he was doing, most didn't 
care. He had become a god, something looked up to, someone never questioned. And 
he knew this and used it to his advantage. With an award ceremony that night, we 
were preoccupied. But I guess that isn't a very good defense.

	We didn't know he was going to sabotage our shields, our weapons' systems, 
our sirens and alerts. We didn't know that he had 'convinced' our security teams 
to get some R&R. And we didn't know that he had told Vader the fleet's location. 
But, then again, how could we know?

	He felt no remorse for what he did. I think he might have been above 
remorse. Or maybe he savored the remorse then denounced it was a weak emotion. I 
know that sounds cold, but that's how he is now.

	After that, he publicly joined Vader. It was just a formality, really. 
They were joined from the time he was born. Joined in mind, joined in destiny, 
if you believe in that sort of thing.

	When they killed Palpatine, I went into hiding. He was uncontrollable now. 
Vader had fueled his anger against us and now allowed him free rein with us. He 
ruthlessly hunted down and killed all the members he could find. Everyday we get 
more and more reports of savage murders and strange disappearances via the dark 
prince, as he is called now. I can't hide much longer from him. He occupies my 
every thought. Did he find Lando and Chewiee? Did they get Han out of Jabba's 
clutches and are now in hiding like me? Or are they checked off on his list of 
victims?

	I don't know what to do any more. I hope I can wait out this dark time, 
but somehow I don't believe it.




	Leia closed her journal and sighed. She wondered if there was any use in 
writing all this down, especially if she wouldn't even write his name. Since his 
betrayal, no one in the Alliance had referred to him by his name. They all just 
called him 'him' or 'he' and everyone knew who they were talking about.

	She stiffened. Footsteps, she heard footsteps. She whirled and found 
herself looking into his eyes.

	"Hello princess." He said. Leia froze.

	"Hello Luke." She said quietly.


The End.

A/N: This originally was supposed to be only a journal entry but I changed my 
mind near the end. That's when my writing style change. Just FYI. Please review.