From: Me
To: Any one who I tricked into here.
Subject: The effects of insomnia.
Memo: No flames, be nice. I need more sleep.
Re: lizskywalker@hotmail.com
The Crazy Junk: Everyone belongs to themselves or Luca$. If I had money, do you 
think I'd have insomnia?
Who to blame: The Fanfix e-group (Hi guys!), KT the Hutt for the beginning of 
the plot bunny, and the Force for giving me the plot bunny and making me put it 
to paper.
Things to understand first: KT the Hutt is a very influential Hutt in the Star 
Wars galaxy. Seriously, she's an active participant in the Fanfix egroup. 
Everytime she tries to get onto the chat, her computer gets her off, in short, 
Microsoft kills her. So she's writing a story where she gets even with Gates. 
Luke is my father and he did drop me on my head when I was a baby. That's why I 
love to make him turn to the dark side. *grin*
 
Text: 
 
	The evil one looked at his control board, bored out of his mind. The 
second evil one was going to come in a few minutes but he was still board. Just 
for the fun of it, he pulled a few wires.
****
	"AAARRGG!" The gangster yelled, knocking over printouts as she went on a 
rampage. "Why??? Why me? What did I do?" She looked back over to her Holonet 
connection. It was dead.
****
	On the other side of the galaxy a force storm rampaged a planet. In the 
only safe house there, the dark one was controlling the storm. In a bit of fury, 
she threw her Holonet connector out into the storm.
**** 
	On Yavin Four, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker looked up from his teaching. 
"Not again," he groaned.
 
	"What is it?" His friend Kyp Durron asked.
 
	"Liz and KT." He stated matter-of-factly.
 
	Kyp groaned. "Not again." And then rushed off. He had a meeting to get to.
 ****
	"Ah, second evil one", the first evil one said. "I've been waiting for 
you.
 
	"Cut it, Willy. You got a dark Jedi after you, and a Hutt gangster to top 
it off."
 
	"You know, Kyp? That's really clichéd!" William said. "When's the third 
evil one going to be here?"
 
	Kyp started. "You know there isn't a third evil one. There can only be 
two."
 
	"Oh come on, that's so TPM. That's not even canon in the first place."
 
  "Well the head honcho says its canon. And what he says goes." Kyp crossed 
his arms. "Why don't you just reconnect Nal Hutta and Siuteb?"
 
	"Alright. But I want you to meet my third evil one." Gates gestured. A 
door opened and so did Kyp's mouth when he realized who was standing there.
****
	"Liz, we have to do something." KT urged.
 
	"I agree."
 
	"Exactly! I mean, Hutts are only female when they are about to have a 
baby! Come on, we need to fix up canon."
 
	"No not that!" Liz, with her tremendously big bump on her head, shook her 
head (and the bump). "We need to get that sithy W.G. and his evil apprentices."
 
	"And you're point is? That idea is worse than bringing up religion on a 
'net chat!"
 
	"KT, this is a 'net chat!"
****
	The head honcho sat by his desk. Suddenly he jumped up! "I know! For the 
next movie, I'll have Yoda contradict himself and say that 'Always a lot there 
are!' Yeah, that's a good idea!"
 
	"But sir..." Underling #1 started but was quickly shushed out by the other 
underlings. He just shrugged them off. "Sir, that'll disrupt canon."
 
	The head honcho looked up. "You mean there's supposed to be canon? First 
I've heard of it."
 
	"Yes sir." Underling #1 ventured. "It's what keeps the trilogy connected 
and the fans content."
 
	"Who cares what the fans think?" The head honcho raved. "I am in charge 
and I don't even know why I'm answering your silly, pathetic questions!"
 
	"Sir, uh, sir? The fans keep you alive."
 
	"And your point is?"
 ****
	Luke looked at the sky. Mara came out to join him. "Don't worry. She won't 
unbalance the force. She'll just get her revenge."
 
	"That's not what I'm worried about." Luke said ruefully. "My lawyer is on 
vacation. What if she tries to sue me now?"
****
	All three evil ones were around a table when the twosome came in. They all 
jumped to their feet.
 
	The twosome jumped back and saw that they were outnumbered. "This is worse 
than a message board!" they groaned together.
 
	"Liz, what are you doing here?" The third evil one asked. "You're not 
canon. I never wrote you in. You're parents are barren so they are forced to 
adopt a Force sensitive Bantha, who is somehow related to somebody Luke killed 
with a plastic cup..." he trailed off as purple lightning started to glow from 
her fingertips.
 
	"come on head honcho!" She yelled. "Come back to the light side (I never 
thought I'd say that)! Or at least, a rational side. What were you thinking of 
when you wrote TPM??? Come back to the way you were when you wrote ESB or ROTJ!" 
Purple lighting started coming from her fingers.
 
	"As for you, first evil one." KT continued. "Why do you always disconnect 
me? It's not like I have all the time in the world!" She started thrashing 
around. At the same time, Liz sicced her lighting on Lucas.
 
	"All right! I'll rewrite E2!" He yelled.
 
	"And you'll give us free reign in what goes in."
 
	"And I'll give you free reign, happy?"
 
	"Very. And if you ever break your word, there's more where that came 
from." She blew at her fingertips.
 
	"And I'll get all my contacts to boycott!" KT threatened.
 
	"Wait a minute!" Kyp yelled.
 
	"Oh, go back where you came from Kyp. You're just a KJA character!" Gates 
said as he stood up. "Look KT, I'll stop disconnecting you, but you and Liz have 
to stop defaming me in chat rooms."
 
	"Fine." They said in unison and walked out.
 
	The evil-not-anymore three some could just hear, as the twosome walked 
out, "THE FIRST AMENDMENT!"
****
	Luke met them as they went out. "Look, Liz. There's much time in the 
universe. You have had time to cool off. I never meant to drop you on your head. 
I'm serious. Come on, Liz. Forgive and forget."
 
	Liz looked at him like he was crazy. "Look, Father," she stressed the last 
word. "I'm having lots of fun turning you to the dark side in my stories, which 
I may say are very popular among the Imps. You join Grandpappy a lot, and I even 
have a few stories in which you marry (gasp!) Callista!" 
 
	Luke turned green. "Why you little..." He grabbed her by her (very large, 
no thanks to Luke) bump and threw her against the wall. Before she could get 
there, she reversed positions in air and landed gracefully as a nerf (and how 
graceful is that?) on the floor in front of Luke.
 
	"Come on, Father! The light side is so outdated. Get with it!"
 
	"Right you are not, young lady!" Luke said, and then looked at himself in 
horror. He had sprouted large ears and had shrunk several inches (Luke wasn't 
that tall to begin with). He waddled away, wondering what Mara would say, while 
muttering to himself: "In Lebanon, they no do this."
 
	Liz turned to her gangster friend. "What do you think? Think you can make 
a weirder story?
 
	KT just smiled.
 
The End?
 
Endnote: The 'In Lebanon we no do this' is a direct quote from one of our head guys at 
camp who had served in Lebanon and had a weird accent.

Other stuff: KT's website is www.geocities.com/kt_d_Hutt. Her e-mail is 
skywalker_2004@hotmail.com. The Fanfix e-group is off of www.fanfix.com and 
www.egroups.com. My (Liz's) site is www.geocities.com/lizskywalker.