Revenge of the Star Warriors A collaboration by Liz Skywalker and KT the Hutt Notes: Um, well, I think I can speak for both of us when I say we had fun with this. :) Disclaimer: We don't own any one but our selfs! He knew they were hot on his trail; there was no escape for Leonardo Dicaprio... it was a dead end. One of the Star Warriors ignited her lightsaber. "Please, Miss, can we talk about this??" The other Warrior glared at the actor and ignited her 'saber as well. Her Padawan looked back at her, "Shall I kill him now, or should we bring him back with us?" "Better to bring him back alive. That way we all could kill him together." "Wait a sec, miss. Why do you want to kill me?" Leonardo Dicaprio pleaded. The Master Star Warrior kicked him in the stomach. "How could you even THINK that you are worthy enough to play Anakin? Worthy enough to play Darth Vader? Huh?" "But I'm not! Hayden got the role!" "That doesn't matter." The Master took her lightsaber and swiped off Leo's hand. "Ouch! What'd you do that for?" "Don't worry, it'll grow back." The Padawan shuffled anxiously. "Ok... But if I don't kill something soon..." The Master Sith Usurper Lady Star Warrior turned to face her Padawan, "Listen, you can kill Bill Gates when we go raid his place, OK?" the Padawan grinned. "Thanx!" Leo saw his chance to escape, but lost it as the Master and Padawan turned back to him. "Um, I don't suppose you're going to consider leaving me for later and go kill Bill now..." "Not a chance, horrible actor!" The blonde Star Warrior said. "But-" They cut him off. "EVIL GLEE!" They yelled in tandem as Gates walked into the dark alley. "Hey...whassit..." He stopped as the two Warriors circled him. "Hmm, the pictures make him seem cuter." "They do the same for Leo here," kicking him as she said it. "Yeah. well, he's all yours. go ahead." The Master said to her brunette Padawan, who started to grin insanely at her prey. Gates gulped in sync with Leo, who was staring into the blade of the blond Star Warrior's lightsaber, and decided to stall her with small talk, "Ya know, I've been a Star Wars geek all my life..." the Master glared at his use of 'geek', Leo suddenly realized his mistake. "I mean fan!" The Master glared more and moved the blade of the lightsaber closer to Leo's face. He gulped and tried again. "Um, I didn't know that lightsabers really existed..." he squeaked meekly. "Well now ya do. You learn something new every day." The blonde said sarcastically. "Hey, wait a gosh darned second. Lightsabers don't exist..."Gates started, but was silenced as the brunette Warrior started crushing his throat in. "Good Padawan! Gates, they would be around if your windows programs didn't die every three parsecs." "Uh, parsecs are a unit of distance-" "SHUT UP!" The Star Warriors screamed at him, lightsabers flashing towards his unbeknowns. Gates gulped and shut up. The Padawan, suffering from computer lock up and kill Microsoft urges, stopped force-choking Gates and cut his arm off. "Victory is mine!" she declared. Her master rolled her eyes at her Padawan. "Padawan, save the Monty Python jokes for our next mission." The Padawan shrugged and cut off Gates' other arm. The Master sighed and turned back to Leo, who was trying to climb over a fence at the end of the ally. "Give it up, Leofarto Die Bicrapio." She said as he fell to her feet. She reached for the bag that they were given to keep Leo in on their way back, only to find it wasn't there. "Hey," she called to her Padawan, who was having too much fun chopping Gates' limbs off. "Do you have the bag?" "Nope. Do you?" "Nope. Do you think...?" "MWHAHAHAHA!!!" Leo laughed from the other end of the alley. The Master sighed and reached out with the force. "You are being a bad boy, Little Leo. Now sit here," the force forced Leo into a sitting position and held him down, "and be good. now, where's my bag?" Leo stuck his tongue out and the Master, in a fit of boredom, singed off the end of it with her lightsaber. "Nice shot, Master!" "Thank you Padawan. Now, let's apparate them out of here?" "Let's what them out of here?" "I'm also a Harry Potter fan." "Yes Master." "Hey! Heeellooo!! I'm a head just waiting to be cut off!!!" a voice seemed to say from Gates, who now had no arms or waist, direction. Gates looked around in horror. "I didn't say that!!" The Padawan was looking bloodthirsty again. "Oh, go on, Padawan, finish him off." Her master said. Gates looked horrified. "But I didn-" he was cut off as the Padawan cut his head off. "Ooohhh, heeelloooo!!!" the Padawan stomped her foot. "That voice *is* getting kinda annoying..." "Heeeelloooo!!! Oooover heeere!!!" "sigh." The master said. "Padawan, since you started the Monty Python references, you must now end it." "How Master?" "Sic your lightsaber in the middle of his head so he can't talk. You know, like with the black knight?" "yep. does that mean we should get some coconuts?" "Just do it!" "Evil grin." The Padawan smiled coldly and brought her saber down through Gates' head. Leo, who had been forgotten for the moment, watched in horror at this cruelty and bad spelling. He curled up in a little ball and started rocking back and forth mumbling "I'm not Jack, I'm not Jack, I'm not Jack..." The Master looked back at him. "Aw, isn't that so cute? Where's that bag anyway?" Her Padawan shrugged, and the Master sighed. "Oh well, empty one of those garbage bags and we'll put him in that." The Padawan sighed. "Liz, can't you do it?" The Master shrugged. "Um... no." The Sith Padawan moped and picked up and emptied a garbage bag. The Sith Master put Leo in it and started dragging it behind her. "Hey, KT, come on!" the Sith Padawan ran up to her, carrying Gates' head. "To hang on my wall." she explained. Her master grimaced. "Uh uh...he's mine!" KT said as she caught Liz's look. "You have Leo!" "All right. But I get to spit at him every so often." "Fine. Now let's get back." THE END!