Poetry by Dorothy Parker

(Please accept the sharing of these with 
tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek, as intended. Betsy)


Unfortunate Coincidence

By the time you swear you're his,
	Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
	Infinite, undying--
Lady, make a note of this
	One of you is lying.


Resumé

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.


One Perfect Rose

A single flow'r he sent me, since we met.
	All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet--
	One perfect rose.

I knew the language of the floweret;
	"My fragile leaves," it said, "his heart enclose."
Love long has taken for his amulet
	One perfect rose.

Why is it no one ever sent me yet
	One perfect limousine do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
	One perfect rose.


Love Song

My own dear love, he is strong and bold
	And he cares not what comes after.
His words ring sweet as a chime of gold,
	And his eyes are lit with laughter.
He is jubilant as a flag unfurled--
	And I wish I'd never met him.

My love, he's mad, and my love, he's fleet,
	And a wild youg wood-thing bore him!
The ways are fair to his roaming feet,
	And the skies are sunlit for him.
As sharply sweet to my heart he seems
	As the fragrance of acacia.
My own dear love, he is all my dreams--
	And I wish he were in Asia.

My love runs by like a day in June,
	And he makes no friends of sorrows.
He'll tread his galloping rigadoon
	In the pathway of the morrows.
He'll live his days where the sunbeams start,
	Nor could storm or wind uproot him.
My own dear love, he is all my heart--
	And I wish somebody'd shoot him.


Fighting Words

Say my love is easy had,
	Say I'm bitten raw with pride,
Say I am too often sad--
	Still behold me at your side.

Say I'm neither brave nor young,
	Say I woo and coddle care,
Say the devil touched my tongue--
	Still you have my heart to wear.

But say my verses do not scan,
	And I get me another man!


Interview

The ladies men admire, I've heard,
Would shudder at a wicked word.
Their candle gives a single light;
They'd rather stay at home at night.
They do not keep awake till three,
Nor read erotic poetry.
They never sanction the impure,
Nor recognize an overture.
They shrink from powders and from paints.
So far, I have had no complaints.


Experience

Some men break your heart in two,
	Some men fawn and flatter,
Some men never look at you;
	And that cleans up the matter.


Theory

Into love and out again.
	Thus I went, and thus I go.
Spare your voice, and hold your pen--
	Well and bitterly I know
All the songs were ever sung,
	All the words were ever said;
Could it be, when I was young,
	Some one dropped me on my head?


"Star Light, Star Bright--"

Star, that gives a gracious dole,
	What am I to choose?
Oh, will it be a shriven soul,
	Or little buckled shoes?

Shall I wish a wedding-ring,
	Bright and thin and round,
Or plead you send me covering--
	A newly spaded mound?

Gentle beam, shall I implore
	Gold, or sailing-ships,
Or beg I hate forevermore
	A pair of lying lips?

Swing you low or high away,
	Burn you hot or dim;
My only wish I dare not say--
	Lest you should grant me him.