Things To Keep In Mind

Things To Keep In Mind

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Madness takes its toll.

Please have exact change.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown?

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

Help Wanted: Telepath. You'll know where to apply.

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

Department of Redundancy Department Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

Computers make very fast, very accurate.....mistakes.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

The name is Baud......, James Baud.

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) Backups?

We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

Hit any user to continue.

2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!

I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!

Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

All generalizations are false. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

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