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Lovecraftian Filk Christmas Carols
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Azathoth, Azathoth
By Bryan M. Ball.
To the tune of ``Jingle Bells'':
Azathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe,
Insanity he brings, Hey!
Azathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe
Insanity he brings
Writhing round the place
Insane pipers pipe
Takes up lots of space
The stars are getting ripe
R'lyeh soon may rise
Nyarlathotep plots
Earth will be the prize
We'll all lose our spots, Ohhh
Azathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe
IN - SANITY HEEEE BRIIIIIIIINGS!!!!!!!!!
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The Carol of the Old Ones
Lyrics by A.H. Leman, to the tune of ``Carol of the Bells'' by M. Leontovich:
Look to the sky way up on high
There in the night stars now are right
Eons have passed now then at last
Whence They were penned They will descend
They will return mankind will learn
New kinds of fear once They are here
As They reclaim all in Their name
Watch only can powerless man
Ignorant fools mankind now rules
Where They ruled then it's Theirs again
Madness will reign terror and pain
Woes without end where They extend
Scary scary scary scary Solstice
Very very very scary Solstice
Up from the sea from underground
Down from the sky They're all around
They will return mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when They are hear
They will return
followed by a glorious arrangement of four part harmonies.
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God Rest Ye Scary Great Old Ones
Words by Sean Branney, Philip Bell, and Darrell Tyler,
printed in the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society Solstice Carol Song Book.
God rest ye scary great old ones;
Let everything dismay.
Remember Great Cthulhu shall rise up from R'lyeh
To kill us all with tentacles
If we should go his way.
CHORUS
O tidings of madness and woe, madness and woe
O tidings of madness and woe!
In Yuggoth and in Aldebaran
The Great Old Ones were spawned
Imprisoned by the Elder Gods to wait for eons,
Enticing humans to release them,
Chanting dreadful songs
CHORUS
An Arab said: ``That is not dead
Which can eternal lie,
And with Strange Eons even death may die.''
The Great Old Ones will rule once more
And all will be destroyed.
CHORUS
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Great Old Ones Are Coming to Town
Sean Branney, to the tune of ``Santa Claus Is Coming to Town'':
You'd better watch out; you better go hide.
And Elder Sign's needed for this Yuletide
Great Old Ones are comin to town.
They're making a fist and shaking it twice.
They're going to hit you, naughty or nice.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.
They're bringing ugly Shoggoths,
And horrid Deep Ones too,
Shub Niggurath is waking up
And so is Cthulhu
So you better watch out, you'd better go 'way,
Before the big guy comes up from R'lyeh.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.
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Hark! the Nameless Cultists Sing
By James Westbrooks. To the tune of ``Hark the Herald Angels Sing'':
Hark! the nameless cultists sing, ``Glory to our dreaming King,
Deep beneath the ocean waves, dreaming in his wat'ry grave.
Soon the stars will all be right, usher in eternal night!
When Cthulhu comes to reign, things here 'bouts won't be the same!''
Hark! the nameless cultists sing, ``Glory to our dreaming King!''
Cthulhu whose name strikes fear, speaks to those whose souls can hear:
Late at night an artist dreams, wakes up with an awful scream.
Then in clay his visions mold, pretty outré so I'm told.
Visions of a scene from Hell, near impossible to sell.
Hark! the nameless cultists sing, ``Glory to our dreaming King!''
Hark! the Great One's Priestly Son, Hail or you will be undone.
Death and pain to most he brings, Ris'n with darkness in His wings.
Waked at last no more to lie , proof that death itself may die,
Born to crush the human race , wipe them out and leave no trace.
Hark! the nameless cultists sing, ``Glory to our dreaming King!''
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H.P. the Writer
By Bryan M. Ball.
To the tune of ``Frosty the Snowman'':
H.P. the Writer
Wasn't happy so we're told
With his horrid health
and his lack of wealth
he wrote tales to make blood cold
H.P. the Writer
Got an idea in his head
We weren't meant to know
of the things below
He would make up more instead
There must have been a reason
for the strange names that he chose
When you first read of Cthulhu
You couldn't pronounce it, we all know
H.P. the Writer
Shuffled off this mortal coil
Now in Providence
he's behind a fence,
buried underneath the soil
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The Solstice Song
Sean Branney
printed in the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society Solstice Carol Song Book.
Victims roasting on an open fire,
Deep Ones ripping off your nose,
Mindless chanting 'round the funeral pyre
And folks strung up by their toes.
Ev'rybody knows how festive open wounds can be;
You'll go crazy at the sight.
Tiny tots with their eyeballs aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know Cthulhu's on his way;
The beast is rising from the depths of dark R'lyeh.
And ev'ry mother's child is gonna cry
And beg for mercy and pray quickly to die.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety two;
Although its been said many times, many ways,
``Barra na zu absu.''
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O Come All Ye Deep Ones
Lyrics by A.H. Leman, to the tune of ``O Come All Ye Faithful'' by John Reading:
O come all ye Deep Ones,
Mi-Go, Ghouls and Night-gaunts;
Come foul Shub Niggurath and all Ancient Ones.
Come Great Cthulhu, rising from the ocean.
CHORUS:
O come, let us abhor them,
O come, let us abhor them,
O come, let us abhor them,
Scream, run and hide.
Their old dominion
Mankind now rules blithely,
Stars turning overhead to bring forth his doom.
They will return here, greedy and malevolent.
CHORUS
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A Lovecraft Christmas
by Paul M. Lemieux, copyright 1989. ``With apologies to Clement Moore.''
To the tune of ``'Twas the Night Before Christmas'':
‘Twas the night before Yuletide and all through the hole
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Dhole
Aldebaren hung at the right place at nine
In the hopes that Great Cthulhu would come out this time
The Fungi from Yuggoth, all snug in their caves
Were plotting to turn all the people to slaves
The Deep Ones in R’lyeh, the Ghouls in their graves
Were dancing and singing and acting depraved
When what do my wondering eyes should appear
But a moldering sleigh and eight corpselike reindeer
With a horrible driver so leprous and reeking
I knew right away that my fear was unspeaking
The reindeer were gross, as they flew up from hell
And It hoarsely whispered and chanted a spell
Ia Shub Niggurath! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Nyarlathotep! I summon you on!
As decomposed flesh before the charnel stench rise
And meet with the open air polluting the skies
Up to the housetop the horror it rose
And the gangrenous odors assailed my nose
And then in a slopping noise heard on the roof
The lumbering clomping of octopoid hoofs
As I drew in my head and was turning around
The horror lurched into my room with a bound
Its eyes how they pulsate
So bulbous and gory
This blasphemous creature
So noxious and hoary
I was frozen by fear, my feet wouldn’t run
I threw up my cookies, this wasn't much fun
It whispered my name and said ``You come with I''
I tried to refuse and it said ``Then you die.''
It came at my throat with its grim claws extended
But a miracle saved its victim intended
I had three Elder Signs in a slot in the floor
It screamed with a fiendish sound and went out the door
It sprang to its sleigh, and its team gave a surge
And away they all flew to the sound of a dirge
I heard it exclaim as it flew out of sight
``You're lucky this time, for the stars weren't right.''
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