Balancing very carefully on a rickety chair, Ta'ima struggled to get the curtain to hang back on the hook. For some reason, curtains always got shorter when they were washed. It was a mystery that neither Brown nor White had solved yet, at least that is what Ta'ima had assumed from the multiple assignments to clean things because she had asked. The phrase they had used was "Do you have any questions?" Not "Do you have any questions about the lecture?" Not "Do you understand the material?" They really did need to be more careful about what they said.

Finally, rope hooked on the nail and Ta'ima leaned back slightly to see where the gathers in the fabric were. Evidently she leaned back more than slightly because the chair crashed sideways and Ta'ima crashed backwards.

After she got up from the floor she was able to admit that it was a good thing she had not managed to grab the curtain to stop her fall, but in the long moment she exercised her considerable streetrat vocabulary to express her pain, she was far from happy about anything.

She had just finished her ... answer to the last time she had asked the question, cleaning all of the curtains in the Brown's wing. The door swung open. Oh blood and bloody ashes, please let me not be in trouble for swearing again! As her eyes adjusted to the light, she expected to see the occupant of the room. She froze mid-cursty in panic. Flaming goat dung! She was going to be in trouble. Why did the Mistress of Novices have to be in that hallway right then?

She was more than a little confused at being told to follow and even more confused when she did not recognize the hallway she was being led down.

This was actually a personal affront. After all this time in the tower, a hallway existed that she hadn't scrubbed yet! After all this time ... had she been here long enough for that? Oh light! No! Nonononono! She didn't really know what went into this whole arches thing, but she had seen the changes in Dia. She did not want to go through anything like that!

The room they stopped in gave her chills. The arches seemed to glint cruelly, the edges sharpened somehow. Liranan Sedai turned to her and spoke. "Novices are given three chances at this. You may refuse twice to enter, but at the third refusal, you will be sent away from the Tower forever."

Ta'ima weighed her fear that she already felt against the chance to return. After a moment she nodded mutely. It wasn't so much that she accepted the challenge as that she had the feeling that there was something else she needed to hear.

"Good. Now I will tell you two things no woman hears until she stands where you do. Once you begin you must go on to the end. Refuse at any point and you will put out of the Tower just as if you had refused to begin for the third time. Second. To seek, to strive, is to know danger. Some have entered and never come out. When the ter'angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they - were - not - there. And they were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast. Falter, fail and..." Ta'ima felt her hair rise on end. "This is your last chance. Refuse now, and it counts only as the first. You may still try twice more. If you accept now, there is no turning back. It is no shame to refuse, many cannot do it their first times. Choose."

Ta'ima looked again at the arches. She looked at Liranan. She looked back at the arches and made her decision. "No. I can't."

Oh Light. She wasn't ready, she knew she wasn't ready. She had had no idea what Liranan said, but she had followed anyway. What choice had she had? And now she was facing that decision again. Liranan studied her for a long time in silence. Then she seemed to sense something, and she spoke. "Ta'ima, this is your last chance. You know what happens if you refuse - put out of the Tower with enough silver to live on for a year. And there truly is no shame to refuse, even now. But...." She paused, then continued. "I won't appeal to your sense of guilt, or shame. What I will appeal to is your self worth. You have potential and not just a little. According to your tests, you might be one of the best Cloud Dancers we've found in years. You could be someone truly remarkable, Ta'ima, and I think that you should give yourself that chance. The Arches aren't always that bad, you know, some people come out of them more secure them ever, triumphant. And even if you don't, you will have faced your fears, which is something many people are never strong enough to do. I believe you are strong enough. And I have been doing this for a long time." Liranan paused again. "In the end, though, the decision is yours."

Ta'ima blinked. She had potential? She might actually be good for something? And someone that she looked up to enormously, somewhere under that whole fear thing, believed in her. Besides, what could she do? The life waiting for her outside of the tower was no life at all.

"I'll do it," She devoutly hoped that she would not regret this. Liranan looked at her, waiting for something else. Oh. Ta'ima's face burned. She'd completely forgotten. And stripping was very difficult with people waiting for her like that. She was far too used to hiding her body as her poorly fitting dresses showed, or rather didn't. She didn't think she was pretty, but males seemed to have a different opinion. Maybe they weren't very picky or something.

She was a bit lost in her thoughts and embarrassment and missed most of the ceremonial stuff. She was still terrified on some level, but her body seemed to be doing what she was supposed to. For some reason, she was even more aware of the scrapes on her hands and knees. Maybe it was because she was so conscious of her body now. She only had to do this once, well three times. The fear started to get stronger, but Ta'ima did her best to ignore it. After all, no matter how bad it is, it can't be worse than living on the streets.

"The first is for What was. The way will come but once, be steadfast."

Ta'ima, no why had she thought that? Her name was Caba. Caba huddled under the trash desperately praying that her pursuers would not think to look in the trash. She struggled to not gasp for breath, not because of the smell (she smelled worse than the trash at this point) but because breathing was moving and moving would give her away. Finally their voices faded away. She remained still, running a long ballad through her head, to mark the time. Half way through, after some ten minutes, she heard a curse and footsteps. She remained still for another few verses and finally emerged from the refuse. Past the entrance of the alley she could see that the street was normal. There didn't seem to be any of Dolag's men out there.

She crept out of the alley quietly, knowing that even for a streetbrat she was a mess. Shopkeepers would probably give her trouble on general principle and the noise would attract even more trouble for her. Caba had no doubt that if she was caught she would work the stews 'til she died or was killed. She had been running for a week now. No where on the island was safe. She had tried hiding everywhere she could think of, at every point of the island, but they always found her and there was no way she could hire a ship to escape. She had no money and even if she found some it would be obvious that she stole it.

"Stop! Thief!" Caba looked around wildly, suddenly realizing that they meant her. One of Dolag's men had spotted her and he must have been smarter than his friends to think of that. Caba's legs trembled. The way will come but once, be steadfast. Time slowed.

It was like running through molasses at first, she was so aware of everything around her and everything was so slow, but she was slower than the thug. Even as time sped back up. And he caught up to her.

And he kicked out to trip her up. Caba felt the impact and then her leg went numb as she fell forward. She tried to catch herself but something was wrong with her wrist. As she tried to lever herself up her ribs exploded in fire and then the world went dark.

Caba raised her head confused and in pain. The mob was gone, but the pain was still very much there. She tried to raise herself up but her wrist just didn't seem to work right. Then her wrist felt as if there was a red hot pokers inside it trying to eat its way out. She collapsed back onto the filthy cot with a screech of pain.

A grimy hand clapped over her mouth. "None of that, little horse. We wouldn't want to disturb anyone else's pleasures. But now that you are awake..." The man's other, probably equally grimy, hand made it clear what pleasures he had in mind. Ta'ima whimpered. The man's laugh chilled her even more than his actions, at least until he suddenly stuffed a gag in her mouth. "Let's just see how good a mount you are."

Caba tried to scream, but she choked on the gag. She tried to get away, but that only amused ... and pleased him. And when she tried to hold still, the pain was far too much for her to bear. If her ribs were not broken, they were certainly fractured. When he finally stopped moving, when she thought it was over, she just sort of tried to curl up into a little ball of pain. "Oh no little horse, you are far to nice a ride to rest now." Then more hands descended and Caba lost track of everything but the pain.

At least one of her ribs actually broke during the ... procedure. Maybe more. It took her a very long moment to realize that she was finally alone in the room. Completely alone, the sounds that echoed off the walls now were only her own whimpers. She tried to curl up in a ball and through the blackness threatening pain she was aware of the blood running across her legs. The way will come but once, be steadfast.

A way out? Oh light let me not be out of my head. Voices trickled past the door into her awareness. "...weren't supposed to kill her." "Just a little fun..." "...get a healer to..." "Waste of money..." The voice seemed faint, despite the fact they were being yelled just the other side of the door. Please, please let there be a way out of this.

The way... Through blurrily focused eyes, she saw it. A gleaming silver arch way. On the other side of the small room. Hope flared briefly only to dissolve as she tried to move one arm towards it. Caba nearly screamed in despair, but even if she had the strength to, the gag would have stopped her. She had to do this. Sitting up was clearly out of the question, so how to get off the cot? She frowned then struggled to roll over and collasped in a heap on the floor. The pain from her ribs had made her forget the broken leg. Waves of oblivion threatened to overwhelm her, but there wasn't time for that. The silver flickered with her awareness, and she could not let it fade. Dragging herself over the ground opened new scrapes across her body. Only one arm and leg were working right and her ribs didn't bear thinking about. Too bad she had no choice about it. It felt like she struggled for hours against the pain and darkness. A small voice whispered to her in her mind. It would be so easy to just pause. Just to rest a little. To fade way in to darkness. That soft voice taunted her, teasing her through the hours. The silver pulsed now, with her heart. She was almost able to reach it and something faltered. The flickering grew weaker. Caba gathered herself as the blackness pressed in closer. As she lunged the black and silver melded.

The faint stinging in her knees was nothing to Ta'ima as she stubbled back into reality. After all what was a scrapped knee compared to multiple broken bones. She shivered as she knelt there, feeling the water wash over her.

"You are washed clean of what sins you may have done, and those done against you. You come to us washed clean, body and soul."

Am I? Will I ever really feel clean again?

"You can stop at any time, and you will be put out of the tower with enough silver to support you for a year, but you will not be allowed back, remember."

"I can do this" What?!?! Did your mind flap out your ears when you were scrubbing floors?!?! Her mind was still trying to convince her body that it hurt from false injuries and her skin crawled with the need to scrub off three weeks of dirt. One little cup of water did not count as a bath in anyway. Of course, Caba would be shocked at the idea of bathing more than once a week.

"The second is for what is, the way will come but once, be steadfast."

Now I know I must be a few dice short a game. What is wrong with me? Light swallowed her mind.

Ta'ima fell to her knees sobbing hysterically. She knew that she was supposed to get up, to continue, but she just couldn't, not after that. She just knew that if she continued she would go mad. Worse than Arcena, worse than that girl who had tried to burn down the tower, worse than any male to ever suffer the Taint. Water poured across her skin as words were made incomprehensible to her by sobbing.

Or she'd get stuck and die. That was the first one. She nearly had died there. They were trying to kill her. That was it. A person probably really passed by showing they had enough brains to refuse. Yes, of course that was it. This was really an intelligence test! There was no flaming bloody way that she was going to go into her third arch.

Ta'ima looked up as a hand touched her shoulder. Liranan looked down at her with concern. "It's alright, Ta'ima. You don't really have to do this. You'll just have to pass a few extra classes later."

Through sniffles she tried to reply, "I... I don't? I really don't? You won't th..throw me out?" Be steadfast.

A nod answered her question. "You can if you want to, but almost no one ever does. You already did more than you had to by going into the second one."

Relief made her lightheaded. "Then I won't." Liranan helped her up off the floor and the arches went dim. One of the Aes Sedai who had been maintaining the arches stood muttering, "I thought she'd never agree. Let's get onto the party already." It was the same Brown who had made her clean all the curtains. Ta'ima stared in shock at the thought that the woman actually knew the word party at all.

Liranan led her over to the Amyrlin as Ta'ima desperately tried to remember the rest of the ceremony. She had never really expected to pass at all, so she hadn't exactly paid much attention to what she was supposed to be doing at this point.

The way will come but once. Be steadfast.

Ta'ima shook her head in annoyance. She wasn't going to think about arches anymore. She knelt, though somewhere in the back of her mind she questioned whether she was doing the right thing or not. Everyone else seemed to think she was doing exactly what she was supposed to. As she dropped her head a flicker of silver caught her eye. What? The third arch, the one she had skipped was glowing. But that was impossible! Oh no, it must just be the way the light is hitting it.

Around her everyone was going on about how brave she was and how impressed they all were, but somehow it rang false. How had she shown courage by backing out of something? Hadn't ... hadn't someone said that she had shown courage? She had a gut feeling that someone would be disappointed with her for not continuing. No two someones would. That one person, and herself.

Her attention was drawn back to the ceremony. Oh right, she was supposed to hold out her hand to get the ring. But... had she earned it? No she hadn't. Which meant that... Oh flaming light no!

Ta'ima forced trembling legs to stand. She would do this. "I am sorry. I have something I need to do." She turned and brushed past the hands that wanted her to stay. More than anything she wished she could stay, but some sense of personal honor called her to do this.

"But we haven't... It isn't on!"

She looked behind her, oddly peaceful. "That isn't the true test." And then she went to face her madness.

Ta'ima stumbled but stood. Wait a minute! That was.... that was... Cold water washed across her skin. "You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, heart and soul."

And Ta'ima thought she might have just learned what real pride was.

"Wait... It this real or am I..."

Liranan was guiding her to the next arch. "We generally do not speak of what..." A sharp look. "Yes, you are back. Can you continue?"

"I need to."

"Good." She raised her voice so the room could hear. "The third time is for what will be. The way will come once. Be steadfast."

Stepping into the light didn't seem so bad this time.

Ta'ima woke up, slowly but what ever dream she had been having slipped away through the sieve of her memory. She had the vague feeling it had been important. She rolled over and blinked in surprise. Then she chided herself. After four years she really should be used to seeing her husband sleeping when she woke up. She rolled on top of Tarris with a grin. How many kisses would it take to wake him up this morning? She cheated and tickled him so he couldn't fake being asleep like he normally did. Not that he would resist her kisses for very long anyway.

And the tickle fight that ensued was more than enough to rouse... "Mama? Why you beatin' up on papa?" Ta'ima glanced over, again with that odd feeling that she had never seen her daughter before, but it passed quickly as she looked at the golden haired three year old. "Because he started it."

Tali stared at her parents with the seriousness only a small child could manage and then hurled herself to her parents bed. "I'm on daddy's team!"

After a few more minutes, Ta'ima surrendered and went to fix breakfast. She could have ordered it from the kitchen easily enough, but she never had settled properly into anything. Besides, it had been such a bother getting a mini kitchen into her rooms that she felt she had to use it most of the time. The sitters had had a fit at the very thought, but after all that she had done she had earned it.

Half way through the pancakes, Tali was happily spreading strawberry syrup across everything near her. "Red, red, red. I like red..." Tuneless three year olds really were too cute for their own good. Tarris tried to get her to stop, but that only provoked the little angel more. "I want everything to be red. I wanna be red just like mama!" Ta'ima nearly dropped her own pancakes. She was a Red?

She covered her surprise with a grin and a question. "But do you know why your mommy is Red?"

"Yes." Tali somehow managed to look like a lecturing Brown despite the sticky mess on her face. "Mama fixes the crazy mans so she's not a yel-low. Mama makes 'em good mans agin. Red, red, red, I all red!" And she was too.

Now Ta'ima was able to make sense out of things. Of course she wasn't bonded to her husband. That would have made every Red in the tower have a litter of trollocs, not that they hadn't at her wedding....

A frantic pounding on her door, brought her out of her thoughts. The novice didn't even wait for an answer before bursting in. She didn't recognize him. There were so many young ones these days. "Ta'ima Sedai! You've got to come quick! The Master of Novices, he's... He's snapped!"

She didn't even think. She just dropped her fork and got ready to run. "Where child? His office or his rooms?"

"N....neither. The novice quarters!" There was a flicker of silver in the corner of her eye.

"Which section?" She snapped it, hoping that the child's mind would start working. The way will come once. Be steadfast.

"Oh, the section of boys wing closest to the girls. I think he was heading into the woman's half." What under the light was that bloody flickering? As she turned to look a loud crash echoed through the Tower, the floor shaking under her feet. She was gazing at a silver arch, not quite understanding why it was at the door way to her bedroom.

Tarris rested a hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright, love?"

She started guiltily. "I.. I mean, its a..."

"You're seeing arches again aren't you? You know they aren't real. It's just a side effect of Healing the taint. Now get going. I'm useless in these fights, but I'll get Tali a bath."

Ta'ima nodded. "Let me think for a moment." Tarris moved away, know she had to figure out strategy before she started running. Jacen was strongest in Fire, she thought, so that was how he was shaking the tower now, but she had no clue how strong he was in Spirit. And the arch felt more real than any of the others ever had. Of course it did, every time she Healed a man, *she* got that much more crazy. The floor actually rocked beneath her feet. Wonderful. Now she would get to be seasick while trying to subdue a madman. Someday she would get an easy one, really she would.

And the arch hadn't faded out. Be steadfast. She shook her head trying to clear it. She turned and headed for the door. The novice was waiting still. "Go tell the Amyrlin I'm using plan one-three-five." Which meant plan 9.

What if it was real? But if it wasn't Jacen would eventually destroy the entire Tower. And if it was? Lexia was learning fast enough. She'd even handled some of the simpler cases, but she was in no way ready for Jacen.

Ta'ima stopped in horror. She was going mad. Light at this rate she would end up helping Jacen instead of stopping him. The happy babble of Tali brought her out of panic. She just needed to relax. The whole morning had been weird enough already.

Be steadfast.

Bloody flaming goat dung! It was too real. If she was nuts then let her be nuts. She turned and walked back to the arch. Tarris noticed her. "Ta'ima. No!" But he couldn't stop her. He was too far away. Tears ran silently down her face as she stepped forward into the light.

Ta'ima stepped calmly out of the final arch. Tears ran slowly down her face as she raised her head to face the Amyrlin Seat. The water poured over Ta'ima's head, washing away fear and grief. If that was truly what she wanted, she could rebuild it. And she knew now that it was possible for someone to love her, her the former street rat, completely unconditionally.

"You are washed clean of Caba of Tar Valon. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to this world. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul. You are Ta'ima Rahsine, Accepted of the Tower of Chasaline. Welcome, daughter."

Joy shined brightly in her eyes as she received her ring and new dress. She noted with amusement that for once they had stuffed her in a dress that fit right.