| Have Another Taint
Chapter Two “Pretty Fly For An Aes Sedai” continues to play. The 14th Forsaken is twirling with Faile, Leanna and Shani have switched Shadars, and even Pablo and Lolita are out there twirling. But the undoubted stars of the dance are Weflicker and Snarg. Shaiel comes back to the table. “Well,” she comments, “it’s not as much fun as the dance of the spears. But it’s not bad all the same.” She glances down at the prone Sycho. “Are all Whitecloaks that clumsy?” “Why do you ask?” “Well, I danced with three of them. One was called Takrane, and he’d have been a good dancer if he didn’t keep forgetting halfway through a step what he was doing.” She shrugs. “Then there was Maaaad Marty, and all I can say about him is that his name fits him perfectly. And the other one was Der’morat. He wasn’t bad, but in the middle of the dance some strange people started yelling “Traitor!” and he ran away. Very strange.” Leanna, gliding back off the dance floor, overhears and grins. “So they’re still after him, are they? Loyalty is a wonderful thing.” Shaiel looks at her suspiciously. “Should I understand what you’re talking about?” “Probably.” “Are you going to tell me?” “Probably not.” Shaiel shrugs, and drinks her Taint. Astonishingly, there are no ill effects. The rest of the tavern look at her with awe. Someone tentatively takes a sip of his, shudders and puts it firmly back down. “How can you drink that?” “It’s a Talent?” “It’s an acquired taste. Would you prefer something else?” Leanna points to a drinks list beside the bar. “Hmm. White Cairhienin – Dragon on the rocks – Shienaran Top Knot – Shai’tan’s Venom – ” Someone squints at the list. “I can’t read that last one. What is it?” “A creation of Pablo’s.” “Oh? I’ll try one, then.” A tall glass is brought over immediately. “Hmm… doesn’t smell too bad…” Someone takes a sip, and immediately starts coughing and choking. “Aaargh!” “And you just named it. Well done.” The music suddenly stops, then strikes up again as the ‘Wedding March’. The crowds part to reveal a splendidly dressed couple, who have just paused in their dance. A voice booms over the loudspeaker. “And it’s a fine day for a WoT wedding! We are gathered here to celebrate the marriage of Omegus and Mesaana. Here’s Legend, originator of the WoT weddings thread, back by narrative demand to conduct the ceremony!” A man steps out of the shadows. “Do you, Omegus, take Mesaana to be your lawful wedded wife, for better or for worse, through low postcounts and high, for as long as you both shall be obsessed with the Wheel of Time? Do you, Mesaana, take Omegus to be your lawful wedded husband, under similar circumstances? Good! I now pronounce you a WoT cyber-couple.” Everyone cheers. “Let me be the first to congratulate you! Oh, and if anyone asks, you didn’t see me here.” Legend vanishes into the shadows again, as suddenly, reality (such as it is) seems to shift… “Hey,” Rith shouts, “the Golden Aiel is closing!” “Don’t worry,” a woman in a green shawl calls back, “the Dancing Dragon is opening!” Everyone is suddenly in a different tavern. Most of them seem to take it in their stride. Stranger things happen all the time, after all – around here anyway. “Welcome to the Dancing Dragon. I’m your host, Zedora Sedai, and your drinks are on the house. Our specialty is the Dragon’s Breath, but don’t get too drunk or my Warders will throw you out. And don’t get it confused with the chili sauce!” The dancing resumes. Someone is finally persuaded onto the floor by a young woman in the stole of the Amyrlin Seat. “It’s nice to meet you at last, friend Ogier. I’m a long-time fan of your stories, you know.” “You are?” Someone’s chest puffs out with pride. “Perhaps you’d like to hear the full version of one or two? Raina, I mean Leanna, edits a lot of my observations out.” “Why yes, that would be lovely…” Some minutes later, Lanfir is regretting her words, as Someone is at full speed ahead with no apparent end in sight. (Author’s Note: There is of course a very good reason for editing Someone’s notes out of the stories; you’d quickly get bored of even Long Live Insanity told Ogier style.) Just as even Lannie’s legendary charm is beginning to run out, a man in a colour-shifting cloak breaks in. “Sorry, Ogier, but I’m taking her back now. Call it Warder jealousy.” Lanfir smiles sweetly – and with just a touch of relief. “You haven’t met my Warder, have you, Someone? Dark Blight, protector and dearest friend, even if he doesn’t believe in the Female Dragon. He conceded it once, but now he’s trying to get out of it.” “I did not!” “Did too!” “Did not!” – and you get the idea as Lannie and DB twirl away. Meanwhile, Shani wanders over to a table near the back of the tavern, where she has seen two more women in red shawls sitting with a man in a black coat. “Strange company for you to be in,” she comments, then glances over her shoulder to see both Shadars behind her. “But I suppose I’m hardly one to talk. I’m Shani.” “I’m Marita,” one of them replies. “This is Jessanda, and the crazy man’s Asha’man Forge. Want to swap?” “Why not? That’s Shadar, and that’s Shadar.” Shani pulls Forge into the dance, followed by the others, making three Asha’man/Red Ajah couples and almost certainly a record. Leanna stops at another table, where yet another Aes Sedai is sitting with her Warder. “Hi, Ryanna. May I dance with your Warder?” “Sure.” Leanna turns to Thorin Oakenshield. “I told you you’d get a part in this installment. So shall we dance?” They twirl out onto the floor. (Irrelevant but interesting fact: there are now two dancing Dragons in the Dancing Dragon.) The 14th Forsaken, despite being still dancing with Faile, cuts in on Weflicker and Snarg (other selves come in very handy). Snarg looks disappointed. Someone also looks disappointed at being deprived of his partner (and audience) and turns to the nearest non-dancer, a woman with a cat on her lap. “Hello, who are you?” “I’m the Lady Warden’s cat.” Someone pauses. “Um, I was talking to your… companion.” “She’s the Lady Warden, of course.” The cat meows disdainfully and starts washing its face. Someone appears at a loss. A giant hand suddenly reaches over Someone’s shoulder and grabs hold of the very surprised feline. “Snarg twirl with cat!” “MEOW!” the cat protests vociferously, but in vain as the huge Trolloc twirls away with it. Someone turns back to the Lady Warden. “I’m Someone the Ogier. May I have this dance?” “I’d be delighted.” Someone and the Lady Warden glide into a stately dance. Shaiel looks around, notices that everyone else is dancing, and kicks Sycho. “Wake up, Whitecloak!” “Hey – what?” “Dance with me.” “I’m too tired to dance. My head hurts.” Sycho rubs his head. “Those Taints are strong.” “Let me put it like this,” Shaiel says sweetly. “Either you dance with me now their way, or you dance with me later my way. Which would you prefer?” “Let’s dance!” Sycho grabs Shaiel’s hands and spins her out onto the floor. And everyone is dancing. They continue to dance, in various strange styles and to various strange tunes, until the clock strikes midnight and the music stops. “Ladies and gentlemen, a toast to Omegus and Mesaana!” Everyone drinks down their Taints. As confetti showers from the ceiling, the newlyweds, waving to everyone, disappear (quite literally) to begin their honeymoon. Leanna, passing Thorin back to Ryanna, makes her way through the falling confetti to where the insane six are dancing. “Sorry, guys, the episode’s ending. Time for you to go as well.” There are sighs and regretful looks. Someone returns the Lady Warden to her seat, and Snarg returns the Lady Warden’s cat (annoyed but none the worse for wear) to the Lady Warden. “Another toast, before we leave.” Shadar lifts his refilled drink. “To the Book Forum, and the whole mad lot of you!” Shadar responds. “To Long Live Insanity, and to you the same!” Snarg, Someone, Shaiel, Sycho, Shani and Shadar disappear from the scene. Only – are we quite sure that it was the right Shadar who disappeared? Come to think of it, does it really matter? No, not really. If it bothers you, think about something else. Here,
have another Taint!
And now to end this story it’s time,
Raina's Hold / Raina's
Library / Raina's Library - Original Humour
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