The insanity continues! Where will the Sliders end up this time? Will anyone even care? Stay tuned for the next... Sliders: The Rejected Episodes A continuing fanfic by Kristin Taylor Co-plotted by Christina Larkin Episode 1: "Death Becomes Him" [The scene opens up on a quaint little coffee shop where the Sliders are sitting at a table. Rembrandt, Maggie, and Wade are drinking coffee. Quinn has water. Quinn is also looking around, befuddled. The others are staring at him oddly.] Quinn: Does anybody else notice anything wierd about these people? Maggie (in a sickly sweet voice. You know, the voice someone uses when they obviously know something but won't tell.): Why, Quinn, what ever do you mean? (smiles knowingly) Wade (In same tone of voice): Yeah, Quinn, I haven't noticed anything. (glances briefly at Maggie and also smiles) Quinn (puzzled by the women's behavior): Remmy? What do you think? [Rembrandt glances at Wade and Maggie. Then he glances at Quinn. Back to Wade and Maggie. And finally, he let's his gaze rest on Quinn.] Remmy: Everything seems fine to me. (starts to look as if he's trying not to smile and is just barely succeding) [Wade stands up abrubtly. She is still smiling, but now she has begun to giggle just a tad bit hysterically.] Wade (speaking rapidly while backing away): You-know-I-saw-this-shop-a-couple-of-blocks-away-and-I-forgot-what-it-sells -but-that's-okay-I'll-see-you-guys-lateer-okay?-Bye! [Wade bolts out the door. She glances left and right before turning left and heading down the street at a run. The others watch her. Quinn still doesn't haven't a clue yet.] Quinn: What was that about? [Rembrant shrugs and stands. He begans to fidget from side to side, as if he's eager to leave.] Remmy (speaking fast, but still slower than Wade was): You know, I also saw a shop a couple of blocks away. Actually, I think they sold cars or something like that. (begans to turn away) Quinn (begans to stand): Wait up, Remmy. I'll go with you. Remmy (begans to back away): That's okay. I can go by myself. [Quinn and Maggie watch as Rembrandt walks out the door. Remmy pauses, then abrubtly runs off in the opposite direction that Wade went.] Quinn (truly puzzled. says to himself): I remember that auto-lot that Remmy's talking about. Actually, I think it wasn't an auto-lot. More like a tractor lot. (To Maggie.) Do you have any idea what's wrong with those two? Maggie (still has the goofy grin on her face. Quinn thinks this is getting to be quite eerie): Nothing's wrong with them, Quinn. Everything is perfectly normal. (She leans over to place her hand on Quinn's forehead.) But you do feel a little warm. Maybe something you ate is just causing you to think that things aren't normal? [Quinn doesn't answer. He's staring at her as if she had antennae growing out of her head.] Maggie (realizing that antennae really are growing out of her head): Hey, Quinn, look at that! Little men on flying purple elephants playing cribbage! [She points. Quinn, being the male that he is, turns and looks. This provides Maggie with enough time to the smooth the errant antennae back underneath her hair where they belong.] Quinn (Turns back around and sees Maggie with an innocent smile on her face. He looks faintly ill.): I think you're right, Maggie. (stands) I think I'll go take a shower. See ya. [Quinn leaves. Maggie, alone, sips her coffee and smiles.] Maggie: I may be seeing you a whole lot sooner than you think, Quinn. (laughs evily) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Fades out to commercial as Maggie's eyes glow red and she continues to laugh fiendishly.] ****COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!*** [A man is driving a red car down the street. As he drives, he starts to drool at a woman walking by. The camera shot stays on the woman as the man drives off screen. There are some sound effects of a car crashing. The woman gets a surprised look on her face and hurries over to the man, who has crashed into a wall (Actually, it looks more like somebody just pushed an already-smashed up BLACK car against a wall and the man climbed in, but why should I bother to point that out?). The man is hanging out of the car, miracously unhurt.] Women(in horrible accent): Oh! Do you have insurance on dat car? Man(in fake shocked tone): Why no. But look! Who could that be? [Both turn and look up into the sky. Camera view switches to inside a studio. We see a woman dressed in an eagle costume and hanging by clearly visible wires with a fan in her face.] Man & Woman: It must be Eagle Woman! Eagle Woman: I've got something for-- [Eagle Woman never finishes because two girls dressed in Sailor Scout uniforms burst onto the set. The blonde-haired girl on points a finger at the cables holding Eagle Woman up.] Sailor Venus (shouts): VENUS CRESCENT BEAM SMASH!!!!! [The resulting beam of energy demolishes the cables holding Eagle Woman up. She hits the ground with a heavy thud.] [What follows next is hard to flollow because the Crescent Beam also killed the lights. But what we can hear makes up more than enough for our lack of sight. There is a lot of screaming (mostly EW's), a lot of "Sailor V Kick!" and "Sailor V Punch!" (Guess.) and a whole lot of swearing along the lines of "YOU STUPID &@!$#!!! YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO EAGLES EVERYWHERE!!! I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR !@$#%$^@#$#@$#@$@#$@ YOU &#%!%&%#@%. etc." (That was Sailor Jupiter.) This continues for a couple of minutes. Finally, Sailor Jupiter, with a triumphant smile on her face, walks back into the camera shot.] Jupiter: Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry that you had to hear that, but my friend and I came here to make a point. [From somewhere off to the side, EW gives a strangled cry. There is a meaty thud and Eagle Woman falls silent.] Jupiter: At any rate, the point is: Don't drink and drive-- [Sailor Venus walks back into the camera shot.] Venus: --Or make stupid TV commercials-- Jupiter\Venus (shouts): --Or we'll hunt you down and beat the crap out of you! [Sailor Jupiter gives a thumbs-up sign. Sailor Venus shows her 'V for Victory' sign. Both of them leap to a nearby building and vanish from sight.] ***And now, Back to Sliders!*** [Quinn has taken a nap and a shower. Dressed in a change of clothes, he answers the hotel door. It's room service with his food. Quinn takes it and returns to he and Remmy's room to watch Deathsport on TV. But, as he crosses into the room, the door slams shut. Quinn looks up and sees Maggie stuck to the wall above the door. The antennae are back, along with an extra set of arms and some wierd-looking mandibles in her mouth. She has red, glowing, multi-faceted eyes. In short, she looks like a giant mutant ant.] Ant/Maggie (in a horribly distorted voice): Now you die, Quinn Mallory! (She hisses and drools.) [Quinn simply stares at her. Maggie begans to feel rather uncomfortable underneath his gaze. The silence continues for five minutes. By now, Maggie is completly puzzled by Quinn's reaction (or rather, lack of it) and starts to sweat.] Ant/Maggie (In her normal voice): What are you doing? Quinn (nodding as if she had just taught him the mysteries of life): I'm sorry if I made you upset, Ms. Villan-of-the-Week(tm). It's just that I didn't know what you were saying because your voice was so distorted. Ant/Maggie (blinks): Oh. Well, then. Let's try this again, shall we? Quinn: Okay. [Quinn leaves. A few seconds later, he comes back in and the Ant/Maggie slams the door again. Quinn looks up.] Maggie (In horrendously evil voice this time): Now you shall die, Quinn Mallory! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (She hisses and drools some more.) [Quinn gets the "Oh my God, I'm going to die!" look on his face. But just as the Ant/Maggie is about to leap at him and tear him limb from limb, the door slams open to reveal...] Quinn and the Ant/Maggie (surprised): WADE?!? [Yes, it's Wade! And she has a shotgun!] Wade (In a similar evil voice): I'm going to kill you, Quinn! HA!HA!HA! [Wade aims at Quinn and begans to pull the trigger. The Ant/Maggie leaps down from the wall and lands in front of her.] Ant/Maggie (in normal voice): Excuse me? And who gave you permission to kill him? I was here first, therefore I get to kill him. Wade: Hey, I've known him longer so I have more reasons to hate him for. Ant/Maggie: That's no excuse! I should kill him! Wade: No, I should kill him! Quinn: How about both of you don't kill me. Ant/Maggie and Wade: SHUT UP, QUINN! [The two women continue to argue. Quinn wisely decides to stay out of their arguement. He takes his club sandwich to the bed, sits on it, and continues watching Deathsport. For twenty minutes, Wade and the Ant/Maggie continue to argue. Finally, Wade ends it by smashing the Ant/Maggie in the head with the shotgun. The Ant/Maggie slumps to the ground, either dead or unconcious (I forget which.) Wade re-aims at Quinn.] Wade: Well, that settles that. I'm going to kill you, Quinn! [Wade begans to pull the trigger.] Mysterious voice (singing Jaws theme): Dum dum. Dum dum. Dum dum. etc. Quinn: You're already going to kill me, Wade. You don't have to sing, too. Wade (confused): That's not me. [Mysterious voice gets louder.] Quinn (looking around): Maggie? Wade (nudges Maggie's prone body with her foot): Not her, either. Quinn: If it's not you or me or Maggie, then who could it be? [The two of them turn towards the wall facing the street as a tractor crashes through it to land in the room. (Hey, it's a big room!) The tractor destroys most of the room, but somehow leaves the Sliders completly unhurt. Go fig.] Mysteryious voice: Heeereee's Remmy! [Yes! The painfully obvious singer (He's the only one that can sing. Duh!) turns out to be our very own Rembrandt Brown. And yes! He too wants to turn Quinn into so much fertilizer!] Maggie (She woke up at such a convient time, dont'cha think? She's also 100% human again): How did you get the tractor up here, Rembrandt? [Rembrandt points behind him towards the street. The other three go over to the remains of the wall and see a huge ramp.] Maggie: A ramp. How convinent. Quinn (incredously): Remmy, let me get this straight. You drove a _tractor_ at nearly a hundred miles an hour up a steep ramp when you barely had ten feet of runway? Remmy: That's pretty much how I did it. [Quinn just stares in disbelievement.] Wade: Remmy, where on earth did you get the money to buy that thing anyway? Remmy: Same place where we always have enough money to buy a diffrent pair of clothes each day before we Slide. Maggie: And just where does this mystery money come from? [VRRROOOMMM!!!] Maggie (looking around in surprise): And what the heck was that? Wade (looking bored): Oh, that's just the author's way of saying that there's a hole in the plotline big enough to drive a truck through. You'll get used to it. It comes by once a week. Maggie: Every week on a Friday between the times of seven and eight o'clock central time? Remmy: Startling coincedence, isn't it? Quinn: THAT'S IT! Coincedences! (The others stare at him.) Coincedence and convinence. Don't you guys think that it's rather convinient that right when Maggie was about to kill me, Wade burst in? And when Wade was going to kill me, Remmy plowed through the wall? [Everyone, including the author, groans at Quinn's unintended pun.] Remmy: Q-ball, is there a point to all of your rambling? [Quinn opens his mouth to say something, then closes it. For ten minutes, he thinks. Finally, when the others are considering killing him again, he grins.] Quinn: Yes, there actually is a point! And that point is: (dramatic music begans to play) Every single one of you had coffee! [The music stops. Quinn finds himself confronted with three completly blank stares.] Quinn (still enthusiastic): Well, don't you guys get it? Wade: No. Remmy: Not really. Maggie: Sorry, Quinn. [Quinn sighs. Half an hour later...] Wade (nodding): Oh, I see it now! Remmy: Now I get it! Maggie: Of course! How could I have been so stupid? Wade (eagerly): Can I answer that, Maggie? Please? [Maggie glares at Wade. Wade snickers.] [Author's note: For those of you itching to know, it was the coffee that caused this mess. Something in it causes the drinker become homocidal, which usually results in the murder of someone. It was this world's way of keeping a heavily populated planet under control (Although clean-up detail was atrocious!). The only reason Quinn wasn't affected was because he had water. Lucky him.] Remmy: Now that we're ourselves again, how's about leaving this world? [Wade reaches underneath the tractor and pulls out the timer (miracously unbroken) and stares at it like she's a zombie.] Wade (dead voice): Unbroken... Maggie (also in a dead voice): Miracously. [Quinn stares at Wade and then Maggie.] Quinn: That's it! We are out of here! [He stomps over to Wade, grabs the timer, and activates the vortex. He shoves the two women through it. Rembrandt pulls himself out of his low caffine-induced state.] Remmy: What was the point of this episode, Q-Ball? Quinn: As far as I'm concerned, I don't think there was one. Remmy: That certainly explains a lot. [The two leap through the Vortex, which closes behind them.] *****THE END***** Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at sailorfalcon@excite.com Everything's welcome and I'll try to get back to you! Everything goes to their respectful owners. I didn't create Sliders, Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Venus, or Eagle Woman (Thank God!). A bunch of other people did and their getting paid for it while I'm not. The plot hole/truck gag belongs to Tiny Toon Adventures because they invented it. The only thing I did invent was Deathsport and the insane plotline (if you could call it that) If you want to post this elsewhere, notify me first. Serena: Is it the world that's going bonkers or is it just me!?! Serena's Mom: It's just you, dear. Go take a nap. "Sailor Moon" This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.