Warning: This fanfic is rated S because some parts, and really the
entire fanfic, tends toward excessive sillyness.

Standard disclaimers apply- I didn't create anything but the bad
guys.

		     Sailor Moon: The Rejected Episodes
			 A continuing fanfic by Kristin Renee Taylor

		     Episode 5: "Sanity Doesn't Reign, It Billows."

[Setting: Tokyo at night.
[It's really late, around 3 a.m. Nobody's out and the streets are
quiet. Or are they? Several figures move through the darkness, going
swiftly from house to house. One of them stops in the middle of the
street. Soon another goes up to him.]

Lupis: How are things going?

Man: Just as you expected, Master Lupis.

Lupis: You are having no difficulty setting the Insanity bombs?

Man: No sir.

Lupis: How about at the apartment complexes?

Man: They said that they're not having any trouble either.

Lupis: Good. Very good.

[A third man runs up to them and salutes.]

Man 2: Master Lupis, all of the houses on the street have been
rigged.

Lupis: Excellant. Set the timers and regroup at the park.

[The second man salutes again and heads off.]

Lupis: Contact the other teams. Tell them to hurry things up. I want
to go to -

[He stops talking and cocks his head to one side, listening. He
smiles.]

Lupis: Do you hear that?

Man: Hear what, sir?

Lupis: It sounds like... like...

[Abrubtly, he tilts his head back and let's out a howl of pure
delight.]

Lupis(ecstatic): Pizza Delivery Man!

[He bounds off into the darkness. The man looks after him, confused
and slightly embarressed.]

Man: I have got to get a better job.

[He walks away. On a nearby rooftop, Luna and Artemis glance at each
other.]

Luna: This looks bad.

Artemis: Really bad. We better get the Senshi.

[The two cats scamper off. Time drags by and the sun slowly peeks its
head up over the horizon. As the first rays of dawn touch the houses,
there is a loud hissing noise and the street fills with a green, glowing fog
that drifts through the walls and into the houses.]

[Setting: Juubaan Elementry School. Ami approaches the gates and
stops, shocked. Looking inside the school grounds reveals total chaos. Kids
are chasing one another, but some of them are wielding laser guns,
slingshots, lightsabers, giant stuffed animals, and other various odd weapons.
Ami ducks and a banana cream pie goes flying over her head.]

Ami: What is going on here?

[Naru runs up to her and hits Ami in the back.]

Naru(shouts): You're it, Ami-san!

[Naru runs off. Ami stares after her. Slowly, a large, insane grin
spreads across her face.]

Ami(shouts): Just you wait, Osaka Naru! I'll get you!

[She chases after Naru. Neither of them are paying any attention to
where they are going, and are taken completley by surprise when they both
crash head first into Umino. Umino recovers first, sees Ami, and glomps
onto her.]

Umino(scared): You've got to save me, Ami-san. Your friend is going
nuts.

Ami: Which friend?

[A shadow falls over them. The trio look up to see Makoto. Unlike all
of the other students, Makoto is dressed in a heavily wrinkled pair of
jeans and an equally wrinkled shirt with P-chan on the front and Ryouga on
the back. There is a large bandage wrapped around her head, barely hiding
the large lump there. Makoto is really pissed. And not just any type of
'really pissed.' Oh no. She's pissed to the point where, even though
this isn't that type of show, she has an extremely bright green battle
aura surrounding her. Her eyes latch onto Umino, who visibly flinches.]

Makoto(deadly): What did I tell you about glomping onto innocent
young women and removing their personals?

[Umino makes a pathetic whimpering noise. Ami and Naru suddenly
realize
that it is a lot draftier than it was a second ago.]

Makoto(deadly): I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you now,
Umino-san.

[Umino leaps up, laughing wildly and waving three pairs of bras in
the air.]

Umino: You've gotta catch me first!

[Umino takes off. Makoto scowls after him.]

Makoto(deadly): You might want to move, Ami-chan. This is about to
get really ugly really fast.

[Ami and Naru, both blushing furiously, hastily move away from the
glowing Senshi. Makoto sets herself to sprint after him. Her aura glows even
brighter and little rocks start float off the ground.]

Makoto: Aw, to hell with it.

[Her aura winks out and she walks away, muttering angrily. Ami and
Naru facefault.]

Naru: What...

Ami: Don't ask, Naru-san.

Naru: Okay. (pauses) Shouldn't we go kill Umino for taking our bras?

Ami(thinks, says): Yes. Yes, we should.

[They pull out two giant mallets from places undisclosed and chase
after Umino. They pass the front gate. Usagi is there, watching the ensuing
chaos and mildly upset. Luna is perched on top of the wall, cleaning
her paws.]

Usagi: I don't get it, Luna. How come when I'm finally on time,
nobody notices?

Luna: Because they don't want to die of shock.

Usagi(angry): And what is that supposed to mean?

Luna: It means that the sight of you on time for anything would kill
a person. They're ignoring you so that they won't die. It's called
self-preservation.

Usagi(incredulous): That can't be right.

[Makoto approaches them, still grumbling. Usagi sees the bandage and
gasps. Luna gets a strange look on her face and starts to sniff the
air.]

Usagi(concerned): Mako-chan? Are you all right?

[Makoto keeps walking.]

Usagi: Uh, Mako-chan?

Luna(angry): Kino Makoto-san, have you been drinking?

[Makoto winces and looks up.]

Makoto(small): Oh. Hi, Luna. Nice weather, ne?

Usagi: Hello? Are you listening to me?

Luna(angry): Don't try and change the subject! Have you been
drinking?

[Makoto winces again.]

Makoto: Um...well...you see...

Luna(impatient): Yes?

Usagi(shouts): Will you pay attention to me?

Makoto(fast): It's not my fault, Luna! Honest! It's all Rei-chan and
Minako-chan's fault! They pressured me into to going! You know how
those two are! They wouldn't let me refuse! (extremly fast) And then there
were those extremly cute sailors and they offered to buy me a drink and
how was I supposed to know that I would have such a lousy tolerance for
alcohol and you can't blame nothing on me becuase I'm Sailor Jupiter and --

[She looks around, frantic.]

Makoto(shouts): IT WAS PEER PRESSURE!!! PEER PRESSURE!!! THAT'S ALL
IT WAS!!! AAAAHHHH!!!!!

[She transforms into Sailor Jupiter and runs away. Luna and Usagi
stare into space for several minutes, then they turn to look at one
another.]

Usagi: There is something really strange happening here.

[There is a loud thunk. They turn to see that Jupiter has run into a
tree and knocked herself out. A crowd of girls, led by a triumphant Ami
and Naru, walks past. They are carrying a hogtied and gagged Umino.]

Ami(shouts): Let's build a fire and burn him at the stake!

Girls(shout): Yeah!

[They all troop off.]

Luna(dry): What was your first clue?

[Setting: The Hikawa Jinja.

[Usagi, Makoto, and Ami (carrying Luna) are climbing the front
steps. Luna keeps glaring at Makoto, who is now sporting a second lump on
her head.]

Luna(growl): I can't believe you were drinking, Mako-chan. You're a
Senshi; people expect you to be more responsible.

Makoto: Gomen, Luna.

Luna(angry): You are not sorry!

[Makoto thinks for a moment and grins.]

Makoto: No, I'm not.

Usagi(bored): Oh come off it, Luna. It's not like she murdered
anyone. (deadly serious, to Makoto) You *didn't* kill anyone, right?

Makoto(shocked): Of course not, Usagi-chan!

Usagi(bored): Good.

Ami: By the way, how did you get the large lump on your head,
Mako-chan?

Luna(dry): Which lump?

[Makoto shoots Luna a Look. She coughs.]

Makoto(embarressed): Well, Ami-chan, I ran head first into a wall.

Usagi(bored): Not to mention the tree.

Makoto(sarcastic): Thank you, Usagi-chan.

Usagi(bored): No problem.

Ami: Why on earth did you run into a wall?

Makoto(annoyed): I don't know! Maybe I just wanted to see what it
would feel like if I hit a wall at Mach 5!

Usagi(bored): I'm not sure, Mako-chan, but my guess is that it would
hurt.
A lot.

[Makoto growls something underneath her breath. Ami flushes and Luna
looks downright mean.]

Luna(angry): When this meeting is over with, Makoto-chan, you and I
are going to have a serious talk about what a Senshi should and shouldn't
say.

Makoto(small): Hai, Luna.

[They enter the shrine proper. Rei is there, feeding her two crows
Phobos and Deimos. She looks up as they approach, sees Makoto, and stands.]

Rei(cold, to Makoto): I am very surprised, Makoto-san. I didn't think
that you would dare show your face at this shrine again after what you did
last night.

[The others stop. Makoto is very surprised.]

Makoto: What are you talking about, Rei-chan? I wasn't here last
night.

Rei: Then you're denying it?

Makoto: Denying what?

Rei(imitaiting Makoto): "C'mon Rei-chan, let's use Yuuichiro-san for
target practice! I'm sure he won't mind!"

[Makoto blanches. The others stare at her.]

Makoto: I didn't say that!

Rei(angry): Oh yeah!? Then why is Yuuichiro-san in the hospital?

[At this point, Yuuichiro walks up to them. Rei doesn't notice him.]

Yuuichiro: Uh, Rei-san?

Rei(shouts, to Makoto): You electroucuted poor, defenseless
Yuuichiro-san! You didn't even give him a fair chance!

Yuuichiro: Rei-san?

Rei(shouts): Dammit! I was going to ask him if he wanted to go out
tonight! You've robbed me of my future boyfriend!

Yuuichiro(surprised): You were really going to ask me out?

Rei(to Yuuichiro): Shut up, Kumada! Can't you see I'm ranting about
you! (muttered) Now where was I? Oh yeah... (to Makoto, shouts) I can't
believe you have the nerve to waltz up here like everything's okay! I never
want to see you again!

[She takes a deep breath and whirls on Usagi.]

Rei(to Usagi, shouts): And if you don't put your head back on right
this instant, I'm going to punt it into the stratosphere! Do you have any
clue how annoying it is to have somebody pulling their head off while I'm
trying to rant?! Of course you don't! You proabaly don't even know
the meaning of the word 'rant!'

[By now, everybody has decided that something is seriously wrong with
Rei. Rei stabs a finger at Luna.]

Rei(shouts, to Luna): As for you, you walking carpet, I'm no longer
letting you in my room. Do you know how long it took me to vacum up
all of the cat hair you shed during our last meeting? Never again! If I see
you in there then I'm going to put you in a box and mail you to Guam!
Have I made myself clear?

Yuuichiro: Uh, Rei-san? Why are you shouting at a cat?

Rei(to Yuuichiro): *Shut* *up*, Kumada! Can't you see I'm busy?

[She looks at Ami.]

Ami: Before you even start, Rei-chan, I was just wondering if you
have recently inhaled a strange, green, glowing gas.

Rei(surprised): As a matter of fact, I did.

Ami: When?

Rei: Some guys from FALCORP came by this morning and started spraying
for termites. They said the gas was completely harmless to humans. Why do
you ask?

[Ami, Luna, Makoto, and Usagi share a Look and nod.]

Ami: You were right, Luna. FALCORP is involoved in this.

Rei: Does this mean I'll have to stop ranting?

Ami: Only until we stop FALCORP from doing whatever is causing
everybody to act so strangly.

Rei(nods): This sounds like Senshi business.

Makoto: It is, Rei-chan. The reason why we came is to have a meeting.

Rei: Oh.

[She looks at Yuuichiro.]

Rei: I'm sorry, Kumada-san, but you'll have to go find something to
do.

Yuuichiro: Sure, Rei-san.

Rei: And you've got to forget the fact that we just said anything
that even sounded like Senshi business.

Yuuichiro(grins): Sure thing, Rei-san! You can count on me!

[Yuuichiro leaves.]

Rei: Somehow I knew he'd say that.

Luna: All we need to do now is find Minako-chan.

Rei: Have you tried her communicator?

Makoto: Yeah, but all we got was her voice mail.

Rei(surprised): Voice mail?! When did we get voice mail on the
communicators?

Ami: Last week, when I gave everyone their Senshi Upgrade Ver. 5.8.

Rei: Does this mean we have new powers again?

Usagi: Yep, but we have to wait until we're faced with certain doom
before we can use them.

Makoto: Or until we're bored. Whichever comes first.

[Minako's voice can be faintly heard. It rapidly grows louder.]

Minako's Voice: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!

Luna: What was that?

Usagi: It sounded like Minako-chan.

[There is the sound of Artemis screaming. A white bolt streaks past
Ami, leaps onto Makoto's head and tries to pretend that it doesn't exist.]

Makoto(surprised): Artemis? What's wrong?

Artemis: Shh! Keep it down, guys. I don't want her to know I'm here!

Ami: Who?

Minako's Voice: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Here kitty, kitty, kitty!

Artemis(terrified): Arrgh! Too late!

[Minako enteres the shrine grounds. She is playing with a yo-yo.
There is vacant, yet slightly insane grin on her face.]

Minkao: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!

[The whooping is accompanied by Minako whirling the fully extended
yo-yo over her head before making it resume its up-down motion. She walks
up to the Senshi, taking no notice of the cowering Artemis.]

Minako(cheery): Hi, minna! Has anyone seen Artemis?

[Everyone glances at Artemis (except for Minako, who is still playing
with the yo-yo) then they look back at Minako.]

Makoto(wary): Why do you ask, Minako-chan?

Minako(sighs unhappily, pouts): Well, I wanted to play baseball with
him, but he didn't want to.

Luna: I should think not. Cats are not like dogs; we don't fetch.

[Minako laughs in a slightly crazy manner. Everyone else takes a step
back from her.]

Minako(cheery): You got it all wrong, Luna. I didn't want Artemis to
*catch* the ball. (sinister) I wanted him to *be* it.

[This is a stunned silence.]

Ami(faint): What?

Minako(cheery): I said-- (spots Artemis on Makoto's head, shouts)
There you are! Now I got you!

[She drops the yo-yo and pulls out a baseball bat from Places
Undisclosed (tm).]

Minako(insanely cheery): Batter, UP!

[Artemis screams and digs his claws into Makoto's hair. Makoto looks
at the bat and screams too.]

Rei(shocked): What the Hell are you doing?

Ami(shocked): Minako-chan, don't do it!

Usagi(shocked): Minako-chan!

Makoto(shocked): Oh my God! Not again!

[Minako swings the bat. Artemis leaps off of Makoto's head just as
the bat connects with it, knocking Makoto out cold. She collapses to the
ground. Artemis sprints off and Minako gives chase, trying to pound him with
the bat as she runs.]

Minako(still cheery and laughing hystericly): Come here, kitty! Come
here, my sweet little cat! (angry) Stand still so I can hit you! (cheery)
Don't worry, Artemis. I promise it won't hurt... (low, sinister) much.

[Setting: Outside FALCORP
[The Senshi, in full costume, are standing outside the doors,
staring up at it.]

Moon: Geez, I didn't know it was this big. My neck's getting a cramp
just by looking up at it.

[Abrubtly, the entire building starts to shake. The top ten stories
promptly vanish, making it much shorter.

Moon: Thanks!

Voice: No problem.

[Silence. The Senshi continue to stare at the now reduced FALCORP
building. Finally, Venus steps forward.]

Venus(cheery): Well, here we are.

Others: Yep.

Venus: Once we go in there, there's no turning back.

Others: Yep.

Venus: Some of us may not come out alive.

Others: Yep.

Venus: We may get captured, tortured, beaten, killed, starved --

Mars(small): Tortured?

Mercury(small): Killed?

Jupiter(small): Beaten?

Moon(small): Starved?

[The others glance at one another and, as one, begin to back away.
However, Venus is totally oblivous to this and continues talking.]

Venus: -- have our blood drained, forced to drink all sorts of
poisons, be the unwilling subjects of horrifying experiments, and Kami only knows
what else. (pauses, cheery) Ah, well. It's a good day to die, ne minna?

[Silence. Venus turns around and realizes that she is alone on the
street. She looks around, surprised.]

Venus: Gee, I wonder where they went. (gasps) Maybe they were
captured already?!

[She ponders for a moment. Then nods to herself.]

Venus(determined): There's only one thing to do: Go in there and blow
the place up!

[And so the lone Sailor Senshi sets off to rescue her friends.
	[Fade out.]

					******THE END (for now!)******

Criticisms? Comments? Ideas? Send them to me at gelles@yahoo.com

			This has been a production of Blueberry Enterprises.