In the Kingdom of the Blind
Reviewed by Lady Keela Shanri
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FINALLY!!! FINALLY we go back to the Centauri plotline!!! I've been wanting to know what was going on back on Centauri Prime ever since we left the poor little Regent at the end of "Epiphanies"--and that was the seventh episode of Season Four, this is the eighth episode of Season Five, so it's been over an entire season. ABOUT BLOODY TIME!
Oh, and this episode also had something to do with telepaths, I do believe. I don't know, it's hard to keep up with these things with my busy schedule and all, all these banquets to attend, and I really MUST remember to fire my tailors, they did a simply GHASTLY job with my lavendar ball-gown...
Erm...where was I? Oh, yes. Plotting, scheming, and craziness from all sides. And the Centauri were even WORSE in that respect. Also a slight subplot about some raiders that turns out to be more important than we thought. Let's start with the telepath thing and get it out of the way so that we can sink our fangs into the REAL "meat" of this episode.
Okay, basically, what happens is this. Byron is pissed off because of what the Vorlons did to them, making them be telepaths when they could have been normal, so since the Vorlons are no longer around, he NATURALLY decides to take it out on the normals (or "mundanes".) Oh, hey, yeah, THAT makes perfect sense! It's like saying, "That woman over there is wearing red, therefore I think I'll go eat the sidewalk." I mean it is not even VAGUELY a logical jump! So he has his teeps follow the ambassadors and staff of B5 and the alliance around and scan them for two days (Byron himself scans Garibaldi. "Never, ever, EVER trust a telepath! I SWEAR to you, someday I am gonna have that tattooed on the inside of my EYELIDS!" Garibaldi rants. Ouch...sounds painful...) Then he gathers all of them together to make an ultimatum--either give the telepaths a homeworld of their own in service for all the things they've been forced to do for nomrals over the generations or they will reveal all their secrets! This naturally ticks all the ambassadors off and for some odd reason Sheridan WON'T give them a planet! I'd say "Bye, hasta la vista, ciao, sayonara, don't let the jumpgate bang your butts on the way out", but for some reason Sheridan says no, because even though they have a point, the teeps are going about it the "inconvenient" way. (And I recognised that line from the new Earth President, Susanna Luchenko, from the episode "Rising Star" BEFORE Delenn said so. But I'm confused...I don't remember her being IN that scene, therefore how could she have heard the line...?) Lochley sends Zack to basically say "I TOLD you so..." and while some of the teeps run away on Byron, proving that not ALL of them have bought into his little "cult of personality" (thank the GODS), led by a rather likeable black guy with starting-dreadlocks who is probably going to get killed just because he IS likeable, Byron vows to sit there and starve if he has to. He also begs Lyta to leave him behind when he asks her to later on. She takes a lot of persuading to finally say yes, but me, I was saying, "SURE! YOU GOT IT!! BYE!" the instant he opened his mouth. Can't we have even ONE fragging episode without Byron?!! I am getting SO sick of him, can't we go look at other plotlines?! Sheesh! My favourite guest star characters only get five episodes at the most, while this guy goes on and on and on...anyway, she finally agrees to leave him behind (THANK you). (And to think...I used to LIKE the name Byron...I even had a character named that in a story I wrote once! Now I think I'll throw up if I ever hear or read it again...)
Oh, and the telepaths that left are going to get violent to make their point, and Byron and his teeps have barricaded themseves in. And Sheridan has withdrawn his support and Security is now after them.
Okay, enough of that, I spent way too much time on a really unworthy plotline. Now onto the REAL stuff! (snaps fingers) Servant! Bring me some wine! And could you please do something about the decor in here...all those pastels are starting to make me ill...
Seriously, Londo goes back to Centauri Prime (FINALLY! Even though it's a very serious, sad plotline and is getting steadily sadder, Keela leaps into the air with joy over the fact that they're even TALKING about it at all again--and promptly falls on her face, proving that one should not leap while wearing floor-length skirts) with G'Kar as his bodyguard to see how the Regent is doing. Not very well, it seems. Or so everyone SAYS. It takes quite a while before Londo can actually see the guy. First, he has everyone gape in astonishment over his audacity to bring a Narn to the Royal Court ("I see you've brought your own entertainment!" Minister Vitari--pronounced "viTAIRee", not "viTAHRee" as I assumed from the spelling--commends him, later saying something like, "Just a few chains, to make us feel more comfortable?" Great lines. This guy is almost as campy as the Regent--and that's SAYING something!) Then Minister Vole, a blonde/grey-haired (hard to tell) SNOT gives G'Kar the chance to whip the guard who whipped him, but G'Kar refuses, therefore showing that he is NOT a barbarian like they think. And the guard passes out from relief. (No, not really...) While the Centauri Ladies come forward to TOUCH G'Kar, fascinated by his "exotic scariness", (and when Vole catches his WIFE smiling at G'Kar, he is NOT happy at all! Hee hee...), Londo goes and talks to an old friend, Lord Jano. Jano is likeable and smart, so of course you instantly know he's going to die. (The likeable characters ALWAYS bite the dust or "end badly" in other ways on this show, you ever notice that? Everyone dies...except those who most deserve it.) Vitari tells him some disturbing news, while alone in Londo's quarters--he first says that the Regent has been in seclusion for two months now, and "officially" only his personal physician and a few trusted aides have seen him. Unofficially, there have been reports that he's acting very very strangely indeed. He wanders up and down the corridors at night, moaning and crying (oh, GEEZ...sniff--hand me a Kleenex, would you? Thank you.) and calling out--but when people approach, he falls silent. Sometimes he'll say that he has something important to say--and then it's as if a cloud falls over his eyes and he forgets and wanders off (Keela fishes for another Kleenex). They say that one night, he even asked a guard to KILL him, because he was "not himself!"! (third Kleenex). But of course, he was quite drunk at the time. (Yeah, he'd have to be...sniff...)
This confuses Londo. "But the Regent does not DRINK. I've NEVER seen him drink, in all my time at the Royal Court. He cultivated sobriety as his only vice, his only break from conventionally accepted behaviour" (wonderful line.) Well, evidently that's changed. In other news, a lot of information--about ships, grain shipments, troops, fashion magazines (no, just kidding on that last one) have suddenly been classified as Top Secret. Lord Jano had a report he was reading be snatched out from under his nose by one of the Regent's aides! There is definitely something weird going on here...
Then Lord Jano goes back to his own room, but he cannot turn the lights on, so he picks up a little globe-lamp and by its light he sees a pathetic figure huddling in the shadows. "Regent?" he asks, confused. "Regent, you should be in bed." (Who is this guy to tell another adult--who OUTRANKS him--when to go to bed, I wonder?)
"But I SO wanted to see you," says the little guy, even more nervous, twitchy, weird, and BUG-EYED than we have seen him before. He then goes on about how he remembers when Lord Jano was a child (Jano's younger than him, but not THAT much younger. I'm guessing that the Regent was appointed to the Royal Court when he was a teenager or something! I'm serious--they keep talking like he's OLD, but Great Maker, he can't be much more than 50!) and Emperor Turhan picked him up on his shoulders and carried him all around the palace. (And now, for no apparent reason, I'm remembering that scene from "I, Claudius" where Augustus is yelling at all the soldiers to marry and have kids. "You see this? This is a child." (belatedly realises he's picked the "crippled idiot", Claudius, to make his point, which is not exactly the best example. "Well, you think you can do better? Then go home and DO it!" Hee hee...) A throwaway line but it tells us more about both Turhan, who seems to have been a truly nice guy, and the Regent himself. Then a truly sad, poignant line about the decor (no, really) showing that the REAL personality IS still in there, fighting to get out. "I wanted to see you...certainly not for the decor...(now THAT'S the Minister I remember...)...once, I would have thought...pastels, for the curtains...but we're well beyond pastels now. No, no bright colours, anymore. Just darkness." Oh, GEEZ...(Keela is now halfway through her box of Kleenex). He then goes on to say that he would NEVER do anything to harm Lord Jano, not if it was HIS decision, "but, you see, it ISN'T my decision." he says tremblingly, and then looks away, sadly, as someone unseen picks up Lord Jano and TOSSES HIM INTO THE WALL. "It isn't MY decision...at all..."
SHUDDER!
(Somewhere in here, Londo and G'Kar find out that Jano is dead and instantly conclude he was murdered, and Londo is really upset, but I don't remember the exact sequence of events.)
Then, while needling G'Kar over his eating habits, Londo is told, by Minister Vitari, that the Regent will see him now. But he and G'Kar have to walk down this creepy long dark corridor (what, someone in the Royal Palace forgot to pay the electrical bill?) and of course he is attacked. These shadowy figures pull huge long daggers out of their cloaks and lunge for him. G'Kar tries to protect him, fighting fiercely, and then they are seperated by a wall. Oh, gods, what's going to happen NOW...
Londo then comes face to face with that blonde (?) snotnose, Minister Vole (pronounced "vole") who is blindingly mad that Londo was chosen Prime Minister instead of him, says that Londo is "the last obstacle between me and my ambitions. And now I will REMOVE it!" and, snarling, tosses a knife right at him!
WHOAH!! But that's nothing. An even bigger WHOAH comes from the fact that the knife, just before it reaches Londo's heart (well, one of them, anyway), turns back around and heads for Lord Vole, killing him instead!
And a strange alien with glowing eyes slinks off into the shadows...
YIKES!
Completely confused and more than a little bit freaked out, Londo then confronts Minister Vitari, asking where the Regent is. "Did he REALLY want to see me, or did you just say that to SET ME UP?!" yells Londo. And Minister Vitari bugs his eyes out, flutters, and looks WAAAAAAAYYYY too nervous! His face practically screams "I'm guilty!" G'Kar has had enough so he gets right up in his face and hisses, though clenched teeth, "WHERE....IS....THE...REGENT?!" Vitari keeps fluttering and stalling but around the corner, a small hand (at a very LOW height...) can be seen beckoning to them, so Londo and G'Kar just ignore Vitari and leave him to blither while they follow the hand around the wall.
There Londo leaves G'Kar so he can talk to the Regent in private, but at first the little nut is nowhere to be seen--just insane giggling. Londo calls for him, by the name of "Regent Virini" (HE HAS A NAME!! HE HAS A NAME!! THE NO-NAME MINISTER DUDE HAS A NAME!!! This totally messes up my story, unfortunately, since I thought I was free to make up any name at all for him, but hey, I'm glad he's finally GOT one.) and he finally comes out from where he's been hiding behind the throne. Although COMPLETELY manic, dancing and tripping and giggling about the room like a Centauri ELF or something, the things he has to tell Londo are quite serious. He at first gaily tells Londo that They have saved him because They like him--he has so much in common with them (shudder). He then APOLOGISES for the fact that Londo will have to be Emperor soon. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so, very sorry." he says in a heartfelt (and heartBREAKING) tone. (Keela is almost done with her Kleenex box). He KNOWS that he is going to die soon, poor little thing, and tries, tries his very very HARDEST, to warn Londo about it. He tells him to "run...in the sunlight...eat...laugh!" (looks down sadly) "...like a fool"... While mentioning Cartagia's "legacy", (and we also learn that Londo was the only one who ever treated him fairly during Cartagia's reign, oh, GEEZ...) he rubs at his shoulder as if it hurts. OH, boy...WE know what that means, but Londo does not. He then tosses Londo out of the throne room, afraid that he's said too much, and tells him that they will speak one last time before "the end". (Keela tosses away her empty Kleenex box and looks around for another one.)
Then after Londo leaves, we see the Regent dancing elf-like around the throne room, trippy-trippy trip--until one of those funky red-eyed aliens shows up. A tentacle comes out from his (the Regent's) clothes around his neck and starts STRANGLING the poor guy, like he doesn't have enough problems already, while he frantically insists that he didn't tell Londo ANYTHING!! (Well, it's nice to know that the Keepers don't have TOTAL control over you, that you can at least TRY to tell people things...)
Meanwhile, Londo is not getting any sleep (and neither is G'Kar--it may have something to do with the fact that he's forced to sleep on the FLOOR). He has gotten a message from the Regent's advice, but not quite the one the Regent meant. He is, for the first time in his life, even counting when Cartagia was on the throne, AFRAID of the Royal Palace, a place he's spent most of his life in, and instead of staying there for two months like he originally planned he and G'Kar are leaving TOMORROW.
And way up in space, those raiders I mentioned earlier, who are blowing up ships from ALL the Alliance races impartially, not stealing their cargo mind you just blowing them up, are shown destroying a helpless Brakiri transport. And a CENTAURI ship flies away from the wreckage!
Whoah boy. And I was LIKING the idea of the Centauri being GOOD guys for a while, so I could stop having to defend them to other B5 fans all the time! They could become Rangers (and if you ask me, the Rangers NEED a good dose of Centauri to lighten them up a bit!), they could belong and help rebuild and heal--no more. For now they are the bad guys again. ARGH.
Well, it was nice while it lasted...
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