Soul Mates
Reviewed by Lady Keela Shanri
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This episode was an absolute HOOT. Sure, it's not very important to the arc, but as Garibaldi once said, "Who says every conversation has to be about life and death?" or whatever that line was. Break out the brevari, it's time to PAR-TAY down!
Erm, excuse me, got carried away there. Anyway, "Soul Mates" was written by Peter David, who is one of the very BEST Star Trek novel authors, so when I saw his name in the credits, I KNEW it was gonna be good.
As for the episode itself, it had two main plots, which loosely tie together, and one small sub-plot. One of them had to do with Londo's three wives coming on board the station; the other had to do with this SLIMY little SCRUNGE (can you tell I hated the character?) who happens to be Talia's ex-husband arriving to do business deals.
The sub-plot was about Delenn's problems with her new half-Human form. It seems like inconsequential fluff, but it kinda IS important 'cos it tells us that she really is BIOLOGICALLY part-Human, not just in appearance...
First, the main plot. GODS was it ever funny! Londo summons his three wives aboard the station to make an announcement. The 30-year anniversary of his "Day of Ascension" is coming up, and the Emperor gave him a present: One wish. For ANYTHING Londo wants that is in the Emperor's power to grant. And what Londo wants is...A DIVORRRCE! as he yells gleefully. He can now break off TWO of his three arranged marriages. He has to keep one wife to stay by his side for appearances. Since all three wives do NOT want to lose the money and status that come from being married to him...stand back and watch the feathers fly!
The sparring between the wives (Daggair: "Why do you always try to draw me into your little verbal sparring matches? Timov: "Because I don't have a REAL sword handy!") as they vie with each other to be the one that Londo keeps is full of WONDERFUL lines. Including some that I am really surprised they actually got AWAY with! "Of course," Daggair says, looking down her nose at Timov, "breeding will tell." "A BITCH like you WOULD know about breeding, wouldn't you?" snaps back Timov.
Ah, yes, the three wives--"Pestilence, Famine, and Death": Timov--very small, snippy, has a high-pitched voice with a British accent, and does not put up with ANYTHING. With all of Daggair's snotty comments to her about "breeding", as if Daggair had come from a higher-class family than her, AND her piercing, sharp, annoying voice, I think Timov MUST be the "beautiful dancer" that Londo told Garibaldi about in "Survivors". You know, the one he met when he was very young and married the same day. She fits the description perfectly, except, of course, older now.
Daggair--the medium-sized one. The ULTIMATE suck-up, and a an extremely anti-feminist who will "stand by her man". Gack the things she was saying were SO obsequious she made me want to puke! Can we say "overdoing it just a bit"?
And then, there's Mariel--oh, boy. The very tall, thin, young one with a long ponytail--a conniving tramp who will sleep with ANYTHING. (Then again, the same could be said of LONDO...) She went RIGHT after Sheridan the instant she saw him and she was also having an affair with G'Kar. (I would have thought that any man with just "ONE" would not be all that big of a thrill for a Centauri woman, but...) "Nobody can compare to you, Londo" she says while trying to...erm...convince him to pick her, by wearing a very low-cut dress. "And just HOW many chances have you had for 'comparison', hmmn?" says Londo. Then Daggair wanders in ALSO wearing lingerie. Londo says that this isn't right, both of them at once--Timov should be here, too! Upon which, enter Timov, wearing her usual concealing clothes. "I have NO interest in participating in your sexual Olympics!" she snaps at Londo. "But they are only expressing their feelings for me!" he grins. "I can do THAT!" WHAP!
Nice bunch, huh?
The party was a hoot as well, but that HUGE picture of Londo's face on the wall scared the beejeebers out of me (what IS a beejeeber, anyway? Is it something that can be shown in polite company?) Lennier giving Londo cards--MARKED cards--a wonderful bit of continuity.
Now for the other main plot. I'm not going to spend as much time on this one 'cos it wasn't as good.
Matthew Stoner, who just made me want to punch him right in his smug little face, arrives, allegedly to do business, but he's also after Talia. "Do you know him?" asks Sheridan. "Only in the most unpleasant way possible", says Talia. "He was my husband."
The mystery about him is that he was evidently KICKED OUT of Psi Corps! As Sheridan says, "I thought the only way anyone left Psi Corps was feet-first." But he seems to still have SOME kind of weird mind ability...he is able to make people suddenly change their minds....
He does some shady dealing with a trader of some kind (played by Carel Struycken, or "Mr. Homm", ANOTHER Trek reference...) and sells him a small Centauri statue. Later on, Mariel is seen buying it. Londo unwraps it at the party--see, both plots came together, just like I said--and WHACK these two tiny poison needles come out of the statue's eyes and into Londo's forehead!
He is laid out in Medlab, with the only way to save him a transfusion--but they don't have enough of his type in the bloodbank and they've never been able to synthesise Centauri blood. After much deliberation as to whether she should just let him DIE or not, Timov stands up and says that SHE will donate the blood he needs--they are the same type. But only if Franklin promises NOT to tell Londo she saved him.
Londo is saved, and as he lays there, trying to figure out if he is in Medlab or Hell "but either way, the decor needs work", Daggair and Mariel both suck up to him sickeningly with all kinds of phony concern for his wellbeing. Timov keeps her mouth absolutely shut. And at the end, Londo picks HER to stay by his side. She is the most annoying of the three and will never love him, as he will never love her, but she is HONEST. She does not say whatever she thinks he wants to hear and then go behind his back--she comes out and says her TRUE feelings for him, nasty though they may be. And so, because with her, he knows exactly where he stands, he chooses Timov and sends the outraged Mariel and Daggair packing.
Meanwhile, it turns out that Stoner was NOT kicked out of the Corps, he was an EXPERIMENT and they didn't want anyone to know that they were experimenting on telepaths, so they made him an undercover member. Instead of ERASING his ablilities, as he told Talia, the treatment CHANGED them. He is now an EMPATH instead of a telepath, able to sense and, more importantly, AFFECT, people's emotions. That's how he was able to do all this slimy stuff. He gets shipped off the station--but NOT before Talia basically tells him to stuff it, and NOT before...and oh, GODS, was I ever WAITING for this--Garibaldi PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE! YA-HOO!
The sub-plot was also funny. It concerns Delenn's first "bad-hair day". You see, the Minbari do not ever take baths as we do, in water. They just scrub themselves with a chemical compound to remove the layer of dead skin every day--and Delenn has been using THAT on her hair!
She SNAPS at Ivanova, completely NOT sounding like herself at all, and the Commander comes in to find the normally serene and graceful Ambassador YANKING at a complete and total MESS of hair! It makes the Centauri hairdos look attractive, THAT'S how bad it is. "What have you been WASHING it with?!" gapes Ivanova.
Blink. "Washing?"
And like it or not, Ivanova finds herself in the first of her "mommy" roles; giving out advice on EMBARRASSING or silly subjects to, of all things, alien diplomats! If she thinks this is bad, wait until VIR comes to her for guidance on...erm..."breeding"...in the third season...
All in all, a VERY funny and entertaing episode. My only two real gripes with it are that, while we are shown bits of Centauri culture, they are not EXPLAINED (I REALLY wanted to know WHAT, exactly, Londo had "ascended" TO, and WHY everyone had to attend the party barefoot!), and that Matthew Stoner was SOOOOOO irritating. Other than that, what a GREAT way to start the weekend!
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