The Netbook of Practical Jokes and Pranks, 1.0

By W. Eric C. Ferguson

 

Introduction

After seeing how overwrought players got during extremely exciting points in an adventure, I decided to start lightening the mood. Practical Jokes and Pranks are a great way to do this, while not being _too_ malicious. After generally running out of good pranks, I decided that there ought to be a good catalog of funny stuff to do at different points in a campaign. I browsed the Magica Encyclopedias for AD&D and found that a great deal of magical items can be of incredibly funny use. But still, I wasn't very good at designing more jokes, and I figured that there were plenty of groups out there that either had a few funny moments during their campaigns, or perhaps harbored a chronic practical jokester. By combining these jokes and pranks, I could bring together a Net.Book usable by DM's to ease the flow of play when they see fit (remember, it's only a game!). God forbid a player get a copy of this and go to work. Anyway, due to the efforts of many, this Net.Book has come together to be the only source of jokes and pranks applicable to RPG's, FRPG's specifically. Thanks to all who helped, you know who you are.

How to use this Netbook

This Net.Book is intended to provide a resource to DM's (and the occasional player) a list of Jokes or Pranks to include in their games. The jokes and pranks are listed in no particular order and, following them, is the Author or Contributor of the Joke or Prank, and what version it first appeared in.

 

Practical Jokes and Pranks

• Sovereign Glue a metal tankard to victim's breastplate. This has become a favorite, along with the saying "Here's your tankard." WECF, 1.0

• Rub a piece of poison ivy or oak inside the codpiece of the victim. It's incredibly tough to act like billy bad-ass when it appears you have some sort of irritating disease or fungus. WECF, 1.0

• A box located somewhere with a sign attached that says "To have your palm read, insert hand". Upon insertion, victim feels something sloppy run across their hand. Upon removal, their palm is indeed red and only time (about 1 week) will remove it. Contrib. Harry Weis, 1.0

• Cast magic mouth on the male victim's sword. Upon the drawing of the weapon, the mouth speaks only in insults such as "You hit like a girl", "Why not just wear a dress?", and "Are you still gay?". Contrib. Harry Weis, 1.0

• Cast "Grease" at the top of the stairs as the victim begins his descent. WECF, 1.0

• Cast hold person on a robe-wearing victim, walk up, lift their robe over their head, and walk away. Contrib. Harry Weis, 1.0

• Get a party member roaring drunk, sovereign glue an aerial anchor's string to them, throw them off the third story balcony, and anchor them in midair. WECF, 1.0

• Cantrip "pinch" the barmaid's rear as she walks by the fighter. WECF, 1.0

• Sovereign glue someone's inn room door shut during the night. WECF, 1.0

• Write "Property of the Nine Hells" in indelible ink on their armor or weaponry. WECF, 1.0

• Mix Air Spores in with their food. Gas for days... WECF, 1.0

• Cast Darkness in someone's inn room just before daybreak. WECF, 1.0

• Forge an official letter from some government-type (earl, duke, ...etc...) to the victim demanding their presence at their high court at some time some day soon. They will attend only to be turned away. Later, forge another letter from the same person demanding their presence at the next meeting of the court since they didn't attend the last one. They will be turned away again. Finally, forge another letter telling them there is an official warrant out for their arrest due to their refusal to appear at the court. Sit back and watch 'em sweat. WECF, 1.0

• Paint your local elf black. (Can have bad results) WECF, 1.0

• Write "Property of Raistlin Majere. If found, I will find you." on the inside cover of someone's Spellbook. WECF, 1.0

• Take a almost empty bag of flour and place the open end under the door of the victim. Then, jump on the full part. Flour will cover their room and everything will be white. WECF, 1.0

• Cast "Dancing Lights", use the vaguely-human shape, and let the victim encounter an obviously evil servant of the underworld. WECF, 1.0

• Wait for the victim to pass out from grog consumption, take them and their bed to town square and let them sleep it off there. WECF, 1.0

• During the night, lead a local cow up into the victim's second-or-better floor inn room using some sugar or salt. The fun starts when they start trying to get the cow back down, because cows go up stairs, they don't go down. WECF, 1.0

• The night before an meeting with an official or other high "we need something from them" NPC, put powdered milk right under the sheet on the victim's bed. This being medieval times, there is no such thing as air conditioning and the victim will sweat during the night, soaking the powdered milk up into their pores. The milk will sour quite quickly and is very hard to get out (if this joke was played today, it would at least take 1 week of showering about twice a day with _Lava_. How long will it take with oil soap?...) WECF, 1.0

• Slip a "Amulet of Protection from Good" inside someone's back pack and invite them to accompany you to the High Temple of Healing and Justice. WECF, 1.0

• Give the victim a marshmallow. Cast "Enlarge" on it while they are chewing. WECF, 1.0

• Pull the desperado bar trick in a rich bar. For those of you Banderas-challenged, here's how it goes: When in a _large city_, go to the wealthiest bar you can find in the early evening (so everyone has most of their money left). It's usually in the merchant district. Once inside, find the largest table of wealthy-looking nobles and merchants you can find. Approach them with this offer:

"Gentlemen, are any of you wagering men? Oh, good! I would like to make you a wager. I will bet you (amount varies. usually the most they will agree to.) gold/steel/silver/etc... that I can go up to the bartender, stand on the bar, and piss on him, his bar, the floor, the walls, and his tankards and mugs _and_ not only will he not be mad, he'll be happy."

If they bite it, say OK and approach the bartender. Approach him with this offer:

"Barkeep! I have a wager to make. I bet you (1/2 of what the other guys wagered) that I can set this tankard ten feet away on your bar, piss in it and not spill a drop."

If the original amount from the table gentlemen is high enough, the barkeep will gladly accept. Climb up on the bar, put the mug ten feet away, and proceed to pee on everything (except other patrons). When finished, tell the barkeep that you're not as good as you thought, and that you'll go get his money. He'll be happy for he just made free money and he doesn't have to clean it up (the barwench does that). Approach the gentlemen again and collect your money. Then give half of it to the barkeep and walk away. Free money. Drew Walters, 1.0

• Mix some Air Spores in the victim's mount's food. Ugh. Mount gas for a week. WECF, 1.0

• Whitewash the victim's mount. WECF, 1.0

• Fill the victim's quiver 1/4 the way up with black concrete. They won't notice, and just wait until they try to draw an arrow. WECF, 1.0

• Purchase a sword hilt that looks _very_ similar to the hilt on the victim's sword. Take the sword from the scabbard, and attach the new hilt to the scabbard so it looks like the sword is still there. When they next draw their sword, they will be posturing with a hilt minus blade. (don't forget to give the sword back) WECF, 1.0

• Randomly start saying "What? I didn't say anything!" to a party member. If the DM goes along enough to play up the fact they think the prankster said something, you have the makings of a neurotic character. WECF, 1.0

• During the evening, purchase the most broken-down nag available and lead it to the inn's stables. Carefully move all equipment (saddle, stirrups, saddle bags,...etc...) to the new (broken-down) horse. Lead the real horse away and put it up in another stable for the night. Make sure you're present in the morning when the munchkin sees that his high-spirited charger has instantly decayed into a candidate for the glue factory. WECF, 1.0

• Forge a letter from the queen or princess saying something to this effect:

"Dear brave warrior, I have heard great tales of your exploits. And when you entered town the other day, I disguised myself and went down to observe you. I find your reputation and appearance extremely 'exciting'. The (King/Prince) is away on business and I would like to invite you to secretly spend the night with me at the keep. If you are interested, come to the keep tomorrow night. To ensure that we are not detected, I have informed my personal guard of what is going on. They are bound to me and will not say anything. When you approach the keep, tell the guards "I am (adventurer's name) I have come from across the lands to show the queen my charmed long staff. Where is her bedroom?" They will resist you. It is part of the plan. You must resist forcefully, it is the only way they will know it is you, for no one can match your might. Be obscene and verbally degrading when you speak about me, it will tell them it is you, for no one has the courage to speak against me. No matter what they say or do, resist. They will then lead you to my room, where you may spend the night with me. I look forward to seeing you again. The (queen/princess)."

Every player (males, anyway) I know of will not pass up the chance to boff the nobility. When they approach the keep, the player will probably get jailed and might get to see the queen later (at his trial). WECF, 1.0

• Spread rumors in town that the victim carries all of his platinum on his butt. Then sit back and watch as everyone takes a pinch. WECF, 1.0

• Spread a rumor in the local mages' guild that the victim's plain old quarterstaff is actually a long-lost artifact of great power. It is so great, it has the power to mask it's natural abilities and hide the evil intent of it's wielder. But be careful!, it holds many powers and to get it away from it's wielder, they must be sneaky. Sit back and watch what lengths mages will go to to take the staff. WECF, 1.0

• Cast "Alarm" on someone's chamber pot. WECF, 1.0

   

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  How to submit additions or suggestions to the author

  You can email me at eferguson@mci2000.com Include NBPJP at the beginning of the subject line. All emails will be replied to.

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