I had been, truthfully, avoiding meeting Christine in the Opera lately. And I wouldn't have looked for her if it was not for a bit of totally unexpected news I received from Claude.
I was so disilluded with the stage world, with the eminence of a little thing destroying a whole life of work and dreaming, that I felt a slight sickness every time there was a performance at the Theater.
A good example was Madame Carlotta. She had been the greatest diva of the company for endless seasons. However, she was shunned from productions since the "toad" incident. Carlotta was the kind of artist that you either loved or hated, but you simply couldn't be indifferent to her. She had an incredible presence, on and off stage, and her personality was an exaggerated mix of talent and ambition.
I do believe the audience would have been kind and accepting to her if she had tried to sing again after the accident. But she would never do that, I'm sure. She wouldn't dare expose herself to another humiliation, not while she hadn't recuperated total confidence in her voice.
After some time of turmoil following the chandelier fall, when the Operas were cancelled, the managers struggled to find a new diva.
Why it took so long to turn to Christine, I'm not sure. Maybe without the Phantom's oppressive suggestions, the managers didn't feel compelled enough to look for the little Swedish chorus girl and give her such a large role, of so much importance and status.
And why I hadn't been thinking about it was pretty obvious. I had wollowed so much in my own world that I had became totally oblivious to the Theater routine. If it was not for Claude, I wouldn't have even known that Juive, the new opera, had brought the Paris Opera House to the front pages of all the newspapers again.
This time, rather than the fall of a chandelier, it was Christine Daae that caused so much excitement. Oh, Erik could manifest himself in the most various forms...
Claude told me exactly how much Christine's voice and charm had earned the Theater, and how fast innumerable boxes and balcony seats were sold out with the divulgence of the contraction of Christine as the new diva. What was a sample of Claude's attention to all deals involving a lot of money became a horrible realization for me that the Angel was probably visiting his protegé again.
As soon as I got the chance, I went to Christine's dressing room, which oddly remained the same. If she was actually earning as much as Claude had seen in her contract, it was really suspicious that she had chosen to stay in that cold, ugly dressing room, so isolated from the rest of the theater.
Surprise, surprise....
When her new maid, dressed in a funny uniform, got the door and annouced me, I could predict trouble. She said something inside the room, to which no answer was heard - only a hollow silence. The girl turned to me again, after a while, and it was obvious on her sadly pale face that she hoped I had disappeared, and therefore she would be free of this unpleasant duty of being impertinent. Since I was still there, she didn't have an option except repeating, in a fainter voice, to Christine, "Mademoiselle Giry wishes to talk to you, Mademoiselle Daae."
What was going on in here? Why was Christine hesitating to allow me in? It's true Christine was never an ace in decisions, but I had been her closest friend in the Opera for far too long for this kind of formality. A little irritated by the stalling, I entered the room abruptly and faced Christine, who was sittiing by her dressing table, dealing with some make up.
Her face hinted some satisfaction in seeing me, but it was quickly disguised in a cold and aversive expression. She said, dryly, "Let her in."
Since I was already inside, I walked to her, cynically greeting her warmly. I had an idea of why she was acting like that, and it had nothing to do with a diva attitude. I knew I shouldn't have waited so long to talk with her. I knew I should have come right after the Masquerade and told her what all that was about...or at least told her I was not going to be killed by the monster Erik; and I hoped I wouldn't!
"Meg, I'm rather busy right now, so if you would prefer coming back..."
It was obvious that she looked at me and saw Erik, haunting her in his Red Death costume and his death head; the same way I looked at her and saw the Angel guiding her and mocking me.
"Why are you acting so strange with me, Christine?"
I asked that with an insincere, naive expression, as I used to do when it was convenient, forcing her to speak up.
"I'm sorry, Meg. It's not with you." She was a little more easy, but still no sign of a smile came to her face. "It's just that...maybe it's good that you came here..."
She looked around, as if to make sure that her maid was far away, and there was no one else that could possibly listen to us.
As she looked around, I noticed her dressing room was quite different than before, the walls received some new paint, the gas lights were new, and there were flowers around the table.
"Meg, I was very confused with you for a while, after that Ball, I'm sorry. I was imagining things. I thought that..."
"You didn't imagine anything. You saw me dancing with Erik, and realized I knew him, too." There was no use in hiding it anymore.
"Yes. And I didn't know how to explain that. I know it would have been easier going to look for you and asking directly, but I didn't want to mess with that subject any further."
"I understand."
We had both assumed an exaggerated serious position.
"And there was Raoul, too..."
"And you were afraid." I said a little accusing.
She bent her head until her delicate chin touched her neck, and closed her eyes for a second, in a guilty attitude. Then she looked back at me with very sad eyes and confessed, "I never meant to send him away, Meg."
There was so much regret in her words that I felt immense pity for her.
"I never meant to hurt him! After that horrible night when I stripped his mask, he didn't come back. At first I thought he was just punishing me, as he had done a time or two before, when he had caught me with Raoul. I thought he would be back. But he didn't come back...until later."
I swallowed hard, telling myself I was the one who decided to seek answers, so I had to take them now. I had to be ready to hear what was to come.
"You must understand, Meg, he was my Angel, he brought music and hope back to my life. He was everything to me! And I was so undeserving of him! But I didn't think I could love him, Meg, not as he was asking me to, when he first came to me. I thought I loved Raoul, I had always loved Raoul, and that face...!"
For one second I forgot who she was talking about, and could only see the child that she was, so desolated, so lost, without the guidance and company of her angel.
She turned around on the chair, facing the mirror, but I noticed she couldn't look into her own eyes.
"For a long time he didn't come back, Meg, and at first I couldn't bear the remorse. And of course I missed the help of the greatest musician and teacher I could ever find."
"But Raoul was incredibly happy with the way things turned out, needless to say, and I got more and more involved with him, until all those dark and frightening moments had almost disappeared from my mind. Raoul was so gentle and harmless, and I feel so secure by his side! Together we toured the whole theater, and he excitely met all the corners of this little kingdom of mine, which is all I can offer him. Together we can be so happy and safe!"
She toyed with a little glass container, her pretty curled hair falling over her face. I had been so preoccupied with the circumstances that I had forgotten how I liked Christine, and how beautiful and helpless she looked at times. No wonder Erik had decided to be her Angel. She certainly needed more protection, and was purer at heart, than most of us around...
But I couldn't help wishing he would grant me his company, even if I didn't deserve it. Funny this thing about Erik, that made him so Godlike, that made us who knew him feel senselessly drawn to him! At least that was how I felt.
But at that moment, I tried to be as impartial as I could with Christine, and forget my jealousy. Then suddenly something caught my eyes.
On the hand with which Christine held the make-up container there was a new glow - the gold brightness of an engagement ring, reflecting the light coming from her dressing table. I felt something dying inside of me, and noticed intensily and clearly that I still loved Erik, it didn't matter how much I tried to deny it, and I wouldn't give him up.
Seeing the shock in my face, Christine began to laugh.
I was abashed, couldn't say a word. I simply didn't want to ask, didn't want to know.
"How do you like my ring, Meg?" she said joyfully.
Silence.
"What is wrong, Meg? You don't think it's pretty?" she asked, glaring at her own fingers, admiring the band, coquetishly.
"Who gave it to you, Christine?" I asked in a broken voice.
At my question she stopped laughing, and said, "Why, Meg! It was Raoul, of course! Who else could it have been?"
I smiled in great relief, "Well, I don't know...your angel used to be quite passionate, if I recall well." The sardonic tone of my voice bothered even me.
"Stop calling him that. We both know he is no angel."
"True. You are right."
"And besides...things have changed, Meg. I don't know how well you knew him, but I could barely recognize his voice when he talked with me through the walls again."
"Have you seen him again?
"Seen? No, not again, thank God!" she exclaimed with honest relief. "He only came to a few morning lessons, which hardly lasted one hour, and left without knowing when he would be available again. He said he was working exaustively for this last month, composing. I believe that is what affected him so much..."
"What do you mean?"
"Erik had always been a really passionate teacher. He would go mad with satisfaction whenever I sang something in the perfect way he asked me, or just throw a fit of temper if I didn't concentrate enough."
"Oh, tell me about Erik's temper!" I thought, trying to make fun of the hard times I spent by his side.
"And through his severity, he always had an admirable sense of humor. Now he just gives me plain instructions, corrects me here and there, and doesn't chat at all. And I dare say, God don't allow him to hear it, his singing became somewhat dull and lifeless, too. Don't get me wrong, he is still the best teacher I could have, but..."
"Does Raoul know Erik is back to you?" I asked.
"No...I still haven't gotten enough courage to tell him about it. He questioned me insistently when I got the role in Juive, but I denied it. Everything is so steady between Raoul and me when Erik is not around... Besides, Raoul just gave away his participation in the expedition to the North Pole, which was a great opportunity in his career - just to stay with me," she confided shyly.
"How lovely!
I embraced her in sympathy, and for some time we were good friends again. I felt warm inside for being able to confort her when she needed it. And I had a feeling that everything was solved, that all the problems had been left behind.
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