Fingernails grow inwards during leap years.
Snakes spit wine on Saint Patrick’s Day.
Locust gurgle hair on the 4th of July.
Near sighted roosters lay purple eggs on Groundhog’s Day.
Warts develop their own pulses on Halloween.
Water is as thick as Jell-O on the fall equinox.
Ticks crawl backwards on Monday.
Opossums won’t play dead on Tuesday.
Cows beep on Wednesday.
Hamsters simmer on Thursday.
Stars reproduce on Friday.
Rainbows shatter on Saturday.
Fruit trees curl up in a ball on Sunday.
Bikes shed their skins on Memorial Day.
Billions and billions of lemmings swarm into the sea on Labor Day.
Horses appear out of thin air during prime time.
Fire talks on Valentine’s Day.
The sun goes bald on New Years Day.
The darkness eats aspirin by the bottle during Spring Break.
Mushrooms braid their nose hairs on the Siamese New Year.
Banana peels sparkle like diamonds on April Fools Day.
Danger isn’t quite as dangerous on Flag Day.
Clouds melt on Veterans Day.
Potatoes don’t look both ways before crossing the street on Ash Wednesday.
5X6=31 on Father’s Day.
Manure smells like granite on Mother’s Day.
Pine trees choke on their own sap during Mardi Gras.
The word "slubtermivath" is found in the dictionary during Hanukkah.
You have to chew your sneezes on Yom Kippur.
These silly little aphorisms were inspired by Steave Wagoner (Wags) and Ted Baxter.
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