A.K.A. Interview with a Psycho
It is a beautiful day. The sky is blue, the grass is green, and birds are singing. In the distance is a mountain. Next to a gurgling brook are two chairs. Sitting in them are Lioncat84, and an interviewer. They are talking. Here is a transcript of their conservation:
Q: Why do you write stories?
A: Because I can! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Q: Okayyyy... Before this interview, I took the time to read some of your stories.
A: That's not a question, but that is a good idea. Imagine, you read the something I wrote before interviewing me! That was so brilliant!
Q: Shut up! Now, there are people who say your stories are dumb and lacking in real originality.
A: No there aren't! Nobody ever goes to my site, much less reads my stories.
Q: Well, those who do read your stories say that you copy off of Monty Python and Dave Barry and call it your own. What do you say to those who dismiss your works as mere idiocy on a site with little content?
A: I say it's time to get an interviewer who actually likes my stories! Goodbye! (Holds the interviewer's head under the water in the brook until he dies.) Ah, now I'd better wait for a new interviewer.
Besides that story, I also wrote a story about Sir Swordsalot in that class. Unfortunately, I don't remember any details about that story.
In 8th grade English, I wrote "A Tale of the Middle Ages." That was a fairly good story, but the computer it was on crashed, and I lost a printout of it, so it's probably gone forever.
In the summer between 8th and 9th grades, I wrote a Pokemon fanfic in cooperation with my sister. It's called "A Comedy of Pathetic Errors." I might put it up, and if I do, you can read it and try to figure out which parts of it were my idea and which were my sister's. (Hint: If it's funny, it's my idea.)
I was pretty busy my freshman year, so I didn't write anything noteworthy that I can recall. However, almost immediately after the end of 9th grade, I began work on "A Final Fantasy VII Fan Fiction: Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love My Insanity." I say "began" because that fic is the longest I've ever written and took the longest: about 1 month of constant work. It is up on this site, and I recommend reading it if you've played through FFVII, and don't like Yuffie either.
Finally, I recently wrote a story for English class. It is a parody of the Arthurian legends in the style of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."
I would recommend it for anyone.
Q: Could you describe a typical day in your life?
A: Sure. Just to remove all doubt that I'm a nerd, my day is like this:
7:15: Mom wakes me up.
7:20: Mom wakes me up.
7:25: Mom wakes me up.
7:30: Mom wakes me up.
7:35: Mom wakes me up.
7:40: I get up.
7:45: Finish getting dressed, comb hair, and eat a bit of breakfast.
7:58: Leave for school.
8:08: Get to school. Answer people who say hi with a grunt, and perhaps a muttered "It's too early."
8:15: Spanish class begins. When not doing work or falling into a semi-comatose state, I spend that time figuring out how to insult people in Spanish.
9:04: I should probably wake up about now.
9:09: Start of Health class. Participate in class discussion, and discover that the funny bone is the humerus. Hee Hee! As I leave this class, I bang my humerus on the desk. Ouch!
10:03: English class begins. Read book or talk to our crazy teacher. This is a fun class.
10:57: Art class begins. I usually don't do much in this class. In fact, we go to the computer lab at least 1 out of every 5 days of this class. Recently, we've been working on the backdrop for the school musical, "Damn Yankees."
11:51: Geometry class begins. We are usually given an assignment. I skip it, instead spending that time converting base 10 numbers into binary, octal, and hexadecimal, just for fun. Another thing I do in that class in lieu of the assignment is to play Mancala, which is an African stone game, with Intell, Luke, and Annoying Immature Brat.(Names in italics have been changed to protect the guilty.)
12:41: Go to lunch. I'm not going to say the food is bad, but, as the immortal Calvin once said, "What goes down must come up." The preceding could be used to describe the food. (Well, they do a few things really well, but all around, the food stinks.) I sit and talk deep things with Intell.
1:04: Ahhhh... World History class. This is my favorite class, with English coming in a close second. Why do I love it? Perhaps because I used to read nonfiction in my spare time, and I have a photographic memory. Plus the teacher likes me. On our first test, which was about ancient Egypt, the majority of the class either failed or barely passed. I aced it.
1:58: Start of biology class. I suppose I do alright in this class, but I hate it. Why, you might ask? Because I hate my teacher. I used to like science, but after one class with this teacher, I hate science and don't plan on taking any more science classes except one, which is taught by the history teacher.
2:47: Watch alarm goes off.
2:48: School lets out for the day.
3:20ish: Get home. Immediately get on computer, where I check my e-mail, check the traffic on my web site, scream because there aren't enough hits, beg my cat who's just been scared off my lap to come back, curse at the cat when it won't come back, and go get a glass of pop. (Or soda, for those of you who aren't from KC.) Returning with the pop, I go to Shinra 26 to see if it's been updated, scream when I find out it hasn't, and get off the Internet in disgust. Then, I play Baldur's Gate until Dad kicks me off the computer.
10:35: Watch the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
11:35-11:55- Watch the beginning of Late Night with Conan O'Brien.
Q: Wow, you're a loser.
A: That's what this web site is all about. I say it's time we losers stopped hiding, lying about our secret AD&D addictions, and being ashamed of our loserness.
Q: Are you trying to lead a revolution here?
A: Absolutely. Do you know why? Because we need a coup d'etat to overthrow our inefficient and ineffective government, and put in new leadership. I humbly suggest myself as that leader.
Q: Stop watching Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. You are not Emperor Palpatine.
A: Fine.
Q: So what are your Saturdays like? I'm not one to insult you, but I'm guessing you don't have a girlfriend.
A: Are you insinuating that just because I like computers more than people, do good in school, act condescending to people who don't, and spend all my time talking about my loserness, that girls don't like me? Huh? Are you? Well, you should know something.
Q: What?
A: YOU'RE RIGHT!!!!!!
Q: Okay, now answer the question.
A: They're the same as weekdays, except I get up later, don't go to school, and watch SNL insteand of the Tonight Show and the beginning of Late Night.
Q: That's sad.
A: Yes it is.
Q: Are you working on any stories at the moment?
A: Yeah, I've been writing a Fraundorfian work called "Never Judge a Sphenischiform by Its Feathers" for about a year and a half now. At my current rate, it will be done sometime after I'm dead.
Q: Hmm... Sounds mysterious.
A: That's the general idea.
Q: What's a sphenisciform? It sounds like an alien or something.
A: You'll just have to wait and see, unless I never finish it, in which case you can look it up.
Q: The day in your life is really old! You wrote that when you were a sophomore!
A: Good point. Here's a new one, just for you.
7:15: Mom wakes me up.
7:16: I get up, close my door, and climb back into bed.
7:28: Mom will probably ask me how I'm doing. I'll say it's fine.
7:40: I get up.
7:55: I am ready to go to school.
8:05: Arrive at school and go to the library.
8:10: First period begins. In my case, this is Library Sciences. That's a glorified Teacher's Aid for the librarian, so I don't bother leaving the library. First, I shelve some books, then I might go take the circulation desk if necessary, but I have a LOT of free time in this class. I'm writing this entry during that class.
9:02: I go to my second hour class, Yearbook/Newspaper. I am now the movie reviewer for the school newspaper, which is really cool. Typically, I don't do much of anything in this class, except for surf the Web, which is getting harder and harder to do, now that so many fun sites have been blocked. *Sigh* I miss Junior High. I could do just about anything back then.
9:58: I go to my third hour class, Rhetorical Writing. I really don't like this class very much. In fact, it's my least favorite class. And that's all I have to say about that.
10:54: I go to my fourth hour class, College Prep English. This is really College Prep book club, because all we do is read novels and then talk about them. We don't even have tests or assignments!
11:50: I go to Business Communications. I don't like this class very much, but at least we're done with the sappy Human Relations unit. I HATED that.
12:46: We get out for lunch.
About 1:00: I'll get lunch.
1:06: I have to go to my sixth hour class, Sociology. I guess this class is alright. It's fairly easy, but I don't like this class as much, and that's because of the teacher.
2:02: I go to my seventh hour class, Western Civilization. This class is pretty fun, I guess.
2:58: School lets out. I go to the locker room and change for Cross Country practice.
3:15: Coach will talk to us a bit, and then the running begins. Once my mother asked me how practice went, so I told her "Oh, I got a cramp, it felt like I was going to throw up, and I wondered why, oh why, do I ever submit to this willingly. About normal." Although by the end of the season, it's a lot easier to run than at the beginning.
4:something: I'll get home. It's computer time! I'll check out a few sites, and if any of my friends are on MSN Messenger or AIM, I'll spend a lot more time on the computer than if they're not.
Whenever I get off the computer-10:30: Whatever I feel like. Typically, the Playstation and the Gamecube will get some use at this time.
10:35: Watch the first part of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
11:00: Watch Spin City. Gotta love Michael J. Fox.
11:35: Watch Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Conan rocks, Conan rules! Ah, Conan is so much funnier than Leno.
When I'm tired: Go to bed.
If you actually have a question, I'm surprised. Send it to the e-mail address below. E-mails telling me I have too much time on my hands will be ignored, although you're right.
© 2000 lioncat84@hotmail.com