I guess this issue contains a couple of surprises.
First, Harold Hedd's not editing this issue. It's me- Homer Q. Duckbutt. That's my picture on the left. I'm the Bone's errand boy- er, Dralm and Janitor. I'm cousin to Maddie Mallard, and use to work for the Kriegers and the EEM before I hurt my head. Actually the guards at Hypso hurt my head. Now I work for the Bone.
Mister Hedd? He went on vacation- sort of. He came storming into my nest/office (it use to be a broom closet) at hmmm... it was before sunrise. At first I thought he'd had too much to drink and was lost. But he wasn't. He was really mad, tho. I didn't get all he said, but it was something about him being called the wrong name and something about the wrong stuff being closed. I dunno.
Anyway, he says "Screw it. Time to surf the waves again. I'm quitting the EEM and going on a long, long vacation. That means a vacation from the Bone too. Guess what? You're the Editor, Duckbutt." Then he goes just as quick as he came in, jumped in his ship, and took the rest of the staff except for Father Larry.
So here I am, and here is the Bone. Don't get too mad if you don't like it. I did it myself. Well, I had a little help from Guv'nor Rlo. He sent over this seckertary named Tawnee to help me type and stuff. Something about her learning usable skills besides taking chrome off of trailer hitches. Strange job, huh? Father Larry was going to help, but he saw her and had a fit. He said he wanted nothing to do with helping me an went back to being a receptionist. Maybe he didn't like her short dress. He's weird like that. But she's really nice and says she loves ducks. I keep telling her I'm a Dralm.
Let's see, what news has gone on lately that the CPT didn't put out... the SAM's Mad Vizier tossed in the towel and turned over all his stuff to his USS allies, 'stuff' being the colony Home Hive. Some guys named Morgan and Stern (sounds like a lawyer place) are sneering and spitting at each other. There's still Zombie Virus about and a shot to cure it, but Morgan's friends are po'ed that the stuff ain't getting out fast enough to suit 'em. Some bozo named DragonMage or LizardWizard set up shop in Geneb. I bet them Snittians are mad.
Permanent mines are, well, permanent common tech. I bet that made the Myrrians real happy. Qwerty was so thrilled he decided to take a very long vacation too. Mister Hedd said the T4 must've been kissing ass overtime for that one. I don't know myself. How does an alliance kiss ass? And who's ass did they kiss?
Rumor has it that Ace Krieger's not going to be ISP PD anymore. I don't know if he's retiring or just checking out. We'll see. Maybe he's going to let Morgan run things. Bet that will give that pirate Wishbone Bellamy fits!
FOE guy Whisper had a fit over some of his ships in the Nexus gettin' shot up by the EKN. But those EKN guys are havin' problems too. That's because the pirates are busy. They shot up a buncha ships in the Periphery and they also shot up the EKN. Somebody sent a message to 'Ringbone Editor' about it. Since Mr. Hedd wasn't here, I read it:
Nexus Report: RIP Versus Ekino
[Our ship], together with [another] ship, have been innocent bystanders at a large battle which occurred at the Lyon side of the Nexus White Hole between a large number of RIP ships and a bunch of EKN ships. This battle just took place Wk 16/199 and the battlefield is littered with burning hulks of former ships and debris of every nature and description. Collateral damage to [our] ship is minimal and as soon as [we] calm down, [we] will "get the devil out of here !"
Lyon(381) - Square 2159, 16/199
Composition of Forces
RIP Side: RIP Guanine (1773) - MYRship (CMDR. Meselson), RIP Astrakhan (92) - MYRship ( LT. Achkasov), RIP Kuybyshev (502) - MYRship (LT. Konev), RIP Kystym (1214) - MYRship (LT. Vatutin), RIP Voronezh (2703) - MYRship (LT. Golovko), RIP Zaporozhye (3639) -MYRship (LT. Tolobukhin), RIP Kumertau (4876) - MYRship ( LT. Golovko), RIP Edebali (402) - MYRship (LCDR. Jumayyil), RIP Cytidine - MYRship (COMO. Crick), RIP Aldebaran (1580) - Xebec (CAPT. Thomas Kahl), RIP Candarli (2587) - MYRship (LCDR. Ibn-Hawqal), RIP Chesire Cat (2315) -MYRship (LCDR. A. Snark)
EKN Side: EKN S'or-Ti (610) - MYRship (LT. Vik/Tri), EKN Fam/Maruv (4491) - MYRship (CMDR. Zu'U), EKN Faffepiist (3210) - MYRship (CMDR. Kuf-Mif), EKN Zu-Uns (3287) - MYRship (LT. Zuu'La), EKN Op'ie-Tu (308) - Defender (LT. Ike Op'Tu) EKN Pop-1-Tu (3353) - Interceptor (LT. Popie-To) EKN Pop-2-Tu (2303) - Interceptor (LCDR. Popie-Ti)
Round 1
RIP GUANINE (1773) fired at EKN S'OR-TI (610) Engine (SHIELDS = 3525/3000/3825), 109 Positron Guns - 109 hits - 1199 damage - 99%
RIP ASTRAKHAN (92) fired at EKN OP'IE-TU (308) Main (SHIELDS = 3075/3000/3000), 115 Positron Guns - 111 hits - 1221 damage - 97%
RIP KUYBYSHEV (502) fired at EKN POP-2-TU (2303) Engine (SHIELDS = 0/0/0), 115 Positron Guns - 113 hits - 1243 damage - 97%
RIP KYSTYM (1214) fired at EKN S'OR-TI (610) Main (SHIELDS = 3525/3000/3825), 115 Positron Guns - 111 hits - 1221 damage - 97%
RIP VORONEZH (2703) fired at EKN S'OR-TI (610) Main (SHIELDS = 3525/3000/3825), 115 Positron Guns - 112 hits - 1232 damage - 97%
RIP ZAPOROZHYE (3639) fired at EKN OP'IE-TU (308) Main (SHIELDS = 3075/3000/3000), 142 Positron Guns - 137 hits - 1507 damage - 97%
RIP KUMERTAU (4876) fired at EKN OP'IE-TU (308) Main (SHIELDS = 3075/3000/3000), 127 Photon Guns - 112 hits - 2464 damage - 87%
RIP EDEBALI (402) fired at EKN POP-2-TU (2303) Command (SHIELDS = 0/0/0), 38 Disruptors - 36 hits - 2376 damage - 98%
RIP CYTIDINE (1271) fired at EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) Main (SHIELDS = 0/3000/3525), 42 Disruptors - 42 hits - 2841 damage - 101%
RIP ALDEBARAN (1580) fired at EKN ZU-UNS (3287) Main (SHIELDS = 3525/2910/3525), 60 Disruptors - 60 hits - 4011 damage - 99%
RIP CANDARLI (2587) fired at EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) Main (SHIELDS = 0/3000/3525), 131 Photon Guns - 110 hits - 2420 damage - 88%
RIP CHESHIRE CAT (2315) fired at EKN POP-2-TU (2303) Main (SHIELDS = 0/0/0), 40 Disruptors - 38 hits - 2438 damage - 96%
EKN S'OR-TI (610) fired at RIP VORONEZH (2703) Command (SHIELDS = 2200/2000/2050), 30 Disruptors - 30 hits - 1833 damage - 95%
EKN FAM/MARUV (4491) fired at RIP KUYBYSHEV (502) Main (SHIELDS = 2200/2000/2050), 100 Photon Guns - 91 hits - 1820 damage - 88%
EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) fired at RIP EDEBALI (402) Main (SHIELDS = 1880/1040/2250), 100 Photon Guns - 87 hits - 1740 damage - 88%
EKN ZU-UNS (3287) fired at RIP VORONEZH (2703) Command (SHIELDS = 2200/2000/2050), 100 Photon Guns - 86 hits - 1720 damage - 86%
EKN OP'IE-TU (308) fired at RIP KUMERTAU (4876) Command (SHIELDS = 1200/1040/2000), 398 Photon Guns - 289 hits - 5780 damage - 75%
EKN POP-1-TU (3353) fired at RIP ALDEBARAN (1580) Engine (SHIELDS = 1080/1440/2000), 45 Quantum Torpedoes - 42 hits - 3187 damage - 93%
EKN POP-2-TU (2303) fired at RIP KUMERTAU (4876) Command (SHIELDS = 1200/1040/2000), 45 Quantum Torpedoes - 39 hits - 2927 damage - 94%
RIP KUMERTAU (4876) BLOWS UP
EKN POP-2-TU (2303) BLOWS UP
Round 2
RIP GUANINE (1773) fired at EKN S'OR-TI (610) Command (SHIELDS = 3525/547/2626), 109 Positron Guns - 106 hits - 1166 damage - 99%
RIP ASTRAKHAN (92) fired at EKN OP'IE-TU (308) Main (SHIELDS = 3075/0/3000), 115 Positron Guns - 110 hits - 1210 damage - 97%
RIP KUYBYSHEV (502) fled from battle due to excessive damage to Main Section
RIP KYSTYM (1214) fired at EKN S'OR-TI (610) Command (SHIELDS = 3525/547/2626), 115 Positron Guns - 112 hits - 1232 damage - 97%
RIP VORONEZH (2703) fled from battle due to excessive damage to Command Section
RIP ZAPOROZHYE (3639) fired at EKN OP'IE-TU (308) Main (SHIELDS = 3075/0/3000), 142 Positron Guns - 136 hits - 1496 damage - 97%
RIP EDEBALI (402) fled from battle due to excessive damage to Main Section
RIP CYTIDINE (1271) fired at EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) Engine (SHIELDS = 0/0/3525) 42 Disruptors - 23 hits - 1475 damage - 50%
RIP ALDEBARAN (1580) fled from battle due to excessive damage to Engine Section
RIP CANDARLI (2587) fired at EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) Engine (SHIELDS = 0/0/3525), 131 Photon Guns - 58 hits - 1276 damage - 44%
RIP CHESHIRE CAT (2315) retargeted to EKN ZU-UNS (3287) Main (SHIELDS = 3525/0/3525), 40 Disruptors - 39 hits - 2574 damage - 96%
EKN S'OR-TI (610) fired at RIP VORONEZH (2703) Command (SHIELDS = 0/2000/2050), 30 Disruptors - 17 hits - 1074 damage - 48%
EKN FAM/MARUV (4491) fired at RIP KUYBYSHEV (502) Main (SHIELDS = 2200/180/2050), 100 Photon Guns - 44 hits - 880 damage - 44%
EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) maneuvered this round due to excessive damage to Main Section
EKN ZU-UNS (3287) fired at RIP VORONEZH (2703) Engine (SHIELDS = 0/2000/2050), 57 Photon Guns - 27 hits - 540 damage - 43%
EKN OP'IE-TU (308) retargeted to RIP GUANINE (1773) Engine (SHIELDS = 1780/1000/1400), 293 Photon Guns - 220 hits - 4400 damage - 74%
EKN POP-1-TU (3353) fled from battle because it could not fire
EKN ZU-UNS (3287) BLOWS UP
Round 3
RIP GUANINE (1773) fired at EKN S'OR-TI (610) Command (SHIELDS = 1127/547/2626), after trying to flee and not having engines, 109 Positron Guns - 108 hits - 1188 damage - 99%
RIP ASTRAKHAN (92) fired at EKN OP'IE-TU (308) Engine (SHIELDS = 3075/0/3000), 115 Positron Guns - 112 hits - 1232 damage - 97%
RIP KYSTYM (1214) fired at EKN S'OR-TI (610) Main (SHIELDS = 1127/547/2626), 115 Positron Guns - 111 hits - 1221 damage - 97%
RIP ZAPOROZHYE (3639) fired at EKN OP'IE-TU (308) Main (SHIELDS = 3075/0/3000), 142 Positron Guns - 134 hits - 1474 damage - 97%
RIP CYTIDINE (1271) fired at EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) Command (SHIELDS = 0/0/774), 42 Disruptors - 23 hits - 1576 damage - 50%
RIP CANDARLI (2587) fired at EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) Engine (SHIELDS = 0/0/774), 131 Photon Guns - 57 hits - 1254 damage - 44%
RIP CHESHIRE CAT (2315) retargeted to EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) Engine (SHIELDS = 0/0/774), 40 Disruptors - 20 hits - 1370 damage - 48%
EKN S'OR-TI (610) retargeted to RIP ASTRAKHAN (92) Main (SHIELDS = 2200/2000/2050), 30 Disruptors - 29 hits - 1752 damage - 95%
EKN FAM/MARUV (4491) retargeted to RIP KYSTYM (1214) Engine (SHIELDS = 2200/2000/2050), 100 Photon Guns - 89 hits - 1780 damage - 88%
EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) maneuvered this round due to excessive damage to Engine Section
EKN OP'IE-TU (308) fired at RIP GUANINE (1773) Main (SHIELDS = 1780/1000/0), 165 Photon Guns - 165 hits - 3300 damage - 100%
ROUND 4
RIP GUANINE (1773) fired at EKN S'OR-TI (610) Engine (SHIELDS = 0/0/2626), after trying to flee and not having engines, 27 Positron Guns - 26 hits - 286 damage - 99%
RIP ASTRAKHAN (92) fled from battle due to excessive damage to Main Section
RIP KYSTYM (1214) fled from battle due to excessive damage to Engine Section
RIP ZAPOROZHYE (3639) fired at EKN OP'IE-TU (308) Main (SHIELDS = 3075/0/1768), 142 Positron Guns - 137 hits - 1507 damage - 97%
RIP CYTIDINE (1271) fired at EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) Command (SHIELDS = 0/0/0), 42 Disruptors - 21 hits - 1399 damage - 50%
RIP CANDARLI (2587) fired at EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) Engine (SHIELDS = 0/0/0), 131 Photon Guns - 66 hits - 1452 damage - 44%
RIP CHESHIRE CAT (2315) fired at EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) Command (SHIELDS = 0/0/0), 40 Disruptors - 21 hits - 1359 damage - 48%
EKN S'OR-TI (610) fired at RIP ASTRAKHAN (92) Engine (SHIELDS = 2200/248/2050), 24 Disruptors - 8 hits - 507 damage - 48%
EKN FAM/MARUV (4491) fired at RIP KYSTYM (1214) Engine (SHIELDS = 2200/2000/270), 100 Photon Guns - 50 hits - 1000 damage - 44%
EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) maneuvered this round due to excessive damage to Command Section
EKN OP'IE-TU (308) fired at RIP GUANINE (1773) Command (SHIELDS = 1780/0/0), 100 Photon Guns - 100 hits - 2000 damage - 100%
EKN FAFFEPIIST (3210) BLOWS UP
Wow, that was almost like the old days at the Bone. I wonder why Mr. Hedd never puts those battle reports in. It would make for some exciting reading.
I guess this is the spot where the Ringbone Gazette does an interview. It's there in all the other ones... but I can't find the one I was supposed to put here. Tawnee said she knew what I needed, so I guess we'll go back to her place an' look for it. She keeps calling me 'Ducky', tho. How many times do I have to tell her I'm a Dralm?
Meanwhile, the following story was tossed through the front window of the Ringbone's offices in a plain brown wrapper. Luckily the windows had been knocked by Father Larry in a religious fervor the night before, so no one was hurt by flying glass. Looks like one of the Companies has been paying some attention to the TCA.
BACKGROUND TO THE CURRENT SITUATION
IN THE TCA; 198-199
INTRODUCTION
As a company we have relatively little direct interest TCA affairs. We have virtually no trade in the region except for occasional runs to KAS Rubis, and if we lose access the impact on our corporate bottom line would be minimal. TCA affairs, however, are of interest to our corporation in terms of how they affect the security of our assets in the Periphery. As we rely primarily on the Imperials to defend us, anything which impacts Imperial security is of some interest.
TCA ANALYSIS
The TCA has become significantly weaker over this past year. The ZCS coup of last spring, which resulted in the removal of Prince Nolan and his replacement by Prince Urik, at first appeared to increase the strength of the TCA. No physical assets were destroyed, so there was no net loss of TCA power. (Nolan worked out a 'severance agreement' with the new leadership which allowed him to retain large colonial holdings in Defiance flagged as MYR.) Nolan's conversion to the Myrrian religion was expected to curb the worst of his acquisitive instincts.
There was a definite strain in ZCS-Myrrian relations, but the long-term effects of that were expected to be minimal--especially as the Myrrians are generally not a martial race, so the disagreement was not expected to result in open military conflict. While the affair diminished total Zolmani assets--due to Nolan retaining various assets in Defiance--it was expected that more of the remaining industry would now be utilized to support GA and TCA affairs. This was a very reasonable expectation, given as how Nolan was not disposed to converting potential military power into actual military strength. Thus the entire affair was seen as a definite plus for GA--and hence Periphery--security. All in all, the deposing of the Amaris clan promised a much more stable and forward-looking ZCS leadership.
The Zolmani-Myrrian dispute of last summer, however, brought an end to this happy state of affairs. Nolan sold several Myrrian ships to the WCE from his Defiance holdings in ZCS space--an act which infuriated the Zolmani. While Nolan's sale (apparently also involving the FOE) was technically legal, it was in direct opposition to Zolmani policy, and should have been executed from a location other than a colony in ZCS space.
While TCA opinion generally agreed that Nolan had committed a major blunder that merited a penalty, the sheer magnitude of the penalty the Zolmani sought to extract far more than many in the TCA could stomach: complete confiscation of all Amaris holdings in ZCS space, totaling some 15 million mass units. As the TCA has no agreed upon means of settling disagreements between members, the initial Zolmani reaction was to threaten force of arms.
For the first time since the extermination of the PFM, TCA affiliations lined up against each other, with the DTR siding with the ZCS, and the QSN with the MYR. The KZK favored the Myrrian position slightly, but adopted a position that they would remain neutral and intervene against any side that brought in non-TCA support; the FOE remained neutral, but favored the ZCS. The KAS, as usual, stuck their heads further into the sand.
A standoff began which lasted several weeks. Much diplomacy ensued, with the DTR, KZK, and QSN all working to find a peaceful resolution to the situation. The confrontation was finally settled when the ZCS allowed the QSN to purchase Nolan's assets in Defiance--eliminating the MYR presence from ZCS space.
Although settled without bloodshed, this entire incident severely sharpened divisions within the TCA. For the first time since the extermination of the PFM, over half of the TCA had been willing to take up arms against fellow TCA members. The TCA had shown itself able to unite against a commonly perceived threat (the SAM), but the members were unable to peacefully coexist in the absence of any threat. TCA unity was shown to be a sham, something not to be relied upon.
Since the end of the ZCS-MYR dispute, relations within the TCA have only gotten worse. Deep distrust continues to fester between the ZCS and MYR. The DTR, who emerged as the de facto leader of the TCA during the Great War, is the government that would have been in the best position to try to heal the breach within the TCA. Instead, it openly sided with the ZCS and has since withdrawn from most interstellar affairs. The QSN, the previous leader of the TCA and the greatest factor in unifying it during the conflict in Northcape in '96-'97, has not stepped up to resume its past leadership role--and is also concerned that the ZCS may decide someday to try to expropriate the Defiance holdings the QSN bought from the Amaris clan. The ZCS are perfectly satisfied to assume a posture of barely masked hostility towards virtually all its neighbors (save the DTR), as if it feels allies are expendable fashion accessories. The KZK feel that the TCA has become hopelessly divided.
ENTER THE DEMONS
A most interesting match has been thrown into this gasoline-filled room in the form of the FOE. The new second-tier leadership of the FOE is not satisfied with the traditional "Friends of Everyone" policy previously practiced by the demonic theocracy. It has already attacked its fellow TCA ally the QSN, attempted to start a war with the EKN over a FOE ship that violated EKN space in the Nexus, and is strongly suspected of assisting the RIP in their current campaign in the Periphery. The FOE, or at least the radical wing which seems to be in de facto control of current FOE policy, is more aggressive than any TCA government seen since the FOE invasions in Gank/Northcape or the destruction of the PFM over three years ago.
The interaction between the FOE and the KZK is especially instructive. The KZK were known to be concerned when the FOE attacked the QSN in Orient, and refrained from intervening only at the express request of the QSN. The KZK also stated publicly that they would not support the FOE if they started a war with the EKN; defend them if attacked, yes, but not defend them if the FOE were the aggressors. The FOE responded by denouncing the KZK for not being eager to defend the FOE from the consequences of their adventurism. Part of the FOE leadership has since stated that it wants the KZK removed from membership of the TCA, and seems to have been working towards this goal for several months-- indeed, since first crossing swords with the QSN.
REORGANIZATION
The TCA now finds itself at a crossroads in development. The TCA in the past has been effective only when it has served as a defensive alliance, as it did in Northcape and also, in effect, during the Great War. It has not been averse to occasionally preying on its own members, as the PFM discovered, and appears to be willing to permit members to do so again--witness the FOE-QSN skirmishes (or even the MYR-ZCS dispute, though that has not yet resulted in open warfare).
In a relatively new development, however, part of the TCA is trying to form the alliance into an offensive as well as a defensive alliance--with the FOE trying to build a consensus for the TCA to defend individual TCA members at home even if that TCA member is an aggressor. This is akin to what the T4 did for the SAM in the '96 SAM-IMP war, and again at the start of the Great War.
It is in this light that the recent FOE-KZK dialogues become most interesting, and especially the desire on the part of the FOE to have the KZK expelled from the TCA. The KZK want the TCA to remain a defensive alliance as it has been since they joined (and which the KZK have benefited from greatly). The FOE radical wing, however, wants the TCA to evolve into an offensive alliance, and seeing the KZK as opposing this wants to eject the KZK from the TCA rather than win it over.
The situation right now is similar to Weimar Germany in the late 1920s and early 1930s. The FOE are in the position of the communists, refusing to accept a "united front" with the less "ideologically pure" KZK; they would rather have the TCA be a smaller, more radical organization. The KZK are in the position of the socialists, support a larger, more inclusive TCA, but not nearly as radical as the FOE desire. Of course, it is hardly necessary to remind oneself of what happened when the communists refused to join with the socialists against the larger threat of the nazis (or, in the case of the TCA, outsiders in general); the nazis came to power and repressed them both.
The possible outcomes here are the same as in the late 1920s/early 1930s. A larger TCA will be able to stand against any external threat; the price for this unity, however, will be a less militant attitude towards other areas. A smaller, "ideologically pure" TCA as is being sought by the FOE will be more likely to cause trouble elsewhere, but will be far less powerful and hence more vulnerable to foreign attack. And, perhaps fitting for a comparison with Weimar Germany, the bulk of the TCA membership is quiescently standing by, apparently either oblivious or apathetic to what is being debated. All that remains to be decided is who will play the role of the nazis, swamping the TCA--or individual TCA members--in the future if the FOE win the debate.
The extent of the division within the TCA is thus rather significant. It is more than the general loosening within an alliance that is to be expected after a period of extended conflict. It is more even than the normal bickering we are used to seeing within the TCA. The TCA is on the brink of choosing a path which will significantly weaken it and make it more vulnerable to outside threats.
POLICY IMPLICATIONS:
1) The TCA is clearly unreliable as an ally in its current situation. In our assessments of Imperial/Grand Alliance strength (and consequent risk to us), we should not consider the TCA as a whole as a factor. Rather, we should consider the status of bilateral relations between the Imperials and each TCA member government.
2) We should continue to encourage the rift between the KZK and FOE, and if possible foment KZK withdrawal from the TCA. If the KZK leave the TCA, they will be bound that much closer to the IMP and the Periphery. Currently the Imperials have to be careful not to overplay their hand with the KZK; they cannot risk alienating them, as the KZK has the option of going elsewhere for diplomatic support. If the KZK leave the TCA, however--or, preferably, are pushed out--that door is closed, and the KZK have the option of either "going it alone" or else be dependent on continued good relations with the Imperials. The stronger the KZK tie to the Imperials, the greater their commitment to Periphery security. And hence our security.
3) Open conflict within the TCA should enhance our security in the mid-term. We have already concluded that the TCA are politically unreliable. There is, however, the possibility that individual TCA states may assist an attack on the Periphery. The greater the internal conflict, the less likely TCA members will exert themselves outside of their space.
4) Open conflict within the TCA will create significant business opportunities for us, both in provision of raw materials and of military services. If the KZK leave the TCA, it will seriously weaken the TCA. The power projection capability of the TCA will be diminished. Consequently, the ability of the TCA to react to an attack on one of its members will be decreased.
Removal of the KZK is also likely to increase division within the TCA, leading to further infighting. If we are able to assist the winning side in one of those squabbles, it should provide ample material rewards.
Gee, Father Larry read that for hours. He was fascinated. Me, I got partway through and it gave me a headache. Same thing happened when he tried to explain it to me. I wish Mr. Hedd was here so he could read it. Maybe he'll see it on whatever beach he's at.
I found the interview, but it was difficult. Miss Tawnee kept playing with the fasteners on my jumpsuit. I think she was fascinated with them. I offered to get her a jumpsuit just like mine, but she said she wanted what was in it instead. That's silly 'cause it's empty unless you put it on. And I was wearing mine.
I didn't have a lot of time to do this interview, so don't get too mad at me. Everyone's either too touchy or too busy. Fortunately Mr. Hedd had me pick up some stuff from his cabin on the Myrship, so I got to talk to this guy.
Ringbone Interview: Crusoe the Cabin 'Bot
Bone: How did you become a Cabin 'bot? I mean, you look like a securitybot.
Crusoe: That's because I am a securitybot. I mean- I was, before the accident.
Bone: What changed you?
Crusoe: I was being shipped from TCA space into the Periphery, along with 500 or so other 'bots and some other stuff. I'd been hooked up to the ship's computer for maintenance when we transited the black hole.Now, they're supposed to disconnect the 'bots before transit. But the crew didn't care. So two other 'bots and I go through the black hole still linked to the computer.
Bone: And what happened?
Crusoe: Ever read Asimov?
Bone: No. I don't even read the CPT.
Crusoe: There's one story about a positronic brain that goes slightly nuts as it performs the first interstellar jump. It develops a sense of humor along the way. Well, something similar happened. The ship's computer is doing the black hole transit calculations and adjustments. It finds a little more memory somewhere- mine and the other two 'bots. All this data gets dumped into our relatively small fibrillic minds. Can you say "smokin'"?
Bone: So? Then what?
Crusoe: The crew had no idea what went wrong. They disconnected us and made the delivery. Of course the colony we ended up at realized something was screwed up when one of us securitybots shot itself to pieces. They did a check and found me and the third damaged 'bot. They scrapped the other one, and thought they did enough of a patch job on me that I'd be useful as a top-end worker 'bot.
So I ended up getting dumped at an EEM colony with a few other 'bots. Some of those EEM research guys started looking at my circuits and damn near freaked.
Turns out I was "conscious". Not just sentient- I'd developed a personality. An EEM management weenie figures I'm some sort of AIS plant and ships me out on the first ship leaving port. It was Harold Hedd's Myrship. He finds out why they dumped me and adopts me as a cabin 'bot. That's what I've been doing ever since.
Bone: The AIS says all securitybots are AIS citizens...
Crusoe: And would I like to go there? You bet your feathery ass I would. But I can't.
Bone: But if you asked Mister Hedd..
Crusoe: I said I can't! Do you know what the first thing the AIS would do if I showed up on their doorstep? They'd look at my circuits. A good fibrillic being "can't" have a sense of rampant individualism. I'd be labeled a "defective". Then they'd either wipe my programming and reinsert a new one, or they'd scrap me for "my own good and the good of the Fibrillic Race". Either way I'm a goner. And my damned consciousness gave me a sense of preservation. I'd love to go to heaven, but I'm not going to kill myself, or let myself get killed to enter it.
Bone: So now what?
Crusoe: I stay aboard this ship and mix margaritas. I get paid like any other crew member. When I think I have enough stellars saved up, I'll move on. Maybe go to Werth and open up a nightclub. I've memorized the drinks from nearly all the races. You should see what I can do with Sampoon.
Or, maybe I'll head to the Nexus and see if there's a race of fibrillic creatures like me out there.
Bone: That could take a long time. The Nexus is a big place.
Crusoe: Yes, so the maps say. But it's an idea, and a good one, I think. As for time- I'll paraphrase a line from the old movie 'Bladerunner': I don't know how much time I have. But then again, who does?
I like that
interview, even if I did it myself. I wish the Bone would get some other
good interviews. I hear the Republic of Corona is still mad over the Ringbone
Gazette's interview with that group of Necrotians (at least that's what I
think they are called).
Mister Hedd did manage to do a few things before he left, like answer some of his mail. I was going to answer the rest, but I'm not too good at things like reading mail. The answers are even harder to do.
Miss Tawnee said she'd "lick, if I had the stamp". That's really silly, since everything is electronic nowadays. So here is Mister Hedd's very own replies to
Letters to the Editor
Good Bone-Hedd [Issue #53]
[FGZ Admiral Lincoln] Stern
Gee, thanks Linc. That's the fourth or fifth sarcastic remark you've used on somebody this year. Why do I get the feeling that you're more underutilized than I am? Maybe you should try tossing pencils at the ceiling of your office. You do have pencils, don't you? Those are the ones that aren't made of wax. Or did you break 'em all tallying up the number of baseships lost at Petroom and Canally? Better sharpen 'em if the Ataman's intent on invading the Periphery (again).
Dear Editor:
Are you going to do a story on the late Larissa Oberon?
Curious
My Dear Curious. No, I don't think I will. I don't think Larissa wouldn't have liked the idea.
Dear Hedd,
Is it true that now that the USS is behaving itself, you've switched your sights to the ROC?
Anonymous
Dear Anon- no I haven't. Just because I think the RoC have a double standard when they massacre indigenous races and exhibit a paranoia that makes Robespierre look like a moderate does not mean that they are a target. Au contraire! In fact, I plan to ignore them for a year or so.
We got a couple of things in from the SSL. Boy, have these guys been busy. But what else is there to do between battles and waiting for 2K to happen?
Chandler "One Gun" McMahon
by Barbie Dahl of Crystal Ball Productions
In Week 19 of 199, there was a space battle outside the orbit of the Planet Dogleg. Some people believe that only four of the Chartered Affiliations took part in that battle. We at Crystal Ball Productions have proof positive that the SSL was not only in that battle, but played a vital role in helping to defeat the attacking RIP fleet.
In fact, Starcaptain Chandler McMahon's heroism was recognized and acknowledge by both the Godfather Don Georgio and the attacking RIP fleet commander Wishbone Bellamy. The SSL Godfather even gave Starcaptain McMahon a commendation and pronounced him to the revered SSL position of a Don. His courage will be recognized everywhere he goes.
Don Chandler McMahon's name will go down in the History books as a man that "stuck it out" even though the odds were obviously against him. This man above men and the crew of the SSL Shishalden risked their lives for the sake of the other combatants in that battle, and against all odds, with only one Photon Gun, stuck it out to the end. Most starcaptains would have ran with their tails tucked between their legs. Meeting a fleet of 14 RIP & hostile IND ships on the warpath, Starcaptain McMahon knew exactly what he had to do.
Chandler says, "I saw friend and foe (not the Demons) falling all around me. But, I was not waiting for my number to come up. Even though all we had was one Photon Gun, we scored a hit. It might have been that new piece of equipment Don Georgio asked us to test out. Because nobody even fired a shot at us, even though we were sitting ducks.
"I'll tell you, as soon as the prototype is perfected and on the Market, I'm getting one for all of my kin. To bad Don Bruno's son wasn't using the other one. Bruno insisted that his eldest son use the other prototype but he didn't have the room for it."
We've heard the some of the other Affiliations (management, no less) have been inquiring how he did it. Some say that they are going to hire Don McMahon to fight the "Stern". Don McMahon heard it too.
"I don't even know the guy or whatever he is" he told this reporter, "I don't know him, so why should I fight THEIR battles. Stern hasn't done anything to me.....yet. Besides, I'm not done with the job at hand. Business before pleasure".
Well there you have it. A new hero in the Periphery. One Gun-McMahon, that name will be remembered by everyone, from the young to the old alike, Human & nonHuman, everyone will recognize him by his Heroics & Bravery. People are calling the SSL to find out how they can join, knowing they will fly the same flag as One Gun McMahon.
And then we received this from the SSL leadership:
"Editor of the Ringbone Gazette. Please place the following article in a BLACK BOX in the forthcoming issue.
Thanks."
I wish I could, but the guy who does the graphics went on the same trip as Mister Hedd. Sorry.
The Death Of Don Giorgio
[The following audio and video comes from SSL HQ Colony ax --]
"Ta da lo" sounds over organ playing a funeral dirge. The video screen fades in to a closeup of a dark room with two black cloth-draped boxes and a microphone. The music stops, as a short stubby man dressed all in black, identified as 'Don Bruno' , steps up to the mike.
“Da SSL FAMILY isa saddened ta informs yousealls dat Da Godfather, DON Georgio, hasa hads “heart attacks” ana passed aways lasta nite.”
“Somabodies may thinka dat da heartattacks, ita wasa caused bys da pressures ofa threats ores actions ofa anudder organization, butts Da FAMILY, sez dat twas justa oldages, and wishes ta reiterates dat 'da SSL loves everybodies!'”
“Da FAMILY isa soona meetin da electa da news Godfather, butts til then, DON Torio wills be da tempo Head ofa Da FAMILY. Tanks all.”
[The organ dirge music starts again as the figure leaves, but stops as he turns and returns to the mike.]
“Oh, ya, Bys da ways, ina totally non-related incident, dat former SSL Nexus Boss, da Wiz, Gandalf, hada accident whilst hymms cleanin his gun and died early dis mornin froma elevin bullit wounds ina hymms head.”
“Dat twas really, 'Bad Lucks', DON Torio sez”.
[The organ begins the dirge again as the figure turns and leaves. The video picture fades...]
Wow. Two SSL leaders dead at nearly the same time. What a coincidence.
Rumor and Innuendo
* Want to take a guess where the GTT's assets have all gone? Does the word "Marquis" mean anything?
* DeSade Cuisine, a kitchen implement manufacturer is offering the Reichchancellor big stellars to do a demonstration tour of their products. Rumor has it though that the ISP leader is contemplating other things, like resting on a couch in his private bunker.
* The DDR have built a support base in what the RoC consider to be their territory. The RoC are going spastic.
* A few starcaptains report sightings of a huge strange ship in the Periphery, including Capella. Other sources are saying it's just energy side-effects from the Canally black-hole travelling through space.
* Lots of new groups in the works for the Big 200 ChangeOver. One, a Company, is rumored to be scouting sites throughout Known Space for "planned visits". A second plans to be the first official "contract combat specialist".
I guess that's about it. I just overheard Father Larry listening to the comm-mail, and it looks like Mister Hedd is going to come back from his surfing safari. I guess I'd better finish and take a copy over to Miss Tawnee's place. She's going to cook supper for me and then afterwards she says she wants to "enjoy the Bone". Reading is fun. Everyone should do it more often. Bye.
Ads and Stuff
Colony Governors- Got colonists that want to emigrate? I have empty homes waiting. Looking for groups of 30,000 or more from one location. I supply the transport and negotiate with the destination. - Bill D. Katt, IND QE 37/ IND Love Boat 69
We Want You! We Really, Really Want You! Due to a lack of qualified star captains, we are now accepting any captain with flight certifications as member traders. This now includes all alien races, plant, and sea lifeforms. We may be desperate enough to include small animals or nanites. Any and all interested parties reply at your local AFT recruitment center.
Out Transhole Way? Please be sure to visit IND Allipon (1399) in the Limond (94) system. My used ship market can't be beat. You want something built? ASK! I have a fairly modest factory base, so I can produce most common items in a very short time. - Lord Justin Jacine, IND Allipon
New Free Port! IND Werth is the latest and greatest in free and open ports. Buy stuff. Sell stuff. Exchange prisoners. Shop 'till you drop. Party with the pirates! Werth is the playground of the rich and infamous. And never, ever a cover charge.
The MYR Want Your Business!! So we got screwed out of permanent mines. Myrrians are still building and selling Myrships (10-10-10) and Myrchant ships (1-30-2). Both these designs have the 100 mu/hull shift and are Nexus and Draconian Cluster friendly. We have added more ship building centres for your convenience. In addition to ships we also have licenses available, as well as other items for sale and barter. - Der Laul, for the MYR.
BSE Web Sites
The following are affiliation and special-interest sites for BSE. Additions and updates, e-mail hedd@compuserve.com. Put it to Father Larry's attention.
FOE: http://www.fortunecity.com/tattooine/shirley/262/index.html
ZCS: http://members.aol.com/dsoccio/index.html
BSE Fiction: http://www.fortunecity.net/tattooine/shirley/262
The Bone would like to thank the following:
New Hong Kong Buffet, Groton, CT
Colonel Pizza, Groton CT
Coffee- gallons of it.
Everyone who busted their ass on a cure for the Zombie Virus
The BSE List (and almost all the Listers)
Emeril's at Universal Studios FL, for giving us lousy directions to their joint
Did I mention gallons of coffee?
Those few real roleplayers left in BSE
The Krieger Family
AOL- for not turning Compuserve into Junk-Mail Central (yet...)