Know your Blackbeard!
That ther be Brian Messing, portrayin' yers truly, wi' Mike Miller as King Neptune! Tony Ronzio from VillageSoup.com shot us two bold briny sea dudes as we wuz takin' over the Coast Guard schooner USS Wasp durin' the 2006 Maine Lobster Festival @ Rockland! (Said Festival, by th' way, ter be marking its 61st Birthday come July 30th through August 3rd --- so I suggests ye swabs start plannin' accordin'ly!) And also last year, NBC's Tonight Show w/Jay Leno had th' temerity ta be showin' the world a pitcher o' us, as part o' Jay's Headlines segment! Anywho, fer those o' ye swabs what don't know me by now, here be some of ol' Blackbeard's vital statistics, so's ye'll be properly unconfused as ter what I likes, loves, an' so forth:
NAME: Edward Teach.
BIRTHPLACE: Bristol, England.
ORIGINAL PROFESSION: Pirate, Buccaneer, and Charter Member in Good (or rather, Bad! Heh-heh!) Standin' o' th' Brethren o' the Coast!
CURRENT PROFESSION: Charter Member in Good (again, preferably Bad!) Standin', the (gulp!) Good Guys; Corporate Mascot and Principal Spokespirate fer Richard Washington's one-man, one-Pirate production company, Electric Pirates Entertainment, Inc./EPE Holdings, Inc., headquartered in New York City, USA (Ha-har!).
BIRTH NAME: Edward Drummond.
HEIGHT: 6'5".
WEIGHT: 220 lbs.
EYES: Blue.
HAIR: Black.
BEARD LENGTH: 12" long.
MARITAL STATUS: 14 times married; never divorced.
LIKES: D'bloons!
DISLIKES: Leaky ships; Spaniards; Royal Navy men-o'-war; uncharted sandbars.
HOBBIES: Ignitin' smelly black powder an' sulfur to see who can stand th' smell th' longest!
FAVORITE DRINK: British Virgin rum, none but the best.
FAVORITE FOOD: Salmagundi (a mixture of lobster, shrimp, scallops, and fresh fish).
LONGTIME HERO: Cap'n Ben Hornigold. Every Pirate has his own version o' Obi-wan Kenobi; ol' Hornigold wuz certainly mine! He taught me all I knows!
LAST KNOWN READ PUBLICATION: No Quarter Given Magazine, ya bilge rat! Jamaica Rose Barton is truly the Pirate Princess o' Riverside, CA; 'tis easy ter be figgerin' out why, sez I! (Heh-heh!)
FAVORITE VACATION SPOTS: Kingston, Jamaica; New Providence Island, Nassau, the Bahamas.
FAVORITE IMPERSONATOR: Ben Cherry, o' course! He an' his First Mate DeeGee are always welcome aboard my boat!
PREVIOUS FILM PORTRAYALS: Robert Newton (RKO Pictures' Blackbeard, the Pirate, 1952); Murvyn Vye (Bert I. Gordon's The Boy and the Pirates, 1960); Peter Ustinov (Disney's Blackbeard's Ghost, 1968); Andrew Divoff (Moonbeam Entertainment/Paramount Home Video's Magic Island, 1995)! Why, I've even been featured in a videogame: that'n would be EA Games' Pirates! The Legend o' Black Kat, from that very same year o' 1995, where me voice wuz performed by one Sherman Howard!
MANAGEMENT PHILOSOPHY: Managin' through fear ain't too fashionable fer most Mortals --- but hey, 't works fer me!
HOW YOU DEFINE SUCCESS: A calm sea, a clear blue sky, a steady wind in me sail --- all I be needin' are them, an' I'm happy.
SECRET PASSION: Chocolate ice cream! As ye landlubbers can imagine, I be a (VERY) big kid at heart sometimes, too!
WHERE DO WE FIND YOU, BIG FELLA? Now you, of all dum-dums, should be knowin' the answer t' that, Mr. W! Didn't ye create this here webpage fer me? Well, all right, seein' as other folks MUST know whar to be findin' me --- blackbeardian@yahoo.com, or electric_pirates@hotmail.com. That should hold ye fer now, sez I!
Back to me Main Deck, ye scurvy knaves!