Richard Washington wrote the followin' tale five years ago in the hope that he could present it fer the benefit of any and all junior Highlanders who might dain to find their way here; and since I was once Port Washington's finest Highland storyteller, it only stands to reason that there could be no more appropriate a personage than meself to spin the yarn in question for ye. Enjoy!
Angus was a Pipe Major.
Now, being a Pipe Major means that you are completely skilled in learning how to play the bagpipes. It also means that you know enough about the pipes in order to teach others how to play them. And Angus, simply put, was one of the best Pipe Majors in all Scotland!
Everyone in Edinburgh loved to watch him march up along the Royal Mile, playing The Kilt is my Delight on his pipes. To those who lived in the small apartments located along the Royal Mile, this could only mean one thing:
Lunchtime!
But sometimes, on days when that auld Highland spirit really inspired Angus, he would dress himself up in his full-dress Pipe Major's uniform, complete with Prince Charles Edward Stuart Tartan. And then, off he'd venture to his favourite secluded spot, way up in the Highland countryside. And once there, he would play his pipes as loudly as he liked, and for as long as he liked. It was one of the few things in his life that provided him with a sense of peace.
One afternoon, a crowd gathered along the Royal Mile to wait for Angus to march up along those paved streets once again. No doubt they were anticipating the arrival of their beloved Pipe Major, and thus, the coming of lunchtime --- and yet another stirring rendition of The Kilt is my Delight.
But to everyone's surprise, Angus never came!
Wherever could Angus be?
Well, it wasn't long before the news over Angus' unexpected failure to show up for his usual lunchtime march started turning into rumors; and, as you might expect, those rumors ended up reaching the ears of the Lord Mayor of Edinburgh, who, accordingly, sent out his Herald to investigate the situation.
Well, the Mayor's Herald found Angus at home all right --- but he was understandably surprised by the expressionless look on the auld Pipe Major's face. "Come on in and sit down," said Angus.
The Herald did as he was told; and then, he came straight to the heart of the matter: "They missed ye along the Royal Mile today, Angus."
"I know. But me heart just isn't in it anymore," Angus grumbled sadly.
"WHAT?!"
"I've been verra lonely," Angus continued. "In fact, I've spent a lot of me time up in the Highlands lately --- perhaps a lot more time than I've spent back in the Auld Toon. Why, just today, I went back up there to do a little bit o' pipin'. I wound up playin' a long, sad lament. As I did so, tears began streamin' doon me face. I tell ye, I've lived alone all these many years, wi' naught but me pipes to keep me company, that I've just about forgotten the meanin' o' happiness."
"Why, Angus!" said the Lord Mayor's Herald gently. "If only we had but known! Well, if I were you, man, I'd start seekin' out the meanin' o' happiness..... and I'd begin me search by checkin' out the fairer sex."
"You're kiddin'!" said Angus. "Now where would I be findin' a woman at this stage in me life?"
"Ye'll never be knowin' unless ye start lookin'," replied the Herald. "So start lookin'!"
And so, Angus the Pipe Major began his search for the perfect girl.
He looked where there were ceilidhs. He looked where there were Scottish Country Dance Festivals. He looked through every street in Edinburgh. And he didn't stop there.
Glasgow, Aberdeen, Inverness, Loch Lomond, Perth, Dunoon, Lewis and Harris, Shetland, Skye, Ballachulish --- why, Angus literally searched through the whole of Scotland to find the perfect soulmate. But somehow, the search turned out to be pretty much as elusive as Nessie herself!
Five weeks later, Angus once more dressed himself in his full-dress Pipe Major's uniform, complete with its Bonnie Prince Charlie Tartan; and he took himself and his trusty pipes to his favourite secluded spot way up in that beautiful Highland countryside. He was, needless to say, hoping he could spend the day playing a tune or two. But instead, he discovered that he'd been beaten to it on both counts!
Angus was furious! How dare this interlopin' piper find his way up here --- particularly since Angus was the only one who knew about this place! Well, whoever this fellow was, he would simply have to be taught a verra harsh lesson!
"Now just a moment here! Who do you think you ---"
But he stopped in midphrase when he realized that he was confronting..... a girl!
"Hello," said she. "I'm Heather."
Well! Now Angus was the one to be completely taken by surprise! "Ye're a Pipe Major, too!" he said. "And ye're wearin' my Tartan!" And indeed it was true: Heather was wearing her own full-dress Pipe Major's uniform; and it too was festooned in Bonnie Prince Charlie's own Tartan. And furthermore, just like Angus, she loved to play her pipes as loudly and for as long as she liked. Clearly, it brought her a sense of peace, as well.
"I never thought I'd be meetin' a fellow Pipe Major," she said.
"Neither did I," said Angus, "especially one as beautiful and as talented as you."
"Thank you. I had always hoped someone would come along and say that to me."
"Have you been lonely, too, Heather?"
"Aye," she said. "Each night, at moonrise, I march down along the Royal Mile back in town --- playing me pipes so that all the folks who live along the Mile know that bedtime will be upon 'em soon."
"I see," said Angus. "And what tune do ye play?"
"The Mist-Cover'd Mountains," replied Heather.
"Ah! Now there's a tune I know fer certain!" exclaimed Angus; and, without another word, he took up his pipes and played that tune. Perfectly. "By the way," he added when he was through playing, "my name's Angus."
"I know. I've seen ye march up the Royal Mile every lunch hour," said Heather, "and what's more, I know The Kilt is my Delight meself!" And sure enough, she played the melody of that tune flawlessly --- so much so, in fact, that it filled Angus' heart with an overflowing sensation of joy!
"Y'know, until now, I thought I was the loneliest Pipe Major in all Scotland," said Angus.
"That's funny," said Heather. "I thought I was."
"I think I'm in love --- with you and your pipes!"
"Me too!"
"Will you marry me?" they both said in a single breath, and then suddenly the two of them burst out laughing. Finally, when they'd both calmed down a wee bit, Angus suggested that maybe their pipes ought to have the last word, so to speak. So it was that Angus invited Heather, his bride-to-be, to join him in a duet. She accepted, and together the two Pipe Majors played Mhairi's Wedding! And it isn't too difficult to figure out what happened next.
Och aye, what a joyous wedding it was! Everyone gathered in Old St. Giles' Cathedral to witness the happy ceremony --- and to hear the bride and groom exchange their wedding vows as only they could: with a beautiful Highland love song!
And when the minister declared Angus and Heather to be husband and wife --- or should we say, Pipe Major and Pipe Majorette! --- the newlyweds led a grand procession of well-wishers all the way back to Angus' house, playing a spirited arrangement of Scotland the Brave all the while.
And where do you suppose Angus and Heather spent their honeymoon?
Why, up in the Highlands, of course! And when they reached their secluded spot, where they first met all those weeks ago, they made their plans for the future; and played their pipes as loudly, and for as long as they liked.... and, best of all, neither of them were ever so lonely again.
Nine magic months later, Heather gave birth to twins --- a boy and a girl. She and her husband named the lad Jamie; and the lass, Colleen. Before you could say Cead mille failte! (that's Gaelic for "A hundred thousand welcomes to ye!"), both children were learning how to play the pipes, for Angus and Heather made excellent teachers as well as loving parents!
By the time the twins were each nine years old, they were able to easily handle their very own full-sized sets of Highland Bagpipes --- just like the ones that their Mum and Dad always played, and coloured in the same Tartan, too --- that of Prince Charles Edward Stuart Tartan.
And by the time Jamie and Colleen were each ten years old, both of them could easily out-play their own parents with the fierce intensity of two wee MacCrimmons.
And that's when Angus hit upon a idea:
"It seems to me," he said one evening, as he and his family were sittin' down to dinner, "that since we have four verra talented Pipers in this family, there's really only one logical thing we should do."
And can you guess what that one logical thing was? Click here to find out --- or haste ye back to me Main Page!