A Fiddler's Tale!

Well, folks, I figgered 'twere time you learned a little bit about what Old Man Fiddler (that's me!) does around here. Well, as my name implies --- an' fer those o' ye what didn't git the pitcher --- I'm a fiddler, consarn it! (Ptui!) That means I play the fiddle... and I do a purty good job playin' it, too! So you jes' sit right on back thar while I tell ye how I came t' have such a happy life fiddlin' and livin' my life in peace.

When I was livin' in New York, I had hoped t' be yer typical concert fiddler. But the problem was, I lived in a part of that City whar some folks jes' don't appreciate good fiddle music, let alone have enough brains t' listen! So I decided one day to pack up all me stuff, and move away from New York. What happened was, the day I was supposed t' git goin', the movin' van, with all my possessions inside it, drove off without without me. As Fate would have it, the van also drove off 'thout me fiddle, too. (Yes, and its bow.)

Still, I've always believed in makin' lemonade outta lemons, so you know what I did? Well, I'll tell ya. I started walkin' --- and fiddlin' --- at the same time. See, the way I figgered it, I'd git whar I was goin' a bit faster if I made my music along the way. Before long, I had walked 4,165 miles from New York to San Francisco, playing me fiddle every step o' the way. Took me 183 days t' git thar, but when I made it, I was surprised and overjoyed t' learn that all my stuff had made it there, too; so that now, I could really begin th' process of settlin' down in territory where, hopefully, I could live out me years playin' me fiddle in peace. Which is how I wound up movin' me place o' residence to the far hills of Northern Californy.

Well, afore long I settled in comfortably in a big wooden shack that I had constructed from the ruins of several nearby trees. It was convenient, then, that the forest and the various critters what lived there were on the threshold of the very property I was t' stake me claim upon! After a while, I began to feel kind o' lonely, so I started playing a tune or two on me fiddle --- and little by little, every animal in that forest just stopped what they were doin', and came by t' listen to me play. And that's how I found out that I had been blessed with the ability to speak the language of beasts --- the sounds, chirps and grunts of every four-legged bein' what dwelt in that forest. And from that time ever since, the forest folk have accepted me as a true and gentle friend.

Still, there wuz one critter among the forest folk what almost didn't accept me as a true friend: Ol' B'arbottom, th' forest's big, black grizzly bear. Fer th' longest time, B'arbottom was bad-tempered, dirty an' downright mean --- and he didn't like sharin' th' woods with anyone! Well, when I moved in t' th' forest, he thought at first that I was just some ol' pushover he could easily have fer supper. Well, he thought wrong --- because the minute he realized I was just a fiddler, well, he jus' b'gan turnin' nice, sweet n' lovable..... like every good grizzly b'ar should be! (Heh-heh!) And afore long, I'd won him over t' my way o' thinkin', and to this very day, Ol' B'arbottom is me bestest friend, and my favorite protector, too! (Ptui!)

To the humans in the nearby village, I've always been a kind of a strange kinda fella. But ya have to expect that when ya fiddle fer the joy o' it, the way I do. Noneth'less, they still rely on me to play fer 'em at the evening hoedown an' barn dance --- which I sure love all t' crazy! Whoopee!

Often, I'll try an' do a little fishin', but I usually wind up not catchin' much fer me dinner. And I think you folks can figger out why. There was also that time when the farmer needed his cows to come home after a long day o' grazin'. Well, me an' me fiddlin' came t' the farmer's rescue; and not only did those cows make it back home, the farmer decided to have a barn dance fer everybody --- includin' the cows! (I, o' course, did the fiddlin' and square-dance callin'. Heh-heh!)

I remember one day, though, when the village experienced the biggest rainstorm it had ever seen! Why, 'twere rainin' buckets, consarn it --- so much so that everybody just decided t' stay indoors and feel quite grumpy! Of course, there was one person what wasn't in th' mood t' feel grumpy at all! Me!

There I was, sittin' by the windowsill in me cabin, sawin' happily away on me fiddle, and playin' meself a jolly little rainy-day fiddlin' tune (Heh-heh!), and just enjoyin' meself like always..... And that's when somebody knocked on me front door.

He was yer typical, average traveler. Dressed in overalls, big brown boots, and a floppy ol' hat. "Why, hello thar!" I said to him, smilin' as happily as I could.

"Howdy," he replied.

"Hope ye like me fiddlin'!"

"I sure do," said th' traveler. Fer a while, neither of us spoke a word, as the traveler just listened to me fiddlin' and all. Then, suddenly, he noticed that there was a little bitty hole in the roof of me house --- and the rainwater was drippin' in right through!

"Hey thar!" said th' traveler. "There's a hole leakin' water in yer roof. Y'know that, don't ye?"

"Aw, don't ye let that worry ya none," I said, never missin' a beat as I kept right on a-fiddlin'. "If ya feel ye're gittin' wet, you just move on over somewhere where it's dry."

"It don't matter to me none," said the traveler. "I'm just stayin' here fer a little while. But don't ye think ye oughter fix up yer roof? I mean, you do have to live here."

"FIX MY ROOF?" I snorted. Not only that, I got so surprised I had to put me fiddle down fer a moment or two. "What d'ye mean, fix my roof? Can't ye see it's rainin', consarn it? Ya think I'm gonna go out thar an' catch a cold, jest so's I can fix my roof?"

"Well, all I thought was ---"

"Well, ye didn't think too clearly, now, did ya? I'm tryin' to give ye a good bit o' music-makin', and you have t' go and come up with something silly like that!" I grumbled. "Now you just button yer beak an' let me git on with me fiddle music here!" And without another word, I picked up the ol' fiddle and went on playin'. Things got a little bit more peaceful for about a hour or so, but then the traveler flapped his lips again.

"Y'know," said he, "I didn't say that you should fix up your roof right now."

"Well, what exactly were ya sayin'?" I asked.

"Well, maybe on some sunny day when it ain't rainin' at all, you might wanna go up thar an' fix up yer roof," the traveler explained.

"PTUI!" I spat ferociously. "Now yer bein' really silly! Why should I even bother fixin' up my roof on a sunny day? When it ain't rainin', no water comes in. Not one little bitty drop!" And with those words, I chased that foolish ol' traveler right out o' my house and all the way down the road. Needless t' say, he never came back.

Havin' thus restored peace t' my house, I put my fiddle back underneath my bearded chin, struck up a chord or two, and began to play once more. "Well, I may not know too much in the way of home improvement," I said to myself, as I kept on a-sawin' on me fiddle, "but there's one thing I do know, and that is that sometimes, some folks can be very, very, very, very silly! Oh, well........"

So there I was, fiddlin' happily to me heart's content, in spite of all that rainy weather. I had such a wonderful time playin', I didn't even bother noticin' that hole in the roof. (It's still thar to this very day, by the way.) And afore long, all the songbirds of the forest fluttered by my windowsill to chirp along with my merry tune.

And when the littlest songbird circled around my head an' landed herself perfectly right on the scroll of my fiddle, why, I just couldn't help but smile!

"Why, ain't you sweet!" I said. "Well, just for that, my little feathered friend, I'm gonna play you a little Listen to the Mocking-bird!" And y'know what? That's exactly what I did!

And today, at the ripe ol' age of 96 1/2, I'm still one of the best fiddlers around. Not only that, I got me my very own fiddle-lovers website (which is where ya are right now, of course!). It's always a pleasure playing my fiddle and making good folks like you very happy indeed. What's more, I ain't never been lonely! Who's got time t' be lonely --- especially when ye have the birds and critters of the forest, and at least a few human young'uns t' keep you company? (Heh-heh!)

I know I've been blessed with quite a lot. And I can sure tell ya this much: You grumpy ol' souls can say whatever ya durn well want about my roof, or my ability to speak the language of beasts, or anything else ye might want t' say about Old Man Fiddler. But you can bet yer boots I ain't gonna be listenin'.

Besides, I'll be too busy doin' my two most favorite things in the whole wide world: playin' me fiddle --- an' just bein' happy!