"Nerima, Meet Disaster" outtakes
Danova: Rushe! Today will be the day you die!
Rushe: But... but it can't be! I know that Helen had AIDS, but we did it with protection...
Danova: Oh, for God's sake...
{Take 2}
Danova: Rushe! Today will be the day you die!
Rushe: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Danova: That's not the line! Quit playing around.
Rushe: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Danova: Rushe, cut it out!
Rushe: HELLO! MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!
Danova: STOP SAYING THAT!
{Take 4}
Danova: Rushe! Today will be the day you die!
Rushe: Danovaaaaa! You will pay for your crimes! You've cheated on me for the last time!
{Take 7}
Danova [singing]: So bye, bye, Miss American Pie --
Rushe [singing]: Drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was dry.
Danova: Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye...
Rushe: Singing --
Danova: "This'll be the day that I die."
Rushe: "This'll be the day that I die."
[They fight.]
[A harsh wind begins to blow.]
Danova [thinking]: Where is that wimp getting all this power from?
Rushe: BUTTERFLY CLAP CHASE... chaos... flap, clay, cthulu, shit! Where's my script?
Danova: You set fire to it this morning, dumbass.
Rei: Thank you. Thank you. But that's not all; just keep watching!
[Silence.]
Rei: Uh, hello? You awake out there?
Random Audience Member: ...What's my motivation?
Danova: Yo, Rei. 'S me.
Danova [singing]:Yo! It's me, it's really me..
Rei, a friend of mine from old.
Rei [singing]: Smee, a scurvy corsair man,
Far, his stash of pirate gold...
Yamane: Here is note!
Rei [taking it]: "Karl, if you don't show up in my bedroom at six o'clock sharp wearing nothing but your handcuffs, I'm going to take you to the top of the Tokyo Tower and do to you what Vlad the Impaler did to..." What is this?
Cameraman: Uh, I think that's mine.
Danova: Hey, look at the time. I'd better get over to the park. [He strides over to the window and bumps into it. He swears under his breath, and begins struggling with the catch.] I don't want to be late. [He digs his fingers into the window and yanks upwards, to no avail.] Uh, the window would be the quickest way...
Rushe: Weakling.
Danova: Fine! You do it!
[Rushe struggles with the window for a minute, then Danova and Rushe both try at once. It's no good.]
Rei: Oh, for the love of... Let me do it. [She puts her hand to the window, to no avail.] Uh, you may have to use the stairs.
Danova: Stairs? You MUST be joking.
Yamane: Right. [She gets up and walks over to the window. Danova steps aside, smirking slightly. But instead of trying to pull it open, she grabs Danova, slams his head against the window (which loosens it,) easily opens the window, and tosses Danova out of it headfirst.]
Rushe: PARTICLE ACCELERATOR BLAST!
[An enormous explosion bursts from his outstretched hands, lighting up the park in that weird way that blocks out all the sunlight. Danova, standing in the path of the blast, is blown backwards, hits Xiom, and the two of them are catapulted completely out of the park, across the street, and through the glass window of a bar.]
Deep Voice: Out of the ring!
Rushe: Blow of the Infinite Simultaneous Possible Punches!
[He does a really nifty looking move where as he moves his hands through the air, his arms blur and leave a trail of transparent hands behind him, that all strike like normal punches at the same time. Tenba, suddenly sensing Xiom behind him, leaps straight up into the air and watches with admiration as Xiom and Rushe neatly punch each other out. Rushe, at the end of the attack as Tenba reaches the ground once more, is still standing, although he?s wobbling slightly. Xiom is flat.]
Deep Voice: Xiom Gai was seriously wounded, but the soul still burns.
"Why Japan So Full of Perverts?" outtakes
Yamane: How dare you! HENTAI! How dare you sneak Yamane's room for to ravish her with all your unholy strength!
Takashido: I wasn't! I swear to God I was just trying to put a stake through that horrible dragon's heart before he and his damn zombie army takes over Tokyo!
Tenba: Trust me. When you drink as much as I do, you learn to ignore these little feelings.
[Long pause.]
Danova: I'd be asking what that sound was, if there actually was one.
Sound Effects Man: Sorry. Sorry. Try that again...
{Take 2}
Tenba: Trust me. When you drink as much as I do, you learn to ignore these little feelings.
[There is a very loud MOOOOO.]
[Danova starts to say his line, then breaks down laughing.]
[In a dark alleyway, Tenba finally stops running. He is breathing hard and still dripping wet.]
Tenba: Ah, dammit, Sakami's caught up with me again. And like a fool I didn't bring my bottle with me... she was probably watching, making sure I was unarmed before she attacked. Hell, now I need to change my shirt before someone notices!
[Tenba begins to wring out the shirt.]
Offstage Voice: Uh, Tenba...
Tenba: What?
Offstage Voice: You're supposed to take off the shirt, then wring it out...
Tenba: WHAT? In front of the cameras and everything??
Danova: No, I just --
[They are interrupted by a wild-eyed Tenba who dives out of an alleyway towards them and clutches at Rushe's shoulders. Hes carrying a large backpack.]
Tenba: Hide me!
Rushe: What the hell?
[Pause.]
Danova [loudly]: Hide you from who?
Tenba: Why, from Harvey the Invisible Rabbit, who is chasing me down the street!
Kaasan: Sorry, I wasn't ready.
Landlord: Wait a minute. Martial Arts? You're... a martial artist? [Takashido poses dramatically and nods assent.] Martial Arts Playground Games...?
Takashido: In ancient times of feudal Japan, when martial artists and bandits roamed the untamed wildlands of samurai -- many martial artists ran into a -- That's not the line, is it?
Landlord: Try again.
{Take 2}
Landlord: Wait a minute. Martial Arts? You're... a martial artist? [Takashido poses dramatically and nods assent.] Martial Arts Playground Games...?
Takashido: In ancient times, when samurai and ninjas battled in the untamed wildlands of feudal Japan, many martial artists ran into bandits -- Shit. I screwed up again.
{Take 5}
Landlord: Wait a minute. Martial Arts? You're... a Jesuit?
[Takashido stares.]
{Take 9}
Landlord: Wait a minute. Martial Arts? You're... a martial artist? [Takashido poses dramatically and nods assent.] Martial Arts Playground Games...?
Takashido:In ancient times, when samurai and martial artists roamed the untamed wildlands of feudal Japan, many martial artists ran into a dilemma. Oftentimes, when the martial artists were at play, bandits and samurai would strike at their unprotected children, leaving their offspring undefended. And I've just messed up the line again. Crap...
{Take 10}
Landlord: Wait a minute. Martial Arts? You're... a martial artist?
[Takashido breaks down laughing.]
Landlord: Take five...
{Take 15}
Landlord: Wait a minute. Martial Arts? You're... a martial artist? [Takashido poses dramatically and nods assent.] Martial Arts Playground Games...?
Takashido: In -- Fuckity fuck fuck! Why can't this guy talk like a normal human being??
Yamane: You think YOU'VE got it bad.
"Love Potion No. Nerima" outtakes
Yamane: What that word mean?
[Rei whispers in her ear. Yamane turns bright red.]
Yamane: But that no fit there!
Rei: There are ways.
Yamane: Now that just not right! No believe it! Is not possible! That (points) no go there (points) at all!
Tenba: Would you like me to demonstrate?
Yamane: Yes. Please.
[Takashiido is quietly saying "gabababba" repeatedly and staring ahead blankly.]
Tenba: Okay, Takashido, let's get started. We've got a lot of ground to cover and not much time. Let's start with a Slow Comfortable Screw, move on to a Slippery Nipple, and get right on to the Screaming Orgasm.
Takashiido: please tell me those are drink names.
Tenba: Oh, yeah -- I almost forgot We'll want something to drink too. Now, where did I put that spatula?
Yamane: Huh? Why air smell like those yellow fruits?
Rei: Oh, lemons? That's normal this point of the story. ...Of course, I use the word 'normal' very loosely here.
Takashido: Well, you're acting very loosely.
[Tenba looks Takashido up and down, very appraisingly. Takashido grows increasingly nervous.]
Tenba: Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?
Takashido: That was the idea behind this whole mess, yes.
[They do.]
[Takashido sidles into a nearby department store, hoping to throw the girls off his trail. A young female clerk sidles up to him and smiles brightly.]
Clerk: Can I help you with anything?
Takashido: Yes. Lately I have been finding that my pants are far too small for me. Can you perhaps direct me to some larger sizes?
Clerk: Well, let's take a look.
[The camera angle switches to one near the floor, focused on the clerk's face, as Takashido undoes his zipper and drops the trousers. The clerk looks very appreciative.]
Takashido: REI!
[All of the blue-haired girls in the room turn their heads simultaneously.]
Rushe: You... you ingrate! After I go to all the trouble of helping you, and next thing I turn around and you?re trying to spoil my poor Yamane's virtue?
Danova: YOUR Yamane? Are you kidding? She's MINE and you know it! Yamane is destined to be my love, my soulmate, my...
Rushe: No way! She's my light, my universe, my hope of living...
Tenba [to Rei]: Are you ever going to get around to telling them that you and Yamane are sleeping together?
Rei: One of these days.
"Base Treachery" outtakes
By Hatboy:
Rei: They've been at it all afternoon.
Tenba: Well, you can't fault their enthusiasm...
Yamane: Yes, but mestill not think that - (point, has to wave
finger back
and forth) - supposed to go inthat - (points again).
Takashiido: Yeah, and enthusiasm doesnot make up for bad
technique. Just
WD-40? How boring.
(All give himvery strange looks. Tenba raises an eyebrow.)
Takashiido: What? What are you looking at me like that for?
------------------
Tenba: Neither is the Jacuzzi, I don't think, but I don't hear you
complaining about that...
[Rei blushes. A loud buzzing sound fills the air.]
Takashiido: Yaah! Rei! Go into your room for that!
Yamane: Oooh! Is Hello Kitty!
(Tenba and Takashiido look at each other)
T & T (In unison):Hello Kitty?!
(They inch away, disturbed.)
--------------
Rei: Ah-hah, what's this? [opens one letter] It's a pink slip!
Yamane: Who to?
Rei: Just to the residents of the apartment.
All: Ah, shit.
Tenba: Guess this means we're all out of jobs... Hey, do I get to
keep my
bar?
Producers: No.
Tenba: Damn.
Outtakes from unspecified times
By Shana-hime:
Takashido: Y'know Tenba, you're a pretty ugly guy? I can't imagine what you'd look like as a woman.
Tenba: WHAAAAAT?
Yamane: Baka! (Proceeds to hit Takashido over the head with a mallet, wherein Takashido collapses)
Rei: What's this all about? (Poking her head out from the kitchen)
Rushe: Don't worry about it. I think Takashido got into Tenba's stash again.
Rei: Really? And he didn't share??
--------------
(Open on everyone passed out in various states in the apartment. Rabbit Yamane is passed out curled next to D-chan, there is a raccoon in the closet, Rei is on the floor snoring, Tenba is the only one in a bed, and Danova is still hanging from the ledge outside the apartment)
The Crocodile Hunter: Crikey! You see all these animals out of their respective habitats? But they seem to be sick, so there's danger, danger, danger roight here. Wot a beauty!
Director: Hey, what are you doing in here?! CUT!!! Hey, someone get him off the set, he's not supposed to be there while we're filming!
(Ku appears out of nowhere)
Ku: Nihao, Crocodile man! You have pet for Ku?
(This one was written for me by Ben, aka Takashido. Senkyuu.)
Takashido: Well, that was a truly harrowing ordeal. What do you say we order out tonight?
Rei: Sounds good to me.
Takashido: Do you have any objections to eating Chinese?
Rei: None at all!
[She leaps upon Yamane. Sounds are heard. Takashido faints and is later diagnosed with anemia.]
(This one was written for me by Julie, aka Yamaneko. Domo arigato. You sicko.)
[We zoom to a hospital room, Danova is lying in a white bed looking very pained and brused. His eyes are closed and his heart is beating rapidly.
Zoom to Rushe. He intently watches a girl in a hospital gown with short black hair chasing after a rather naked girl with a red pigtail right before walking into the room where Danova lies.]
Rushe: Danova! What are you doing here? I was so sure I would never see you here!
[Danova slowly turn his head to meet Rushe's puzzled gaze.]
Danova: And why are you suprised? I get throw through so many walls, I should be dead by now!
Rushe: But rule #6 of anime dictates. . .
Danova: News flash! We were created by a bunch of adolescent teens. Nothing goes by the rules!
Rushe: I see. . .
[All of a sudden~
WHAP!!!!! Danova winds up with a mallet in his face]
Danova: What'd you do that for. . .
[As soon as he utters that phrase, he stops to ponder where he heard it before.]
Yamane: Law of anime say that must get hit by mallet in every episode!
Danova stands enraged by these laws, then sits down realizing that he is wearing a hospital gown and is getting too much air circulation in the back.]
Danova: Why must we live by these petty laws created by some Japanese school girls on LSD? Why must we listen to the people who don't even resemble us in appearance? Why do we even exist? Why do we go on? Why do we just sit here and take what they dish out at us? Begining of episode-throw Danova through a wall- mid way, Danova gets slapped by girl he loves while he walks in on her in the shower, end of episode-Danova gets into fight with Rushe and get creamed and then thrown into COLD water! Why must the same thing happen every day? I don't even like girls! I'm GAY for god's sake!
[Rushe ponders this for a moment wide eyed and then checks his pocket for his fuzzy hand cuffs and smiles when he does find them.]
Danova: Why do I continue? Why must I stay herre with a bunch of flat-chested school girls?
[Yamane lifs up her shirt, and examining for a monment, agrees. Danova stands up.]
Danova: It's all over for me! I am ending it all!
[Rush and Yamane seemed very unfazed by this statement and stay where they are even as Danova opens the window and steps out on the ledge, his hospital gown blowing up. Rushe tilts his head to inspect and then turns away and coughs seeing Yamane's hands curling into fists. Danova looks back with tears in his eyes and with one last breath jumps off.]
Danova: Viva la Nippon!
[Yamane and Rushe run to the window and shake their heads in despair.]
Danova: I wonder what heaven will be like? Will it be happy? It could hardly be worse. There, I will never get thrown into walls. . . never be beaten. . . never have to eat another pickle... no more rabbits... no more dragons. . . No more Rushe. . .
[Danova smiles one last time before he makes his date with the hard pavement below and he know then that he will be completely happy for the short rest of his life.]
WHAM
[Danova opens his eyes expecting to see a field of beatiful flowers and all the men he could have, but he realizes that it is not to be; he is splashed in midair with dirty cold water by an old lady on the corner.
So, as the day ends, Danova is alive, Yamane is naked, Rei is unbothered... And Rushe has wild gay sex with Danova.]
Audience: FACEFAULT