Ranma and Akane are safely and happily married, and their marital spats never extend beyond the dojo they teach at. Shampoo and Mousse have returned to China; Ukyo let Ryoga lead the way on their last date and the two haven?t been seen since. Perhaps now, Nerima can finally have some peace and quiet...
WHAM. "BAKA!"
Maybe not.
RANMA 1/2
ADVENTURES
Chapter 5: "Base Treachery"
Yamane: Who bright idea was this?
Tenba: It was a good idea in theory, all right?
Rei: In theory...
Tenba: I mean, Rushe and Danova are so competitive... they'll do ANYTHING to show each other up! I figured, why not get some use out of all that energy?
Yamane: And how much drink you have when you think of it?
Tenba: Only a couple bottles. But, really, how else are you going to get them to help out around the house?
Rei: Yeah, but... Martial Arts Home Repair?
[A massive crashing sound is heard in the background. Splinters fly.]
Tenba: ...It seemed like a good idea at the time!
[Another crash shakes the floor, and Rushe and Danova tumble onscreen, struggling for posession of a battered-looking 2x4 [1]. Danova eventually gains it, whacks Rushe offscreen with it, then dives after.]
Rei: They've been at it all afternoon.
Tenba: Well, you can't fault their enthusiasm...
Yamane: Can too!
Tenba: At least you have a door again.
Rei: Yeah, however long that lasts before somebody tears it down again.
Yamane: You already make rule, they break each other repairs, you break their heads...
Rei: I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I don't want all these new additions.
Tenba: But it's such a nice California deck!
Rei: I'm not sure it's even allowed under my building's code!
Tenba: Neither is the Jacuzzi, I don't think, but I don't hear you complaining about that...
[Rei blushes. A loud buzzing sound fills the air.]
Yamane: Where they find a power sander?
Rei: I don't even want to ask.
[The power sander shuts off, to be replaced by scuffling, thumping, an dhte sound of a hammer on what hopes are nails.]
Tenba: Besides which, the only other alternative is to do the work ourselves.
Yamane: Hard work build character.
Tenba: You're absolutely right, Yamane. In fact, I can feel my character improving just by watching them. Either of you want a beer?
Yamane [hmphs]: Men is... disgusting. If they not breaking open each other heads with screwdriver, they is slobbing around in beer!
Rei [accepting drink]: Thanks.
[A horrible, earsplitting screech fills the air. Rei and Yamane clap their hands over their hears.]
Yamane: What in hell that?
Tenba [cocking head to one side]: I think it's your new doorbell.
[Rei goes to get the door. Danova pops his head into the living room through a hole in the wall, rubbing his ear.]
Danova: What was that horrible noise?
Yamane: You should know, you one what set up doorbell!
Rushe's Voice : I TOLD you that wire didn't go there! Idiot!
Danova: Shut up, you --
[Danova vanishes back through the hole. Rei reenters the living room leading Takashido, who is holding his head sideways and lightly smacking it with the heel of his hand.]
Takashido: Good afternoon, all. What was that abominable sound?
Tenba: It sort of reminded me of some of my old drinking buddies trying to sing.
Rei: Doorbell.
Takashido: I brought up your mail. [Hands a pile of papers to Rei, then wanders into the kitchen.]
Rei: Hm. Solicitations, postcard contests, bills, bills... [She tosses each article over her shoulder. There is a grinding sound. Yamane looks behind Rei.]
Yamane: They land in wood chipper.
Takashido: Why is there a wood chipper in your apartment?
Tenba: I've learned it's better not to ask.
Rei: Ah-hah, what's this? [opens one letter] It's a challenge!
Yamane: Who to?
Rei: Just to the residents of the apartment.
[Tenba looks over to Takashido, who is sitting with his feet up on Rei's table, eating Rei's food and reading the newspaper.]
Tenba: Hey, Taka-kun, there's a challenge for you.
Takashido: From whom?
Rei [reading from the letter]: Xiom Gai.
Takashido: Yes, but who?
Rei: I just said, Xiom Gai.
Takashido: But WHO? Just saying ‘some guy' doesn't tell me much, does it? Is it the Bully? The Black Tuxedo? A ninja from the yakuza?
Rei: No, yes, yes, and yes.
[Tenba contemplates this for a moment, then takes a drink.]
Yamane: What? Which?
Rei [handing over letter]: All of the above, plus some. Including Yamane's fiancée. It's a challenge to a game of Martial Arts Softball. He says that his victory in this contest will prove his right to Yamane once and for all.
[A brief flurrying of hammering and sawing ends with Danova flying through a doorway and landing on the floor at Yamane's feet. Rushe stumbles into the room after him, clutching a drill bit.]
Rushe & Danova [in stereo]: A challenge from Xiom Gai? He thinks to take back MY Yamane? NEVER! I will fight to the last!
Yamane: You two EVER get tired?
Danova: A challenge cannot go unanswered!
Rushe: Such an insult cannot pass!
Yamane: WHAT insult?
Tenba: Softball, huh? Sounds like the perfect place to do a little business!
Takashido: A true martial artist never fails to answer a contest. And besides, I happen to be quite skilled at Martial Arts games.
Rei: I guess... as long as it's out of the house...
Yamane: This ridiculous!
Tenba: You know, you'll get the opportunity to beat the crap out of Xiom Gai with a baseball bat.
