Sometime in the not-too-distant future... Ranma and Akane are safely and happily married, and their marital spats never extend beyond the dojo they teach at. Shampoo and Mousse have returned to China; Ukyo let Ryoga lead the way on their last date and the two haven't been seen since. Perhaps now, Nerima can finally have some peace and quiet... WHAM. "BAKA!" Maybe not. RANMA 1/2 ADVENTURES [A young man dressed in biker clothing with a rather long ponytail is being chased down the street by a knockout of a woman brandishing a mallet and looking rather enraged.] Yamane: Danova, you such pervert! How dare you think you can say such bad things on Yamane just because you bring her Japan? Danova: I didn't do anything, I swear! All I said was that if you're gonna walk around in those clothes, it's no wonder people think you're a bimboOEURGHHHH! [This last is said as the Chinese girl -- aYmane -- catches up with the boy and sends him flying into the sky with a single smack of her mighty hammer. Yamane hmphs and flounces down the street.] Yamane: Stupid Danova. Yamane not need him anyway. Yamane can get around Japan just fine all by self... [As Yamane is not looking where she is going, she does not see the little old man cleaning the sidewalk until she is hit in the face with a ladle full of water. She abruptly vanishes, leaving only a pile of Chinese clothing lying on the sidewalk. Cut to Danova flying through the air, looking rather sanguine about this mode of travel.] Danova: Dumb Chinese bimbo. Who does she think she's impressing? [He lands in the park, on the head of a bespectacled young man who is wandering about lost in thought. They both smash into the ground.] Danova [standing and hurriedly pulling the boy to his feet]: Oh, I'm sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to... Hey! It's you! Rushe: It's all right, it's all right.... you! [The two leap apart and land in battle stances.] Danova: Rushe! Today will be the day you die! Rushe: Danovaaaaa! You will pay for your crimes! Not content with ruining my life, you have the nerve to abuse an innocent young woman like that! How dare you be so cruel to such a beautiful, gentle, well-built... soft-skinned... [He trails off into daydreams, his hands describing little curves in the air.] Rushe [snapping out of it]: Anyway! I learned a couple of things while I was in China, Danova! This time, no stupid accident in the world can save you! Danova [thinking]: How did he know about Yamane? [Aloud]: Yeah, right, Rushe! You better hope you can pull something special from your sleeve, or else I'll beat you just like all the other times, and this time I won't be merciful! Rushe: Fine with me. I hope you can beg for mercy through a mouthful of dirt! [He begins to glow, bright yellow, going through a series of dramatic poses.] Kabane school of Quantum Mechanics Martial Arts Special Attack! [A harsh wind begins to blow.] Danova [thinking]: Where is that wimp getting all this power from? Rushe: BUTTERFLY FLAP CHAOS EFFECT BLOW! [He crosses his arms at the wrist and makes a rather anticlimactic flapping motion with his hands.] Danova: That was IT? [Suddenly, an enormous crack of thunder fills the air, and a bolt of lightning springs from the single dark cloud in an otherwise cloudless sky, striking the tree next to Danova and splintering it into pieces.] Danova: Holy crow! How did he DO that? [He is momentarily buried under a shower of tree pieces, so he does not see the dark cloud hovering over Rushe, who looks up at it. His face sags into despair.] Rushe: Aw, come on... [The cloud emits a brief rainburst, then vanishes. Danova fights his way out from under the tree parts and looks around. The park is empty, but a way distant he sees a slightly damp Yamane entering from the city.] Danova: Hey! Yamane! [She turns to face him.] Have you seen a guy running by here, dressed all in black, with glasses..? Yamane: Not know what you talking... [She is cut off by a sudden flurry of wings from above, and a bronze streak dive-bombs her. She holds out her hands reflexively, and manages to catch the miniature dragon that jumps into her arms.] Yamane: D-chan! You follow all the way to Japan? Oooh, so good pet! Danova: Huh? What the hell is that? It looks like some sort of mutated lizard-sorta thing... [He reaches out to poke the little dragon, but Yamane pulls it out of his reach. She glares.] Yamane: Baka! You no bother my D-chan! Danova: 'D-chan'? Yamane: Yes. Is very good Japanese name, right? 'D' is for 'dragon,' and 'chan' is for 'pet'! Danova: Sure, it's a good Japanese name in the way that it horribly mangles both Japanese and English. [He pokes at the little dragon again. "D-chan" hisses angrily and bites Danova's hand, hard. Danova immediately punches him in the head, and in return gets a mallet to the face.] Yamane: You deaf or just stupid? I say no bother D-chan! [Danova mutters something. D-chan screeches in protest and lunges towards him, claws murderous. Yamane is incensed.] Yamane: What you say? You want repeat that so Yamane can hear? [Danova, showing intelligence for the first time, turns and flees. Yamane hefts her mallet and gives chase. Roll credits.] [Later, Yamane and Danova are walking through the park, detente restored. Danova sports a black eye, and D-chan has given up on attacking him for now.] Yamane: Why we need move? Danova: We can only stay in the motel room for a few more days. Then we'll need to find another place to live. Yamane: We just go back to your house. Right? [Danova hangs his head sheepishly.] Danova: Actually, I, ah... don't really have a house. [Defensive.] As long as I'm on a mission of training, there's no sense in me keeping an apartment that I won't be living in. When I'm back in Nerima, I usually stay in Rushe's house; he's been off somewhere in China for a couple of years. But now that he's back in Tokyo... [D-chan screeches in shrill protest and starts flapping his wings in an effort to get at Danova once more. Yamane clutches her pet, glaring fiercely at Danova.] Yamane: You mean say you drag Yamane all way from China and you no even have place to live? Danova [annoyed]: Hey, it was you who wanted to come to Japan -- NEW VOICE: Yamaneko! Oh, Yamaneko! Yamane: Huh? [A runaway bicycle comes flying on screen, aimed at Danova; he easily sidesteps it and the biker runs headlong into a tree instead. A young Chinese man in rather travel stained clothing picks himself out of the ruins and glomps Yamane into a fierce hug. D-chan squeaks in protest and takes wing.] Man: Yamaneko! At long last I've found you! Yamane: Who you? [He faucefaults, quite impressively. Yamane looks alarmed. Danova stares in disbelief.] Man [reverting to upright position]: Yamaneko... it's me! Xiom Gai! Don't you remember me...? I'm your fiancŽ! Danova: NANI? Yamane: Fian....ce? [A flight of doves takes wing. Cut to a street corner nearby, where a well-built woman in a glittery magician costume -- complete with top hat and cape -- is just taking a bow and setting down eggshells to a spatter of applause.] Rei: Thank you. Thank you. But that's not all; just keep watching! Random Audience Member: Hey lady, are those magic doves? Rei: A true member of the School of Martial Arts Magic Tricks never reveals her secrets. Wait and witness -- magic or no, those birds have a few tricks up their sleeves! [The doves arrange themselves in a tight bomber-plane formation. Reishishi scans the skies and spots D-chan flying in from the park.] Rei: Observe that rather unfortunate pigeon, ladies and gentlemen, as it flies on its unsuspecting route through Nerima. Dove-bombers! Attack! [The covey of doves turns and descends upon poor D-chan, pecking and clawing and cooing in a rather aggressive manner. Bewildered, D-chan loses several feet of altitude before recovering his wits enough to fight back. No sooner has he taken the offensive than the doves dissolve into a shower of sparks. The audience oohs and ahhs, and Rei smiles to the sweet sound of yen coins clinking into the basket.] Random Audience Member #2: Wow, that lady's really good! She turned turtles into doves and pigeons into dragons! Rei [to herself]: Dragons? [She looks up into the sky for the dragon, but sees only the passing figure of Xiom Gai as he gets booted across town.] Xiom: Yamaneeeee! [Cut back to Danova and Yamane, her leg still extended for the punt.] Yamane: Is all Japan filled such perverts?? Danova: I guess... but wasn't he from your home town? Yamane: You shut up. Stupid Xiom show up, grab Yamane like that, scare away my -- oh no! Where D-chan? Danova: What, your little pet lizard? Yamane: Yes! Oh, where he go? What if he get lost in Tokyo? D-chan not used to such big city! Danova: Ah, it's no big deal. He found you once already, didn't he? Yamane: Ooooh, stupid Danova! You help Yamane find D-chan or not? Danova: No way. Absolutely no way am I going off on some wild goose chase... Yamane: D-chan dragon, not goose. Danova: Coulda fooled me. Look for him yourself if you're so worried. [Next thing, he's running through the streets of Nerima, hopping up and down off of low buildings and accosting pigeons.] Danova: I don't believe I'm doing this. How could a day get any worse? [In answer, it begins to rain. Danova looks up as the first drops begin to fall.] Danova: You gotta be kidding me! [Cut back to Yamane, who is also wandering the streets.] Yamane: D-chan! D-chaaan! Oh no, it raining -- [She looks around for cover, but sees none; a minute later, Rei is packing up her stall in the rain, wearing a glittery raincoat and grumbling about the weather.] Rei: I'd better pack up the animals and go home before I get soaked. [She hunts around the road for a minute, and quickly spots a long-eared rabbit huddling on the corner next to Yamane's clothing.] Rei: Ah! How did I miss you? [She picks up the rabbit by the scruff of its neck and puts it in a cage with several others. She also gathers up the pile of clothes and drops it in her backpack.] I wonder who left that there. Oh well, finders keepers! [She hurries through the wet streets, unaware that she's being watched. After a minute, D-chan drops off his perch and flaps after her, flying carefully so as not to be seen. He wings off; a few minutes later, a small grey mouse scurries through the rain after the dragon. After he vanishes from sight, a small and wrinkled old man with a large sack over his shoulder bounds through the streets.] Lukkosai: What a haul! What a haul! [He is pursued by a wave of damp and angry women. They are followed by a large brass band and a flower dragon. Cut to the interior of an apartment building (Reishishi's.) She enters the lobby and carefully removes her raincoat.] Rei: Perfect! Not a drop on me! [She addresses the rusty hot water heater in the corner.] Guess you get a break today. Hot Water Heater: Murgle. [She picks up her cages and pack and hurries up the stairs. D-chan manages to squeeze in the door just before it closes; he flies to the corner and circles the hot water heater with interest. The mouse stops outside the closed door and emits a small squeak of frustration. The old man also pauses outside the door and peers in the glass.] Lukkosai: Hmm, I wonder if there's any prospect in here? [He starts to open the door, but the sound of the approaching mob changes his mind.] Guess I'll have to come back another day. [He dashes off. This time, mouse has made it inside the door. Reishishi, by this point, is up in her apartment. She drops her pack and opens the cages to release the animals inside.] Rei: Gaah, look at you guys. Can't take you onstage like that. I'll have to wash the lot of you tonight... [A noise catches her attention; she looks up just as Danova enters.] Danova: Yo, Rei. 'S me. Rei: Danova-san! Long time no see. Danova: Yes. I've been training in China. Look, I kind of have a favor to ask. I need a place to stay for a while, y'see. Rei: Again? Danova, I don't -- [She is interrupted by the band passing right under her window. Rei and Danova stare out the window for a minute, then ignore it.] Rei: Fine. But as long as you're here, you have to pay rent, and you might as well help me out. Go wash these rabbits. [She tosses him the cage, which he barely manages to catch, and then runs into another room. Danova looks after her, scratching his head in puzzlement.] Danova: Wash the rabbits? I don't get women. [He shrugs and carries the cage into the bathroom, and runs a bath. The odd rabbit out, the one with long ears and pink fur, sees the hot water and starts to make rather urgent hissing noises. Danova misses this, however, as he opens the cage, scoops out the long-eared rabbit, and tosses it into the bathtub.] Danova: In you go -- huh? [He stares in wide-eyed astonishment as the water suddenly churns and bubbles. A splash of water catches him in the eyes, and he blinks and rubs them. When he looks again, there's a very angryÑand very nakedÑYamane in the tub.] Danova: What -- What -- [Out comes the mallet. God only knows where she was keeping it this time.] Yamane: Danova, you PERVERT! [Commercial break. Li'l Yamane chases Li'l Danova across the screen waving a mallet. She leaps into the air, and a splash of water turns her into a rabbit, which a Li'l Rei catches in her top hat.] [Morning breaks to the sound of cute little birds chirping happily in the trees. The apartment looks subtly different from the previous night. For a start, there is a fist-sized hole in the wall beside the window, a pile of kindling stacked neatly beside the door, and four people sitting around a breakfast table drinking coffee. Danova now has a collection of bandaids along with his black eye, and Rushe has a bandage tied around his head. Only Yamane and Rei look unscathed. Rei surveys the damage with a sour expression.] Rei: Remind me again why I'm letting you guys stay in my apartment? Danova: Well, you see -- [He is interrupted by a rock which comes flying in through the (thankfully) open window to smash him in the head. He falls over, unconscious. Yamane reaches over and picks up a piece of paper taped to the rock.] Yamane: Here is note! Rei [taking it]: "To the man that dares call himself the boyfriend of Yamaneko .?.: I challenge you to a duel of honor, between men! Unless you are too cowardly, meet me at high noon in the park. Be prepared to pay for your crimes against my fiancee." Signed, Some Guy. [She tosses the note onto the table] Yamane: Oooh, stupid Xiom! I not see him for ten year, and then he no leave Yamane alone for minute! Rushe [beginning to look steamed around the ears]: Danova! What crimes are these that this guy is talking about? What have you done to Yamane now?? Danova [just beginning to wake up]: Huh? Rushe: And what's THIS about a FIANCE? Danova: Hey, what d'you care anyway? Rushe: Damn right I care! Maybe everybody else is willing to let you get away with these things, but not me! Danova: Are you gonna shut your mouth or do I have to shut it for you? Rushe: I'd like to see you try it! Danova: Be careful what you ask for -- Yamane [very much annoyed]: Danova! Stop picking fights! Rei: OUTSIDE, if you please, gentlemen, or do I have to knock your heads together again? Danova [momentarily distracted]: What kind of move is that you used, anyway? I didn't recognize it. Rei [preening somewhat]: Oh, you mean my little House of Mirrors Strike? It's an old favorite of the .?. School of Martial Arts Magic Tricks. Rushe: "Martial Arts Magic Tricks?" How does that work? Rei [striking a pose]: In ancient times, when samurai and martial artists roamed the untamed wildlands of feudal Japan, there was once a great master who, although he was very skilled in his Art, had no dojo of his own to teach at -- and therefore, no source of income. [We see a little martial artist, head hanging, wandering in and out of line-drawn mountains.] He wandered about the mountains homeless and destitute, until one day he met up with a beautiful lady who was also a stage magician. [He meets a little woman in a top hat, who waves a stick and produces a shower of pretty sparks.] She was a great magician, but she, too, was not happy, for she had no means of defending herself from bandits and rival magicians. [A horde of little ninjas appears and attacks the woman; there is a dust cloud with little "Pain!" kanji.] The two met, fell in love, and had the inspiration to combine their Arts -- [the little martial artist and woman are standing among the ruins of the ninjas, holding hands and jumping up and down joyfully] -- thus was born the School of Martial Arts Magic Tricks! [Rei finishes her speech with a dramatic flourish and looks at the others expectantly.] [They stare.] Yamane: Uh... Rushe: Okay... Danova: Hey, look at the time. I'd better get over to the park. [He hops over to the window and jumps out of it.] Rushe: Hey! Danova, wait a minute! We never finished our fight! [He follows Danova out the window.] [Yamane and Rei are left in the apartment. They look at each other.] Rei: What do you say we... Yamane: Use stairs? Rei: My thoughts exactly. [Danova bounces over the rooftops, Rushe in pursuit. Yamane and Rei follow -- on the ground -- some distance behind.] Rushe: Danova, you coward! Stand and fight! Danova: This is no place for a fight, Rushe. Follow me if you dare! [He jumps down to street level as they approach the park, pausing only a second to yank a handy street sign out of its place. The two enter the park.] Danova: No sign of that Xiom guy. How dare he stand me up on a fight? Rushe: Don't worry about that, Danova. Your battle with me will be more than enough... Danova: You talk big, Rushe, but you don't fight up to it. I've taken about enough of your abuse for one lifetime! [He whirls the sign around in a blur, then snaps into a fighting stance, holding the signpost like a quarterstaff.] Rushe: Heh. You won't be hearing any more of it, then -- you'll be dead! Danova: Bring it on. I'm always glad for a chance to pay you back for your crimes against me! Rushe: At last, I'll have revenge for what you did to me! Kabane School of Martial Arts Quantum Physics Final Attack! PARTICLE -- Rei [arriving on the scene]: What exactly did he do to you? Yamane: Yes. Danova, what he do to you? Rushe: He -- Danova: He -- [They both stop for a minute and think. The wind rustles the leaves in the trees as long moments of silence pass.] Rei: Well...? Rushe [weakly]: It was so long ago... Yamane: You mean you no even know WHY you fighting? Danova & Rushe [in unison]: THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT! It's a matter of HONOR! Danova: Rushe, you bastard, prepare to die! Rushe: Danova, you scumbag -- Voice: PREPARE TO DIE! Rushe [turning at the sound of the voice]: Hey, that's my line! Huh? [He turns too late, however, to avoid the white limousine screeching towards them, and gets batted into the sky. The car brakes to a stop; the driver's side opens, and Xiom Gai steps out, dressed in a fancy suit. Danova, Yamane and Rei all stare openmouthed.] Xiom: Sorry I'm late. My business meeting ran overtime. [Danova sweatdrops.] Xiom: Let's get started, then. [He removes cufflinks, a tiepin and a tie, the fancy suit jacket, and falls into a battle pose.] Danova: Remind me again why we're fighting? Xiom [glares]: You know perfectly well what this is about, uh -- Danova: Danova. Gingami. Xiom: You know perfectly well what this is about, Danova Gingami! We are battling for the right to the hand in marriage of the lovely Yamaneko, mine by rights, whom you have stolen from me! All (except Xiom, obviously): WHAT? Rei: Yamane, why didn't you tell me you eloped with Danova? You go, girl! Yamane: That not how it happen! I never your fiancee, Xiom! Danova: Hey, buster, we don't got to fight! If you want a schizophrenic bimbo like that, you can HAVE her. Rushe [appearing from God knows where, limping slightly]: Danovaaaa! How dare you speak so of Yamane! Yamane: He right, Danova! How dare you speak so of Yamane? Xiom: So you admit you are too cowardly to face me in combat?? Danova: No way! That's not what I said! If it's a fight you want, then you got it! Xiom: Let us begin, then! [He leaps forward to attack; before he gets very far, though, Yamane has reached Danova with mallet in hand, and the latter is much too preoccupied with the former to notice him.] Yamane: Danova, you pervert! Hold still and die! Danova: What, are you crazy? What're you attacking me for? Yamane: You too much coward for fight Yamane, much less Xiom Gai! Danova: I already said I'll fight him! Rei: Ah, Danova-san, that's so sweet. You'll fight for your girlfriend against her malevolent pursuer, rescue her from the fate of an arranged marriage. [She clasps her hands in front of her chest, looking dreamy and smirking widely.] Danova & Yamane: THAT'S NOT HOW IT IS!!! Danova: She's not my girlfriend -- Yamane: He not unwanted pursuer -- Danova: What, so you WANT to marry him? Yamane: No! Xiom [waving]: Hey! I'm still here, you know. Danova: Huh? Oh, right. Let's fight! [They attack each other. I wrote this fight scene blow-by-blow a couple times, didn't like it, deleted it. Rest assured that they're leaping about shouting battle cries, doing nifty moves, causing a lot of damage to the surrounding scenery.] Yamane [narrowly avoiding a splash of water from a broken fire hydrant]: Ohhh, men is such pigs! Rushe: Hey! Yamane: Oh, I not mean you, Rushe. You is nice. Rushe [dazed]: Nice...? You think I'm nice...? Yamane: Yes. You not stupid like Xiom Gai, or rude like Danova. You not get -- Rushe [hits palm with fist]: That's what I forgot! I was going to kill Danova for being rude to you. DANOVA! PREPARE TO DIE! [He bounds forward into the fray.] Yamane: --into stupid fights, was going to say. Gaaahh! Rei: Don't worry about it, sister. Have some lemonade. Yamane: You bring crackers? Rei: Of course. Danova [avoiding attacks from both Xiom and Rushe]: I think at this point I'm about as prepared for death as I'll ever be. Rushe: How fortunate for you. Kabane School of Martial Arts Quantum Mechanics Final Attack -- [Xiom, completely ignoring Rushe, attacks Danova while he's distracted.] Danova: Whoa! [He leaps away from the attack, landing between Xiom and Rushe, who turns to face him as his attack reaches its culmination.] Rushe: PARTICLE ACCELERATOR BLAST! [An enormous explosion bursts from his outstretched hands, lighting up the park in that weird way that blocks out all the sunlight. Danova, standing in the path of the blast, is blown backwards, hits Xiom, and the two of them are catapulted completely out of the park, across the street, and through the glass window of a bar. Inside the bar, a slim young man with light brown hair down to his shoulders stares at the ruins of his shop in dismay.] Tenba: My bar...! You wrecked my bar..! [Danova, sprawled on top of an unconscious Xiom, just stares at the ceiling and groans. Tenba, clearly one or two sheets to the wind already, stumbles around the wooden bar, reaches down, and hauls Danova upright by the front of his shirt.] Tenba [shaking Danova like a rag]: I just had that window installed! Danova: H-hey, it wasn't my f-fault... [Xiom, just regaining consciousness, begins to sit up. Tenba reaches down with one hand, picks him up, and slams his and Danova's heads together. He then throws both of them through the ruins of the window into the street, and follows, stopping by the way to pick up a few knocked over bottles.] Rei [seeing Xiom and Danova come flying out onto the street]: What the heck...? [Tenba stands over the two unfortunates, glaring fiercely at them.] Tenba: Who wants to be the one to pay for all the damage?? Danova & Xiom: He does! Xiom: It was his fault -- Danova: But he's the one with all the money! Rushe [coming over]: Do you admit defeat yet, Danova? Or do I have to knock you through another building? Tenba: Oh, so it was YOUR fault then? [Rushe looks at Tenba and is unimpressed.] Rushe: Yeah, so what? Tenba: So you owe me several thousand yen in damages, that's what. Rushe: Sorry, no can do. Guess it's just a business hazard in Nerima, buddy. Tenba: I'm going to get my money if I have to beat it out of one of you -- any of you, all of you, I don't care! Nobody messes with Tenba Tanaka of the Tanaka School of Drunken-Style Martial Arts and -- Hey! Are you guys even listening to me? [Xiom and Danova are rolling around on the ground punching each other. Tenba snarls in exasperation; he tears the two of them apart, punches Xiom's head into the ground, and drop-kicks Danova up towards the stratosphere.] Tenba: I'm TALKING here! Yamane: What he say -- Drunken-Style Martial Art? Rei: Yes. I didn't know any of those were left! Amazing coincidence, that we should stumble upon one training right here in Nerima! Yamane: What exactly it do? Rei: In ancient times, when samurai and martial artists roamed the untamed wildlands of feudal Japan, there was once a great martial artist who, in the course of his training, made many enemies. He was also a great lover of strong drink, but he was painfully aware of how weak and vulnerable drinking made him. One day, however, as the martial artist was fighting off a battalion of ninjas after one late-night session, he realized that the unsteadiness of his movements was throwing off his opponents. After he had defeated the ninjas, the martial artist had the inspiration to deliberately develop his unpredictability, as well as other positive aspects of drunkenness, into a whole new kind of fighting -- Drunken-Style Martial Arts, or Hebereke-fu. The practitioners of Hebereke-fu train rigorously, as their Art is much ridiculed by others, and the only way to defeat a true master in combat is to catch him sober. Many a strong warrior has foolishly accepted a drinking challenge by one of these masters, and met a terrible end. Yamane: You kidding, right? Rei: No. Sorry. Xiom [weakly]: Of - of course I'll be happy to make reparations... say, one hundred thousand yen might be worth your while to forget this whole incident? Tenba [brightening up]: That's more like it! Well, business-boy? Rushe [shaking his head]: Xiom Gai, you're too wussy to even compete for Yamane. You're actually going to give money to this washout? Tenba [bristling]: Who are you calling a (HICCUP) washout? Rushe: Want to make something of it? Tenba [with great dignity]: You're not even worth my challenging, since you're obviously too poor to be worth my time. Rushe: You asked for it, buddy! PARTICLE ACCELERATOR BLAST!! [A moment before Rushe releases his blast, Tenba takes a wobbling step, trips, and falls flat on his back. The particle accelerator blast passes harmlessly above him.] Tenba: Whoa. [Without bothering to get up, he scissor-kicks out at Rushe, hooking his ankle and pulling him down to the ground. The two manage to make their feet at about the same time, and begin to fight in earnest. Meanwhile, Danova is just now descending; he has not traveled far in distances, only making it across the park to the playground. It appears that he's going to make a solid crash landing on the jungle-gym set, when suddenly a jump-rope snakes out and catches him by the ankle, yanking him to the ground in the sandbox.] New Voice: Stop! You shall not harm the sacred Jungle-Gym! [A suave, dark-haired man in an impeccable tuxedo saunters onscreen, posing coolly for the benefit of Danova and the girls. Along with his sparkling tuxedo, he has a baseball cap on his head, a Pokemon backpack, and a slingshot in his back pocket.] Takashido: Not so long as Takashido Tanpopo, Blazing Tuxedo Lion of the Martial Arts School of Playground Games Dandies, lives to stop you! Danova: Tuxedo... dandelion? Takashido: That's right. Danova: What the hell kind of messed up name is that? Takashido: That doesn't matter. Now -- Danova: Tuxedo Dandelion?? Takashido: Can we get over the name already? Danova: Oh, sorry. Takashido: Are you done? [Waits a beat.] Thank you. Now. Who are you, knave, that dares to trespass in so destructive a manner on the sanctity of the children's playground?? Danova: I'm, uh, Danova Gingami. Takashido: Hmph. Well, Danova Gingami, are you prepared to stand with honor and face the consequences of your vandalous actions? [He strikes a noble yet menacing pose, flipping his hair back from his eyes.] Danova: Uhhh... it wasn't my fault? Takashido [pausing in his posturing]: In what way was it not your fault, Danova Gingami? I give you this one chance to redeem yourself. Danova: Well, it was those people you see over there that threw me into the playground, see. I'm just an innocent victim of physics, you see? Takashido [obviously not seeing]: I see. Danova: So -- say, you know, as long as you're not showing me the error of my ways or nothing, if you still want to teach somebody a lesson, you could go over there and kick those guys' butts. Takashido [unwillingly]: I still do not fully trust you, Danova Gingami, but I accept your explanation that others were involved in the assault on the jungle-gym. Let us call a truce for now, and go over and teach those poopy-heads some sort of honor. [He saunters coolly offwards towards the other three, who are causing a great deal of property damage as they beat the hell out of each other. Rushe is throwing around a great deal of light and fire, much of which strikes Xiom Gai unintentionally; his target, Tenba, seems unable to walk in a straight line or stand still for five second and miraculously avoids all of Rushe's attacks. As Danova follows Takashido at a wary distance, Tenba suddenly spasms and his hand catches Rushe under the chin. Rushe's head snaps back and he staggers.] Tenba: Boy. You may be able to call up a lot of power, but you sure leave a lot of openings! Rushe: Rrragh! You will DIE for that! Kabane School of Martial Arts Quantum Mechanics Special Attack -- Xiom [from behind Tenba, not seeing Rushe power up]: Now's my chance...! If I kill that kid, I won't have to pay him! [He charges at Tenba's back.] Rushe: Blow of the Infinite Simultaneous Possible Punches! [He does a really nifty looking move where as he moves his hands through the air, his arms blur and leave a trail of transparent hands behind him, that all strike like normal punches at the same time. Tenba, suddenly sensing Xiom behind him, leaps straight up into the air and watches with admiration as Xiom and Rushe neatly punch each other out. Rushe, at the end of the attack as Tenba reaches the ground once more, is still standing, although he's wobbling slightly. Xiom is flat.] Rushe: Heh... he won't be... bothering Yamane any... any time soon... Tenba [to himself]: This guy's really strong! [Takashido, meanwhile, has reached the combatants and is surveying the lot of them disdainfully. Slowly and ceremoniously, he reaches into his pocket and removes a piece of bubblegum from its wrapper.] Takashido: I'll take care of all of these miscreants in one blow. [He puts it in his mouth and begins to chew. Danova, meanwhile, walks over to Xiom Gai and pulls his face out of the ground.] Danova: Hey, China-boy, weren't we supposed to be fighting? Xiom [weakly]: Y-yamane is mine... Yamane [returning her attention to the fight for the first time in a while]: Stupid! I no is anyone's! [She starts forward. Rei grabs her arm.] Rei: Hold on a minute, girlfriend. What do you think you're doing? Yamane: I go stop fight. This all kinds of stupid. Rei: You're right, Yamane, but now isn't a good time to jump into this mess. Look, something big is happening... [She is right. Rushe is beginning to glow bright yellow; Tenba, facing him, is twirling whiskey bottles like nunchaku. Danova is shaking Xiom by the collar, trying to wake him up. Most ominously, Takashido has begun to blow an enormous bubble of gum, to which the other four are oblivious.] Yamane: Oh no! What they doing? [She turns back to Rei, only to find her not there.] Rei's voice: I don't know, but I suggest your make yourself scarce as well. That bubble looks like it's reaching critical mass -- it's going to blow! [Yamane gasps in shock, then turns back to the combatants.] Yamane: Danova! Rushe! Get out of way! Danova [looks at her blankly]: Hm? [No-one else even listens to her. Yamane gives up on them as hopeless and dives for cover just as Takashido loses control over his attack, and the bubble pops with a resounding explosion. Gum goes everywhere.] [The resulting scene is one of absolute yuck. I think I can leave you to imagine.] Takashido: Damn it, I thought I worked out that little bug. [Danova, Rushe, and Xiom sit there, stunned. Tenba begins to struggle to tear himself free of the sticky stuff.] Tenba: I don't know who you are or where you came from, but as soon as I get out of this stuff, you are going to be in a world of hurt. [Struck by an inspiration, he pulls out a small metal flask, opens it up, and pours a bit on the gum. It hisses like acid and begins to burn away.] Rushe [sort of waking up]: Funny, that's... just what I was going to say to you... [He begins to glow again. The gum starts to melt away from him, slowly. Tenba glares at him in some annoyance. Tenba: I never would have resorted to this if it could have been helped. Tanake School of Hebereke-fu Secret Final Attack -- [He tears himself free of the gum and leaps into the air, diving for Rushe, who looks a bit alarmed for the first time.] Tenba: Companionable Drinking Strike! [He suddenly collapses on Rushe's shoulder and expertly maneuvers a drink of sake down his throat.] Tenba [with a friendly, affable air]: What do you say we stop fighting each other and gang up on that clown in the tuxedo instead? Rushe [looking dazed]: Sure. [Danova, meanwhile, has produced a large pair of scissors from somewhere on his person and begins to cut himself free, swearing bloody murder on Takashido. Takashido, beginning to look a bit worried, frantically works on freeing himself as the other three men, with various menacing expressions, surround him. Xiom [waking, leaping to his feet and lashing out randomly]: Danova! I fight on! [Danova starts towards him. Tenba bars him with an arm in the way.] Tenba: Hold on a minute. You say he's the one that started all this? Danova: That's right. Tenba: I see. Are you gonna give me my hundred thousand yen or what, guy? Xiom [stiffly]: Don't be any more of an idiot than you have to be. I don't carry that much money on me, and even if I did, I wouldn't give it to you! Tenba: That's what I wanted to know. [He grabs Xiom by the scruff of the neck and drags him over to his forgotten limosine, pounds a dent in the roof with Xiom's head, then stuffs him in the trunk. He slams the trunk lid down, and gives the car enough of a push to send it rolling down the hill towards the nearby handy pond.] Tenba: Right. Where were we? [He looks back to see Danova and Rushe fighting each other once more. Takashido pulls a jumprope from his backpack, twirls it over his head, and grabs Rushe with it. He pulls him apart from Danova and sends him flying into a nearby tree; the tree shakes, dropping Rei out of it. Tenba looks where Rushe landed, blinks, and saunters over, giving Rei a companionable hand up. Tenba: Hey, you're that lady who was describing the history of my School to that girl back then. Rei: Yes. Weren't you in the middle of a fight? [Tenba glances down at Rushe and shrugs.] Tenba: I'm not getting my money. Not really anything else to fight over. Rei: Now that's a sensible, realistic attitude. You sure you're a martial artist? Tenba [smirks]: Nice to meet you. Tenba Tanaka. Rei: I'm Reishishi. Tenba: Don't bother telling me your name. I'll forget it after a few drinks. Rei: That's all right. Want to go get drunk? Tenba: I'm up. [They saunter off. Meanwhile -- Takashido tries to lasso Danova the way he did Rushe, but this time Danova catches hold of the jumprope and pulls on it, tossing Takashido away down the slope towards the pond.] Danova: You won't catch me with the same trick twice! Takashido [flipping neatly to land on his feet on the shoreline]: You think to turn my own weapons against me? I think not! Yamane [reappearing from wherever she took shelter, dragging Rushe away from the base of the tree]: Yamane can see that. Takashido [distracted]: Huh? Ah, 'tis a maiden fair! Whence come you, my beauty? Yamane [blushing]: I -- I with Danova -- Takashido [turning back and glaring at Danova sternly]: Have you been harrassing this lovely young woman, Danova Gi-- [Whatever he was going to say gets lost as the limosine rolls into the pond behind him, dousing him with water. Danova bounds over to the spot, but by the time he gets there, nothing remains except a Power Rangers backpack.] Danova: Damn! That coward! Yamane: Hmm, maybe he not so bad. He called Yamane nice name. Danova: Oh, is that all it takes? Yamane: Maybe you should take notes, Dano-- Ooooh! Power Rangers! [She reaches down and picks up Takashido's abandoned bookbag, completely ignoring the pile of clothing it's sitting in. Danova looks at the backpack and gags dramatically.] Danova: That's for three-year-olds or something! Did that Dandelion guy actually drop that? Man, he's wussier than I thought. Yamane [ignoring him]: It so kawaii! Yamane take home. Danova: Huh? Home? [He looks around, and realizes that except for an unconscious Rushe, he's run out of people to fight.] Well, I guess so. Let's go. [The two walk off, Yamane exclaiming over the bookbag as they go. A small racoon with a tuxedo-patterned coat watches them from narrowed eyes, and begins to scurry after, when he is suddenly pinned to the ground by a descending hand.] Rushe [not even noticing the raccoon]: D-danova... get back here... [He staggers to his feet and lurches off in pursuit.] Rushe: THIS ISN'T OVER YET, DANOVA! [There is muffled agreement from the back of the limousine, and the dazed raccoon.]