Halfway There by Leigh Alexander leigh_xf@geocities.com First posted: November 11, 1996 RATING: PG CATEGORY: SA SPOILERS: References to the third season eps "The Blessing Way", "Paper Clip" and "Nisei/731". There are also references to a number of season one and two events, but these are basic facts that most readers would know. KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully friendship SUMMARY: Scully meets a mysterious stranger in a halfway house who could hold the answers to what she and Mulder have been seeking for a long time. DISCLAIMERS: 1) Dana and Fox belong to Chris and Ten Thirteen Productions and the other Fox. Absolutely *no* copyright infringement is intended - I'm not doing this for money, I'm doing it for love. I *love* these characters, I wouldn't want to hurt them! :) 2) OK to archive, but if it's going anywhere other than Gossamer, please drop me a line just so I can keep track. 3) Feel free to distribute and discuss this, as long as my name and addy remain attached. INTRO: Well, I can't really say any more without giving away the plot, but I hope you'll read on to find out why... Just a small warning - there's no MSR in here. Just UST and good friendship. I have to thank Kelsey for the wonderful editing job she's done, even when RL just seemed to be taking over. :) Also I want to thank the people on the M&S and XPCL mailing lists for their feedback, which helped the story a *lot*. Now, I have to ask for your indulgence on one aspect of this story. I'm not a scientist, and my knowledge of scientific and medical matters is *extremely* small. I'd really appreciate it if you would all be able to believe that DNA data can be displayed on a graph, similar to what we saw in "Piper Maru/Apocrypha". It would really help my story if you could. ----------------------------------------------------------- Halfway There ----------------------------------------------------------- Scully sighed as she pulled yet another tray of lasagna out of the oven. It was her third batch of the evening, and she was beginning to grow utterly sick of the smell of bechemel sauce. She placed the tray on the nearby bench, and it was quickly whisked away by another pair of oven-mitt clad hands. The woman tossed a brief thank you over her shoulder as she carried the dish out of the kitchen. Scully had already forgotten this woman's name, but she smiled politely anyway and turned back to her work bench to start making the salad. A hand came to rest lightly on her shoulder, and she looked into her mother's smiling eyes. "How are you going, Dana? Not too much work, I hope?" "No, no - I'm enjoying it." Margaret's eyebrow lifted in a characteristic Scully expression, and Dana felt obliged to stress, "Really, Mom - I am!" Margaret smiled and gently rubbed her daughter's back, "Well, we really appreciate you coming to help us on such short notice. You've been a big help, honey." Scully looked at her mother warmly and nodded. Earlier that evening, when she had just arrived home, ready to spend a rare relaxing night in front of the TV, she had received a distress call from her mother asking for her help. Margaret Scully was one of the volunteer staff at a nearby halfway house and for weeks she and the other volunteers had been planning a special "mid-year" dinner which they hoped would lift the morale of the residents and promote a general feeling of goodwill. Unfortunately one of the other staff members had been taken down with the flu, and Margaret had had to put in a mayday call to her daughter. Scully really didn't mind spending her evening this way. Sure, the physical aspect of it was starting to get a bit tiring, but it allowed her to spend some time with her Mom, who she didn't see often enough. And it felt good to be putting something back into the community that didn't involve giant flukemen or liver-eating mutants. She finished up on the salad, and headed out into the main dining area, where a buffet table had been set up. A number of residents were milling around the table, and still more had moved over to the many chairs and smaller tables that were scattered around the room. As she placed the salad bowl on the table, Scully's eye was caught by a young woman in the corner of the room. She had moved one of the chairs from the centre of the room, sequestering herself away from the rest of the group. She appeared to be concentrating solely on the task of eating and seemed to be completely oblivious to her surroundings. And yet, Scully detected a perceptible tension flowing from the woman, which was at odds not only with her supposed preoccupation with her food but more importantly, with the innocuous mood of the evening. Scully didn't know why the woman had captured her attention. It was more than just the sense of anxiety and loneliness that she exuded. Scully couldn't put her finger on it, but she was overwhelmed with a sudden affinity for the dark- haired woman. "That's Sally." Scully jumped slightly. She had been so absorbed in her contemplation of the figure in the corner that she hadn't even noticed her mother's approach. "How long has she been here?" Margaret reflected for a few moments and then replied, "About a year. She lived here for nearly five years until 1994 when she left quite suddenly. But she just came back to us about ten or twelve months ago, and has been here ever since." "Has she always been like that - so withdrawn and scared?" Margaret shook her head. "No, not really. She always had a tendency to shut herself off, to go into her own world, but it wasn't until this time - since her return - that it's been so noticeable... We've all been quite worried about her, actually." Scully's eyes had remained fixed on Sally throughout the brief interchange. The woman hadn't looked up once, hadn't signalled a need for a company, and yet Scully felt drawn to her by an incomprehensible pull. Still without tearing her eyes from the young woman, Scully asked softly, "Do you think she'd mind if I tried to talk with her?" Margaret looked at her daughter in surprise. Dana's face bore an expression of deep compassion, and Margaret sensed that the inexplicable intensity of her daughter's feelings for this stranger was something instinctive. She knew that her daughter had the capacity to feel things deeply, almost too deeply, which was why Dana normally closed off those channels. But something had been triggered within her this time. Something which she couldn't repress or deny. Scully didn't even wait for a reply from her mother. She started to slowly walk towards Sally, immediately becoming just as oblivious to the surrounding activity as the young woman had been the entire evening. Scully was only a foot away when Sally became aware of her approach. The agent saw her stiffen, and then her head snapped up, fixing her eyes on Scully with a powerful intensity. Scully gasped. Those eyes... She *knew* those eyes. The defensive glare that had filled the hazel eyes quickly drained away and was replaced by a look of fear. For a split second, Scully thought that she had seen a flicker of recognition pass across Sally's face - but as soon as she sensed it, it was gone. Seeing the girl's fright, Scully automatically lifted her hand and quickly said, "It's OK, Sally. I just want to talk with you." Sally's eyes remained tinged with fear, but her body relaxed slightly in response to Scully's reassuring words. Scully moved closer, and introduced herself, smiling softly as she spoke. "I'm Dana - Dana Scully." "Are you Margaret's daughter?" Sally's voice was delicate and fragile. There was an underlying anguish in her tone, that Scully could only recognise because of its familiarity. She nodded. Sally didn't respond, she just continued eating her meal with a determined energy. Scully brought a nearby chair over and sat down next to Sally. The silence between the pair remained unbroken for a number of minutes and Scully was reminded of the comfortable silences into which she and Mulder often sank. There was no doubt in her mind who this woman was, but her partner's unexpected intrusion into her thoughts startled her, nonetheless. She felt compelled to push the notion aside, and deliberately asked the frightened girl the most mundane question she could think of. "So, are you having a good time tonight?" Sally mumbled, "The food's good." "Why aren't you with everyone else?" Sally shrugged and didn't reply. Scully waited, knowing that often the best way to get people to talk was to remain silent. Her instincts proved right as Sally eventually continued speaking. "They make fun of me." In any other context, Scully would have smiled at such childish words emerging from the mouth of a grown woman. But she knew with certainty that Sally had not said those words lightly. These were not the shallow jeers and taunts of kids in the playground that Sally was talking about. They were the subtle degradations and put-downs that adults were capable of - the words that could easily push a delicate mind teetering on the edge between faith and denial into the dark, comfortless world of self-doubt and fear. Empathy and understanding surged simultaneously in Scully as she leaned forward and squeezed Sally's hand in an uncharacteristic display of warmth. Sally quickly withdrew her hand from the other woman's grasp, unused to trespassers within her private space. Then, as if in apology for the abruptness of her retraction, she continued speaking, keeping her head bowed and her eyes away from Scully's sympathetic gaze. "They think I'm crazy - they don't believe me when I tell them what happened. No one believes me... no one understands..." Her voice trailed off. "What don't they understand, Sally?" Sally stopped eating and placed her fork on the plate. She continued to stare fixedly at the remains of her meal, but it was obvious that food was the last thing on her mind. Finally she turned to face Scully, and the agent noticed with pain that her eyes were damp with unshed tears. "You wouldn't understand." Sally lowered her plate onto the floor, and started to rise. Scully placed a hand delicately on Sally's arm and said in a low, suddenly anguished voice, "Try me." Sally sat down resignedly and allowed Scully's hand to rest on her arm, as if suddenly realising that any opposition to this woman's strength was futile and pointless. Sally turned her head and looked directly into Scully's piercing blue eyes, only really seeing them for the first time. The emotions Sally saw resonating out of them made her gasp involuntarily, and was the catalyst for the shedding of the tears which had been hovering on the precipice of her lids. Sally didn't fully understand what those eyes were telling her, but the words suddenly flowed out of her in a stream of repressed memories. "They... they took me - when I was little. Some men took me... I don't know where... I have dreams - strange dreams... I'm being examined. There's always a bright light... it's blinding... I thought it was over. They brought me back - I don't know who they are, they're just shadows, they hide from me - but they took me again. I'd been safe... but they found me and they took me back to that place... and I heard the drill, and I was lying on a table, a steel table. They took me when I was in a park, walking... just on my own, dreaming... I couldn't do anything, I couldn't stop them... only this time there were others and -- oh God, I can't remember..." The tears tumbled gently down her cheek, almost as if they knew that the words were expression enough of her pain, without needing to add their own embodiment of anguish. They didn't blur her vision, allowing her to see Dana's reaction in all its painful detail. Sally was waiting for the usual look of incredulity, of scepticism, of derision to fill those eyes, but it never came. Instead, they reflected something completely unexpected and frightening. Recognition and shock. They stared at each other in complete silence, fear building within each of them until finally something in Sally's mind clicked into place and her eyes lit up excitedly. She knew. She knew what was happening, she knew the reason for her sense of familiarity with this woman. Scully felt as though she could see Sally's very thought processes. A myriad of emotions flickered across the hazel eyes, whose gaze she could not separate herself from. Scully knew that she had foolishly allowed her own eyes to impart far too much knowledge. As Sally's gaze continued to read her own, she could feel the comprehension being stripped away from them. She could almost see the words forming in those familiar hazel eyes - - and she braced herself for the blow. But when it came it was the last thing she was expecting. Sally's voice was soft, yet suddenly full of strength. She asked, almost pleadingly, "It's happened to you too, hasn't it?" The words assaulted her physically, and Scully recoiled as if she'd been hit. Tears sprung to her eyes with alarming speed, and she pulled her hand sharply away from Sally's arm, lifting her trembling fingers to rest against her lips. She shook her head, denying the dark-haired woman's claim, and was suddenly unable to maintain the hypnotic eye-contact. Scully felt her throat tighten - it felt as though the air had been cut off from her. It had been so long since she had thought about her missing time. She had almost resigned herself to never finding any answers, and had managed to push all memories of that time out of her mind, out of her life. But with that piercing question it had all come rushing back. The bright light, the steel autopsy tray, the abandoned train carriage, those women in Allentown... But she didn't want to think about that, didn't want to deal with that - not here, not now. A number of minutes went past before she finally lifted her head and looked directly into Sally's eyes. She had needed those precious minutes to regain control over her overwhelming emotions and it was with an empty expression that she eventually replied in a tight voice, "I don't know what you're talking about." The look of hope that had blossomed in Sally's eyes abruptly changed to an expression of perplexity, and then frustration took over. "Yes you do." Sally's voice took on a desperate pleading tone as she tried to reconcile Scully's reaction with what she knew to be true, "I *know* it's happened to you - I can see it in your eyes, Dana. And... and I recognise you also. You were there -- we were there together..." Scully squeezed her eyes shut, willing the words of hope to stop. It was too much for her; she didn't want to go back to that time. It made her feel weak and vulnerable, robbing her of the strength that she had labouriously built up over the years to protect her from the ravages of fear that would otherwise assail her constantly. But she couldn't remove the nagging sound from her head. The anxiously wishful tone that infused Sally's words gnawed at her and railed at her to acknowledge the truth. She opened her eyes, but this time their gaze remained attached to her clenched hands, lying innocently in her lap. "I-I don't know... maybe...". Her eyes fluttered upwards and briefly connected with Sally's, "I just don't want to talk about it, OK?" Sally looked at her in incredulity and anger. She felt something in her snap. "Fine then," she snapped bitterly as she stood up and walked away. She couldn't explain the sudden rush of rage that she felt towards the petite redhead - it was as though they had been best friends for years, and with those words of denial, Dana had betrayed all the trust they had in each other. The feeling scared her more than it perplexed her - she had seen so much that was unexplainable in her life that there was very little that could shock her now. But this feeling of dependence and trust and need was something she'd never experienced before and she was instantly filled with alarm. Scully felt panic rise within her as the figure moved away from her. Without warning, she became aware that the affinity which now bound them together had deeper foundations than those she'd at first accepted. She had to draw Sally back, and her mind decided of its own accord the only way to do that. Without thinking she called out, "Wait! Samantha, come back--" The effect was instantaneous. The woman towards whom the name had been directed abruptly stopped walking and stood unmoving for the longest of moments as the words sank in. Scully's cry had been loud enough for a number of the residents to hear, and their heads swivelled around to stare at the pair. But the two women were lost in their own world and neither of them noticed the attention they had gained. Sally finally turned around and silently made her way back to the chair that she had only just vacated. She sat down wordlessly and folded her hands in her lap, unable to voice the question that banged painfully in her head. Finally she asked weakly, "Why did you call me that?" Scully instantly regretted her actions. She had no way of knowing for certain if this woman actually was Samantha Mulder; all she had to go on was a feeling. A strong, intense, instinctual feeling... that couldn't be verified without physical proof. What if she was just building up the hopes and dreams of Sally, only to have them come crashing down around her? Her tongue darted out and nervously licked her lips, but before she could reply Sally butted in. "Do you know who I am? Do you know who my family is?" The initial surprise that had dampened her reaction had quickly cleared to allow an unbridled enthusiasm to surface. Her eyes shone with anticipation, and her voice had started to rise excitedly. Oh God. "I don't know, Sally... Maybe..." Sally grabbed onto the final word and held onto it with a fierce grasp. . The word echoed in her head, and for the first time since Dana had joined her, she smiled. Scully felt the warmth of the smile, and saw the hope that it contained and she felt a painful yearning to be able to ensure that she could fulfill the woman's need. She picked up one of Sally's hands and grasped it between her two hands. "Sally, look - I'm not sure, OK? It's possible... But I'm going to need to get a blood sample from you to make sure. Will you do that?" Sally nodded, the smile growing larger as Scully quickly hurried back to her car to get the large first-aid kit that she always kept there. When she returned a few minutes later, she noticed that Sally was no longer alone. As she drew nearer to the corner, she also observed that the smiling face that she had left had been replaced by a look of discomfort and fear. There was a man sitting in the chair that Scully had pulled over, and he was leaning forward, balancing his forearms on the arms of Sally's chair. She had retreated as far back in her seat as was possible without leaving it all together, and Scully increased her pace, her protective instinct rising within her. As she approached the pair, fragments of the man's conversation reached her: "... look so cute... never seen you smile before... I'd like to make you smile like that..." He stretched his lips into a wolf-like grin, and Scully saw that Sally was actually shaking. She quickly drew nearer and said, "Excuse me, I think that you should leave." Her voice spoke with cold authority, and the man looked up at her with a startled gaze. He replied with a sneer, "Mind you own business, lady. We're just talking, aren't we Sally?" Sally's eyes quickly flickered in Scully's direction and the agent felt her heart constrict at the terror that they spoke of. Her voice somehow became even colder and more firm. "I need to speak with her alone, and she obviously doesn't want to have anything to do with you. Would you please leave." The man finally focussed his attention on her, raking his eyes up and down her body in an effort to discomfort her and assert his dominance. She stood there calmly, and her serenity disarmed him. He stood up, and cast a withering glare towards them both. As he eventually moved away, Scully heard him muttering under his breath, "fuckin' lesbos..." She looked at him with pity and sat down. Sally was still tightly curled up in the furthest corner of the chair, and Scully asked softly, "Are you OK?" Sally slowly lowered her legs to the ground and allowed herself to relax. She looked at Scully sheepishly and said, "I'm sorry... I get.. uh, nervous around some people. Especially men." The last words were so soft Scully could barely hear them. She nodded her head, and didn't push Sally for an explanation. Regardless, Sally felt compelled to explain, "I don't know what it is - I didn't used to be like that. It's just since this last time... when they - they took me... Now, whenever I see a man, I get reminded of what they did to me..." Scully nodded and her voice was sympathetic when she replied, "I'm sure that will pass, Sally." Not knowing what else she could say to alleviate Sally's anxiety, Scully quickly busied herself pulling equipment out from her bag. Ten minutes later the two women were walking towards the door that led to the street. Scully gripped her medical bag tightly; a vial of Sally's blood was safely stored inside it and she didn't dare loosen her grip for fear of destroying what could very well prove to be the attainment of her partner's life-long quest. She couldn't tell if Sally was as aware of the possibilities as she was - there was no ignoring the hope in her eyes, or the faith in her voice when she spoke - but Scully was unsure if the other woman had fully grasped all the potentialities. Her thoughts were interrupted by a voice calling her name. She turned around and saw her mother approaching, wiping her hands on a dishcloth as she drew nearer. "You weren't going to leave without saying goodbye I hope, Dana?" Scully smiled gently and shook her head. Her expression quickly changed to consternation as she realised that she had spent almost the entire evening talking to Sally, rather than helping out in the kitchen as she had intended to. "Mom, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to leave you with all the work. Can I stay and help you clear up?" Margaret Scully's eyes smiled knowingly as she looked from her daughter to Sally. She had known from that first moment when Dana had seen Sally across the room that something important was happening - something that was much more important than tidying tables and washing dishes. She reached out and gently stroked Dana's upper arm, reassuring her with a quick squeeze and a look of complete understanding. She still had questions, of course... but right now wasn't the time for them. She said simply, "You'll call?" Scully nodded, grateful for her mother's intuition, which had always known when to draw near and when to step back. "Thanks Mom." She whispered, knowing that the full significance of her words wouldn't go past her mother. Margaret nodded, and dropped her hand from Dana's arm, moving away from the pair without another word. Scully's eyes remained fixed on her mother's receding back and she stayed temporarily lost in thought until a movement at her side drew her attention back to Sally. She quickly remembered the situation at hand, and gave Sally a reassuring smile. Sally's lips trembled slightly as they curved upwards in a tentative reply. Her face was still flushed with excitement and confusion, and Scully couldn't stop a fleeting doubt from entering her brain. What if this wasn't her? What if it was just a coincidence? After all, there must be millions of people all across America who believed they'd been "taken" by some being, human or otherwise. And how many of those people would have dark hair and hazel eyes? It wasn't all that improbable, was it? But then she felt the intensity of the woman's gaze, and remembered the uncontrollable urge she'd felt to talk to this woman when she'd first seen her, and she knew she was right. It *was* Samantha - it had to be her. The only other time that Scully had felt such an intense pull towards another human being was when she first met Mulder... For once, she was going to listen to her instincts first, and then get the solid evidence to prove it. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her card. "Here's my card. It's got my cell phone number on it, and--" Scully quickly ferreted around for a pen, then scrawled another number on the back of the card, "- that's my home phone number, OK? You just call me if you need to. Anytime, Sally - day or night." Sally nodded and looked closely at the two numbers before placing the card carefully in her pocket. Her voice was fearful as she asked quietly, "So, when will you be able to tell me what you find out?" Scully swallowed before replying - God, she hoped she was doing the right thing - "Tomorrow. I'll be back tomorrow morning with the results - you'll be here?" Sally nodded wordlessly, her eyes widening as the realisation hit her that this woman really did hold all the answers in her hand. Tomorrow... tomorrow... tomorrow she was going to find out who she was, who her family was, where she belonged. Tears sprung to her eyes and she whispered a soft "thank you" before turning away and hurriedly returning to her room. Scully was out the door with equal speed. As she drove home, she deliberated on her choices. It was past midnight, there was no way there'd be anyone in the labs at this hour to do an analysis of the blood. She'd have to wait until the morning. There was sure to be some eager techie who'd be there on a Saturday morning, although knowing her luck it would probably be Agent Pendrell, whose obvious crush on her was starting to become embarassing. And if the lab was empty, then she could always go to the office of the Lone Gunmen - she was sure they'd have some rudimentary equipment to give her the most basic of analyses. Hell, if worse came to worse, she could probably even pull out some of her own equipment that she hadn't used since her student days and come up with something herself. But it would definitely have to wait until morning. For a moment she contemplated going to Mulder's apartment now and telling him what she'd found - what she *thought* she may have found, she quickly corrected herself - she was sure he'd still be awake. But she quickly dismissed that idea, deciding that he'd already waited twenty-two years to find his sister, and one more night wouldn't kill him. She couldn't risk building his hopes up only to shatter them just as quickly if she was wrong. It was one a.m. by the time Scully got home, and before falling into bed, she remembered just in time to set her alarm for six o'clock. It was going to be a long day tomorrow, and the sooner it began, the better. ******************** The alarm went off and Scully was instantly awake. The events of the previous evening were still fresh in her mind, despite the interval of sleep. She allowed her body a few more moments to luxuriate in the warmth and comfort of her bed, as her mind quickly sorted through what she would be doing that morning. She ran through the catalogue of thoughts methodically, deliberately putting her emotions aside as she decided on the best course of action. Half an hour later she was standing in her room, freshly showered, deciding what to wear. Her hand had automatically reached for the row of suits hanging in her closet that she reserved for work, and then she hesitated. It was a Saturday, she wasn't going to work - well, she was going to the labs, but she wasn't *really* going to work - so why was she ready to don one of those no-nonsense, practical suits? Her hand continued to hover uncertainly in front of her closet as she tried to decide whether what she was going to be doing today would count as being work-related or not. And as she stood there, trying to answer the question as though her life depended on it, she slowly realised the absurdity of the situation. Mulder wouldn't care what she was wearing. And the guys down in the lab probably wouldn't even notice if she walked in wearing nothing more than a hessian sack. Her mouth tweaked into a grin at the thought. Then her expression became serious as she realised what she was doing. She was trying to put it off. For some reason, the thought that maybe, just maybe she may have found Fox Mulder's sister suddenly scared the hell out of her. She didn't know if her apprehension was solely related to her fear of *not* having found Samantha, or if it was something more. She couldn't help wondering how Mulder would react to the news, what it would mean to his life, his mother's life, his job... the X-files... and her. Scully felt a sudden stab of... something - fear? pain? regret? - as this last thought finally sank in. What would this mean for her? The question was shoved aside as quickly as it had arisen. She busied herself getting dressed - settling on a pair of jeans and a plain white shirt - not wanting to contemplate the nagging query in all its selfishness. Twenty minutes later she was out the door, having shoved down a piece of toast and some coffee before gathering her things and practically running out the house. Whatever the future held, she wanted it to start right now. ******************** Agent Bill Reynolds loved the lab at this hour. It was deathly silent; the only sound his ears could detect - and sometimes he wondered if it was just a hallucination - was the tight humming noise made by so much stainless steel in the one room. Everywhere he looked it glinted slyly at him, as if teasing him to come nearer and test its fallibility. Which he wouldn't, of course. He trusted the accuracy of his machines more than he trusted his own wife. It was humans who had invented the concepts of weakness, of flaws, of frailty - not machines. Of course, they were only as invincible as the humans who operated them, but that thought didn't worry him. He was a good technician - one of the best - and he knew exactly how his babies needed to be treated. He knew they needed to be spoken to with a soft, gentle voice, caressed like a lover, cherished like a child, and worshipped like a god-- His ruminations were interrupted by a sharp tapping on the plexiglass square that nestled in the heavy steel door. He looked up, angry at having his early morning communion interupted. From where he was sitting, he couldn't see who it was that had dared to trespass on his moment of peace, but he suspected it was going to be that new agent who had just been assigned as his assistant... that, uh.. whatsisname kid. His face was creased into a scowl as he pulled the door open, only to be met by the fair young face of Dana Scully. Instantly his expression softened, and he stepped back and motioned for her to come in, in an attempt at chivalry. Ahhh... Dana Scully, now *there* was someone worth getting to know at seven a.m. on a Saturday morning. He chuckled to himself, wondering how much Pendrell and some of the other techies would have paid to be in his position right now. Scully spoke, a hint of a smile gracing her features. "I wasn't sure anyone would be here at this hour." She appeared slightly out-of-breath, as though she had just walked a short distance in a very rapid time. Agent Reynolds bestowed his most welcoming smile on her, "Yes, well... you know we tech-heads; always here, doing our job until its finished." Scully smiled in a slightly impatient way. "Yes. I'm sure. Look--" her eyes flickered to his name badge, silently thankful that those things were compulsory, "--Agent Reynolds, I was wondering if you'd have time to run a quick blood sample for me? I just wanted a breakdown DNA analysis, if possible. Do you have a moment?" She reached into her bag, and pulled out the precious vial of blood, proferring it forward with an subtly pleading look. Reynolds thought about the analyses that Agent Colton had instructed him to have completed by the end of the day. That would take him a full twelve hours to finish. He looked at the clock on the wall. Seven-thirty... And a blood analysis of that sort would probably take at least an hour. No one else would be coming into the lab today. He started to regretfully apologise, and then he saw the look of chagrin that passed across her face. It was quickly replaced by a stoic look of understanding, but it had been enough to reach him. Without another word, he took the vial from her, and said bluntly, "It'll be ready in an hour." Scully nodded and said, "I'll be in Agent Mulder's office - you'll call me?" Reynolds nodded and quickly moved back to his seat, grasping the vial tightly. He didn't look at her again, and Scully hurriedly retreated from the room. ******************** The pages of the file were starting to yellow with age. Scully absent-mindedly fingered the edge of the sheet she was reading, unintentionally tearing the worn paper. After leaving the lab, she had come downstairs to Mulder's office, and gone directly to the filing cabinet. For a brief second, fear had leapt into her throat as she looked through the distinctive files with their unmistakable red borders, as the one she was looking for proved elusive. But then she had slowed down, returned to the beginning and flicked her way through the files one at a time. Finally she had found Samantha's file, and she discovered why she hadn't had any luck the first time. Normally, the x-files were ordered alphabetically - either by the victim's surname, or in groups of phenomenon. Naturally she had assumed that Samantha's file would be under "M" for Mulder. But instead, it had been nestled under "S" - next to her own file. Scully told herself that she didn't have time to ponder the significance of the file's placement. Mulder had probably just placed it there without thinking... although it was precisely this notion that upset her. How could he ever have confused her with his sister? Did he think that their experiences were related, or was it something far more serious, and yet far more comprehensible. Did he think that she had replaced Samantha? Had his quest to find Samantha come to embody a search for the explanation behind her own disappearance? Questions flew painfully in her mind. She still hadn't found the answers herself... Would finding Samantha also solve her own abduction experience? In what was becoming a painfully common habit, Scully pushed the questions aside, telling herself that she was no doubt reading too much into it. Mulder had probably just placed the file under "S" for Samantha. Anyway, what was the use in thinking about those things if she had no way of knowing the answer? She felt her eyes burning, and forced herself to focus once more on Samantha's file. As she turned the page, she found what she had been looking for: Samantha Mulder's blood type and DNA data. Years ago, when DNA testing had started to become prevalent, Mulder had arranged for the small sample of his sister's blood that he had tracked down through her school records to be analysed. She picked up the x-ray-like film with one hand, closing the file and placing it back on the desk with the other. She lifted it up, so that the light shone brightly behind it. It was with a sense of irony she realised that the heavy translucent sheet she was holding was the only question that mattered. And any minute - she checked her watch, and noticed that almost fifty minutes had gone by - she would have the answer. And still her mind would not cease. It had become so accustomed to questioning things, demanding answers, clarifying wild tales, that she could no longer shut it down. She couldn't help returning to the thought that had plagued her earlier that morning - if Sally was indeed Samantha Mulder, what did that mean for Mulder... and what did that mean for her? This time her thoughts were interupted by a knock at the door. She was about to call out to Reynolds that the door was open, when she realised that it wasn't. Mulder's paranoia had invaded her to the point where she was now no longer aware of her automatic actions, such as locking the door an hour ago when she had come into the office. She quickly pushed away from the desk and stood up, covering the distance to the door rapidly. As she turned the lock she discovered to her astonishment that her hands were shaking. She opened the door a crack, and saw Reynolds standing outside with a sheet similar to the one she had been holding only a few moments earlier. Her normally polite manner completely deserted her as she wordlessly reached out her hand for the analysis. Her eyes never wavered from the object, and Reynolds lips were pressed together in a sharp line of offence. After everything he'd put aside for her, she wasn't even going to thank him... As her fingers came into contact with the cold plastic, Scully's face finally lifted in the direction of the scientist. With a shock he realised that her eyes were wide and slighty damp with unshed tears. When she thanked him, her voice didn't rise above a whisper. He nodded once and then looked in puzzlement at the door as it closed quickly in his face. That woman was *strange*. He sighed and slowly made his way back to the lab. Scully returned to her seat. The sheet was quivering in her hand, her trembling having increased exponentially as soon as the DNA data was in her grip. She closed her eyes, and placed the sheet flat on the desk in front of her, next to the original from Samantha's file. This was it; the moment of truth... She drew in a deep breath, opened her eyes, and picked one sheet up in each hand. With infinitesimal slowness, she raised them up towards the light, and then - with a final prayer - slid one behind the other. Her eyes stared blankly at the result... ******************** The union was perfect. The symmetrical alignment of the peaks and troughs provided a clear-cut answer to the question that had plagued her for what felt like all eternity. Scully was no longer aware of outside phenomenon. She didn't notice as the two sheets tumbled from her now quaking hands onto the floor, sliding along the surface with a "swish" that only just registered in her subconscious. Her glazed eyes were fixed on the door as slowly, almost imperceptibly, the significance of what she had just seen started to sink in. Sally's and Samantha's DNA were identical. Sally was Samantha. Samantha. With a brutality that brought her snapping back to life, Scully gasped. She remembered the fear she had held at the halfway house, wondering if Sally had fully comprehended all the possible outcomes of the situation. Only now she realised that it was she who hadn't grasped the implications... The truth hit Scully with agonising clarity: she hadn't believed it was possible. She had started to perceive Mulder's quest as an impossible dream. It was too sought after. He needed it too much. It was incomprehensible, out of his reach... Unattainable. Until today. With a start Scully brought herself out of her state of reverie. What was the point in pondering what was now in the past? What she should be doing was driving to Mulder's place, showing him the evidence, and watching the smile crack onto his face. She hurriedly pushed away from the desk, stuffed Samantha's file back in the drawer, picked up the two analyses from where they lay at her feet, plucked her bag from the chair and headed towards the door. ******************** The drive passed in a fog of disbelief. Luckily the roads were still deserted at this hour, as the state she was in wasn't the most conducive to good driving. The name echoed ceaselessly in her head. Selfishly, it pushed aside all other thoughts, burning itself into every shadowy corner of her mind. Strangely enough, the now hollow-sounding word was accompanied with the image of the eight year-old Samantha that she had always associated with her partner. The woman with the dark hair and scared, hazel eyes had almost disappeared from her memory. The concreteness of her presence proving too much of a reality for Scully's brain to properly process. She pulled up outside Mulder's apartment block. Turning the ignition off with a slow gesture, Scully slumped into her seat slightly. She lifted her eyes in the direction of Mulder's window... and felt tears pricking against the back of her eyes. She quelled the emotion almost as quickly as it had arisen, feeling foolish for allowing the brief wave of sentimentality to flow through her. Scully turned her attention quickly back to the task at hand, gathering her bag and the analyses with one hand, while opening the car door briskly with the other. She stepped onto the pavement, shut and locked the car door, and set off towards the building. Five minutes later she was standing in front of Mulder's door. She hesitated a split second before knocking, fear suddenly coursing through her. As she waited for Mulder to answer the door she had time to wonder about this fear. The worries that had plagued her when she had first considered the possibility that the tiny, frightened woman was Samantha Mulder quickly resurfaced. Despite her best efforts she could not completely ignore the feeling of anxiety that assailed her... What would this mean for the future? Before she had time to delve further, the door swung open and Mulder stood in front of her. He was wearing a pair of blue track pants, and a scruffy white t-shirt. From his slightly dazed appearance Scully assumed that she'd woken him. "Scully?" He appeared slightly confused as he stood aside to let her in, closing the door gently behind her. "What's up?" Her mouth was inexplicably dry. She didn't greet his eyes as she said in a low voice, "Mulder, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." Mulder looked at his partner. Her face was averted slightly and her words sounded stiff and wooden. He knew immediately that something was wrong. He waited, knowing that his silence would be enough to provoke her into speech. Scully felt his stare, heavy with questions. She tried to open her mouth to tell him, but the words refused to leave the sanctuary of her mind. "Mulder, I've found her." The words blurted out. Her eyes were trained on his face, and she saw him frown in puzzlement. He echoed her words meaninglessly, "You've found her? What do you mean, Scully? I don't under--" And then he did. He understood. He looked into her eyes and saw the fear, hope, trepidation and joy and he understood. The realisation hit him, burning through his flesh, sinking into his pores, filling his head with thoughts too numerous to decipher. This time when he repeated the words, his voice was layered with meaning. It was a desperate question, underpinned by hope and a tightly restrained ecstasy. "You've found her?" Scully nodded wordlessly, her eyes wide as she felt Mulder's emotions washing over her. Mulder closed his eyes, his face blank as he asked softly, "Is she alive?" Scully nodded then realised that Mulder had no way of seeing the movement and replied just as softly, "Yes. Alive and well." His eyes flew open and their gazes met. In perfect symmetry, both sets of mouths widened into a smile. This time when he spoke the words it was with an excitement that was only just held in check: "You've found her?" Scully's smile broadened into a grin and she replied with a hint of surprise in her voice, as though she too had only just realised what she was saying, "Yes. I've found her." Pure joy swept through Mulder leaving an unquenchable warmth in its wake. His face broke into a grin, mimicking Scully's own expression. He started to laugh. The joy he felt was indescribable. It was an almost primal feeling of pure, unadulterated elation. Adrenalin surged through his veins... Hearing the sound she echoed him. Her laughter escaped from the tight confines which had housed it for the last few years. It rumbled through her centre, reverberating gleefully inside of her. ... he leaned forward and grabbed her around the waist. Their laughter filled the room as he lifted her into a tight bear- hug, spinning her around the room once before replanting her feet firmly on the ground. Where they belonged. Mulder asked excitedly, "Where is she? Can we go and see her?" Scully nodded without a sound. Her face literally glowed with delight. Mulder looked at her and felt a tingling sensation stream through him. His happiness was mirrored in her face; her empathy made the discovery all the more profound. She knew how important this was to him and the appropriateness of it being her who found his sister was not lost on him. She placed her hand on his arm and said warmly, "Go on - you'd better get cleaned up before we leave, Mulder." He couldn't wipe the grin from his face and he simply nodded in agreement before heading towards his bathroom. Just before he moved out of sight he turned back towards her, his face suddenly serious. His voice was laden with meaning when he spoke, the significance of his words being so much more than what was voiced aloud. "Thank you, Scully." And then he turned back and moved into the bathroom. "You're welcome." She whispered to the closed door. ******************** As they drove across town, Scully filled Mulder in on what had happened the previous night. When he had come out of the bathroom, she had started to show him the proof but he had merely waved it aside. He knew that she never would have told him if it wasn't the truth. He trusted her, and he didn't need to waste his time staring at graphs. Mulder questioned his partner persistently. What was she like? Did she remember anything? Did she know who she was? What had she been doing? Scully answered the questions patiently, even though she had already told Mulder everything she knew. The only thing she hadn't mentioned was Sally's - Samantha's - supposed recognition of her. She decided that he didn't need to know that. Not just yet. When they were only about ten minutes away from their destination, Mulder fell silent. The questions that continued to pound his head were slowly being drowned out by the fears. He had been chasing after his sister for so long now that he had never taken the time to contemplate what would happen if he found her - if he *really* found her. He remembered the last time with painful clarity. Looking back on it now, he quickly realised that even in the midst of it all - when he had desperately hoped that Samantha's still warm body was going to be pulled out of that icy river - there had been a small niggle of doubt inside of him. He had never completely committed himself to believing that it was her - there had been something missing, something not quite right... But this time he knew without question that it was his sister they were on their way to see. Not just because of the undeniable evidence that Scully had been waving under his nose, but because it felt right. It was her. Despite the finality of this knowledge, his anxiety would not be relieved. There were so many possible paths the next half- an-hour could hold he couldn't even formulate a definite fear. Instead he was just aware of a constant, all-round doubt that gnawed away at him. However, his ruminations were cut short as they turned into the street of the halfway house. He hadn't even seen the lights before he knew that something was wrong. ******************** Within the fraction of a second, the pulsing blue and red luminescence of the police vehicle lights came into view and he heard Scully gasp. His heart turned to ice and his eyes closed of their own accord. A chant started to circle rhythmically in his head, "no, no, no, no, no..." It wasn't until he felt Scully's grip on his arm, and heard her anxious voice reassuring him that he realised he'd spoken the chant aloud. The car sped up and pulled up in front of the house with a squeal of tyres. Seatbelts were wrenched off, car doors flung open and then slammed shut in synchrony. They hit the bottom step together and raced up them two at a time. Mulder reached the door just ahead of Scully but in the time it took him to figure out whether to pull or push she had caught up. They entered the house simultaneously. Scully recognised the face of one of the women that she'd been helping in the kitchen the night before. "Jenny - what's going on?" Jenny looked at the agent with a startled expression. "Oh, Dana - are you here to see Margaret? She's around here somewhere--" Scully shook her head impatiently, "No - I'm looking for Sally." Jenny's face blanched visibly and her eyes shifted nervously as she echoed, "You're looking for Sally?" Scully nodded sharply and Mulder stepped closer to his partner, staring at Jenny with an intense gaze. Jenny swallowed and said softly, "Sally seems to have, uh... disappeared. We don't--" "Goddammit!" Mulder's expletive cut the woman off abruptly. The force of his anger literally pushed him away from the two women, as he swivelled around and kicked his foot into the wall. Scully winced visibly and turned in Mulder's direction. She could feel the emotions pouring off him in thick waves. The anger was overwhelming, but it couldn't completely disguise the intensity of his pain which was written across his face with an indelible mark. As she had seen him do so many times before, Scully watched helplessly as Mulder strode back to her side and started to vent his wrath on the hapless woman. He leaned down so that he was almost at eye level with Jenny, and his arms gesticulated wildly as the words flew out of his mouth in an angry stream. "What do you mean - she's disappeared?!! How the hell can that happen?! Don't you pay attention to what's going on - don't you look after people here? Protect them? What sort of place is this?!" His voice escalated with each demand, his rage proving a welcome, yet temporary balm to the pain of loss. Scully knew exactly what was going on in Mulder's mind and while her heart bled painfully for him, she knew his abuse was unfair. She moved slightly so that she was standing in front of him, and placed her hand firmly on one of his arms. His eyes pulsed angrily as his gaze met hers and she suddenly feared that she was going to become the next target of his venomous words. But he remained silent, allowing her calmness to douse the flame that burned within him. She spoke deliberately, subtly moving him away from the woman as she did so. "Mulder, I'll handle this. Just let me find out what's going on, OK?" His eyes flared briefly in rebellion. He couldn't just sit by passively, waiting for Scully to find out what had happened - he needed to do something... However, her determination won out and without even being aware of it, he found himself being gently pushed into a nearby chair. Her face was a fleeting portrait of reassurance as she looked at him one more time before returning to speak with the other woman. Mulder watched for a few minutes, but eventually the frustration of not knowing what was happening became too much. He lowered his head into his hands and tried to stifle the memory of the elation he had been feeling not so long ago. And yet it refused to be repressed. It had been a powerful new drug in his system, and he slowly realised that the echo of its high would be torturing him for a long time to come. Sometime later he felt a presence by his side, and a hand came to rest delicately on his shoulder. He didn't move immediately, fearful of what he was going to hear when he re- emerged into the world of brutal reality. The unknown suddenly became a warm and welcoming place. Ignorance was a temporary blessing, and he clung to it with the desperation of a dying man. "Fox?" The word gently eased itself into his mind. It wasn't the voice he'd been expecting, and yet it was the most welcome voice of all. He slowly ran his hands over his face in an attempt to erase the lines of sorrow that had been etched into his skin in the last few minutes. He brought his palms together in front of his face, thumbs resting against his chin as he slowly turned to face the person seated beside him. "Mrs. Scully... " Her smile was weak, and she squeezed his shoulder in reply. He didn't attempt to ask her if she knew what had happened, and she didn't try and tell him. Margaret Scully was the type of woman from whom you sought comfort, not answers. Instead they sat in understanding silence. Scully was now talking with one of the police officers in the hallway. She turned back to check on Mulder and seeing her mother there beside him, allowed the tension to lessen marginally from her shoulders. The words of the officer washed over her. Some part of her brain was absorbing the details, but most of her thoughts remained firmly attached to Mulder. She become suddenly aware of the silent gaze of the man standing opposite her. She quickly refocussed her attention on his face, smiling tersely at him before turning sharply on her heel and returning to where Mulder was seated. At her approach, he lifted his head and looked at her dolefully. His eyes were dead and empty of hope. Pessimism had suddenly taken hold of him. It was as though his twenty-two year search for Samantha had exhausted all the optimism he had held inside of him. Now there was nothing left but a cold, clinging fear. Scully breathed in sharply and her eyes flickered across his face nervously as she relayed the information she had uncovered. She was deliberately blunt, knowing that Mulder would be more appreciative of the truth rather than any attempt on her part to soften the blow. "Sally was seen going to her room last night, not long after I left here. This morning her door was open, and there was some blood on her pillow. It appears that a struggle took place... The only clue they have is that another resident, Stuart Colvey, was seen knocking on her door at about midnight last night. He's also missing..." Mulder's head bobbed slowly with each new fact as he processed the details in his mind. Hope glimmered briefly as he asked, "There was a struggle?" Scully nodded, frowning slightly at his tone of voice. Mulder answered her before she even had time to formulate a question. "Abductees never leave any sign of a struggle." Scully felt a familiar feeling of impatience rise within her but it was a mere echo of its former self. His theories on alien abductions were still unproven, and yet she could no longer contest them with the same vehemence. Things had become too complicated. And at the moment, the last thing she wanted to do was fight with Mulder. "She wasn't abducted." Both Scully and Mulder turned to look at the woman seated at Mulder's side in surprise. Margaret's voice was soft, and yet it was imbued not only with strength but with an undeniable knowledge. "Mom? What are you talking about?" Margaret's gaze was clear as she looked at her daughter, replying calmly, "Not by aliens, I mean." Mulder's eyes widened in shock and he stared at Mrs. Scully intently. It didn't surprise him that Scully had evidently spoken to her mother about his theories - his amazement came from her obvious acception of these ideas. She had spoken the words so matter-of-factly, completely without the derision that he was used to, and he was utterly taken-aback by it. He quickly glanced at his partner and saw that she was just as surprised as he. Her face was a portrait of pure amazement. His gaze reverted back to Mrs. Scully and he asked her softly, "How do you know?" Margaret met his eyes, her softly lined face bestowing a gentle warmth on him. "She probably got scared by Stuart. I don't think he would have hurt her intentionally, but maybe she hurt herself trying to escape. She would have run away... she's frightened. But she hasn't disappeared - you'll find her Fox, I promise." Mulder was speechless. Conflicting emotions raged within him, and he didn't know which one to tackle first. Curiosity at Mrs. Scully's certainty, worry about what had happened to Samantha, fear for her safety, relief that it wasn't another abduction... All he could do was stare at Mrs. Scully and allow her to read, with the consummate ease that was obviously a Scully trait, the emotions that played across his face. Scully watched the interchange silently. Her knowledge of them both was so intimate that she could almost hear the silent conversation that was being carried out between them. She opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the intrusive ring of her cell phone. She felt two pairs of eyes following her hands as she pulled the phone out from her coat pocket. She answered abruptly, annoyed at the disruption. "Scully." Mulder's eyes were trained on her so he was able to witness the brief flash of surprise that washed across her face before she lifted her gaze to his and stared at him open- mouthed. He immediately leaned forward and strained to hear the other side of the conversation but to no avail. However, it became immediately obvious who she was speaking to. "No.. no, that's OK... Of course you can ring me - that's why I gave you my number..." All Mulder could hear was the fuzzy sound of sobbing mixed with indistinguishable words. "Sally, calm down.... It's OK..." Blue eyes were locked with hazel as the conversation continued. "Where are you? I'll come and get you... Just tell me where you are, Sally..." Scully gestured frantically for something to write on, and Mulder wrenched his notepad and pen out of his pocket. She crouched down, grabbing the pen as he held the pad open on his knee. She scrawled an address down furiously and then spoke once more into the phone. "Sally, just stay there - we'll come and get you right away. Don't move, OK?" As soon as she had turned off the phone, Mulder was on his feet. Scully looked at her mother and asked swiftly, "How do we get to Anderson Park - on Ridge Oak Court?" Margaret gave them directions as the three of them strode rapidly towards the door. Mulder placed his hand on the glass barrier and started to push it open. He stopped midway and turned back towards Mrs. Scully, who had remained a few feet back. "Thank you." He said softly. She smiled enigmatically in reply. He quickly pushed the door open following Scully outside and towards the car. ******************** The park wasn't that far away from the halfway house, but to Mulder it felt like a hundred miles. Scully was driving and he knew without bothering to check the speedometer that she was well and truly above the limit. Watching the blur of scenery outside the car only added to the disjointedness of his thoughts as he tried to ignore the wave of fear that threatened to engulf him. The last time they had been in this car together, his body had been pulsing with elation and anticipation, and yet this time he refused to allow his hopes to be raised. The pain from his most recent disappointment still burned within him with an ache that he felt he would never rid himself of. And so he watched the passing scenery - willing his thoughts to concentrate on the blue of the sky and the green of the grass... It was Scully who pulled him back to reality. She assumed that he was silently stewing over Samantha, and she felt compelled to warn him: "Mulder... be gentle with her, OK?" He heard the voice at his side, but the words didn't pierce into his fugue state. He nodded mutely, knowing that it was an effective means of silencing her. And as his gaze continued to focus on the passing surroundings, he found himself starting to remember his childhood... Before Sam had been taken. Brief images fluttered through his mind, bringing a wistful smile to his lips. He travelled through time, feeling anew the dull ache of loss as it tormented him once more... The car drew to a stop. Mulder felt disoriented and confused. He looked at Scully and seeing her undo her seatbelt, did the same. She stepped out of the car and he followed her movements and as she started scanning the park, his eyes followed in her wake. When he finally saw the figure everything snapped back into place. She was some distance away and hadn't heard the car's approach. She was huddled on one of the benches that were scattered around the grassy park. Despite the distance, he could clearly make out the small frame, the dark hair, and the immediately familiar body language. He'd found his sister. The realisation rooted him to the spot. He was unable to move, unable to even think. All he could do was whisper her name under his breath. For a long moment he continued to stare at her, his body resting immobile. When he finally started to move it was at a hesitant pace. He felt a tight grip on his arm and heard his name being spoken. Scully briefly interupted his movement and he looked down at her in surprise - he had forgotten she was there. Her voice was softly sympathetic. "She may not know who you are, Mulder." His response was silence. It wasn't that he didn't hear the words, or didn't realise their significance, rather that he couldn't fully comprehend their meaning - not now. Right now he only had one thing on his mind. He had to speak to Samantha. Mulder pulled his arm out of Scully's grasp with a jerk. Her hand dropped to her side and she watched with fearful eyes as he continued to walk towards his sister. He moved slowly, his ponderous step an indication of his inability to fully grasp what was happening. He couldn't believe that it was really her... By the time he was halfway across the park the adrenelin had started to race through his blood. The closer he got to her, the more convinced he became that it was her. His fear gave way to eagerness, and he found himself walking faster towards her. He broke into a jog which soon turned into a run as he drew nearer to her. It was at that point that she looked up. Sally's face froze in terror and she leapt to her feet at the sight of a six-foot stranger running towards her. The relaxed state that she had allowed herself to sink into since arriving at the park deserted her in an instant. Once again, her world suddenly became fraught with danger. Her heart pounded painfully inside her chest and she felt herself being consumed by an overwhelming fear as the man drew nearer. Then she saw her. Running just behind the object of her terror was a familiar figure. The woman who had the answers to her future. The woman who had comforted her and given her hope. The woman who could protect her... Sally turned and ran behind the bench, thus moving slightly out of the man's path. She couldn't stop the panicked scream which cut through the still morning air as she rounded the seat and hurtled towards Dana. Scully had watched the scene unfolding before her eyes in horror. When Mulder had pulled away from her she had remained where she was, watching his actions with an increasing apprehension. It hadn't been long before she had set off at a brisk pace after him, fearful for Sally's sake of his overwhelming desire to find his sister. As soon as Sally had looked up and caught sight of Mulder, Scully had realised what was going to happen. She had started racing towards Mulder, but he was travelling too fast for her to catch up to him. Sally's terror was immediately apparent to Scully and she felt a wave of sympathy rise within her as the young woman scampered around the chair and came sprinting towards her. Mulder pulled to an abrupt stop as soon as Samantha screamed. He watched helplessly as she ran away from him - and straight into Scully's arms. Scully braced herself for the impact. Sally threw herself into Dana's embrace and started sobbing hysterically. Scully tightened her grasp around the young woman, and rubbed her back soothingly, "Shhh... shhh... it's all right, Sally. Everything's going to be OK... Shh..." Scully felt Mulder's presence in front of her and slowly she lifted her head to look at him. She felt tears immediately spring to her eyes at the sight of the heart-breaking agony that was displayed with a raw intensity across his face. He lifted his hand almost unconsciously in the direction of Sally's shoulder, and then let it drop without ceremony to his side. His eyes slowly raised until they were fixed on hers. He didn't need to speak to tell her how he felt and the tears fell unashamedly down her cheeks as his eyes told her of his pain. Then he turned and walked slowly back to the car. ******************** The icy wind bit into him with as much fervour as the all- encompassing pain that he could no longer ignore. The literal distance between himself and the two women was not replicated internally - his eyes gazed at the pair longingly, completely devoid of any objectivity that he should have tried to maintain. Their two forms had melded into a complete whole. Samantha's hands clutched Scully's back desperately - he could no longer gauge if the whiteness of her knuckles was actually visible to him, or if it was purely the work of his active imagination. The soothing noises emerging from Scully's mouth travelled across the distance separating them, but the sounds were moulded by the wind and by the time the croons reached his ears they had become harsh and jangled. They hissed at him tauntingly, reminded him once more of his inability to grasp his dream. He bunched his hands into fists and then unfurled them with just as much speed. His strength was futile. Samantha didn't need him. Samantha didn't want him. Despite the increasing cold he stayed where he was, resting slackly against the car, staring with fixed concentration at the tableau before him. The two women remained motionless for a long time. The only movement was the slight shudder that ran down Samantha's back, followed smoothly by Scully's pale hand. Eventually they pulled apart and Mulder noticed for the first time that Samantha's forehead was stained red with a large gash. She leaned on Scully for support as they slowly made their way to the car. Scully scrupulously avoided making eye contact with him as she drew nearer. Instead she focussed her gaze on the car door - studying the handle with intense concentration as she led Sally towards the vehicle. Her hand grasped the cool metal quickly and tugged it upwards, opening the door hastily and gently easing Sally inside. It wasn't until she'd firmly closed the door - locking Sally away - that she finally met Mulder's eyes. There was a long silence between them. Their feelings were evident - even if they didn't know each other as well as they did, their respective expressions of agony and sorrow would have been transparently obvious. Scully felt compelled to speak, "She's in shock." Mulder nodded mutely. The words did nothing to reassure him. In his visions of this reunion he had always been convinced that Samantha would instinctively know who he was despite whatever trauma she'd been through. The reality sliced cruelly through the lofty dreams he had held and the fear with which she had greeted him would stay with him for as long as he would remember. Nothing Scully could say could cure that pain. He felt the fleeting embrace of her fingers as they clasped his own. Their eyes connected briefly and he nodded his head in acknowledgment of the gesture. Scully frowned slightly, realising the futility of her comfort. Mulder needed so much more than she could give him right now. Her fingers slipped out of his grasp and she moved around to the driver's side of the car. As she slid into her seat Scully turned and looked at the figure sitting behind her. Sally was scrunched up as tightly as possible against the door while her eyes stared blindly out the window. Sally didn't move an inch when the other door opened and Mulder joined them in the car. Scully couldn't tell if she was even aware of her surroundings or if she was just ignoring their presence. Whichever was the case, the effect was the same. As Scully turned her face towards the front windshield Mulder's blank expression swam before her eyes. Looking at him closely - as he stared almost obsessively at his sister - she quickly understood that his inner turmoil had moved beyond pain. He was now buried in the sorrow of resignation and defeat. The dullness of his stare was only one signal among many. Scully sighed. She knew that it was out of her hands; Mulder's reconciliation with his sister was just as elusive now as it had ever been. ******************** "Mulder?" Scully's voice shattered the silence which enveloped the trio. Mulder slowly pulled his gaze away from his sister's huddled form and turned in his partner's direction. His mouth was too dry and closed up to speak so he merely looked at her questioningly. "We need to ring the halfway house - speak to Mom... tell her what's happening." Mulder nodded. There was a long pause until it dawned on Mulder that by "we", Scully had meant him. He reluctantly pulled his phone out of his pocket; talking to Mrs. Scully meant making concrete statements, it meant describing what had happened... it meant reliving the nightmare that he had just experienced. But he knew that Scully was right, and with no more vacillation, he dialled the number that Scully dictated to him. As he was on the verge of pressing the "send" button, Scully quickly added, "Tell Mom that I'm taking her back to my place." Mulder lifted his eyes in surprise. She appeared to be concentrating on the road ahead, but Mulder could tell she was awaiting his reaction. Before he had time to ask her any questions she replied in a detached voice, "She'll feel safer, more comfortable, there. Plus I'll be able to keep an eye on her - I think she needs that right now." Scully kept her eyes fixed straight ahead, but her thoughts were far from the road. In her mind she answered the question that she knew Mulder wanted to ask her: "Why you, Scully? Why should you be taking on the responsibility for my sister?" How could she tell him about the deep affinity she felt for a woman she'd met less than twenty-four hours ago? How could she tell him about what Sally had said - the shadowy figures, the bright light, her recognition of Scully... She knew what conclusions Mulder would draw, but she knew just as surely that they weren't the same as the ones *she* wanted to reach. She needed time with Sally... Time to delve into whatever knowledge the young woman had. If Mulder was aware of any of that, he would only smother them both with his need to know the truth. Mulder spoke quickly to Mrs. Scully over the phone, revealing as little as possible about what had happened. He terminated the conversation just as they pulled up in front of Scully's apartment building. As the three figures left the car, two of them instantly gravitated towards each other. Mulder watched with sad eyes as his sister attached herself to Scully's side while his partner's arm slid comfortingly around Samantha's shoulders. They were just a few feet ahead of him, and yet the distance felt insurmountable. He was the proverbial third wheel in this trio and the cruel irony of the situation didn't escape him. As they approached Scully's apartment door, Mulder pulled his keys out of his pocket. Although she hadn't spoken, Scully's need for his help was evident. She couldn't reach her own keys because of the scared woman stuck like velcro against her side so he quickly stepped in to help. As he slid past the two women he was immediately aware of Samantha's reaction. Her body stiffened and cringed even further against Scully. This was accompanied by a small gasp of anxiety that left Mulder cold. With difficulty he managed to turn the key and open the door. He pressed himself hard against the wall as they moved past him, fearful of drawing yet another cry of fear. However, Scully and Samantha entered the apartment with the same intense silence that had enshrouded them for the last ten minutes. Mulder came in and shut the door behind him. The others moved over to Scully's couch but his own legs refused to take another step. A feeling of acute lethargy descended on him and he felt completely sapped of energy. The effort of holding back the anger, the hurt, and the agony had become too much for him. But rather than exploding into a flame of rage his body had chosen the other path: passivity. For the first time in his life he was overwhelmed with exhaustion. The chase had gone on too long, had claimed too many victims... all the passion he had spent over the past twenty- two years was simply draining away, leaving only an empty shell. ******************** Scully's main concern had been for Sally. The young woman's clinginess was worrying her medical instincts and consequently she hadn't been paying much attention to her partner's movements. As she gently lowered Sally onto the couch, and started to do a fleeting physical she was vaguely conscious of Mulder's inactivity. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see that he remained by the door and didn't move for a good five or ten minutes. But it wasn't until she started to get up from the couch with the intention of getting her first aid kit, that she finally looked at him. She stopped dead in her tracks at the sight. His face was completely drained of colour and his eyes were those of a blind man. They were fixed on Sally, and yet they saw nothing. They were cold and dead and Scully felt a longing that was stronger than anything she'd ever known that Samantha would look up and recognise her brother and thus end this nightmare. But even as the wish formulated in her mind, she knew that it was a futile hope. She pursed her lips together, angry at her own foolishness, and continued towards the bathroom. Before she had left the room she became aware that Mulder had started moving. She turned and watched from the shadows as he slowly ambled towards a chair, sinking into it heavily and fixing his gaze almost religiously on Sally's tense form. Scully swiftly left the room. Samantha refused to look at him. He could feel the energy she was using in directing her eyes elsewhere and the knowledge only pained him more. How could she not know who he was? How could she feel such fear towards him? The questions plagued him painfully. He longed to reach out and embrace her - cherish her solid feel and marvel at her presence but all he could do was stare at her blankly. Somewhere deep inside of him, he knew that his intense stare was probably upsetting her. Her discomfort at his presence had been glaringly obvious from the start, and being the object of such a persistant gaze was no doubt just as unsettling for her. But despite his comprehension of this fact, he couldn't tear his eyes from her. It had been twenty-two years since he'd last seen her, for God's sake... He simply couldn't ignore her presence now - no matter how much it pained her. And so he continued to stare at her. His eyes raked up and down her body, committing the view to memory. If she never wanted to have anything to do with him, at least he could treasure this image for the rest of his life... Scully returned from the bathroom, but did not re-enter the room immediately. She hovered at the edge for a few seconds, hoping to see some movement on Sally's part. But the woman remained rigidly tense. She was pressed as far against the couch arm as possible and even from where she was standing Scully could hear Sally's rapid breathing. Scully moved quickly to Sally's side, disguising her worries with a veil of efficiency. As she prepared to clean Sally's wound she asked in a soft voice, "What happened last night Sally?" The sting of the antiseptic was not the only reason for Sally flinching. The memory of what had happened the previous night was still fresh in her mind, along with the pain. "It was Stuart. He came into my room... He wanted to talk, he said. But then... he didn't. He... he tried to... to touch me. So I kicked him... and then he hit me--" "Did he hurt you?" Mulder's voice was panic-stricken, yet it did little to reassure Sally, who merely shied even further away from him. She kept her eyes trained on Scully's as she replied, "No... I got away..." Scully nodded reassuringly as she continued to dab at Sally's head wound. It took a few more moments for the wound to be properly treated and when it was, Scully slowly packed up the equipment. She could feel two sets of eyes boring steadily into her and she forced herself to concentrate on the task at hand. She knew that as soon as she looked up and greeted the eyes which sought hers so desperately it would be time to reveal the truth. Eventually she couldn't stall any longer. She raised her head and looked first at Mulder and then at his sister. "Sally, there's something I have to tell you." Scully observed Sally closely as she spoke. She detected a slight increase of tension in the other woman's already rigid posture but pushed on regardless. "After I left you yesterday, I had your blood analysed." Sally nodded calmly, focussing only on the sound of the words rather than their meaning. She didn't dare think about where this was leading... any assumptions would only lead to the customary disappointment with which she had become so familiar. Before continuing, Scully turned to look at her partner. He was seated on the extreme edge of the chair, leaning forward at a precarious angle almost as if his proximity would help Scully continue - would make Sally understand who he was. Scully was momentarily tempted to reach out and clasp Mulder's hand, pulling him towards her and joining the siblings in some way. She almost laughed at herself at the thought. Her natural reticence when it came to displays of emotion seemed to have completely vanished. But she didn't reach out. She merely swivelled back in Sally's direction, turning her back on her partner as she spoke the words that he had been waiting to hear almost all his life. "Your real name is Samantha Ann Mulder." She allowed a beat to pass before continuing. "And this is your brother, Fox." Sally felt their stares, even though her own eyes were intently fixed on her lap. She had clearly heard what Dana had said, and yet she hadn't absorbed a word. The significance had skated precariously across her consciousness before dissipating like fog. Samantha's face remained blank. Scully was keenly aware of the lack of recognition or joy in the woman's face. The memory of Mulder's reaction to the news was still fresh in her mind, and Samantha's dull stare was a painfully empty accompaniment to Mulder's earlier delight. "Do you understand what I'm saying, Samantha?" Scully used the name deliberately, hoping to provoke some sort of reaction. The face opposite her was devoid of expression. She pushed on. "Your name is Samantha. You have a brother named Fox, who's four years older than you. You were born on January 22nd in 1964. You lived in Chilmark--" "I don't have a brother." Samantha's voice sliced through Scully's increasingly desperate recitation of facts. The abrupt cessation of noise was tempered only by Mulder's sharp intake of breath. The words had escaped without warning from her mouth. What Dana had been saying had finally become clear to her and her denial of the fact was almost instinctive. Memories of childhood had long been absent from her life but she had always clung tightly to the possibility of the existence of her own childhood, and her memories of that childhood. And she had always been convinced that those memories would come to her in a flood of images the moment she met the family who she had been taken away from. That hope had remained a constant in her life - it had become her religion, the source of her faith. It was never supposed to be like this. She had never imagined being introduced to her supposed family by a stranger who had reached out to her with such selfless need. She was supposed to know in the very instant that she laid eyes on the person that they were part of her long sought-after family... not be told by a woman who had experienced the same things she had. No, she didn't have a brother. For if she did, she would know it. Mulder remained silent as Scully continued to speak, suggesting to Samantha that her memories were buried deep in her subconscious and reminding her of all the evidence that proved she was Samantha Mulder. Ironically, he found himself admiring the tough stance his sister was taking in refusing to believe Scully's story. The fiery strength of character that had just begun to blossom at age eight had taken firm root in her now and he was almost glad to see that she refused to be compromised by Scully's eloquent words. As much as it pained him, he could see that she wouldn't accept him as her brother until she felt it to be the truth, and the only way that was going to happen was with time. He stretched out his arm, and placed his hand gently on Scully's shoulder. When she turned to face him, her face was creased with pain. His own face had relaxed into a smile; it was as if she had symbolically pulled his hurt out of him and taken it on herself. He spoke softly to her. "It's OK, Scully." She regarded him quizzically but asked him nothing. Mulder nodded his head in Samantha's direction as he continued, "I think she just needs some rest. She looks tired." Scully looked at Samantha and for the first time became aware of her drooping eyes and unfocussed gaze. She touched Samantha on the knee and led her from the couch to the spare room. Mulder leaned back into the seat, allowing the soft cushions to envelop and caress him. His eyes closed of their own accord and Samantha's voice filled his head with an equally persuasive force. . The terse certainty of her tone would have convinced anyone of the truth of the statement. Except him. But the knowledge of its falseness did nothing to ease his pain. He felt the hot tears pushing their way through and tumbling down his cheek. He dropped his face into his hands and desperately tried to regain his composure before Scully returned. It was a good ten minutes before Scully came back from the spare room. She had tried once again to speak to Samantha about her past, but the woman had remained steadfast in her refusal to believe that it was the truth. Eventually Scully had given up and left the room. When she came back into the sitting area, Mulder was nowhere to be seen. She looked around in confusion, glancing quickly at the front door wondering whether he had left. A noise from the kitchen reassured her and she swiftly headed in that direction. Mulder's back was turned to her when she came in and he was staring intently at the kettle, waiting for it to boil. "You know what they say about a watched pot, Mulder." He jumped slightly at the sound of her voice, whose breezy tone belied the sombre reality that they were now dealing with. He cracked a small smile and pulled another cup out of the cupboard. She moved to his side and fixed her own eyes on the kettle as if the insignificant object could provide some answer to a question that neither of them had yet asked. As if it had heard their silent pleas, the kettle chose that moment to begin its escalating shrill whistle. The noise was quickly cut off as Mulder turned the gas off. Their moment of silent contemplation was over and they both suddenly came to life, as they created two cups of coffee. It wasn't until they had returned to the living room and settled onto the couch that Mulder started to speak. Scully had been all too aware of the gamut of emotions that he had been experiencing ever since she had told him about Samantha and she was sure that the constant soaring and plunging of his spirits over the last four hours had to be causing almost irrecoverable damage. When he finally spoke, his tone provided some small comfort to her. Although he still sounded lost and hurt, she could detect the slight undercurrent of hope and conviction in his voice and she allowed herself a small internal sigh of relief. "I think she'll remember eventually, Scully. We just have to help her - jog her memory." Scully nodded. She had reached the same conclusion. She added, placing her hand gently on his arm as she spoke, "But we can't push her Mulder. We have to let her remember in her own time." "I know." His voice was restrained, tinged with the threat of tears that he kept only just at bay. Scully heard his voice catch and subtly looked away, focusing on the coffee as she brought it to her lips. Although Mulder had never really had the same inhibitions as she when it came to letting his guard down, she clearly felt his need for distance this time and she granted him the desire willingly. They rested in comfortable silence for a long time, neither of them feeling the need to fill the void with their voices. It was Mulder who finally broke the silence, placing his cup down on the table and saying, "I'd better go." Scully looked at his ragged face with concern and asked, "Do you want to stay here tonight?" Mulder shook his head. "No... no... She's obviously better off here--" he paused and then, as he lifted his eyes to hers, added, "With you." "Mulder, I--" He cut her off. "It's OK, Scully. I understand. She feels she knows you, she's more at ease with you... I'm still a stranger to her and she's scared of me. It's normal, I understand that." It was as much an explanation to himself as to her and they both knew it. As Mulder started to lift himself from the couch, Scully placed a softly restraining hand on his arm. His eyes looked at their point of connection and then lifted to meet her gaze. She looked at him with an expression of intense empathy, an encouraging smile on her lips as she said with uncharacteristic fervour, "She *will* remember Mulder. I'm sure of it." Their eyes were connected with an invisible cord of understanding and neither of them was willing to sever its powerful grasp for a long time. Finally Mulder broke his gaze, nodding at her and raising himself to his feet. Scully followed suit and they walked silently to her door. After Mulder had left, Scully returned to her position on the couch. Her attention was caught by Mulder's half-full coffee cup and she found herself staring at it unwaveringly as her mind went over the tumultuous events of the last few hours. As she recalled Samantha's fear at the park, she felt the sharp stab of worry that maybe the words of reassurance that she had spoken to Mulder would turn out to be as false as Samantha's own memories. She deliberately steered her thoughts clear of that idea and, instead, busied herself tidying up the kitchen, focussing intently on the task at hand. ******************** The next few weeks went by at an interminably slow rate. Both Mulder and Scully watched Samantha anxiously for any signs of recognition and their disquiet in that regard only exacerbated the continued failure of Samantha's memory. Their only comfort in the whole situation was Samantha's increasing acceptance of what the pair continued to push as the truth. While she was still reluctant to categorically believe their assertions, she had nevertheless begun to feel a certain ease around Mulder and her rigid denial had softened dramatically. Scully had made sure that Mulder became a constant presence in Samantha's life, hoping that it would lead to a growing familiarity and the eventual realisation of the truth. However, Samantha still had reservations. She had swiftly understood that there was no manipulation at work on the part of Dana and her partner - it was obvious to anyone who met the man that the pain of the loss he had suffered was all too real. She could even believe that both Dana and Mulder were convinced that she was his missing sister Samantha - consequently she had started to accept the unfamiliar appellation. But even with those certainties now a part of her life, she still found herself unwilling to accept that she was indeed Samantha Mulder. She had never placed as much faith in her gut instincts as she did now and until she could hear her own heart telling her that their view was the correct one, she would never accept it as the truth. Despite the ambiguities that dogged her relationship with Dana and Mulder, Samantha had never felt more comfortable, nor happier than she was now. They had become a fairly close trio, Mulder and Scully's established camaraderie had smoothly broadened to envelop her in its warmth. She continued to live with Dana - the thought of returning to the halfway house not only terrified her but also filled her with a deep sadness - and the two women had quickly become close friends, although they still avoided certain subjects. Since the conversation at the halfway house, neither of them had brought up the topic of their similar "bright light" experience - Samantha waited patiently for Dana to broach the obviously painful subject, while Scully was reluctant to travel down that unknown and fearful path. The relationship between Samantha and Mulder had taken longer to develop any closeness. It took her at least a week to overcome her initial fear and suspicion of him which had been irrationally planted in her mind when she had caught her first glimpse of him in the park. However, he slowly won her over with his disarming charm and self-deprecating humour. She could see the effort he was making when they were together to keep the conversation light and breezy and totally non-threatening, and yet she was equally aware of the soulful and pained gaze he would cast on her when he thought she wasn't looking. It was this subtle aura of hurt that permeated his whole being that made her warm to him as much as his personable character. She found herself longing to wipe that agonised expression from his face and on more than one occasion had to almost forcefully stop herself from acknowledging non-existent memories of her brother Fox. But she couldn't do that. Not until she believed it. While Dana and Mulder respected her need for an instinctual acknowledgment of the truth, they didn't allow that to stop them from persistently pushing her to try and remember the past. At first she had been resistant towards these actions but gradually she had come to accept the continual pressure in the same way as she had come to accept the name Samantha. One of the first things that Mulder and Dana had done was to take Samantha into work with them. Ostensibly the reason behind the expedition had been to take her on a tour of the FBI and show her the sort of work they did. But their true motives had soon become apparent when they lead her into Mulder's office and he had asked her if she'd be interested in having a look at Samantha's file. At first she had demurred, worried by their expectant looks - they had been obviously certain that the file was all she needed to jolt her memory. But eventually her curiosity had got the better of her and she had found herself casting surreptitious glances in the direction of the innocuous looking folder. Dana and Mulder had become absorbed in a somewhat heated debate about the case they were currently working on, and Samantha had seized the opportunity and commenced leafing through the file while their attention was elsewhere. She had read the detailed notes with a careful deliberation, storing away the dates and facts in the hope that they may someday mean more to her than they did today. The descriptions of Chilmark rang hollowly in her head and the assorted photos of two young children scattered throughout provided no further clues for her. Reluctantly she had closed the folder and an audible sigh had escaped unwittingly from her lips. Mulder had turned around sharply at the noise and upon seeing the file in her hand had scraped his eyes over her face to discern her reaction. She had looked at him with a blank stare that quickly answered the question that he hadn't dared ask. She saw the brief glimmer of hope drain from his eyes only to be swiftly replaced by his familiar look of pain. She had looked away, unable to maintain his gaze any longer. Since that day, the pressure had lessened from the two agents. Samantha was aware of the intense, barely audible discussions that the pair shared when they thought she wasn't listening and she had soon realised that they were beginning to lose hope. The thought pained her far more than she ever would have anticipated. She had begun to desperately long for a remembrance of the past just as much as they and yet her mind continued to deny her that one desire. It had become her foe, constantly teasing her with smattered images that had no cohesive structure, refusing to supply her with the flow of images which she had come to so urgently crave and mocking her incessantly with its inability to perform this all- important deed. Her days became dogged with this anxious longing and her nights were restlessly troubled. It was during one of these typically disturbed night's sleep that Samantha heard Dana's screams. ******************** The steel was cool against her skin. It made her shiver. There was a slithering, silk-like garment draped across her body that provided her with no warmth. Her eyes fluttered open slowly as she came back to consciousness, aware of having been lost in a thick darkness for many hours. As she gradually began to focus on her surroundings she felt her breathing quicken unnaturally. All she could see was light. There were people there - she heard their softly murmuring voices - but for the moment they remained concealed by the light. She began to long for a return to the darkness in which she had been enveloped. The darkness had been comforting, whereas now she was more scared than she had ever been. She heard the dull approach of footsteps. The feet slapped wetly against the ground. The sound was bizarre and yet she didn't give it a second thought. The noise of voices grew louder. But it wasn't the familiar reverberation of vocal cords that she was used to that assailed her ears... the sound was distorted. At least, that's what she told herself. A face appeared before her. It was small with large eyes. The mouth was almost non-existent and its skin was a dull grey. Her eyes opened wide and the screams started to pour from her mouth-- --Scully woke with a start, quickly swallowing the scream that burbled inside of her. Her breath was coming in shallow pants and her body was doused with sweat. She squeezed her eyes together tightly and sucked in a deep breath in an attempt to clear her head of the terrifying images and bring her emotions under control. The dreams had come back to haunt her on a regular basis now. She had thought they were over all those months ago. She should have known that the nightmares would continue to plague her sleep. She should have anticipated the power of their grip. Scully quickly tossed off the covers of her bed and slid her feet into her slippers. She stood up and tugged her robe off its hook, pulling it on rapidly as she moved towards the kitchen. She knew exactly why the dreams had returned, and this time it had nothing to do with post-traumatic stress. She glanced at the door of Samantha's room and couldn't stop the involuntary shiver that passed over her as she walked by. Ever since that day at the halfway house when Samantha's memories of her experience had come pouring out, Scully had found herself unwillingly recalling her own vague memories of her still-unsolved disappearance. She had tried as hard as she could to push them away and concentrate on the more important matter of reuniting Mulder and his sister but despite her best efforts, her thoughts had continued to be dominated by the nightmarish still-pictures that flashed repeatedly in her head. She became so absorbed in her reflections, while her hands busied themselves with heating some milk, that she didn't notice the silent figure who had appeared at the entrance to the kitchen. She gasped at the sound of the voice. "Bad dreams?" Scully swivelled around and saw Samantha leaning against the doorjamb. While she appeared to have just woken up, her eyes were clear and were focussed on Scully perceptively. Scully's shock vanished in a split second and she replied smoothly, "No. Not at all." She paused, then added abruptly, "I was cold - my blanket had fallen off." She smiled wanly at Samantha. "I couldn't get back to sleep and I thought some hot cocoa might help." Scully gestured loosely towards the milk on the stove as she spoke. Samantha eyed her knowingly. Dana's screams had echoed throughout the whole apartment and had woken her instantly. She had debated whether to come out and talk with Dana or not, and had eventually decided that their avoidance of the topic had gotten out of hand and that the subject needed to be broached. But before she had time to speak the milk started to boil, and Scully had turned back to face the stove. Scully offered Samantha a cup, which she accepted, watching as Scully filled the two cups. Without comment, they moved and sat down at the table, facing each other over its corner. Samantha broke the silence that had fallen upon them with an abrupt question, hoping that it would be a subtle introduction to the topic that the agent had so far managed to avoid, "Dana, what's wrong?" Scully's face registered surprise for an instant before being replaced with a blank mask. She sipped her cocoa and replied calmly, "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine." Samantha sighed inwardly in frustration. It was obvious that the gentle approach wasn't going to work. She was going to have to attack the issue head-on. She looked at Dana and saw that the other woman was deliberately avoiding eye-contact. Samantha put her cup down on the table and placed her hand - still warm from the cup - softly on Dana's forearm. "Dana, you have to deal with what happened to you. You have to face the truth." Scully found herself replying before she even had time to fully comprehend Samantha's meaning. "I don't even know what the truth is. How can I face it if I don't know what it is?" She had almost finished speaking before she even realised what it was she was saying. Her final words came out in a mere whisper as she continued to study the warm liquid inside her cup, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Samantha. Samantha's frustration could not be restrained and her grip tightened on Dana's arm, while her words became increasingly insistent. "I know you've found out things, Dana. I know you've had a glimpse of the truth... Now you just have to deal with it. Tell me what you found out - it'll help you to tell someone, Dana. I promise you." As the voice rang clearly through the apartment, it became obvious that an almost imperceptible role-reversal had taken place. Samantha was no longer the vulnerable woman desperately in need of comfort that she had been all those weeks ago. Now it was *her* words that were infused with an omniscient and powerful knowledge. Her inner strength had been renewed and now it was her turn to be the one providing comfort, rather than being comforted herself. Scully started to shake her head - not because of an unwillingness to talk, but rather a direct rebuttal of what Samantha had said. "We didn't find out anything. I thought I'd found the truth" - her thoughts flew back to that cold and steely train car - "but Mulder didn't believe it. I believed it, but now I don't. Now I don't know what to believe... I don't know what to think." She was unable to control the shakiness in her voice, but she managed to repress the tears. Samantha prompted her. "Is it because Mulder believes something different that you can't accept what you thought was the truth?" "No." Scully replied tersely, shaking her head again. Samantha's look of confusion pushed her to elaborate, "I respect Mulder enormously. But we have - and we always will have - completely different ideas. I can accept that. I think Mulder does too..." Her voice trailed off as a memory from the past worked its way into her head. Mulder's anguished voice filling the steamy greenhouse as he said to her, "... of *abductions*... of *abductees*..." She had refused to believe it then, and she refused to believe it now. If only... As though reading her thoughts, Samantha continued, "What then? Why are you having doubts?" The pleading tone in her voice was tempered by its warmth and comfort. Scully found herself opening up to the voice as she'd never done before. ... if only those nightmares would stop... "Nightmares?" Scully realised with a start that she had unwittingly spoken the words aloud. Her eyes flickered away from Samantha's persistent gaze, regretting the unconscious slip. She shrugged and said dismissively, "They're nothing. Just an overactive imagination. I've read too many stories of supposed alien abductions... My subconscious is just building on my fear and incorporating those images. That's all." Just saying the words gave Scully a sense of reassurance. She was right. It was just because of her work with the X-files that these visions had been hounding her in her sleep. "Or it could be your repressed memories coming to the surface." "No!" Scully hit her hand against the table, causing Samantha to jump. But she persisted, "Dana, don't you see what you're doing? You're ignoring the obvious just because it doesn't fit in with what you *want* to believe. You have to follow your instincts Dana - you have to believe what your memories are telling you--" Samantha stopped abruptly at the sight of Dana's suddenly ashen face. It was more than just her words that had caused that reaction. "What? What is it??" She pleaded anxiously. Scully lifted her eyes to Samantha's. Their brightness was dampened with tears that hovered at the edge of her lids. "That's what Melissa said." Samantha looked at her in consternation, sliding her hand smoothly along Dana's arm in an attempt to reassure her. "Melissa?" Scully nodded. "My sister." Samantha sensed that the memory was troubling Dana, so she didn't push the matter any further other than to say, "Well, I think Melissa was right--" At those words, Dana's features tightened slightly and she lifted her hand to her face quickly to wipe away a stray tear that had started to fall. Samantha allowed a moment of silence to pass before continuing, quickly grasping the sensitivity of the subject and passing over it hurriedly. "You have to see these nightmares as a signal, Dana. You can't ignore them. They're trying to tell you something. They're trying to tell you what happened to you when you were taken away." Scully pulled herself back from the edge of tears and whispered imploringly, "I'm afraid... I'm afraid to face them..." Samantha leaned forward until her face was only a few inches away from Scully's. She lowered her voice to a level that was only just perceptible and replied emphatically, "I was afraid too, Dana. But I had to find out - I had to know what had happened." She drew both of Dana's hands between her own and squeezed them tightly. "It's the only vindication you're ever going to get, Dana. These people aren't going to be punished... there is *no* jail that can hold them. That's what I had to come to terms with; the only justice that people like you and me are ever going to get is when we can discover the truth about what happened to us. That's what you have to do, Dana - you *have* to face it, and you have to *accept* it." Scully allowed the words to sink in. For once, she let her mind absorb what Samantha was saying on a purely emotional level, rather than letting her usually analytical mind take over. She knew that Samantha was right and yet it did nothing to calm her fears. Samantha started to draw away from Scully - pulling out of the intimate space they had established. "No... wait." Scully's hand shot out and gripped Samantha's arm, abruptly ceasing the movement. Samantha lowered her head in order to clearly see Dana's expression which was hidden by the shield-like cascade of hair that fell around her face. Without making eye-contact, Scully started to hesitantly speak. "You... you said - when I first met you - you said..." She paused, needing the time to build up the courage to ask the question that had been persistently needling her ever since that fateful day. Finally she lifted her eyes and allowed the words to be shakily spoken. "You said you'd... seen me... before?" Samantha looked at her friend for a long time. The blue eyes stared at her with undisguised desperation, while her own looked back in sadness. It was at least a minute before Samantha responded to the question. Her head moved slowly, shaking from side to side. Scully's eyes widened in surprise and then filled with the tears that she had so far managed to suppress. "But, you said- -" Samantha cut her off, saying gently, "You're not ready to deal with that yet, Dana. If you can't face what your own mind is telling you, then you won't be able to face what I could tell you." Scully's face crumpled as she started to cry. Through her strangled sobs she whimpered, "But I need to know the truth. I need to know what happened to me..." Samantha felt tears hotly burning her own eyes and before she could stop herself, she had pulled Dana into her embrace in much the same way as she had been comforted by the agent that day in the park. At first Dana was resistant, stiffening at Samantha's touch. But eventually she found herself succumbing to the comforting embrace. Her shoulders slumped and her body became racked with tearful sobs as the fear and grief she was feeling tore through her. "Sshhh... you'll find the truth Dana, I promise you. You'll remember. When it's the right time, you'll remember." As Dana's tears continued, Samantha soothed her softly, "Shh... It's OK, Dana. Shhh..." They stayed interlocked for what felt like hours, as Dana allowed her grief to pour out of her in anguished waves. Samantha absorbed the flow with her reassuring presence, her own sobs intermingling with Dana's. ******************** Scully woke to the sound of humming. The subtle noise had gently drifted into her semi-conscious mind as she slowly awakened but it had taken her a number of minutes to understand what it was. The discordant accompaniment of clanging pans and spurts of rushing water only brought a small smile to her face as Samantha's buoyant mood emanated from the kitchen and filled the whole apartment. Her eyes opened slowly. They felt stiff and swollen, heavy with the weight of all the tears she had shed the night before, not to mention the lack of sleep she'd had. She allowed her lids to flutter shut briefly as the memory of the events of the previous evening washed over her. Despite the emotional trauma that she had been battling with only a few hours previously, she felt curiously devoid of feeling. That is... not so much devoid as drained. She felt as though she'd lived through the most revealing, yet frustratingly inaccessible, moment of her life. Samantha had simultaneously encouraged her to open up the door of truth while also gently barring the entrance. And as with the compelling glow of a burning fire, Scully had been inextricably drawn towards her inner demon only to be confronted once more by the danger of the flame. She had shied away from knowing the truth because she was unable to deal with the consequences. In spite of her persistent ignorance concerning her abduction, Scully was aware of a feeling of calm that had settled over her since last night. Although she hadn't found out anything concrete about her disappearance, she had finally come to the realisation that the knowledge was within her grasp. Her dream was attainable... The day that she was ready to deal with the truth the memories would be close at hand. A loud clattering from the kitchen brought her attention back to the present, and Scully quickly tossed aside her blanket and got out of bed. She pulled on her robe and moved from her bedroom to the kitchen, ignoring the nebulous feeling of deja vu that teased her on the way. Arriving at the entry way to the kitchen, she immediately saw the cause of all the noise. Samantha's head was buried inside the cupboard as she lifted various pots and pans out of the way until she found the one she was looking for, pulling it out with a victorious exclamation. Emerging from the cupboard, she immediately perceived Scully's presence and turned and smiled happily at the bleary-eyed agent. "Hi Dana." She said cheerily. Then as she stepped closer she added sympathetically, "How are you feeling this morning?" Scully stared at her. She allowed her face to reveal nothing of her inner feelings as she replied with a distant look, "Fine, thanks." At Samantha's doubtful expression, she added with a touch more vehemence, "Really, I am." Her tone allowed no room for doubt, and Samantha accepted her words with no further questions. With the pot still in her hand, she turned back towards the bench. Scully looked around the kitchen and noticed the miscellaneous materials that Samantha had assembled. Indicating the variety of food and kitchenware that surrounded them both, Scully asked curiously "What are you doing?" Samantha's head spun round to look at Scully, an expression of surprise on her face. "You haven't forgotten, have you?" Scully's blank stare was the reply. "Mulder is coming over for Sunday brunch, don't you remember?" Scully felt her stomach sink as she recalled the arrangement that had been her idea in the first place. Although none of them had explicitly stated as much, they had each had the feeling that Scully's brunch idea was the last-ditch effort to jolt Samantha's memory. It had been more than three months now since that day in the park and while Mulder and Scully both knew from their professional experience that amnesiacs could often take years before any memory of their real life returned, they had all but given up on Samantha ever remembering her past. Scully had thought that a pleasant, stress-free morning at her house might provide the type of casual environment that would naturally generate reflection and discussion and she had been planning this morning for the past week. Only she hadn't anticipated last night's conversation and right now she wasn't sure if she could cope with Mulder's company. However, looking at Samantha's happy face, she couldn't bring herself to suggest that they cancel it so instead she pushed aside her worries and concentrated on enjoying the rest of the morning. As the two women moved about the kitchen preparing the meal, Scully couldn't help noticing how buoyant and cheerful Samantha was. It occurred to Scully that the previous evening's conversation had, for some inexplicable reason, been as much as a catharsis for Samantha as it had been for her - even more so, it seemed. Gone was the shy, timid and introverted woman that Scully had first met at the halfway house. In her place a strong, happy and outgoing person had blossomed, leading Scully to suspect that all she had really been in need of was a sense of belonging. And there was no doubt that Samantha had found her place with Mulder and Scully. Even if she never recalled her childhood, the closeness that had formed between the trio - particularly between the two women - could never be severed. A memory from that first week suddenly pierced Scully's mind. After finding out that Sally was Samantha, her thoughts had repeatedly taken the selfish turn of wondering what it would mean for her. At the time she had not wanted to contemplate either the question itself, nor the significance behind it but for a brief moment she allowed herself the luxury of analysis. Immediately, the irony of the situation struck her. For those few hours when she had first found out, she had been busy worrying about how the discovery of Samantha might affect her relationship with Mulder, her job, their future together but never for one minute had she considered what it could mean for her alone. She would never have imagined that she and Samantha Mulder would become close friends, even more unlikely that it would be because of Samantha that her fears regarding her abduction - and lack of recollection of the experience - would be assuaged. And most of all, she had never examined the chance that there could be such a divide between Mulder and his sister... If she had thought about it, Scully would have no doubt recognised that there was a very real possibility of Samantha being unable to remember who she was, but in all that time, the idea had never taken serious root in her mind. And now, the thought was too saddening to consider, so she didn't. All she could do now was desperately wish for Samantha's memory of the past to return. ******************** Mulder stood in front of the door. He had been there for a number of minutes now, and yet he still couldn't bring himself to lift his hand and knock. He was dully aware of the indistinguishable sounds of two female voices coming from inside the apartment but his mind was too occupied with other thoughts to bother trying to figure out what they were saying. Everything had been fine until he'd arrived at the door. This morning he'd gotten out of bed, gone for a jog, had a shower, quickly glanced at the paper and then had driven over to Scully's place. He had been happy and full of hope, convinced that today was the day. Today, Samantha was going to remember who she was... and who he was. He was sure of it. Until he arrived at the door. Stopping in front of the wooden barrier his hopeful ruminations had suddenly been confronted with the question that had so far remained deeply buried by a very conscious act of suppression. What if she never remembered? It was an insidious thought that he had so far managed to dismiss every time it had drifted into his mind. He would force himself to think of other things, no matter how absurd or tangential. But this time he couldn't dismiss it. This time it was yelling at him with deafening force. ... what if she never remembered?... What would he do? And as he finally allowed himself to consider the question it was quickly replaced by other, more potent ones. Could he be happy with the knowledge that his sister had been found - that she was safe - but that she didn't remember him? How much of his search for his sister had been about finding her safe and well, and how much hinged on him being able to once again have a sister? Did his disappointment at her continued ignorance mean that his quest had taken on purely selfish overtones? Was he searching for her for his own benefit, or for hers? The questions punished him with their deadly exposition of his feelings and he felt suddenly sick. Because he had finally grasped the fact that it *had* become all about him... That he couldn't be happy solely with the knowledge that she had been found. He needed her to recognise him - he needed that missing element in his life to be restored. He wanted his family back. He wanted things to return to how they'd been before Samantha had been taken... He felt the beginnings of a throbbing headache pounding against his skull. He knew that he was going to have to overcome this problem. That he was going to have to deal with the possibility of Samantha never recognising him, and as such he was going to have to learn to accept what they had now as the only relationship he was ever going to have with his sister. Suddenly his painful thoughts were interrupted as the door in front of him flew open. He was abruptly brought back to reality by his partner's appearance in the doorway. The door was only slightly open and she filled the small gap making the distance between them seem infinitesimal. Her eyes sought his and after a moment he lifted his head and allowed her to read the litany of questions that were playing across his eyes and that he was unable to conceal. Scully understood immediately while also realising that she had no way of helping him deal with those questions. She reached her hand out and lightly touched his arm, never tearing her gaze from his as she said softly, "Are you OK?" He stared at her silently, allowing her presence to grant him a brief respite from the pain. Her ability to comfort and reassure him came not from any omniscient knowledge that glibly relieved his anxieties, but just from her deeply empathetic nature that allowed him to feel reassured that he wasn't alone. That she understood his pain, and that she would do anything within her power to absolve it. Mulder nodded his head in reply to her question and then took a deep breath in order to prepare himself for the rest of the morning. Scully gave him a small smile and stepped back into her apartment, pulling the door open wider so that he could enter. As he did so, she silently moved away from him. She returned to the kitchen and continued with what she had been doing before he had arrived, knowing that what Mulder needed right now was for everything to be as normal as possible so that he could take his own time to collect his thoughts and bring himself back under control. Scully smiled at Samantha and said, "You were right. He was just outside the door." Samantha replied absent-mindedly, "I thought so." They continued with their preparations, talking non-stop as they had been all morning. Mulder heard the voices from where he sat in the living room, and he was irresistibly drawn towards their light chatter. He stood up and moved to the kitchen. Samantha and Scully were standing side by side at a bench cutting up fruit. They didn't notice him straight away so he had time to silently observe them. While he had been aware of the attachment that the two women had formed over the past few months, their rapport had never been more obvious to him than at this moment. But, more than that, he sensed a difference between them - an even more perceptible closeness than he had previously observed. Watching them closely, he quickly came to the realisation that some subtle shift had taken place. Before, there had been an almost imperceptible distance between his sister and Scully - he had always received the very strong impression that there existed a hierarchy of some sort in their friendship; that Scully was the older, wiser and stronger one. Now, suddenly, that almost invisible boundary had vanished. It was clear to him that they were now equals. Samantha started to giggle in response to something Scully had said, and as she did so her head moved so that Mulder came into her view. Instead of shutting down and withdrawing into herself as she had been wont to do in the past, she embraced him warmly with her smile. Mulder felt a grin creep slowly onto his own face as her contagious happiness spread to him. At that moment he realised what had changed - it was Samantha. Something had happened that had managed to erase all the pain that had been burned into her memory in the place of a past. The shadow that had clouded her every movement had been lifted, leaving a vibrant and exuberant woman in its wake. Mulder felt his insides slowly unknot and a wave of relief swept through him. Suddenly the worries that had been troubling him so mercilessly seemed absurd and meaningless. Seeing the joy in Samantha's face filled him with such happiness that all the questions that had been filling his mind disappeared in an instant. At that moment he realised that even if she never remembered who he was he wouldn't care. All that mattered to him was that she was here in front of him, and that she was happy. He felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Scully turned to look at him and he saw from her eyes that she knew what he was feeling. Her face broke into a rare grin which only added to the feeling of warmth which enveloped him. He stepped forward and said briskly, "Anything I can do to help?" and was quickly rewarded with having a knife and apple shoved in his hands. ******************** "... and he needed the livers for regenerative purposes?" Samantha asked the question of Mulder who merely nodded in reply, smiling self-deprecatingly in acknowledgment of the bizarre nature of the Tooms case which they were now discussing. Samantha's regard shifted to Scully, who was looking at her partner with a mixture of amusement and exasperation. More amusement than anything else... At the moment, *nothing* could dampen the good spirits of any of them. Samantha continued with her questions: "And he could squeeze through heating vents?" Her brow furrowed in mild perplexity as she contemplated the facts that the agents had just recounted to her. "We never found any solid proof of that." Scully's husky voice interrupted Mulder's vigorous nodding. He turned abruptly and focussed his eyes on her, "How can you say that Scully? He broke into your apartment through an air vent!" The argument was a well-worn one, and Mulder's tone was light and good-humoured. Scully's only reply was to raise one eyebrow and pick up her glass of orange juice. Mulder turned back to Samantha and shrugged in mock exasperation. Samantha giggled and then said cheerily, "Sure - it's possible... Why not?" Before Mulder or Scully had time to react, she went on. "I can agree with you about the liver stuff, Mulder. I mean, who knows what sort of genetic mutation could be forming in today's society? I don't see why we should discount the possibility of someone being able to survive on five livers... As for his squeezing ability..." She paused momentarily to gulp down some water and smiled brightly at Mulder as she continued, "There are hundreds of people who're double-jointed. That's a mutation, in a way... Surely it's scientifically possible for there to be a person out there who's *extra* flexible, like that?" There was a long pause while Mulder and Scully digested the thought. Then, simultaneously, they replied, "Maybe." Samantha burst into laughter, and Scully and Mulder smiled to each other with a look of subtle surprise; they weren't used to agreeing about these sort of things. As Samantha's giggles slowly subsided, she began to collect the now-empty plates on the table. Scully saw what she was doing and quickly cried, "Samantha - don't do that. You did most of the preparation for the meal. Let me do the dishes." Samantha started to protest but was silenced with a look from Scully. She immediately removed her hands from the plate and leaned back in her chair in resignation. Scully smiled at Samantha and then gathered the three plates together. Mulder picked up the remaining miscellaneous items on the table and the pair headed to the kitchen. Mulder seized the moment alone with his partner and whispered eagerly, "She seems really happy, doesn't she?" Scully turned to Mulder and smiled warmly as she replied, "Yeah, she does Mulder." She stepped closer to him and lowered her voice even more as she added with feeling, "Can you live with that, Mulder? Can you put your demons to rest now?" Of course she had known exactly what had been going through his mind. She had been able to read his doubts and fears probably even before he had. Nevertheless, her question startled him. It was as if she had the secret access code to his soul and could use it at will to remind him again that she knew what he was going through... and that she wanted to help him. He slumped back against the bench and after a moment of silence replied just as softly, "I think I can." "Good." At that moment, Mulder felt incapable of fully expressing his feelings to her. How could he tell her how much she helped him? How could he let her know that without her he would have given up long ago? Simple words seemed too shallow and without significance; they could never completely impart the depth of his feelings. Instead, he lifted his hand and captured the small strand of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes with his fingers. He tucked it gently behind her ear and then allowed his hand to rest with feather-like delicacy against her neck. For that long moment, communication between them was easy. It flowed from one set of eyes to the other with a deep intensity that could never be vocally replicated. With a final smile, Mulder eventually lowered his hand and moved away. Without another word, they quickly returned to the task at hand of clearing up the mess. They worked steadily and silently - words would have been superfluous at this moment. When they had finished, Scully called out to Samantha, "Samantha, do you want a cup of tea, or coffee?" "Yeah - whatever you're having will be fine," she replied. While Mulder was busying himself filling the kettle with water, Scully opened the cupboard above her head to get some cups. Upon opening the door she discovered to her surprise that the lower shelf, where she normally kept her cups, was empty. She stepped back a few paces and from that distance could see that the shelf above that still had some older cups that she hadn't used in a while. After a moment's thought, she remembered with a wry smile that the last month had been a busy one for tea, and that most of her small cache of cups were now scattered about the apartment in various locations... Sighing, she returned to her original position and reached up - on tiptoe - in order to pull three cups down. She managed to snag two, but the third one remained elusive, pushed right to the back of the cupboard and way out of her reach. Suddenly a hand came over the top of her arm and pulled the wayward cup out. Scully sank back onto flat feet and turned around. She was met with the sight of Mulder's grinning face only a few inches away from her own. "You really are a half-pint, you know." Mulder joked. "A half-pint?!" Scully cried in mock-indignation. Then, as the smile crept onto her lips she asked in genuine curiosity, "Where on earth did you get that from?" Mulder suddenly sobered as he remembered. "That's what I used to call Sa--" A voice from the doorway interrupted him, "Me." Mulder swivelled around and Scully stepped out from behind him to get a closer look. Samantha was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, looking pale and frightened. She continued to speak. The words came out hesitantly with an uncertainty that left Scully wondering if Samantha was even aware that she was speaking them. "That's what you... you used to call me. You called me half- pint, and I called you daddy long-legs..." She lifted her eyes and met Mulder's gaze for the first time. His face was immobile with shock. Her voice faded to a desperate whisper as she pleaded, "I'm right, aren't I?" Mulder nodded silently, his head barely moving. Samantha gasped and her hand quickly leapt to her mouth. Her eyes stared at Mulder with fear and then the slow dawning of realisation. He took one step towards her and she lowered her hand. "They're coming back, Fox. The memories... I can see them..." As he drew nearer she added tearfully, "I can see *you*." That stopped Mulder in his tracks. His voice cracked as he said, "You remember?" Samantha nodded. "Everything?" There was no urgency in his voice, only a deep and raw longing. "It's coming back..." Samantha's eyes finally began to shed the tears that had been building up. Her voice escaped in a choking sob, "Oh God, Fox - I remember it all... I remember what happened to me... They took me away, Fox. Daddy let them take me - why did he do that?" The words were drowned out by the flow of tears. Out of the corner of his eye, Mulder perceived a movement from Scully. He looked at her and saw that she had started to step forward, with the intention of comforting his sister. He gazed at her with his damp eyes and she abruptly stopped moving, immediately realising that it was his turn now. He turned back to face Samantha and hesitantly moved towards her. When he was only a few inches away he stopped and waited with bated breath, fearful of another rejection. Samantha felt his presence in front of her and she raised her eyes to look at the man before her. Her brother. Her eyes were full of trust and recognition, and Mulder thought that his heart would break. Then her arms slid around his back and Mulder knew that he would never, ever in his life have a happier moment than this one. Without a moment's hesitation, he wrapped his own arms around his sister and drew her tightly against him. She continued to cry softly and he lowered his lips to her head, kissing her softly and murmuring, "Sshhh... It's OK, Samantha. Everything's going to be OK... shhh..." ~ THE END ~ ----------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for reading. Comments are welcome. leigh_xf@geocities.com