CAPTAIN'S LOG 6/6/98
Well, not the person. The product, the notion, the stupidty.
Ok, this used to enrage me every time I saw his STUPID commercials, but since CKB seems
like yesterday's news, I haven't seen many commercials lately.
Thank god. 'cause every time I saw 1 of those, I just wanted 2 grab an ax (not that I have
1) and SLASH, and RIP, and DESTROY things.
What is it about those commercials, which makes my blood BOIL?
The fucking INSINCERETY, man. I mean, jeezus, they want me 2 believe this is our
generation.
Gimme a break, will ya? U know, I'm getting just a little bit tired of advertising
agencies telling me not only what is good 4 me, but also the supposedly way I am.
WRONG. EVIL SHOTGUN. BANG, BANG.
This is the average modern CK ad:
An anorcetic model (mostly female) with her chin hanging low (they probably think it's
sexy. WRONG. It's because she's 2 thin 2 have even facial muscles). And then, there's the
narration, which goes something like:
"Escape, another land, I know who I am" and shit like that. Oh, and ambient,
mysterious music in the background. And it's all B/W of course. How sophisticated... It's
so cool!
DIE, STUPID, DIE!
It's FAKE, it's PHONY, it's WRONG.
And then, the hordes of stupid zombies rush to the stores and buy what could very much b a
good product, 4 THE WRONG REASONS.
Oh, they really know what we're like, those advertising agencies, don't they. You see
people like that everyewhere!
RIGHT, CALVIN???
Ok, folks, I'll put the lyrics of an excellent song which represent more than anything how I feel about the matter.
(Bailey/Kuepper)
I'm just sitting in my chair
When a voice comes on the air
Says, "Why don't you try it?
Makes you feel allright
Got some great new brand of smokes
Cures your head and clears your throat
Keeps you young and so in touch"
Cheap advertising
You're lying
It's never gonna get me what I want
I say smooth talkin'
Brain washin'
Ain't never gonna get me what I need
There's a new soap that's peach keen
Saves your soul and keeps you clean
It's recommended, used by the queen
Gonna improve your IQ
Helps in everything you do
It's economic, don't cost too much
So, Calvin, Pepsi, Coca-Cola, Levi's you wanna c the face of the new generation?
Well, here it is:
Be afraid, be very afraid...
And you can also read this.
ENDOFLOG
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