Macroquash inc. Has finally released their program Setup '96. It is about two years late, and priced $560. Computer expert Fred Thompson has obtained a copy of Setup '96, and has checked it over.
"It's an etymologist's dream." Fred commented. "I lost count of the number of bugs in this system after 2 million. I employed a program to count the number of mistakes, and it tells me that there are over 75 million of them. That's more than one mistake per line of code!"
He then continued: "This whole program is almost exactly like the original, bug ridden Setup '93." You might remember that in the end Macroquash offered a program called Bandage for $500 to fix these bugs. Bandage I was notorious in that it caused more problems than it fixed. Then Bandage II, III, and IV. Finally, Bandage V fixed all the problems. Meanwhile, Macroquash was making money hand over fist.
Macroquash, now has taken its previous item, Setup '93 off the market and is marketing solely Setup '96. C.E.O. Robert "Bob" Gottaloot quickly called a press confrence.
"There are no bugs in this system." He declared. "And I'll prove it right now." He turned on his computer, and ran setup '96 on it. About 30 seconds later, the computer locked up, then crashed. Gottaloot was unphased by this. "See? It works perfectly. There are no bugs in this program."
Someone in the audience shouted "Ya vo, herr Goerbels (sp?)!" Obviously this was a reference to Joseph Goerbels, (sp?) the infamous nazi propaganda minister, who gave us the quote "If a lie is repeated long enough and loud enough, people will believe it is the truth." The man who spoke those words was quickly dragged outside by large security agents, who then pummeled his body. The man ended up in the hospital with 3 broken ribs, a fractured arm, a shattered ankle, and an uncountable number of bruises and cuts.
Former tech support Jeff Kebman tried out setup '96. "I'm glad they fired me now." He said from his job at Submarine Sanwiches Inc. "I don't think anyone could defend this. It's so terrible and bug ridden that it should be scrapped and made anew."
Jeff's former supervisor, Billie Doors, said "If Mr. Gottaloot says it's bug free, then it's bug free. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Numerous people have asked the federal government to step in, stating that Macroquash is a monopoly that is clearly abusing its power.
So far, the government has refused. "It's not our problem. There is plenty of opportunity for someone else to enter that market."
Of course, the last entrepeneur who tried, ended up with 200 bullets in his back, sides, and front.
The lack of government interference has been attributed to Macroquash's heavy donations to our official's campaigns.
One representative, who wished to remain anonmyous, stated: "I was told to agree with everything Macroquash did, and they'd give my campaign lots
of money. If I refused, I would die." Records show Macroquash and its employees have contributed significant amounts of money to every campaign imaginable.
So users, in the end, get the shaft. What can be done? Nothing, now. However, a consortium of computer professionals are gathering an army to
fight the massive army that Macroquash has amassed. "It's like a military base next to their Seattle headquarters." Jeff Kebman commented.
"I saw a lot of heavily armed guards, dogs, and even a Sherman tank." Well, we wish everyone fighting the man the best of luck.
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