Manos: The Hands of Fate: The Musical.

By Quamp.

Author's note: Man, you really get dumb ideas in your head at 3 a.m....

(Scene: Mike, Margaret and Debbie are driving their late 1960's car down a winding country road. Mike drives the car. Note: All lines except those by the narrator are sung out of tune..)

Debbie: Mommy I'm cold again, again, I feel so cold right now.

Margaret: Oh Debbie come and join us now/ up here the front seat is nice and warm...

Announcer: And now Broadways latest disaster: Manos, the Hands of Fate: The musical!

(Next we see the car stopped on the side of the road, with the policeman standing over them.)

Policeman: I notice you have a busted tail light back there. I'm afraid I'll going to have to give you a warning now.

Mike: Oh please forgive me officer, I didn't know it was busted.

Policeman: I'll forgive you this time if you have the tail light fixed. Now go about your business.

Chorus: Hooray!

Announcer: That's right, one of the worst movies of all time comes to life on Broadway as a great musical! Hey, if it worked for Little Shop of Horrors, it will work here too!

(Next we see Mike, Debbie and Margaret meeting Torgo for the first time.)

Torgo: mY nAmE is TorGO. I TaKe CaRe oF thE plACe wHilE thE MasTEr iS aWaY.

Mike: We are lost in this desert/ this mighty great desert/ we want to borrow your phone.

Torgo: I'm SoRrY/ So sOrRy/ The MasTER dOeS noT aPpRoVe oF sUCh tHInGs. He WanTs YoU tO sTaY thE NiGhT.

Chorus: Hooray!

(Next we see the Master's wives talking to each other. The master is with them.)

Wife #1: Rejoice! Rejoice! A child has come! A child for the will of Manos!

Wife #2: No the child must die! Die! She is too young/ to bear children for Manos!

Wife #1: But she will grow up someday/ Be happy and gay/ Bearing children for Manos!

Master: Enough I say! Your tongue you must stay! The will of Manos be done! So what do you say?

Chorus: Hooray!

(Next we see Torgo and Margaret by themselves.)

Torgo: I kNoW I ShoUldN't / I rEaLly woUlDn't/ BuT I fINnd yOu higHLy atTRacTivE/ I shOUldn'T/ I sHouLdn't/ It's Not vERy niCe/ But I fiNd You VeRy atTrAcTiVe.

Margaret: Stop! You fiend/ Have you no shame?/ I am a married woman!/ Stop! Fiend! Wipe your brain clean/ I am a married woman!

Chrous: Hooray!

(Torgo reaches over, and starts fondling Margaret's hair.)

Torgo: I cAn'T StOP/ YoUr naYsAYinG mUsT drOp/ I fiND yOU veRy AtTrAcTiVe

Margaret: Oh Mike! Mike! Help me now! I am in deepest peril! Mike! Mike! Help me now!

Chorus: Hooray!

(Next The Master and Torgo are confronting each other.)

Torgo: MasTer/ YoU hAvE so MaNy WiVEs / I JuST wAnT oNe foR My OWn...

Master: Torgo you fool!/ Can't you see/ This was not meant to be!/ This is the will of Manos!

Torgo: TheN I'll – I'll HeLP theM eScaPE/ Yes/ FlEe foR thEIr lives/ AnD theY won'T beCOme youR wiveS!

Master: No Torgo you will die! Die! Die tonight for betraying the will of Manos! You will die! Die! Die tonight for betraying the will of Manos!

Chrous: Hooray!

Announcer: That's Manos: The Hands of Fate, the Musical! Not coming to any theater near you by order of good taste.

--End--