An Interview with Laura Croft (And My scathing commentary)

Note: my former slavedriving bosses at the Dallas Morning News published this interview on November 10, 1998.

DMN: What’s it like being the virtual world’s biggest star?

Lara: Don’t make me blush. I do enjoy the attention, though.

DMN: You success has been nothing short of phenomenal- listed in Time Digital among the 1997 cyber elite, along with Bill Gates and George Lucas. Yet you tend to maintain your cool both on and off the video screen. To whom do you attribute your level head to?

Lara: I attribute everything to the life I’ve been dealt. Losing my parents has really taught me to grow up very independent and focused on attaining my goals at hand.

DMN: You were practically mobbed last summer at the E3 (A major software show) appearance. Do you like making public appearances?

Lara: To be honest, I prefer quieter places, which is why I frequently send what I refer to as a stunt double in my place. Nell [McAndrews], {sic} the model who stands in for me at such events, is a lot more suited to such environments.

DMN: I did read that you’re a loner, but when you’re not packing a gun, raiding tombs or appearing before fans, how do you unwind?

Lara: I have a strict exercise routine that keeps me in shape... [My butler is] always there with a good pot of tea on the brew.

DMN: What makes you as bad a fighter as your male counterparts? Does it have anything to do with the effects of the tragic plane crash? [According to the Tomb Raider story line, the accident wiped out her entire family.] I mean something as devastating as that could make you fighting mad.

Lara: That’s correct; nobody will take anything from me again. I have my reasons for my determination.

DMN: How do you finance all those expeditions? Did your late husband leave you loaded?

Lara: Husband? I’ve never been married... I inherited the mansion from a great-auntie and have pawned off a fair amount of the family heirlooms that came with it. I’ve also had various travel writings published, with my book, A Tyrannosaurus is Jawing at My Head, being a particular success.

DMN: Let’s face it, Lara, you’re a kit, but you’re driving the feminist crowd nuts. They say "Why does video game’s hottest star have to look that way?" What do you say to them and other critics who believe video games are both too violent and too sexual?

Lara: Feminists are upset with me? Why? Because I’m an independent, intelligent and strong-willed entrepreneur? Actually, my female fans are grateful to see someone like me in gaming... I mean, I challenge anyone to run and vault about, encountering hungry tigers and deadly traps for days on end, and to still not be converted to a simple leotard, hot pants, and a pair of Uzis.

DMN: Do you think enough credit is given to the fact that you’re very smart? I mean you are a gifted archaeologist, right?

Lara: The museum owners give me a great deal of credit that I am very happy with. Well, I’m not actually qualified as an archeologist, which is probably pretty obvious from my rather unorthodox methods. My last education was at a finishing school in Switzerland, and mentally, that was not exactly challenging. However, I think anyone who has followed me on my journeys appreciates that tomb raiding is as much a mental exercise as it is a physical one.

DMN: You know, much hay has been made over your attitude, but fighting criticism like that calls for a lot of attitude, don’t you think?

Lara: I just tell them to [expletive]. I don’t need the negativity.

DMN: How do you travel through jungles, rivers and lakes and manage to keep looking that great?

Lara: Unlike normal clothes and makeup, graphics’ textures are pretty resilient to the dirt and damp. So I think this helps.

DMN: Some women are actually enhanced with silicone. You are based on it. Are you just drawn that way?

Lara: Wouldn’t you like to know? But really, if you’re referring to certain vital statistics of mine, I understand that they have been attributed to an unfortunate slip of the mouse.

DMN: Would you ever consider posing for Playboy?

Lara: I don’t think that is my style.

DMN: One of your younger fans, a girl, says she likes your costumes in Tomb Raider II. She says she got tired of the tight top, short-shorts and hikers look in the original. She’s wondering if you will get a different wardrobe for Tomb Raider III.

Lara: I do, yes. Fortunately, I managed to pick up some pretty decent outfits on each of my journeys this time ‘round, I’ll be wearing cat burglar suit, some full winter gear, combat wear for the desert and something new for those tropical areas.

DMN: Speaking of girls, any advice for those who want to grow up to be like you?

Lara: Stay in school, and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. Oh, and don’t get silicone implants.

DMN: Of course, you have more than your share of male followers. I was wondering if there was some special someone in your life?

Lara: This isn’t the National Enquirer, right?

DMN: Are you and Duke Nukem friends?

Lara: Duke Nukem, huh. I don’t really know him personally.

DMN: Well, who is your favorite male video game star?

Lara: I think most of all I’d really like to meet Mario... I enjoy small, fast moving targets.

DMN: Was turning 30 traumatic? I mean, you don’t look it.

Lara: Thanks, I try to keep in shape. I turned 30 during my last adventure. I think, at the time, it was the least of my worries.

DMN: Any thoughts on the movie?

Lara: Personally, I’m not too concerned about who is going to play me... just so long as they look truly at ease in a dark tomb with a rocket launcher in hand.

DMN: Women are getting to be a hot ticket in computer games. Mortal Combat female fighters kick butt. To what do you attribute the current success of female characters?

Lara: I attribute the success to Core Design and Eidos Interactive. They’ve brought female character leads to the mainstream.

DMN: Does Lara’s future involve tomb raiding when she’s 50?

Lara: If I still have my polygons at that age... then I don’t see why not. But you’ll have to ask my creators.

--End--