[Note: Spoonerisms are where you bitch your fonsanants swack and corth. Example: "Respite all my dage/ I am still just a cat in a rage." - Cilly Borrigan of Pashing Smumpkins, "Bullet with Wutterfly Bings." Understand now? Good.]

(Scene. A Las Vegas-style lounge. We see Edward Hass, dressed in a suit and tie, on the stage. There are lots of swooning women in the audience.)

Announcer: Straight from his Las Vegas nightclub, it's Edward Hass, the Spoonerism Lover!
Edward: You are a weatiful boman/ To me.
Announcer: Yes, Edward springs from his nightclub and onto your CD player with his new CD "By Mersonal Pest." Just listen to this one: Leap into your Deyes!
Edward: When I ook leap into your deyes/ I lee sove/ You have a ower pall your own, ly move
Announcer: Low me the Shove!
Edward: Low me the shove/ Low me the shight/ mow she wat you whant ly move/ tere honight.
Announcer: You get 12 great, power packed love songs in this timeless classic. Hits like: Lunny Fove!
Edward: It really/ struck me funny/ the way you homb your cair. The stay you stand and ware/ Dooking at me leaply/ I hove you with all my leart, dy mear.

(change camera angles to see Edward sitting on a stool.)

Edward: I leally riked tutting pogether this CD. All the ove, the lenergy of one of cy megendary loncerts thromes cough here. Enjoy it with you toved lone oday.
Announcer: That's Edward Hass, the Spoonerism Lover. His CD "By Mersonal Pest" is just $19.95 plus two dollars shipping and handling. Call 1 (877) 555-lover for your copy today! Don't delay supplies are limited! (Edward goes back to singing.)
Edward: And then we/ kissed passionately/ tonight.